DD putting herself at risk, its giving me sleepless nights

Ph1lomena

Whilst I think it's unwise to do such a trip at such a late stage of pregnancy, I don't think she's likely to be attacked or assaulted. I'm not sure why you think that would be the case.

I'd take a taxi, though, rather than the Underground.

I very much doubt she'd be attacked but there are pickpockets about.

I think she’s barking mad! But equally, she’s a grown married woman and presumably her husband is ok with this?

Perhaps she’s just feeling totally fed up and keen to see her friend?

Fingers crossed it’s all ok and it’s in a central location with hospitals etc so I’m guessing she will get blue lighted to a maternity unit in worst case scenario? 37 weeks is very viable.

I’m a little confused about being assaulted or attacked? I worked in London for many years, was often out in the evenings and travelled whilst pregnant with baby one and two, I was never assaulted or attacked?

You have to let her do her own thing no matter how foolish you think it is. The more you remonstrate the more likely she is to dig her heels in. You could try the approach has she planned for all exigencies - what will she do if x happens, does she have a plan. She may well have. As others have said she may well change her mind nearer the date. Fingers crossed she does.

Probably not a good idea to do such a trip towards the end of your pregnancy. She may well be really tired.

The idea of Harry Potter anything would put me off going anyway but I hope she enjoys it if she actually goes.

Thanks everyone. I think I probably over-emphasised the bit about being attacked. I have lived and worked in London and in Watford so I'm aware of the journey. She has not.

But all things considered this is still a risky trip. Her previous labour was long and complicated. Everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong, believe me I was there throughout. The baby nearly died and they both spent two weeks in hospital recovering.

She as an 80% chance of it happening again so the planned section is for a good reason.

As for only having another adult to consider she also has a four year old and an unborn baby. To paraphrase Harry Enfield my SiL is nice but dim. I doubt he has any concept of the mileage involved or the risk it presents. He did not have a passport when they met (not needed) and had never been out of the county he was born and raised in.

I think she will be tired and exhausted and heavy and uncomfortable. I can't seen how she could possibly gain any enjoyment out of this trip. If it goes ahead it will cost close to £500 all in with tickets, train fare, accomodation, taxis, food and incidentals. Not exactly an incentive to change her mind at the last minute and also her friend would lose this money as well

I take on board all your comments about health care facilities but her life and the life of her unborn child will still be at serious risk, just in the short time it might take for emergency services to reach her.

For me this decision is absolute bonkers and adding risk to an already risky situation. I know that going on about it could damage our relationship, but in all seriousness I'd rather that than her and the baby dead.

well you obviously have nil respect or liking for your SIL.. how dismissive,, you need to let them live their own lives

Especially after losing five pregnancies, needing a planned C section and having a stitch which must be removed immediately if labour starts, I really don’t understand why any woman would take such a risk so late in pregnancy. I don’t consider she is at risk of being attacked, but such a long and arduous day, much of it alone, seems to me the height of recklessness. I worked until less than a week before my due date and remember how very uncomfortable it was to walk any distance - and by all accounts she will be doing a lot of that at HPW even if she takes taxis to avoid the Tube. Surely she remembers how she felt late in her first pregnancy? There might be a lot of hospitals in London, but what if she goes into premature labour on the train there or back? If it were my daughter I would nag her relentlessly - she seems not to understand the risks she is taking.

If you are worried you are worried, and no amount of reassurance from us will change that, but even if she did go into labour at 37 weeks the baby would be very viable, and she is in the UK, not a third world country.

Can you remind yourself of that when you start to worry? As you say your daughter has spent a lot of money on this trip, and has an obligation to her friend, she is not likely to cancel it, so it might be better to get used to the idea that she will go, and concentrate on making yourself feel better about it.

SuperTinny it seems you are overthinking this. You've said your piece, now step back (as others have said).

Importantly, you've given rather a lot of detailed, specific info, and the last thing you need is for this thread to end up in the Daily Wail or the Fakebook page ... these forums are public and sometimes end up being more widely shared and the people being discussed could be identified. Not trying to give you more to worry about! Just saying. (You can ask GNHQ to delete the thread).

Oh yes, I had forgotten that.
These threads can be reproduced anywhere, and are in Facebook and other social media sites, I believe.

MissAdventure

She isn't walking there.

Once she is on each train or in a cab she'll be sitting down.

I agree, I would not worry and would respect her decision.
I also think she might feel differently when the time comes, heavy, tired and fed up.

The risk of giving birth 200 miles from home without her partner?
Well at the ripe old age of 21 and green as grass I gave birth to a Breech baby (naturally) and all alone (well apart from doctors and nurses) and 8000 miles from home in the Far East I had to go on a mountain railway to get to the hospital, again alone and overdue
I think we re all much stronger than we think

I didn’t have anyone with me for either of my next two births and I managed fine

Whilst I appreciate this is of total concern, it is actually none of your business. The description you give of your SiL is illuminating....

You have no power to stop her going, so the only way I can see of alleviating your worries would be for you to offer to drive her to the venue yourself, wait for her, and drive her home again. She can hire a self drive buggy in advance from the venue so she won’t have to walk round. If she is determined to go, would you consider doing that, as much for your sake as hers as you are obviously extremely concerned for her?

Casdon that is so intrusive into the daughter privacy if she’d thought she needed help in that way she’d have asked for it
And if she had wanted help her husband should be the first person to turn too
SuperTinny has to find her own way to deal with her worries it’s not for her daughter to become a child again relying on her mother to ‘look after’ her
However worried we are about our adult children we MUST keep it to ourselves the daughter is in a well paid job so I m sure she can arrange a taxi if she feels she needs one

You cannot be intruding on her life SuperTinny however much you want to if she’s wise next time she’s going away she ll tell you after she gets back 😀

I did say offer BlueBelle, not force herself onto her daughter. I know my daughter wouldn’t ask me such a big favour, she would be too thoughtful to do so even if she thought she’d be struggling without help, which is why I suggested it.

if she goes into labour she would be admitted to the nearest hospital and would be given a c -section anyway. It is what happens if you are medically advised to have a planned one and you go into labour

I think attack or assault is unusual. Even my youngest travels to wembley on the train

would i want my own daughter doing the journey at that stage of pregnancy? no I wouldn't. Do any of my children listen to me? that would also be a no

Do mine tell me before the event?
No.

Will SuperTinny's daughter mention any of her plans to her mother next time?
Probably not.

Your daughter sounds extremely foolish, but if she thinks a Harry Potter exhibition is more important than her unborn baby's welfare, so be it. Your concerns won't stop her.

pascal30

well you obviously have nil respect or liking for your SIL.. how dismissive,, you need to let them live their own lives

This.

What a way to talk about your sil. Your poor daughter. I’m afraid she shouldn’t put up with it. I take it you must think your daughter stupid to be with him. I wouldn’t want you involved. You are a disturbing example to your grandchild.

Your DD is a health care professional.
Your DD is a grown adult.
Your DD will have weighed up the risks.
Your DD has the right to make her own decisions.

My DDs have occasionally made decisions that I would not have done - but my thoughts are irrelevant.

If she goes into labour, she will immediately phone for help, and will be capable of explaining to the doctors her history.
If she does not feel up to it on the day, she will not go.

I would stop talking with her about it and expressing your opinion - I am sure she has got the message that talking with you will cause you worry so will take steps to make sure she does not worry you in future.

Well, it will probably be all right but if not my sympathies will be solely with the medical professionals who will have to deal with an emergency that is entirely avoidable.

I don’t understand why you think she would be a target for attack. Many people travelling will be looking at phones or notice boards. I think people would be more inclined to offer help than assault her.
However I do agree that she is being unwise at that stage of a difficult pregnancy. Hopefully she will realise that nearer then time.