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Relative diagnosed with Alzheimers

(37 Posts)
fluttERBY123 Thu 22-Feb-24 16:50:05

Recent diagnosis. She lives alone, widow. Family not near but in touch, we have POA.
SS have become involved. They say she must have a cleaner in for cleaning and food safety. She is very resistant to to this. SW says that if family can't talk her into agreeing she will have to force the issue.
My question is how would she do that? Widow has some capacity surely as moderate Alzheimers. I sure she needs a cleaner. I want to be able to say to her that if she persists in refusing xyz might happen. All very confusing. She says she'll force the issue but it's us who have to find the cleaner.

fluttERBY123 Thu 22-Feb-24 16:57:09

I don't understand why my post about relative with Alzheimers is blocked. I've done it twice and left out a "name" the second time but it stays green.and won't go pink.

fluttERBY123 Thu 22-Feb-24 16:59:49

Can a social worker force anyone with Alzheimers to have a cleaner? If so how might they do it?

NotSpaghetti Thu 22-Feb-24 17:00:13

It is here now. I can see it.

pascal30 Thu 22-Feb-24 17:17:09

If you have POA could you request a meeting or phone call with the SW ,yourselves and the widow? I'd be very surprised if the Sw has any powers of enforcemnet.. However I do think that it is good that she has a SW. Someone we know has recently been given a diagnosis of Alzheimers after one meeting with an A nurse and since then, months ago.. absolutely no support or followup with anyone..

fluttERBY123 Thu 22-Feb-24 17:19:57

Thanks, NotSpaghetti. It must be the OP stays green.

fluttERBY123 Thu 22-Feb-24 17:27:17

I know that if you are mentally ok and choose to.live in.a filthy house with half the roof missing that is your right. But does that change if you are diagnosed with moderate Alzheimers? I.will contact the SW, this is all very new. I am.hoping to.hear from grans with some experience in this area.

Madgran77 Thu 22-Feb-24 17:29:39

fluttERBY123

I don't understand why my post about relative with Alzheimers is blocked. I've done it twice and left out a "name" the second time but it stays green.and won't go pink.

Its green because you are the original poster. Other posts in thread will be white

V3ra Thu 22-Feb-24 17:37:30

Is her house badly unhygienic now, has the social worker visited?

The only experience I have had with a social worker was with my Mum, who had Alzheimer's and was in hospital after a fall.
Dad hadn't been coping at home, despite what Mum said.
The hospital refused to discharge her until she agreed to have carers to help, Mum refused.
The social worker told me that as I had power of attorney I could overrule her.
Fortunately it didn't come to that.

kittylester Thu 22-Feb-24 17:54:20

Has the person still got capacity if it is moderate Alzheimer's?

To be honest, I would consult CAB, Alzheimer's Society or AgeUk?

Nanatoone Thu 22-Feb-24 18:24:52

My mum and dad and in laws all lived in increasingly dirty homes (please don’t let it happen to me). With mum and dad we would periodically get someone to take them out for the day then run in and clean. A cater used to keep the kitchen reasonably clean. MIL’a once lovely home decayed and became awful. A consultant psychiatrist was called out by the outreach nurse and he stated that she was capable of managing. The outreach nurse was horrified and persuaded her to go into hospital for assessment. Sadly she died within a couple of weeks as we discovered cancer and she fell out of bed and broke her leg. Pneumonia set in. No one offered to help her in the home, although my husband and I both paid for a gardener and meals on wheels and she rejected both. No one offered to help her at home. We lived hours away so could only do a small amount. I think if a SW had tried to get a cleaner in MIL would have refused. I’m sorry for you as I think this is an impossible situation.

SueDonim Thu 22-Feb-24 19:03:17

Does your relative have carers coming in? I’ve recently learnt from someone I know with a relative in the same situation that carers can refuse to go into a home that’s very dirty or unhygienic so possibly that could be why there’s a difficulty.

I hope you can resolve the issue.

fluttERBY123 Thu 22-Feb-24 21:04:28

I don't think the POA has been activated. SIL perfectly fit apart from Alzheimers. We did visit recently and house did not look too bad. No carers. At AgeUK website you have to book.an.appt.for them to.phone you! Will try Alzheimers Soc, thanks.
Aha, sudonim. I can tell SIL that if she deteriorates carers will refuse to enter house if dirty and she would then have to go into a home. Not in so many words, obviously.
We are waiting for an email from the SW about how she sees it all. All very recent.

MissAdventure Thu 22-Feb-24 22:46:46

I think if your relative has a degree if capacity, even if it fluctuates, then they cannot be forced by social services to have a cleaner.

As for carers, if they are wearing ppe, I fail to see how someone's dirty home affects them (unless it is hazardous to their health)

Marydoll Thu 22-Feb-24 22:57:23

fluttERBY123

Thanks, NotSpaghetti. It must be the OP stays green.

The OP does stay green, then your subsequent posts should be pink just for you. However, I think it may depend on the device you are using.

fluttERBY123 Fri 23-Feb-24 20:09:22

I've heard today that she does not have capacity to agree her own care. So whole new ball game. We will visit as can't be done by phone. Cake and a long talk.⁸

Nanatoone Fri 23-Feb-24 20:51:57

I suspect things must be worse than you expected. Frankly this happened to us and I have never been sure if our eyes were closed to it or not. Wishing you the best of luck.

Biggs Sun 25-Feb-24 11:14:02

Self neglect is deemed to be a safeguarding issue which why the SW was saying they would force the issue.

icanhandthemback Sun 25-Feb-24 11:34:51

I think if your relative has a degree if capacity, even if it fluctuates, then they cannot be forced by social services to have a cleaner.

I am not sure about that. It would depend on the severity of the situation and the impact on their safety. However, I suspect the SW would have to go before a court to force anything or apply for a DOL.

My mother was unsafe going up and down stairs with the SW deeming that she did not have capacity over that particular decision. However, he admitted he could do little to stop her and we just had to wait until her legs wouldn't take her up and down them before she would give in. Whilst we waited, we had to call the ambulance service on a number of occasions when she got stuck half way up and once again, the ambulance service could only advise that she stayed downstairs. They referred her back to the SW but we remained stuck in an increasingly difficult situation. I had a LPA for my mother but short of force, there wasn't much I could do either.

JdotJ Sun 25-Feb-24 11:42:37

Following with interest as my late mum had Alzheimer's. Luckily I had POA but after falls and a fire in her bungalow the (only) decision was made by me for her to go to a Nursing Home. I say this because she used to ask if she was going home every day I visited her and I lied through my teeth for her own safety, saying the bungalow was being repaired, decorated etc. She accepted this daily and stayed in the Nursing home. It's an incredibly stressful time ahead of you and I wish you luck.

NannaFirework Sun 25-Feb-24 12:08:33

It is a hard horrible disease.
SW were so slow to do anything and even when our DM was on palliative care in hosp during last days of SW were trying to move her into a care home - I would not be able to be a SW they have an awfully hard job but SS are too slow to react and families are in crisis.
GP surgery was awful too.
Kept ringing my DM when we expressly told them she had that disease and would not talk on the phone as she wouldn’t remember who they were or what was said!
I’d say get all care in place; personal care, cleaning and cooking.
What needs priority now? Where is the money coming from?
Alzheimer’s sufferers in time won’t remember who came care wise, and when, it’s very confusing for them and everyone is effected differently - as I say it’s so hard and horrible - so sorry I can’t be of more help.

win Sun 25-Feb-24 13:39:10

if you have POA how can you not know if it has been activated OP? Also I can never understand why people agree to be had e POA for someone, if they live so far away, it is not manageable. Having POA means you are in charge of their lives 100% once they lose capacity how can you do that properly from miles away? It is a big decision to become someone's POA and shouldn't be taken lightly. The fact that the SIL has not got capacity and the OP did not know indicates they haven't visited or had their eyes closed, the poor lady must have been struggling. I know I sound judgemental, but I see and hear this every day and feel so strongly, that people should consider seriously what they take on for their own sake and definitely for the sake of their loved one.

V3ra Sun 25-Feb-24 13:54:11

Having POA means you are in charge of their lives 100% once they lose capacity how can you do that properly from miles away?

The problem is you have to set up the power of attorney while the person does still have capacity, and may very well continue to do so for many years until it's required to be used.

My parents lived 100s of miles from myself, my brother and sister and we set up both PoA for our parents long before we actually needed them.
Mum has since died and Dad has moved to be near me.
I act on his behalf in every area of his life now as he has vascular dementia.

EmilyHarburn Sun 25-Feb-24 13:57:07

This is the advice from the Alzheimers sociaety

www.alzheimers.org.uk/blog/how-offer-help-someone-dementia-who-doesnt-want-it

Sorry you are in such a difficult situation.

icanhandthemback Sun 25-Feb-24 13:57:27

I wish you'd tell my sister that, win. She is incensed that I have been made LPA and if I can't manage it for any reason, that 2 of my children have been named. I live up the road, as do my children, my sister lives a couple of hours away and has done for the last 40 years. If I try to get her thoughts about things to do with Mum's care and make the mistake of saying it is a difficult one, she becomes most belligerent and unhelpful. The care of my mother took over my life for a many years so it made sense for me to be the one but it has been turned into a stick to beat me with! Family, who'd have them!