Relative diagnosed with Alzheimers

My husband has alziemers and vascular dementia,I have POA and also have the Health power of attorney ( not sure if that's the right name) I suggest you get it too as you never know what the future holds

My late mother lived in assisted housing when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I must say that her SW and GP surgery were excellent in helping and my sister and I had POA. We got a helper in a couple of times a day. Of course, she was resistant at first, like many others, but then came to regard her helper as a friend! Unfortunately, my mum then took to phoning me over 200 times a day - literally putting the receiver down and redialling. This was hellish as you can imagine! We knew she was deteriorating. She then put an electric kettle on the gas stove - thank goodness it was found in time! She was then sectioned and went into a nursing home. Fortunately, this was a lovely place with a lovely manager and staff and she as as happy as she could be for the next year until she passed away. It’s not an easy time and I wish you all the best x

Hi, I used to be a psychiatric nurse so have some background. Firstly "capacity" is not a fixed thing. A person may have capacity to make some decisions but not others. For example, your relative may have the capacity to decide what to eat for lunch but may not have the capacity to recognise that there is a health risk because a food item is out of date, or kitchen utensils aren't properly washed or there are flies buzzing around an un-emptied bin. Unfortunately a person with Alzheimer's may truly believe they are cleaning their house adequately, yet they are not. I think the SW is more concerned about any risks to the health and safety of the person, not that a cleaner will refuse to go into a dirty house. It is difficult to persuade people with Alzheimer's to do something they don't want to do, because they just don't understand that it is necessary, so sometimes it is necessary to take the initiative and intervene because it's in their best interest to do so. The SW can call a "Best Interest Meeting" for this very reason where SW, health workers, doctors and family can all jointly decide what course of action to take to enable the person to remain safely in their own home. Unfortunately, the nature of the illness means that eventually, if assistance in the home is unsuccessful or refused, they may recommend a nursing home.

Forgot to add, the reason you have POA, is so that you CAN make those decisions, in the relatives best interests, whether the relative likes it or not and it is a big responsibility to take on that role.

JOJO60

Hi, I used to be a psychiatric nurse so have some background. Firstly "capacity" is not a fixed thing. A person may have capacity to make some decisions but not others. For example, your relative may have the capacity to decide what to eat for lunch but may not have the capacity to recognise that there is a health risk because a food item is out of date, or kitchen utensils aren't properly washed or there are flies buzzing around an un-emptied bin. Unfortunately a person with Alzheimer's may truly believe they are cleaning their house adequately, yet they are not. I think the SW is more concerned about any risks to the health and safety of the person, not that a cleaner will refuse to go into a dirty house. It is difficult to persuade people with Alzheimer's to do something they don't want to do, because they just don't understand that it is necessary, so sometimes it is necessary to take the initiative and intervene because it's in their best interest to do so. The SW can call a "Best Interest Meeting" for this very reason where SW, health workers, doctors and family can all jointly decide what course of action to take to enable the person to remain safely in their own home. Unfortunately, the nature of the illness means that eventually, if assistance in the home is unsuccessful or refused, they may recommend a nursing home.

perfect

JOJO60

Forgot to add, the reason you have POA, is so that you CAN make those decisions, in the relatives best interests, whether the relative likes it or not and it is a big responsibility to take on that role.

yes exactly this and should therefore not be taken lightly

icanhandthemback

I wish you'd tell my sister that, win. She is incensed that I have been made LPA and if I can't manage it for any reason, that 2 of my children have been named. I live up the road, as do my children, my sister lives a couple of hours away and has done for the last 40 years. If I try to get her thoughts about things to do with Mum's care and make the mistake of saying it is a difficult one, she becomes most belligerent and unhelpful. The care of my mother took over my life for a many years so it made sense for me to be the one but it has been turned into a stick to beat me with! Family, who'd have them!

I have been there too with my late partner, being the carer is a dedication that takes over your life completely, it is not until you are there you understand exactly what it entails.

I am so sorry your sister does not appreciate what you and your children do for your mother, she is lucky to have you. She should be supportive and constructive when commented not critical, but yes family indeed. You are doing a brilliant job, be proud of yourself and your children who are willing to help.

Thank you, Win. I think she has some unresolved issues about her place within the family which is a shame.

Win, a good neighbour has POA as well as 2 nephews who don't live near.
We are waiting for notification that POA is registered. Meanwhile we have to pay for stuff and keep receipts so we can claim once we are able. We are so lucky the neighbour has stepped in and alerted us. This is all very recent and ongoing.

fluttERBY123

Win, a good neighbour has POA as well as 2 nephews who don't live near.
We are waiting for notification that POA is registered. Meanwhile we have to pay for stuff and keep receipts so we can claim once we are able. We are so lucky the neighbour has stepped in and alerted us. This is all very recent and ongoing.

Is there 5 of you all with POA? Have you all both got Health & Welfare and Financial? Are they joint of separate? I think it is a good idea to have more than one in most cases but 5 seems a bit over the top. I would not have thought any one should have registered it without you all agreeing to do so. It is rather an unusual setup from my experience OP. Good luck with getting it all sorted for this poor lady, there are difficult times ahead for sure.

We completed and registered POA while DH’s Parkinson’s was not too advanced, naming each other and our two children. As DH became less and less himself it was so easy to take over the decision making and was one less hurdle to negotiate. Just because it is in place doesn’t mean you have to use it until you need it. Definitely one of our better decisions.

DH and I arranged POA, both Health and Welfare and Financial, when we updated our wills. Two of our children are also named on them.
We were trying to pre-empt any future problems, due to my chronic ill health.