Black dog 21

I think I remember you telling about the hospital, I was really shocked. It did really sound like their fault. Terrible for you to be left like that. You've done so well.
I'm very surprised by how much people on BD are coping with so well.
I think if I didn't have M.E. I might cope better.
I'm in bed now.
Great idea to get a pool, it'll be fun watching chubby chops splashing about.

nadateurbe It's lovely to get into bed . I'm in my pyjamas, but I won't go to bed until about 11. Chubby Chops has got a little paddling pool and a sand pit at their house. We had all that type of stuff for the other GDs, still got a 12ft pool for them, and a trampoline to be put up.

Hope ALL BDers are having a restful evening.

HVDY Great idea for a paddling pool- my DGS loved it when he was small. What plants did you get for your troughs? It's lovely to walk around the nurseries seeing the colour. My DH is still getting headaches and stabbing pains but he's putting off seeing Dr. Actually he's had flu like side effects from covid jab which hasn't happened before.Ive been fine again today , thanks.
Scaredycat You have to put up with that rotten AF and it must be quite annoying and scary when it sets off when you're walking. Hope you haven't been affected by it so much today - does heat make it worse? I bought another blue solanum to put in same place as previous one but need a trellis put up which DH will do sometime this week. Want another replacement climbing rose so hoping to get that tomorrow.
Oooh Stag Beetle, 😳 I wouldn't like touching one of those. You are kind though.
Nadateturbe I felt a bit worried when I had my palpitations as I'd had a bit of a problem around 4yrs ago when I had to wear a heart monitor thing a few dys and record heart beat. Was told one of my heart chambers had a murmur but it was normal and wasn't a problem. It was definitely stress that caused the later palpitations though. Sorry you've had to have your bed rest today. Will it mean youll' be OK tomorrow energywise or is it more unpredictable and you have to wait and see. Hope your eyes are getting better. Been reading more of E.A.today and hope you're not finding it boring. Another book Eleanor Eliphant is Absolutely Fine was a book I couldn't put down and I found really interesting by a modern author.
Wyllow Hope you are OK and your day hasn't been as bad. I hate to think of you alone with no one to talk to. I wonder when you next see your MH worker for a walk. Hope your tummy is not so bad as it was, and your back problem.
Doodle ❤️ Thoughts often with you and your DH.

Thinking of all those not mentioned and hoping you're all OK.

Yesterday son had birthday party/barbecue for DGS. DH couldn't go as he had a covid booster last Friday and felt really ill. Never had slightest effect with previous ones (Moderna n Pfizer) .This one called Spikevax and he was given jab and then told that there was slight increase of Myocarditis and Pericarditis with this one. We're not ones to worry too much about covid vaccines but it bothers me that he wasn't at least told about it before he had the jab. Anyway he felt terrible yesterday with cold, aching limbs ,flu-like symptoms which today are much milder.
Little DGS was lovely yesterday and I explained Grandad not feeling well and he said he understood, bless him. He was very cuddly yesterday which was lovely and I managed to play a little footie with him and son's fiancé's little girl.
Hope no one got too much sun today-so warm. Wishing all a peaceful night.x

Waiting for hospice place for DH. He’s still in a lot of pain but I am allowed to stay with him at night. Take care all x

Just a short answer Sweetpeasue.
I don't know if I'll be OK until tomorrow. Sometimes I feel like the real me is disappearing. My head is full of memories of what I used to do.
You had a lovely day yesterday. It's lovely reading of the fun you had with the children. Same as HVDY.
I think you should be told about effects before having vaccine. Especially when you are ill, and effects can be so severe. Poor husband, it won't help his headaches.
Thanks for telling me more about your palpitations.
Hope you're feeling ok today.
Yes Eleanor Oliphant was very good. Still reading, (slower nowadays).

Oh doodle I don’t know what to say. So sorry.
I really enjoyed Eleanor oliphant but I lent it to a friend and she didn’t finish it. Said Eleanor annoyed her!
Went to my group tonight and actually managed to pray out loud. An achievement for me.
Goodnight everyone.

EllieAnne how wonderful, not easy to pray out loud.
Wyllow3 I think you said some aho that you like this. Just wondering if you still listen to it. Apologies if I have the wrong person.
youtu.be/r6vpDhgCODA?si=1osBaln1DcRF4yR-

Doodle glad you can stay overnight, lots of love your way. xx

It was me but music nadateturbe one of my faves can't reach me atm or Quakers. I did do supermarket shop.

It's like feelings are too dangerous as thoughts never have hope in them. Physically need blood tests they are over due and need to walk more a bit. Still have CFS but not so’s I couldn’t do more physically a bit each day as in short walk. MH worker Thursday I have to discuss help but then run away at the idea...

Sorry you were in bed all day and I understand "My head is full of memories of what I used to do."

Ellie Anne I'm so glad you managed to pray out loud.

I've never had AF, it must be scary Scaredycat. I had to do a double take on stag beetles and jam which I missed yesterday.

Sweetpeasue you and DH have so much on health wise thats its good to hear of little grandchild breaks.

HVDY water play is so great for little ones so I’m glad chubby chops will have her very own splash pool. My Grandchildren have a huge one as 4 of them and great for disabled L. I didnt realise you had heart rate stuff too.

Evening all, I’ve just caught up with posts.
Doodle I’m so sorry for you. It will be a comfort for your DH that you are there with him at night. I know it probably doesn’t feel like it, but it’s probably better for you too as I doubt whether you would rest wondering what was happening. I hope you are managing to get some rest yourself. You will cope this, it’s surprising what we can cope with and the resilience we can build up. I’m sure your family will help you too. We are all thinking about you.
HVDY sounds like you had a nice break. I hope you have felt the benefit from it. Glad your family are better too. I hate tummy bugs, they wipe me out. Poor chubby chops too. I hope you have a nice day with her tomorrow. Your wild pets are lucky to have you. I like to feed the birds but we live not far from a brook which apparently is infested with rats and I’m petrified of them so am conscious of not leaving food around. I don’t want any unwelcome visitors!
Nadaterturbe I’m glad your eyes are getting better. You do so well and have a lot to put up with. The missed beats sound scary and it may be worth chasing up with your GP again just to make sure. It’s easy for them to say everything’s ok when it’s not them suffering.
Sweetpeasue you too do so well. You sound like you have had a good few days and I’m glad about that. I hope you’ve been pain free today and it continues for you! Hope you find some nice plants for your garden too.
Wyllow thinking of you too. You are trying so hard. Koko.
Ellie Anne glad your cat is better. Our pets can worry us a lot. I was worried too a few days ago as my dog drank from a lake which gets infected with algae. He was a bit under the weather but recovered thankfully. I’m glad your GD is getting help with the bullying too. Awful thing and so common.
Have to go now sorry s I only have 2% battery left on iPad and can’t find the charger! Will do a proper search tomorrow.
Scaredycat Whiff and others thinking of you too. Night all xx

Doodle I missed your last post. I'm glad you can stay with your husband at night. He will be glad too. So sorry for his pain. Praying for strength and hoping you get some rest. x

Doodle glad you are able to stay overnight with your husband. Hopefully you have been able to sleep being close to him . Hope he gets a place at a hospice soon. It's not what you want but what you both need. And you will get support from other families with loved ones there. I have had friends with relatives in hospice's and they have all said the same thing it felt like home and their loved ones where happier there than in hospital . They felt like a person again not a patient.

Wyllow so glad you have been able to do more things . I hope you feel proud of yourself as you have had a long time not being able to feel you could do things. Or feel yourself.

We feel grief for things we can no longer do which is only natural. But the trick is to find a way you can do things but your way. Yesterday in the garden I have had to admit I can no longer do the weeding . I find it exhausting. So will get a gardener only need one once every 2 weeks fir a couple of hours . I have an artificial lawn. Last year I could weed for 3 hours but had to rest afterwards. Yesterday after a hour had enough. It was effecting my mobility and have lost strength in my hands . So planted some of my veg seeds . Must order more compost .

I get very cross at myself but find ways to do what I want but my way. I hate having to admit defeat. That's my stubborn nature and loose my temper at things. It's funny how inventive you can become to achieve things.

I had a lovely holiday in Berwick upon Tweed last week thank you for asking . Because Premier inn has assisted rooms ones for wheelchair users and people like me that's why I stayed there . Lot of private hotels don't carer for the disabled plus they charge £15-£20 extra per night if you are on your own and only give you a single bed. Why are we penalised for being on our own ? Lot of people travel alone and yet treated badly by some hotels and B&Bs.

I had mentioned way back in November on the pears thread I had booked my room . And then mentioned booking my train tickets and assistance travel 2 months before going and the lovely MayBee70 said they would be staying in their house near by. And could we met. I love meeting new people. My daughter was worried but I had been chatting with her for a couple of years. My description of myself must have been accurate as I heard my name called on the platform and it was her. I had pre booked my taxi to my hotel.

Anyway had a wonderful time I didn't expect MayBee and her partner and lovely dog to take me anywhere. But over a drink on Monday they said they would take me to Lindisfarne on Tuesday. It's was lovely and then we went to a honey farm. The cafe wasn't open so they had taken sandwiches and hot drink just in case so we had a picnic. Wednesday I had the day exploring Berwick. I had forgotten what it was like walking up and down hills but had a lovely day . Chatting to lots of people. I had forgotten Berwick people have a Scottish accent.
Thursday MayBee and I went on a 2 hour boat trip road the Farne islands it was thrilling to see puffins and other sea birds. Seals in and out of the water . Where Grace Darling lived and the lighthouse . The sea was very calm and so clear. It was fun getting on and off the boat but the deckhands where very helpful.

Funny thing happened my hands tremble all the time especially my right. So I thought the pics and videos would be blurry. But the engine noise must have counter acted my trembling because my hands where still. Once on land back to normal.

They took me to their home . Dunes to the front and fields behind. Beautiful place.

I can never thank them enough for their kindness and never expected being taken around. Shows how kind Gransnetter's are.

Sorry not to get around to everyone but have a lot of posts to catch up on. Which I will read today. X

SweetpeaSue How lovely to have had such a nice time at your son's BBQ. Shame your husband missed it but I hope he's feeling better now.

Doodle Although a hospice isn't what you wanted/hoped for, it will mean that you and your husband can be together. I hope all goes well.

nadateturbe Head full of memories of what you can do - I suppose we all have that feeling, and it's frustrating to not be able to do those things now. I try to remind myself that I could have ended up so much worse than I am.

EllieAnne Is your cat ok now?

Wyllow3 You're doing well now, so koko as much as possible.

Candy6 I found a little frog on the pavement at 7am (when I went to feed the neighbour's cat), and I'm terrified when they start jumping about, but managed to pick it up and put it near the pond (neighbour's). That's probably where it's from. I bet I looked a sight - pyjamas, dressing gown, hair all over, talking to a frog .

Whiff What a wonderful holiday you had. How kind of MayBee to do that. Seeing puffins and seals sounds marvellous. Glad you had such a lovely time.

Got BabyFace today (she'll be here at about 9). Hope the rain goes so hat we can take her out, but we've got lots of toys here. She's always happy, so she'll be fine. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

*

Bump

Doodle- think of you often throughout the day. I,m glad you are allowed to stay with DH at night in the Hospital and that you are being treated kindly. So sorry your DH is suffering such pain so distressing for you both. Hopefully a Hospice place will become available soon and the days will become more peaceful. Sending much love.
SweetPeaSue- so happy that you have felt better lately and were able to enjoy DGS party and get lovely cuddles.
Your poorDH - hope he’s ok now. This current lot of jabs seem to have made quite a few people feel grotty. Better than getting COVID though.
My AF is permanent 24/7 so it’s there all the time. Walking etc doesnt set it off but it means my heart cant pump oxygen rich blood round my brain and body efficiently that’s why I get so tired.if weather is too hot its not great.
What colour rose will you get to go with that lovely blue?
HVDY- there is rain here too- it,ll help your new plants settle in though won’t it.
Chubby Chops will look so cute in the new paddling pool- you will have lots of fun this Summer.
Love the image of you chatting to the frog- perfectly normal as far as I,m concerned!🐸🐸
Nadateturbe- it must be so difficult for you as each day is so unpredictable. What you say about memories is so true but at least we have those memories and with a bit of luck can make a few more. Guess we have to concentrate on those things we can do and marvel at what we used to do.!!
Hope you feel less fuzzy today and the ectopics are giving you a break. You have a lot to contend with.
EllieAnne- it must have felt wonderful for you to be able to pray out loud again with your friends.
Candy- glad your dog is ok it could have been very nasty for him. Does he swim in the lake? Hope you are settling down and enjoying the freedom that retirement brings now.
Whiff - your holiday sounds wonderful and what lovely creatures and sights you have seen. How nice it must have been to meet MayBee70 and spend time with her. She sounds a lovely kind lady with a generous heart.
You inspire us with your determination and courage.
Wyllow- each day you are taking another tiny step on your challenging road. The supermarket visit took courage.
Would it be possible for your surgery to get someone to visit and do the blood tests?
As the weather is improving perhaps you could just have a walk in your garden each day for a start.
I hope your family are well and soon you,ll be able to speak to your sister perhaps.
KOKO Wyllow- we are right behind youxx

Whiff what nice people Maybee and her husband are. How kind. Glad you had a lovely time.
Need to give my eyes a rest, as I was painting for half an hour.
Back later or tomorrow. Hope everyone is having a good day. x

Lovely post Whiff I enjoyed reading about your travels.
nadaterturbe what are you painting now? Is it water colours or acrylic etc?
Scaredycat I hope your AF doesn’t spoil your walks. Even a gentle stroll in the sunshine can be so beneficial
HvDY have a big cuddle with that little girl and enjoy your day
Candy you are so right. I would worry far more if I wasn’t with DH and wouldn’t rest. Have you been to your caravan recently?
Wyllow I can’t tell you how pleased I am to see you being able to post a little more now, lovely to hear from you.
Ellie Anne so pleased you were able to pray outloud. We had a visit from chaplain today. DH isn’t religious but he helped us to understand a few things and get some peace of mind. Take care of yourself.
Sweetpeasue glad you had a lovely time at the party and your DH was feeling better later.
Just waiting for hospice place. DH still has lots of pain but at least we are together
Take care all and forgive me anyone ive not mentioned my mind is tired. X

Goodnight all, hope it's a peaceful one. xx

Doodle xxx Hope you can get a place soon.

Followed your days x

(Whiff great getaway) but just collapsed today - not washed or dressed, very self punishing thoughts so weary of them. Many still related to abusive ex the love and the hurts stuff but stuck. MH has no logic!

("Would it be possible for your surgery to get someone to visit and do the blood tests?" Waiting now for Thursday visit. SCat)

Best nights and tomorrows, all.

nadateturbe What are you painting? used to like the painting by numbers but seem to have gone off it. Do you paint from memory, by numbers, or from a photograph?

Doodle I hope your husband gets a place soon. Wishing you both well.

Wyllow3 Today's a new day, and I hope it's better for you.

ScaredyCat The weather has cooled right down. Hope you're able to cope with the AF better now that it's not so warm.

Had Chubby Chops from 8.30 to 7 yesterday. She's into everything now - opening drawers, unzipping my handbag, walking around the furniture (holding on, obviously). She's such a happy little girl. Not much on today - Shingles jab, aqua aerobics, feeding the neighbour's cat a few times (went at 7am). Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Not a great day yesterday, appt with psychologist -only one left , next week.
DH still not well but little better this morning. Pain this morning and eased off after meds so may go to book group this aft if stays that way. Will see what DH is like too.
Will reply later to your posts.
Hope you all get through your day and so much love to those with pain and supporting loved ones. Xxx

H

Doodle I really hope you get a place at hospice soon. The staff were so good and kind to us when my mum was in there though she really didn't want to be there. I don't think she would have had sufficient pain relief at home and the care there was second to none. I hope your DH's pain has eased and his pain is being controlled. So good you can stay with your DH at night now. Sending love and a warm hug.

Scaredycat The AF sounds so frightening to deal with. It must be awful having it all the time like that. You do so well yourself to keep up your walks. The blue solanum is going to be in the border close to the house ,the rose is pale pink(Mary Delany) and I want to get some purple Salvia to put beneath the rose, which will be in the middle. I can't put anything in yet as DH has to put trellis up ,our side on different stakes , a few inches this side of neighbours fence.
HVDY Doing aqua aerobics must be fun and great to see some friends. You are going the extra mile for your neighbour too, going over 3 times a day to feed her cat. Loved the thought of you talking to the frog! Hope foxie still comes. Doesn't seem long since chubby chops was born - now she's everywhere exploring.
EllieAnne Good to hear you've had confidence to pray aloud. Hope that builds your confidence up further. I loved Eleanor Olliphant too-- especially poignant where she goes to the hairdresser and sees herself after having it done. That part had me in tears.
Nadateturbe Hope your energy levels have risen a little after you have had to rest. Like HVDY ,I wondered what you were painting. I wish your eyes could get better -you will be so frustrated. My book group seemed to enjoy EA and when reading aloud a few chuckles at the way characters are described and how they think.
Candy Hope your dog is OK now. My son's labrador would do things like that though he would pick up anything that was eatable too! Loved water ,even unclean ponds.
Whiff So glad you had such a great holiday and you had friends to enjoy it with.
Doodle Hope today hasn't been too fraught for you and just wishing your DH gets a hospice place soon.
Wyllow Every time you do the small things you will be further forward , even a fraction. You are doing so well to write your posts here and to do a small shop. Don't listen to the poisonous things your ex said-- though I know that must be so difficult as memories don't always stay away , especially when you've been wounded so very badly. I'm sure you will get better , even if it takes a bit of time. I hope you achieve that small walk with your MH worker tomorrow.

Had a nice afternoon at book group. Quite chilly here today after warm days .
DH a little better this afternoon. It's these headaches. But some of the shoulder/neck/ hip pain ,I think was to do with dropping the steroids by one mg (which is what he was meant to do) so he went back up a mg yesterday and those aches are much better.
Love to all.x

Doodle- I hope you will both soon be able to leave the Hospital and have the peace of the hospice. The pain must be so wearying for your DH. Take care of yourself.Sending a big hug.
Nadateturbe- glad you,ve been able to paint if only for a little while. Hope your eyes feel rested now- such a shame when you enjoy your Art so much.
Wyllow- I hope you feel less distressed today. Yes MH is not logical always but what is true is that you have done nothing to deserve the abuse and unkindness your ex meted out. Be kinder to yourself you are worth so much.
Glad you are getting the blood tests. Big hug coming your way too.
HVDY- you will soon need eyes in the back of your head the rate that Chubby Chops is going. Perhaps she,ll be able to go to the pool in the Summer.
It must have been nice in the pool today - so nice to be with all your friends.
I expect you are enjoying feeding the cat. There was a little cat asleep in my bird house this afternoon!
SweetPeaSue- I like the colours you have chosen they blend beautifully.
It’s funny but having AF permanently has one plus. I don’t live in fear of having an episode as it’s there all the time so I don’t worry about that- it’s just very tiring.
So nice you enjoyed your Book Club this afternoon - sounds like your book was a good choice.
Glad DH has been a bit better - he uses his meds very sensibly.

Candy,EllieAnne,Whiff, Nanny and anyone I,ve missed have a pleasant eveningx

Doodle hoping with you for a peaceful hospice room soon as you face anther night.

Same as yesterday. Have to get dressed tomorrow for worker. Thank you for all the kind and thoughtful words, BD’s x

Seems quite a busy day there, HVDY. I like chubby chops story.

I’m glad you went to the book group, Sweetpeasue. And DH had better ache relief.

Scaredycat hope your day was OK.

Waves to Nadateturbe Candy EllieAnne Whiff and * Nanny*

And night night.

SweetpeaSue Glad you managed to go to the book club. Many there? Do you have a tea/coffee there? Glad your husband's aches are a bit easier now he's upped the steroids a little bit.

ScaredyCat Having AF all the time must make you very weary. I expect you have to pace yourself. A cat in your birdhouse - . I've been feeding a little cat that hangs around (a stray), but can't tempt him to come in (yet). I've bought a waterproof cat house, put blankets inside (my husband thinks I'm insane), but the cat ignores it .

Wyllow3 Hope it goees well with the MH worker today.

Doodle Thinking of you and your husband, as always.

Whiff, EllieAnne, Candy6, Nadateturbe, Allsorts, Nanny2507 - hope you're all ok

Been up since 5.30, my arm is painful from the Shingles jab. Went across at 7 to feed the cat (ended up going across 6 times yesterday, trying to get her in!) . Day centre today - missed the last 2 weeks. Hope ALL BDers have a decent day x