Black Dog 22

Doodle you are doing so well, so sorry you have an operation after losing your husband, it’s so hard but one day at a time. Sweetpeas, those flowers are so beautiful, prettier than a picture, lovely post.
I read all your posts and know how difficult it is. I get very depressed but can’t talk about it to anyone as its been going on so long, my family member whose family gave up on him because of his extreme behaviour, BPD. No one would choose to be as he only he can get help and he' doesn't. The fact that he lies makes it harder. I decided to be there so I stop.
Wyllow, so glad you got your meds what an awful time you had getting them though.
Do hope everyone has a good day today.

Wyllow3 What a lot of trouble you had to go to to get the meds you need. As you say, it's a good job you're articulate. A lot of people are left without help.

EA, I was dropped by 2 people I have known for 30 years. Friends at one time. After losing my parents and family, I was sensitive to loss. I push myself to do things and join things but its not easy.

Sorry your friends are not being kind.

Wyllow What an awful situation when you rely on those meds so much. Just reading about it I could imagine your anxiety and you must have felt exhausted.
As you say if you weren't articulate enough and knew how the system worked it would have been almost impossible for some to deal with it alone.
Never heard of SPINE so thanks for that.
I just think well done for dealing with all of it when you are so tired and weary of everything. You stuck with it and didnt fold in to the end.
This sort of thing shouldnt happen, as you say the chemist should have realised though I know they don't as I had problems with HRT meds in the past when they can't get hold of them .Scaredycat with the cream.
Your meds are so necessary and important and could have a huge impact on your MH if you stop abruptly.
Hope you have a much better day today but honestly, well done.
HVDY Oh I do feel for you with your pain. It would be awful to miss out on your break away. What is the immediate situation - is it just physio and waiting for MRI?
Allsorts I planted up 2 containers of flowers this year and they have given me so much pleasure. Almost everything else had to be removed for a new fence but I'm looking forward to seeing new planting develop. I'm really sorry about your own problems. I don't know about them really but from what I understand, there are times when we can get dragged down by circumstances in life and can get dragged under with too much. Kind words for Doodle. Look after yourself.

Back later. Some things to see to.

zakouma66 That's bad. A friend dropped me, after my stroke. Those people are so shallow, so insincere. They'll realise, when they need someone.

SweetpeaSue The 1st physiotherapist the other week gave me exercises for Osteoarthritis, which I haven't got! So those moves have made the things worse. I've got to see him next Monday (think I'll cancel, I've got no faith in him at all now). 2nd Physio said to rest for now (as if I can do anything else - it's agony even to put my knickers on!) His clinics are booked up for 3 weeks. He expects this problem to be resolved in about 6 months, so no MRI as the waiting list is 6-8 months. I'm so fed-up about it all. Son2 said he'll go with DH, if necessary. He might have to. How are you and your husband today? It's much cooler here today, and windy. That's better for a lot of people.

DH did the vacuuming and mopping downstairs, I've polished. Can't do anything else. How's everyone else been so far? x

Survived meeting with friends. I wasn’t going to bring anything up but friend 1 said she hoped she hadn’t offended me so I said she had . I’ve let it go but there’s still a niggle. Friend 2 totally wrapped up in her own problems just now. My horrible week irrelevant so I kept quiet. Anyway it’s done. Going out for a walk now. Just a short one today. My confidence has taken a knock this week.
Where are you going Hvdy? I hope it works out.

EllieAnne Sounds as if friend1 suspected offending you and hopefully , whatever it was, she'll be more careful next time. I'm glad you kept the meeting with friends though as the apology has probably cleared the air a little. With time it won't feel so awkward. Don't let it dent your confidence, you did well to own your hurt and tell her that you actually were offended. That's standing up for yourself and you did it.
Zakouma66 I too lost a friend who let me down in a bad time. It hurts more if you've known them a long time. I'm sorry about the loss of your family. I know that's hard ,especially parents.
HVDY I can understand you losing faith with 1st physio. Some are good but some not so. I wouldn't go as it might make things worse. I don't know of any exercise that can help a trapped nerve but I could be wrong. The pain sounds awful and my heart would drop at it going on for 6mths. Makes you wonder if there is something that could help but they don't have resources. I mean an MRI just might show up something but the waiting list is ridiculous-Im so sorry. It's rotton for you to have to miss out- so hope you can go.
I'm OK thanks. Tied up some climbers growing ,not done much. So windy here too. DH looks awfully tired and I know it's the fatigue he gets with the GCA and headache. We've quite a lot of bags of wood ect to take to tip soon so I'll help him with that. Take care - I'm so sorry.

Hello everyone. I hope you are all OK.
Feeling a bit normal today and have caught up on posts. Yesterday I got up showered and dressed to go meet best friend and also someone from school haven't seen many years. But brain wouldn't work. Tried driving round the block and didn't feel safe as didn't feel fully awake/alert. Had to cancel. So disappointed. Spent all day in bed , mostly listening to audio lying down. Not asking for comments, just good being able to explain.
I will come back and chat soon.
Just briefly sorry about your awful pain HVDY. Well done Wyllow3 but as you say not everyone could achieve that. EllieAnne is your hand ok? Friends sometimes let us down. It's not us. We'll done on telling her.
Hello Doodle.x, Sweetpeasue, thanks for nice post. Zakouma66 Scaredycat Allsorts Candy Whiff, hello too, and anyone I've forgotten.

Nadateturbe Sorry for your disappointment yesterday. I'm sure you made the best judgement to return home in the circumstances. It must feel quite scary to not feel properly in control but such a shame when it was your best friend and a schoolfriend you were looking forward to having a catch up with.
I've been feeling flat today and strangely, woke up to thoughts going round my head about the Dr's cover-up. 'Ah, so that's why she said this or that because they didn't want me to know that so n so did that. And 'That's why they withheld so n so but 'how could they possibly neglect my condition just because they'd be found out'.
These things would be there most of the time but not so much this last year or so. Guess it will always be somewhere in my head but doesn't mean I'm having a set back. I know there will never be justice but have to live with it.

Hope all BDs are not too bad today.
Doodle Much love and a warm hug. X

Sorry Nadateturbe I meant the reflection on myself to be posted separately.

Sweetpeasue the flowers are lovely thank you.
I have postponed my op for a couple of weeks. I will need more help than I realised and I need both my sons around . Surgeon agrees with me it can wait till DS 1 back from holiday.
Ellie Anne I don’t think I can out a positive spin on how you’re feeling. Feeling so low myself I can understand how you are struggling. So sorry your friends have upset you.
Did you meet up today? How was it?
HVdY glad your son felt well enough to go back to work.
I do hope you get to enjoy your break. Can you increase the pain meds at all?
Wyllow what a crazy day you’ve had, I know how panicked I get when I can’t get mine for some reason. Thank goodness you got it sorted out ok.

Allsorts how kind of you. Sorry you are so depressed too. Your family member must be glad of your support. So hard dealing with MH issues and getting the right help.
zakouma sorry you lost some friends too. Are you on your own as well? Sorry for asking. You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. I’m glad you have the courage to go out and do things, I’m finding it a struggle.

Sorry my iPad on go slow hard to post.
HVDY you sound in so much pain. Being told it might take 6 months is so depressing. Are you going to continue with the second physio?
Ellie Anne glad you still met up. Sounds as though one of them realised they had done something wrong. Good to have a walk.

nadateturbe what a shame to have to forgo your meeting with old friends, such a shame but wise not to drive if you didn’t feel fully in control. Hope you get a chance to meet up again soon.
Sweetpeasue I bet your garden is a picture. Sorry you felt flat. Hope your DH rests up tonight,

Doodle I'm not in the position of losing my DH , so am so inexperienced to write anything . If I imagine it I'm as scared as hell.
You are so good to keep posting , yet I worry for your own MH and I hope you aren't taxing yourself too much.
I believe you are making a good decision to postpone op until you have good family support. You will def find that much easier , if not vital.
Dear Doodle , hope you sleep well tonight. A warm hug coming your way. Wish it wasn't virtual. Xx

EllieAnne Things like that can knock a person's confidence. Your friend now knows that she upset you, so that's hopefully cleared the air. We're going to York, a present from our sons. It's a 3-course meal and murder mystery evening, staying at a posh hotel. That will all be good. Then a boat trip the following day, and chocolate making in the afternoon. Should be very nice but I'm worried about how I'll get around - walking stick and lots of painkillers, I suppose.
SweetpeaSue I understand a bit about the thoughts you've had about the hospital treating you so badly. I hope your husband rests a bit tomorrow, and I hope you both sleep well tonight.
nadateturbe What a shame you missed seeing your friend, but you made the right decision to go home if you didn't feel well. Hope tomorrow will be better for you.
Doodle I'm sorry for what you're going through. You're so kind to keep posting and caring about us all. I'm going to ask the GP for either different painkillers or a stronger dose of Gabapentin. I'll probably see the 1st Physio, if only to tell him how much worse I am since he prodded and pulled me about and insisted I did the exercises, which were wrong. think you're right to postpone the op until your family are around to help you.
Zakouma66 , Whiff, Wyllow3 and others - hope you've been ok today.

I'm feeling quite despondent about having this pain so badly and for so long. Took the maximum dose of the painkillers and now feel very drowsy so am off to bed. "See you" tomorrow. Love to all x

Sorry for all your pain HVDY.
Sending love and hugs to everyone. Thinking of you all Yes, wouldn't it be great if they weren't virtual hugs Sweetpeasue.
I hope everyone has a peaceful night.xx

Allsorts It is very hard in families, understood.

Zakouma that happened to me when I was first very ill. I think it’s hard re friends. As if they might “Catch” something. I feel I’ll scare people off.

ElllieAnne It sounds like you did the very best you could with friends but so sorry its knocked your confidence.

I’m so sorry for your awful pain, HVDY. It must be hard for you, to have to rest no choice as you are busy and sociable. I hope the painkillers will take the edge off enough to get something out of the time away.

Sweetpeasue Well done to both of you to manage to get on with some things today. You are doing so much better managing the thoughts, as you say won’t disappear all the time

It’s so bad for your well being when you have to cancel nadateturbe like yesterday. The disappointment very hard as you know its long term and hard to accept.

I’m glad you are waiting for DS to be back, Doodle. Sending loving thoughts for your grieving.

Meds arrived, a bad day tho. Tum very bad - the tablets I’m on are very blocking up so y system doesn't work properly any more, and I have to have a day once or twice a week when I dose up and it makes me feel sick quite a bit.

Night night all BD’s both in today, who post here or read.
so glad you are all here, its rare to find a board where we can share MH stuff.

xx

Wyllow3 Some meds have that effect. Not nice. Have you got Lactulose or Fybogel or anything? It's great to have this BD. Good to be able to offload.

After all that rest and painkillers I've only got manageable pain at the moment. Taking maximum Gabapentin in the day, plus paracetamol. I hope that's going to work. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

(reporting from the loo) 💁

yes, bisocodyl plus lactido plus milk of magnesia.......

Hope today works out pain wise HVDY

Wyllow3 *something of that lot should work, then . Milk of Magnesia used to give me constipation. Thanks, so far, so good.....

Wylliw Glad you now have your meds.
So sorry about your tum though. I have to take Laxido(Movicol) every day because of the painkillers and can feel quite sick at times. I dread the stuff but need it.
So difficult to get right balance at times. Hope the bowel adhesions haven't got worse.
If it's not one thing it's another Wyllow!
Do hope you're starting to feel better by now.
* HVDY * We love to go to York but it can mean a lot of walking involved
Do hope you manage to get there. It's a lovely place and your plans for next weekend sound great. Boat trip and chocolate making.
Oh I do hope you get there .Have the max dose of Gabapentin helped? Crossed fingers.x

Hi,all.

Allsorts - sorry for your relative- BPD is a very challenging and complex condition. We all need someone we can talk tosometimes and share our worries with.
HVDY- how could your friend drop you when you were so poorly- some friend.
I,m sorry you are in such awful pain - physio sounds the,last thing you need. I do hope you,ll be able to go to York- it sounds really good Hope the meds help enough so you can enjoy it.
Zakouma66- people can be so selfish and cruel. You are brave how you persevere and make the effort to get involved in things . That’s not easy when your confidence has taken knocks as yours has.
EllieAnne- good for you keeping that date with your friends. Well done for telling the truth about being hurt- people need to be more sensitive towards each other.
Hope you managed ok on your walk it,ll help get your confidence back. Hope your hand is healing up ok now.
SweetPeaSue- Sorry the thought gremlins visited yesterday.
It was such a traumatic time in your life it is bound to surface occasionally- especially as you have so many concerns for yourDH.
You really are sounding so much stronger and positive- I feel proud of you.
Nadateturbe- glad you felt better yesterday after that nasty feeling you had the day before. You,did the right thing by going home and resting. Hope you feel more like yourself today.
Doodle- what a sensible decision to put off your Op until both your boys can be there for you.
Yes it is panicky when we can’t get our meds isn’t it. No sign of my cream yet - hope it’s available before the problem gets worse- not urgent yet though.
You really are the kindest person to keep posting and caring for us all when you have so much to cope with yourself.
Please take time out for yourself- just to rest your body as well as your mind. Although I know from experience that keeping busy helps to still your mind .
Always here if you need to “talk”. Take care dear Doodle.
Wyllow- I,m glad you managed to get your pills but as you say in this current situation it so difficult for the less articulate.
You’re certainly giving it What For with the tummy meds- hope it gave you some relief.
I,m glad you’re here too Wyllow and that it helps you to be able to share your thoughts.
Hope today has had some lighter moments.

Today has been our Village fete. It was so busy as the weather was kind - a bit too hot for me though. It’s lovely to see so many families out and enjoying what is one of the old fashioned things left to do. Those lovely times go by so fast don’t they and hopefully the children there will remember it when they too are old.
Wishing all BDs, those who post or just read , a peaceful evening

Sweetpeasue thank you for your support and prayers. I’m not doing well really and you’re not the only one worried about my MH. I get very depressed,
Sorry all I’m not really up to posting much tonight.
HVDY hope you enjoy your trip to York.
Wyllow sorry you’re feeling so unwell.
Scaredycat I’m worried about my breathing tonight as well. I thong know if it’s the crying that’s hurt my ribs or the problem with my lung or whether I’m just having panic attacks. I’m shaking like a leaf at the moment. Trying to calm down.
Sorry all I shouldn’t be writing like this.

Dear Doodle You most certainly can right how you feel- no shouldn'ts here.

Is it possible to do some controlled breathing (in for 6 hold 3 out for 7) or whatever's comfortable.
If you're shaking there might be a panic attack involved.
If you feel you need medical attention do contact that nice neighbour .I'm sure she won't mind calling her in any case.

Oh I wish I could change things for you, I really do.
Get yourself a cup of tea and know you are thought of by so many and of course your sons and family. Love to you and warm 🫂 hugs. You are precious .
No need to post. Praying for a peaceful night for you . Xxx