Black Dog 22

Ellie Anne never feel guilty about how you feel. We don’t compare in this site. Everyone’s pain counts. I’m just sorry you have to cope with these feelings every day.

HVDY Oh I see, sorry I got it wrong. Sunstroke is so much more serious. You will have been very worried indeed. His GF acted quickly and you must be glad she was so good at realising the seriousness of his condition. Sounds like a lovely family time for the celebration of little chubby chops birthday. She might not have known what the occasion was but I'm sure she enjoyed the attention from you all.
EllieAnne No need to feel guilty -as Doodle has said herself, many times, all have problems that weigh heavily on themselves. Your anniversary must be so hard to bear when it hurts so much to acknowledge your sad situation. I hope it passes without too much hurt.

Wishing all BDs a peaceful night.

EllieAnne Falling over does make you ache for a while afterwards. Have you put anything on your hand? Your home situation sounds intolerable. Surely your husband must be unhappy too. I hope you manage to go out or see a friend tomorrow.

It's been a very warm day here. I'm so anxious that the Rheumatologist understands the seriousness of my DH's symptoms because his judgement will be crucial. My DH has been bad for so long and he's been through so much pain. I just want the Dr to see that and to treat him accordingly with the GCA steroid treatment. My book group was this afternoon but no way could I leave him in case there was an emergency and he needed to get to hospital quickly. Apart from son 2 living in same village( though now on holiday) we only have each other to help if there's an emergency.
Hope everyone is OK.

SweetpeaSue His GF is lovely. I'd asked her to ring 111 if he was really unwell. She said she'd been up and down the stairs all day, putting wet flannels on his head and taking him drinks (they live in a 3-storey house). Good job she's been off work this week, but DH & I would have gone there (we offered but thankfully she said no. I certainly wouldn't be able to manage the stairs, I'm struggling to even go up ours at the moment.

Going to leave the fox food out and then get ready for bed. Chubby Chops will be here all day tomorrow. Night, all x

Oh HVDY Your pain sounds so bad -struggling to climb the stairs. Do hope you will get some relief to be able to sleep tonight.

Ellie Anne why do you feel guilty for Doodle and me. You have nothing to feel guilty about . You have your own grief to deal with you are still married but in words only . We where lucky we had loving husbands and good marriages . I don't know how you manage to live day to day in your situation. I couldn't do it . You are very strong to be able too live as you do.

We lost our husbands to death but you lost yours through his not caring about you and that is harder to live with. It's no wonder you feel as you do. Your husband doesn't show any love or caring and that must be a daily torture.

As much as we miss our husbands they didn't want to die and leave us . Fate is a cruel mistress. But we had that love and found the other half of ourselves and made a whole .

You had no say in what has happened between you and your husband . He decided for you both and that's cruel. And that is harder to bear.

So please don't feel guilty or compare our grief as you are grieving to for the life you had and should have now.

I ramble on about things in my life because I write as I talk . And I never know if something that I have experienced helps anyone else. So I ramble on all the threads I am on. Plus I am on health unblocked about heart conditions and ramble away on there. Plus my HPX group on Facebook who have helped me so much to understand why my body has done and does now I don't feel I am weird and alone. Because all the things I feel and how my life has to work is normal for HPX.

We are all unique and our life experiences are to . But we have a common bond that we care about eachother and that is precious and to be cherished.

Ellie Anne value yourself and love yourself . Self love is something we all need because it's what gets us through each day and loving oneself isn't selfish or odd but I realised a long time ago it's a necessity.

Hvdy I just tried to wash it out but was incredibly painful and I am quite good with pain.put a big plaster on but still oozing.

Sweetpeasue I'm trying to remember everything I've read in your posts. I hope it reads ok. I think you're right about keeping your DH in the GPs radar.. I feel sometimes you need to be persistent to get the attention you need, and you're managing well, in spite of DHs objections. Men don't like to be a bother.
I think your husbands way of coping is to keep really busy, perhaps he finds that works for him. Not long until his appointment thankfully.
You mustn't feel guilty about not going to the MH group. I'm sure they'll be fine, and you must think of what's best for you.
I too think it's more difficult to make new friends now. But I'm happy with friends at groups. Doesn't require too much effort. I do miss my best friend though, very much, who died a few years ago.
Life is pretty humdrum I think when you're older and not in the best health, but you seem to make the most of it, as do others on BD. I haven't been here since the beginning but it's lovely that BD was so helpful to you after the botched procedure. It's a very caring sharing little group. .
And it has helped me. I tend to get very down and this group reminds me to try be positive.
You have written some lovely caring posts to everyone. And you even noticed that I was awake during the night
Your tops look lovely, just the kind of thing I like and such a good price. Great find!

Just read your last post. Such awful worry for you, Sweetpeasue, especially with son away, and having no one else close. I do hope the Rheumatologist understands your husbands condition and gives some real help. So sorry you're both having this dreadful time, hugs and prayers xx

EllieAnne you really need someone to look at it. Perhaps get advice at your pharmacy first thing tomorrow.

Thinking of everyone. Talk tomorrow xx

Wise words Whiff as ever.

And what lovely chubby chops HVDY and a nice family time. Sorry the pain is still so bad.

No Sweetpeasue wasn’t you causing memories - they are there out the window- lovely blouses. And hoping for better DH news.

Doodle can understand the fear it being worse now, and the treacle x

Definitely, here, no hierarchy of needs, Ellie Anne.

Hope you gt a better sleep, nadateturbe

Same mood - hours to pass in “no point” Worker tomorrow - agree, try on hairdresser first. I look so awful.

And night night to all and Zakouma thank you

BD's xxx

Thats absolutely great that you are trying the hairdresser Wyllow. Doing anything is a challenge when you feel terrible.

Report back with update!

Will read other posts and respond.

EllieAnne If your hand is still bad today and doesn't look like it's healing I think you need to see a nurse. Do take care of yourself.
Whiff What a beautiful post to EllieAnne. You seem to find the right words and coming from someone who has lost their other half you speak with such compassion.
HVDY Do hope your pain isn't too bad today especially having your lovely DGD.
Wyllow Yes the view from your window is constant reminder. It's so v sad. That's good news - your decision about hairdresser. I hate facing the mirror, I should get someone in too. Hope your day is a little kinder.
Nadateturbe Thankyou, I do appreciate your hugs and prayers - so v thoughtful. You are probably right that DH is distracting himself from worrying about problem. I think he often does that but it's funny how , you pointing that out , has made me realise it . Psychologist that runs MH group called this morning to see how I was. They're concerned that DH's problems with being seen has resurfaced my previous experience with Dr's. I assured her I'm coping quite well though still anxious ( but that's 'normal' isn't it?) I can turn your kind words to me back to yourself( on coping with things) You have so much to put up with and it's only human get so despondent and I would feel depressed and resentful if I was in your shoes. You do so well to cope. Those negative feelings make health so much worse too don't they?
Doodle Hope you find comfort in something or someone today. Thinking of you.
ScaredycatCandy**Allsorts**Zakouma66 and
Nanny Hope all have as good a day as you can.

Hi all
Yesterday we went to the Dermatology Clinic to try and get an alternative cream as the prescribed one wasn’t available. The prescription was for the alternative as the preferred one is unavailable!! Neither are available so just have to wait til,they are and keep phoning. Then we drove to see our dear friend with Alzheimer’s- her memory is worse although at least she can still live safely in her apartment. She is physically extremely well but she can’t even remember where her husbands care home is - he too has advanced Alzheimer’s.
I know some of you have experience of beloved relatives who have suffered like this- it’s so heart rending isn’t it.
Doodle- thank you my GD enjoyed her Birthday - helped by gallons of Prosecco!!!
I,m so sad for you Doodle- you have had so much to deal with and you are coping extremely bravely. When my life’s tragedies hit I thought I would never be the same again but time heals and it is such early days for you. Dont expect too much from yourself . On top of all that you have suffered you now have to face an operation ,as you say, alone. I wish I could be there to hold your hand and listen to you- it’s heartbreaking to think of you feeling frightened. As SweetPeaSue says we are all there with you in spirit and think of you always.
SweetPeaSue- yes Good Job about the Calender- Tuesday is a big day for you both. It’s been a bit hot for gardening this week hasn’t it but I,m sure that your DH enjoys the distaraction. Just keep him well watered like the plants!!
It’s good you have one son close by- I can’t remember has he got a family?
Your tops are lovely- they look light and Summery.
Hope you’re both ok today.
HVDY- great news re Son 2 - the extra money will hopefully make life a bit easier for him although I expect he’ll be working hard as usual.
Poor Son 1 heatstroke is awful- his GF sounds very capable and sensible- nice too.
What a beautiful little Girl Chubby Chops is- glad she had a good Birthday. Special times - your family sound lovely.
I,m sorry you are in so much pain- the heat must be exhausting you.
Whiff- you just manage to find the right words- continue to ramble away always! Yes we have a common bond. We have all survived our own personal tragedies and now help each other to keep on fighting.
Wyllow- hope the worker today can maybe help you with arranging a hairdresser. I,m sure you don’t look awful but you would feel better after a tidy up and it would be a good step on your journey.
Take care of yourself - we all care so much for youxx
Zakouma66- hope today is a good day for you.See you later.
Nadateturbe- this heat must be hard for you. I went out early for a walk but I,m done in now. I hope you had a restful day yesterday.
I,m so sorry you lost your best friend- good friends become almost like sisters don’t they.
Take care.
EllieAnne- Hopefully your hand is healing now but please get it seen too if it isn’t.
Your emotional wounds though are far from healing. It’s so sad for you and I hope today doesn’t cause you too much pain.
Never feel guilty over your feelings- everyone’s pain is different and sometimes life is good and sometimes very cruel.
Thinking of you today.
Candy,Allsorts,Nanny and any I,ve forgotten wishing you a peaceful day

Wyllow3. I hope you manage to get a hairdresser to do your hair. I think a bit if pampering can make us feel a bit better.
*ScaredyCat. What a performance about the cream you need. I hope somewhere has it in stock soon. It's sad about your friend. Dementia is terrible. Does she have carers going in? My SIL has got Alzheimer's, as you know, but she's at the stage of not remembering where she used to live, with my brother. She seems quite ok in her own little world, though.

Doodle. Thinking of you, hope perhaps you've got someone to talk to today.
nadateurbe, EllieAnne, Whiff and all others - hope you are all ok today.

Chubby Chops has been into everything then spent time in her little paddling pool. The house is like a tip, but we don't care. A happy child is more important.

So much kindness here. Xx

EllieAnne That's the thing with BD - we all try to support each other, don't we? How's your day been?

Sweetpeasue. Of course it’s normal to be anxious about your DH. I’m glad it’s not making you hark back to your own problems. You are concentrating your concern on him.
Glad your psychologist is keeping an eye on you though.
Thank you. I have had a better day today. Been busy all day which helps. I could sit and cry right now if I were to look at a picture of DH. He had such a lovely face and I ache to touch it again. I’m trying to keep myself going tonight and not sink into the mire. It was so bad at the beginning of the week I want to try and have a better day to counteract it.
Sacredycat that’s a shame about your cream. I hope it become available soon. So sorry about your friend. Is she aware she has Alzheimer’s too? Must be so difficult for her.
Glad your DGD had a nice birthday and a drink to celebrate 🤣
You are such an inspiration. You are so strong and cheerful despite the terrible losses you’ve had. It gives me hope.
My operation coming so soon after losing DH is difficult but it needs to be done so I have to pull myself together and get on with it. DH was always so brave and never complained despite behaving to undergo such painful treatment.
HVDY thank you yes I’ve been busy most of today and been with some nice people. It’s lovely to see so much kindness around. Like here on this thread. You are such a supportive bunch. Hope your son is better today. His girlfriend sounds so caring.
Ellie Anne I hope your hand is a bit better today but if not do get it seen to. Have you got warmer weather now. It’s been a bit cooler here today which is nice as I was very hot yesterday which adds to my panic feeling.
Wyllow of course you understand. It’s so hard to get motivated isn’t it. Take care of yourself x
Thank you all for your support it means so much to think of you all being with me. x

Scaredycat What a going on to lay hands on this cream. Hope it won't take too long to get it and you can manage for a little while - it's so bad. You made me laugh about keeping DH watered.Hes always saying'Any chance of a cuppa?' or ' I think we'll have a drink now'. Yes son 2 lives close - he's the one just married and has a son and his wife has a little girl. They both get on together so all good. It's so v sad about your friend and her poor DH. To both have Alziemers together ,it must be difficult to witness.My DFIL had Vascular Dementia.
HVDY I we'll remember my little GS in the paddling pool and getting into everything. You're right , much better to see a happy inquisitive child than a tidy home. Hope you're managing with your nerve pain though.
EllieAnne Hope you've been OK today and it's not been so bad.

We went to local nursery and bought another clematis for another side of garden. It's now planted. DH cut the hedge and has then relaxed in a chair. He's had the thick head and v tired. We had a video call from son and wife who are on honeymoon in Mauritius! So lovely and unexpected. They look so happy. Made my day.

Hope all BDs have had a decent day.x

Doodle You do so well to post to us when you are having such a bad time. Glad you had a better day and have had some good company. It's so important to be able to talk to someone and isolation adds to loneliness. You are having to face this op so quickly after losing your DH - you've had everything possible thrown at you this last year. I pray for you everyday. Here's some flowers for you -wish I could put it on your balcony. Sending lots of love ❤️

It’s not been a good day. I’m on edge the whole time and longing for bed time. Have run out of wine etc too
Have been hurt today by two friends who I have done a lot for over the past year or so but won’t go into that. I usually meet them on a Friday so not looking forward to that.
It’s pouring rain here and very windy. Summer I don’t think so.

Doodle. Perhaps being busy is the answer at the moment and hope will also help you to sleep. I hope each day gets a bit easier for you. Son1 went to work today and feels ok, thanks.

SweetpeaSue I never make a drink at home and frequently say "a cup of tea would be nice" to DH. My pain is really getting me down now. I don't know how I'll manage when we go away for the w/e next wk. I hope your husband's head feels better. How lovely that your son and his wife thought of you and called. Your flowers look beautiful.

EllieAnne. Sorry you're so fed-up. Would you be able to tell your friends how hurt they've made you feel? I hope you get better weather soon. It's been sunny but windy here.

Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Still looking for hairdresser but got overwhelmed by a getting my meds problem.

I’m on one major MH medication and there is no alternative to it and I’m on 2 different dosages of it.

After I saw my worker today (went to park for short walk) I realised my big monthly meds order hadn’t been delivered so I rung the chemist.

I run out on Saturday. The chemist not only hadn’t got any in either dosage but their supplier hadn’t got any either. (And they hadn’t acted sooner and rung!

In a panic I rung my MH people and they said they would make enquiries and rang back soon. The brilliant secretary there asked around and said it had become a problem supply of this meds all suddenly.

She had found one chemist in town that had some but didnt know if they would deliver.

I rung new chemist and they had only a limited supply in one dosage but none in the other but did deliver. Literally the last tablets they had in this med. And some in a dosage I could use by doubling up - if I got a brand new prescription from the GP!

I said hold them!

So I had to get my usual local chemist to transfer the whole meds list over to them

(there is an electronic system called SPINE that does this these days if anyone else here needs to get a prescription transferred to another chemist you dont have to do it in person.)

Then I Had to get the GP to act within the hour to get the tablets the new chemist did have prescribed - and managed that.

So rung back the very kind young bloke helping me and he’d dug around and found enough of the dose that was short to bring me up to hat should be OK for the month.

Took me most of the afternoon to sort and I thought my goodness the others who cant get this med, they’ll be really ill, and the pressure on the MH workers, and I managed really only because I’m articulate and could make the systems work for me.

Excuse me not commenting on others, I’ve read your posts but it sort of took me over. People have made some very kind comments to me and I will try really hard to get my haircut.

People have said lovely things to each other and I do pop in and read in the day - so sorry to read of Pian and loss and courage in koko

Night night BD’s.