Black Dog 23

Went to my group last night. It was so upsetting. Another group had been cancelled ( I hope temporarily) so several of them came to ours. As others have said it changes the whole dynamic and one of the people was the lady who tried to split me up from a friend ( the lady with the son) and spread lies about me. So I couldn’t even look at her or participate. She likes to be the centre of attention and comes in a wheelchair which she doesn’t need as she can walk ok. She says it’s more comfortable than the church chair. To be fair she is extremely obese and they are probably too small.
Anyway it ruined my night and I’m thinking of leaving but at the same time feeling guilty for disliking her so much.
Taking a friend to the hospital today and she wants to go to a particular shop after and my stomach is churning and I really don’t want to. I d rather go for a walk by myself.
Making a chocolate cake to take to gd tomorrow. She did ok in her competition but didn’t get placed.
Hope everyone is okay today.

SweetpeaSue It does sound as if you aunt has some type of dementia, but I expect her daughter is keeping an eye on things. I don't blame your aunt for wanting to stay in her home for now. My brother can't/won't be helped, which is daft because I'm all he's got left (his other son lives in Norwich and id now disabled). Hope your husband got a GP appointment.

Wyllow3 Sending you love and best wishes.

Have to read back some pages but had to write this

Ellie Anne don't stop going to your group just because of some vile entitled loud mouth who wants to be the centre of attention. Ignore her and do not let her bait you. As that's what that sort of person does. I have come across many like that before I moved to the north west.

I went to Age UK community fit club because of my disability the instructor gave me a chair so I could hold on to too do the leg exercises and sit down for arm ones. This woman didn't think I should be allowed in the class and should go to one tailored for my type. This was in 2018 but then I had gain confidence so let her have it in front of the whole class as she had said it in front of them. After that she was as quiet as a church mouse . Bullies only win if you let them because what she said was bullying.

Ellie Anne don't give up your group and don't feel guilty about that woman she's not worth it. You had the courage to join the group in the first place . You are a strong woman and I know you don't think so but you are. Got to your next meeting head held high and and ignore her.

What is it about the shop making your tummy churn ? I don't like being crowded in if by myself and don't go into the city as the noise and building make my HPX worse . Luckily the Brain Charity is not far from the rail station so don't have to go into the city itself.

Your granddaughter will love the chocolate cake and the fact you made it for her. Next time she might get placed but she entered it and that takes courage follows her nan.

Ellie Anne you may not think so but you have grown in confidence be proud of yourself.

EllieAnne I hope the group situation will be temporary. Some people are spiteful and unfriendly. The group I went to yesterday had a couple of bitchy women. I had the misfortune of having to sit at "their" table at lunchtime - I didn't know them, had never spoken to them, but I tried to instigate a chat and got a one-word reply. They didn't attempt any conversation with me (miserable old crones ). They sat bad-mouthing others there. Don't leave your group. That woman is probably disliked by others too. Rise above it. I will keep going but will find someone else to sit with. Could you tell your friend you don't want to go shopping today? Hope the cake turns out well.

DIL brought baby here at 10, but she's already fallen asleep. We'll take her out later. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Whiff it’s not to do with the shop or the hospital I just want to be on my own.

Ellie Anne you could always make up an excuse you can't go to the shop and enjoy your alone time. Hopefully have your walk followed by a treat at a cafe .

Hi all- the internet here is pants so it’s a bit hit or miss every day!
HVDY- it’s lovely your Son is so happy now - that’s all you want isn’t it.
The GD have thought up a good name Jaffa- is he ginger? I think his paws will be under your table soon- cats wind their way round your heart strings don’t they. Today we got the holiday cat some Dreamies- he was so happy . He’s huge and so lovable. - I,d love him but he has a home. What a shame about the Day Centre people but I,m sure you will find some friendly people too- if not it’s their loss. I don’t understand people who behave like that.
SweetPeaSue- hope your Son enjoys his work in the Shetlands - it’s a long way isn’t it. Yes you will miss him but it will pass and he will have lots to tell you when he returns. It has taken me many years to get used to my Son living and working abroad but he is so happy there with his wife .
Hope you get the GP appointment for DH.
You are so kind to your Aunt- you,ll disappear under all those plums- get out the trebuchet!!It’s sad she probably has Dementia but she sounds like my friend that she can still manage in her own home. Life is so hard sometimes .
EllieAnne- Don’t let that nasty woman spoil your group for you. She is spiteful and selfish and is probably a very troubled woman. Don’t feel guilty about how you feel I shouldn’t think she is Mrs Popularity!!
Maybe you could just take your friend to hospital and say you have to do some baking afterwards.
Doodle- I know exactly what you mean about reading- so hard to concentrate.Keep going- it really will help you even though it doesn’t always feel like it. There will be times when you enjoy things that you hadn’t even considered before. Some days are just that- flat. Don’t feel guilty when those thoughts flood in- you,ve only had a few weeks to try and get used to this new life- no time at all compared to all those happy years with DH.
Yes watching this way of life from the window brings great joy - this morning a little dog ran down the harbour steps and launched his self into the water with a great leap - he was so full of joy.
Wyllow- so sorry yesterday was such a difficult one for you- yet you had the courage to go and get your shopping. Hope you can eat a few treats that you like.
I,m glad you enjoy reading - that’s a good sign. What sort of books do you like?
Hope today has been better Wyllow- are we walking tomorrow?
Whiff- kind ,encouraging post to EllieAnne- good to have you back.
Candy,Nadateturbe, Nanny,Allsorts and the new posters and any one who just reads . Wishing a peaceful night to all

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EllieAnne I know that uncomfortable feeling in a group where all the dynamics have changed. That lady can't have many 'real' friends as I imagine she won't attract nice people at all - she's to be pitied really. She might even be quite unhappy with her life -I don't know, but please don't leave the group because of her unkindness if you want to stay. Like HVDY - it might be temporary.
I think you are so kind to all your friends , though do be kind to yourself too and do things that you want to do. I bet that chocolate cake will be loved by your GD and everyone else.
Whiff So glad you're back. Thought that was a lovely post to EllieAnne.
Wyllow Oh I do hope you've had a better day today. You did amazingly well to get your shop done when you felt so bad. You must have such lonely days and I do feel for you. Hope you've still not got the swollen ankles. Reaching out with another hug for you- I wish I knew what to say to help. Hang in there- carer back next week.x
HVDY It's such a shame your brother puts up these barriers as I'm sure you could be such a means of happiness and joy in his life, all which he surely needs. It must make you sad and angry in equal measure. Thanks my DH got appt. There's nothing GP can do about Vascular stuff( that's for Vascular surgeon) which we knew, but he's also been told by Rheumatologist he should let GP know about the nodules in his lungs just so they can be monitored. DH used to work with asbestos yrs ago( he used to give contracts to firms demolishing buildings on the ICI site) One of his friends died of asbestosis- but I'm not unduly worried about the nodules which were an incidental finding. Itook the chance to lay it on about DH getting exhausted and his arm/ hand pain though. Hope you've had a nice time with chubby chops and she woke up for a cuddle before she left!

Heard from psychologist about MH group starting towards end Sept so think I'll go. I've no intention to 'naval gaze' or rehash stuff but think it might help me be amongst others. I'm very isolated and scared about joining things. This might be a way forward for me. If it's not working I can just pull out. I've been afraid and thoughts running around my head about DH and the state of NHS ( look what happened to me ect). Might help if I can talk to others and listen to others too.
Unusually have bladder pain at present but painkillers will help. Don't know why it should start now.
Hope everyone is OK- well as OK can be! Xx

Scaredycat Glad you are still having a lovely time. Oh isbt it great to watch dogs run towards the sea and have a good frolic. It's funny when they see seagulls and other seabirds and think if they run fast enough they'll catch them!
It must be so hard for you to have a son living abroad. I'm very lucky that my son is only away a few weeks at a time. Take care of yourself.x

Evening all.
Sweetpeasue hope your son’s new job goes well.
You’ve got more plumbs than you know what to do with at the moment. At least you won’t get constipated (sorry it’s the way my mind works 🤣)
I’ve had a better day today. Not good this morning and was shaking so much but I went for lunch with DH’s childhood friend and his wife and we had a lovely time. They were so nice. Apart from wishing DH was there too it went well
Tv does distract me if I watch it in the evening. I tend to try and make evenings my relaxing time. I don’t like daytime TV. People talking over each other and too much going on. It annoys me. I try not to watch Tv during the day but to do other things.
Please do try the MH group. I’ve really had to put myself out there. Out of my comfort zone but it does help. Please do give it a try and don’t forget everyone else is there for a reason. They all have some problem they can’t overcome. It may be different to yours but it’s still causing them concern.
HVDYso sorry about the day centre. You loved your own group. Please give it a few more tries. I was going to give up my art as I didn’t think I was getting the social side I wanted. Now I’m very much part of the group and meeting up with them outside of art too.
Shame about your brother. How bored he must be on his own all the time.
Oh * Wyllow* I’m sorry you’ve had another bad day. Hope tomorrow will be better.
Ellie Anne don’t give up yet as you say it might be temporary. Sorry she spoilt things for you.
Did you go to the shop? You are kind to be with your friend.
When with others I often want to be at home again yet when I’m here I’m lonely without DH. I hope you got through the day ok. Your cake for your DGD sounds nice. Hope she’s not disappointed about the competition, it was really good she got to go in the first place.
Whiff nice to have you back with us and posting.
Scaredycat I love the sound of your holiday home. Beautiful. Loved the story of the little dog too.
I always used to enjoy reading. I must try and get back to it.
Hope you’re having a lovely time.

ScaredyCat "Jaffa" is dark brown with ginger parts, particularly his tail. He's been sitting outside on one of the patio chairs all day (the door has been open but he has only been as far as the kitchen. He's just having the 4th pouch of food. Maine Coons are huge, aren't they? Your holiday home sounds great. I'm very lucky to have my sons so close by. Do you ever go to your son's place? I expect you FaceTime? ChubbyChops is teething so was a bit under the weather, but we went to a garden centre that's got a massive sandpit. She loved that, and some nice lady started a conversation with me, so that was nice. We chatted like old friends for about an hour.

SweetpeaSue At last the GP will have made a note of things about your husband. I think you should give the MH group a go. You've nothing to lose and might find it beneficial. If you don't like it, simply don't go again.

Doodle I'm glad you had a better day and some company. I don't like daytime tv - I can't bear all the yapping women on Loose Women or anything like that. I'm going to ring about a different group tomorrow, at a place a few miles away. I'll probably give the Monday place a couple more tries, though. Hope you sleep well tonight.

Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Hi Ellie Anne I recall that lady and hope the group doesn’t change. Thoughtful advice from Whiff and HVDY on the lady
How kind to make a choc cake…I hope you coped OK if you didn’t manage to make an excuse.

Glad you are back Whiff

It sounds like your holiday is going well Scardeycat I do hope so.

I'm glad your DH got an appointment Sweetpeasue, I hope knowing the nodules are being monitored helps but I know what you are really waiting for is the Vascular appointment. 
I like your thinking about the group becuase its supported and may feel safer than ordinary social situations.

HVDY it's sad the group wasn't as nice as your regular one, hope it improves so you can stay. I wondered how it woukd go with ChubbyChops and glad she loved the sandpit and you had a lovely natter.

You are doing so well Doodle when you felt shaky. I did read yesterday and glad today was a little better. You say, "When with others I often want to be at home again yet when I’m here I’m lonely without DH" that's so understandable xx

Today -still in dressing gown. Its not just puffy foot/leg but I've strained something and have a lot of what I think is nerve pain from neck down my right arm, so very dosed up tonight and today more meds muddles yet to be sorted so not been out.

I read just to stop thinking about my situation really crime/thriller type. Doodle you asked me how do I koko in this bad MH state..I just do I guess. I dont see anyone this week.
I really appreciate people here thinking of me its the only place really I say how it is.

Thoughts for BD's not in

night night x

Wyllow that the great thing about this thread you can be the real you say what you want and no one judges you but offers endless support and friendship. But it's great to see your posts are longer over the last month or so . And seeing you post on other threads always sound advice and comments . You like everyone else here help others no matter how much your own mental or physical health are causing problems. I know how much you all helped me. For all your problems it's not a doom and gloom thread but a positive and kind one.
Have the best day you can, got my gel printing class today so need to get up now as I need to leave home at 7.15 to get to it. Am always at least a hour early can't abide being late.

Thank you all for your encouraging comments. I will go next Monday and see what happens.
I don’t watch much daytime Tv but I do watch or record doctors. But it is being axed later in the year which is a shame as it has a loyal following.
Chocolate cake is made and going to son1 today with it.
The heating has come on this morning so the house must be cold. There’s definitely an autumn feel in the air.
I’ve not managed out to pick blackberries (we call them brambles) but hope to on thurs or Friday to make bramble jelly.
I’d better get moving. Takes me an hour to drive to ds and loads to do when I get there.
Thank you all again. I don’t feel so bad now.

Wyllow3 I'm so sorry about your situation. You must get very lonely. AgeUK has a befriending service where someone could call in to see you (or ring) every so often. Would that be of any use? Re-Engage also does a call companion scheme (I used to ring a lady every Monday, often for 2 hours). It might be worth a thought.

Whiff Blimey, you were up very early and out of the house when I had only been up 30 mins. . Hope your class is going well.

EllieAnne Glad you'll give the Monday group another go. I don't know why some people (usually women) are so unpleasant at these things - we're all only trying to make friends and have a nice day. It's cool here, too, bu I think you get the worst of the weather where you are. Have a good day.

Just waiting for a GP to (hopefully) ring or prescribe something for a UTI. (damn thing). Hope ALL BDers have a good a day as possible x

Doodle You're spot on about the plums- they work wonders!😉
Hope today hasn't been too bad for you.It must have been nice to have the company of your DH's childhood friend and his wife though sad too. I hear what you say about not being sure where you want to be -it's as if you are running but never reach a satisfactory destination. You are doing so much to keep going and I'm amazed at how hard you are trying to make a life for yourself in what must be a very different ,strange world. You looked after your DH so well and could not have done more. I just wish I could take your pain away.
Daytime TV is just dreadful - I can't stand it either. When I had son1 , there used to be a drama on called The Sullivans , set during wartime and I loved it. It was my treat and I used to try and time my baby's nap to match .😀
You mentioned DHs carving so I'll try and post a pic.
HVDY Yapping women on 'Loose Women' --🤣 It's terrible isn't it. I really think Jaffa will become yours- I do hope so. He must look a very distinguished cat with that colouring. If he stays he will be the best looked after cat on the planet!
Hope you can get into another centre that's as good as the one you've been going to , but it's such a shame when you know others there.
Whiff You were certainly an early bird this morning. Not sure what gel printing is but hope your class went well. You do so many different things -you certainly live a full life. It's inspiring how you fit everything in and it can't be easy.
Wyllow Your post was in the early hrs too. Hope you're managing to sleep when you go to bed. Please don't let that pain continue too long without seeing a Dr. It must be awful on top of your tummy pain too. Another day of meds sorting, hope you manage .Grrrr.
Yes, it's the Vascular that's most important for DH .
EllieAnne Glad you're giving next Monday another try and crossed fingers it will be better.
Hope that chocolate cake was transported ok- I bet it was so well received. It certainly would be here!
Oh my mum used to go brambling and we went sometimes with her. She used to make jam and pies but my aunt made the jelly. Do you have to have a muslin cloth to put it through or is there an easier way? So glad you're feeling better. Warm hug for you in the Autumn chill.
Scaredycat Hope you continue to have a lovely time.
NadateturbeCandy**Allsorts and anyone not mentioned , hope you are all well.

I bought some wool today and intend knitting some little elves. They're meant to be chocolate orange covers. Don't think I can start just yet though. DH has been sorting out his many tools . They were laid out on a huge sheet in spare bedroom . It all looked pretty scary! He's still not looking well. We need a Dehumidifier as our bedroom window gets huge condensation in cooler temperatures.
Take care everyone.x

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HVDY So sorry, just realised you have a UTI! Do hope you've got some antibiotics for that - they can be so painful. I would be on the floor with them. Hope you get the meds that work best for you. X

For Doodle.

HVDY Jaffa is a lucky cat. Getting well fed and being able to sit in the sun in your garden.
Yes I can’t stand loose women either. They all talk at the same time and it’s far too loud. Hope you find a place that suits you
Sorry about the UTI that’s painful. Hope you get some meds. .
Wyllow I struggle to get through each day but compared to your situation I’m doing well. I am really lonely without DH. I’m just trying to go out and meet people. I do so wish we were closer together I could come and sit with you for a bit or maybe we could go for a walk. All of Bd too and just be in companionship with each other .
Whiff I’m interested in your gel printing class what is that about?
Ellie Anne your chocolate cake will be most welcome I’m sure. Glad you’re going to give next Monday a try. It’s worth persevering a bit. It took me three or four goes to get into art class. Glad I kept at it as I’ve some good friends now, meeting them for coffee tomorrow.
Sweetpeasue I remember the Sullivans. I enjoyed that too.
I try to avoid Tv during the day but do watch in the evenings.
Had a reasonable day today. The sadness is always present hovering under the surface but I’ve managed today.
Ooh let’s see your little elves when you’ve done one please.
Surely your DH didn’t carve the little rocking horse. That’s amazing. He’s very clever.
Scaredycat hope the holiday is going well and you’re enjoying the views from your window. Have you been sightseeing today?

Doodle So glad you've made good friends at your art class and are meeting them tomorrow Your efforts have been so worth it and you deserve nice people to chat to. There was a pretty young girl in the Sullivan family and I believe there was a romance going on .It was so quaint compared to TV today. Liked Farmhouse Kitchen too. ( Now it sounds like I watched TV all day). Housework was much harder then ( Nappy bucket uugh!)
Yes DH carves things and makes things without any plans to follow - I don't know how he does it really.
Hope you have a good night's sleep. X

Thank you Whiff for your comments. Hope you enjoyed your printing class.

I hope it went well with Son1, Ellie Anne.

I dont think that would work for me atm HVDY but will bear it in mind. (Hoping when the carer back from holiday it might get better) Hope you got your UTI meds.

I like the sounds of your little elves, Sweetpeasue Roll on DH's Vascular appointment. I stay up late so I dont wake up too early.

Doodle that is a lovely thought - short walks or coffee but not needing to "be normal"
I'm glad you managed today.

I half sorted out my meds issues this morning and went for a walk. Still in quite a lot of pain with my arm and puffy feet but its sorting one thing at a time.

SweetpeaSue What a clever man your husband is, to carve things without a plan. That little horse is charming. Got my meds, asked for a week's worth as 3 days of them is never enough. Hope you and your husband have a pain-free day.

Doodle I've had UTIs before (Haven't we all), so hope this will clear up fairly quickly. Nice that you're going to see some friends today.

Wyllow3 Well done on getting out for a walk. Don't leave your arm and feet too much longer without getting advice (a Pharmacist or 111). Hope your day goes well.

DH and I were meant to have been having baby today, but DIL is now not starting back at work until next week, so I'll go to the day centre for the last Thursday. Hope ALL BDers have a decent day x

HVDY I hope the antibiotics are kicking in. The 3 day courses are never enough for myself or my sister either. Hope you have a good day at the centre.
Wyllow You did so well to get out for a walk yesterday, it must have taken a lot of strong will when you are in pain with your arm and feet. Please don't leave that too long. I get the staying up late so less of coming day by sleeping late. Hope today is better.

Picked up son and DILs dog this morning. Having DGS after school for tea. Will need to take little dog back about 4 if GS wants to play table tennis as little dog will get the balls! Made bread for DGS . Hope everyone is having a decent day.
Fog here is so dense - can't see across the road.

Hi all.
Today is our last day here then on to another coastal place we haven’t been before. Wish this little flat was ours.
SweetPeaSue- good idea to give the new MH group a try- listening to others nd hearing about what they have experienced and coped with might help you feel not so alone with your thoughts.
Your DH is very creative - to make something so perfect without plans is such a talent. Your little elves will be so sweet - lovely and round and fat.
You,ve had a busy morning- your house must smell lovely after your bread making. Enjoy the time with your GS.
Doodle- oh it must have been bitter sweet to meet up with DH old friend and wife. But it’s good to be with people who loved him too
I,m glad your Art group has turned out so well for you and you feel comfortable with your class mates. I think I,ve said before I still see my friends from a class that finished several years ago.
Yes we do love this little flat,wish it was ours but at least we can come and pretend it is for a while. It’s like a continual harbourside kaleidoscope. We,ve been exploring the small hard to reach beaches these past 2 days- the coast is so beautiful.
HVDY- Jaffa sounds gorgeous- is he long or short haired.
What a nice chance encounter you had at the Garden centre while Chubby Chops was playing, something like that really brightens the day doesn’t it.
Hope the antibiotics do the trick for your UTI - they are so painful sometimes.
Whiff- your new class sounds interesting- I,ve never heard of gel printing before. You were an early bird I was still in bed then. Hope you enjoyed it and maybe you could show us when you have finished a piece.
EllieAnne- glad you,ll give it a go again next Monday- people like that nasty woman spoil it for everyone - don’t let her win.
I,m pleased you feel stronger- you don’t realise how strong you are.I expect the cake went down well- I haven’t baked for ages and as for Blackberries I get as far as eating them straight off the hedgerows.making sure to only pick the high up ones that dogs cant water!!
Wyllow- good to hear you managed a walk - yes one thing at a time and try not to think of it all at once. Hopefully once the new carer comes back she will help and things will take a turn for the better..
is it possible for you to contact your surgery about your arm and feet as it’s been a few days now .
I wish I could be more help but like all here am rooting for you and love to see the longer posts. Xx
Candy,Nadateturbe,Nanny, Allsorts, and all those who post or read have a peaceful nightxx

Sweet pea sue I love your photo.
I have not been walking much lately. I like to get out in the morning but lately mornings have been busy and in the afternoon I get lazy. I hope to do better next week.
Went to the hygienist this morning. She’s been there for ages and we have a good relationship. I knew my gums weren’t good so she booked me appointment for X-ray. Also told me to go into dr which is almost next door to get my health checked as it can affect your mouth.
So I went in expecting to have a fight for an appointment but the lady before me was cancelling her appointment so the receptionist offered me it! So I go on the 17th. Am a bit worried that there is something wrong.
Hvdy that is one lucky cat. My moggy gets two pouches a day plus dried food and occasional treats.
Glad you got another day at the day centre. Well done others for plodding on when life is tough.

EllieAnne That was good luck about the appt. Try not to worry, it's good you're being checked out. Think you once said you were short of iron and anaemic (Sorry if got that wrong) That might affect gums. Glad you like the photo.
Scaredycat Aw the last day is always a little sad and it sounds like a beautiful place with a great position to view all the activity. I hope your destination is everything you are expecting and more. Understand what you mean about picking the blackberries from the top. We used to try to do that with bilberrues but that's not so easy as they're much lower growing.

Hope everyone has had a reasonable day. The fog has never lifted here and it's really bad. So good to have our DGS - we've played every game going and done drawing. I'm shattered now so going to have a nice quiet evening.
Love to all BDs and those who read. X