BLACK DOG 25

HVDY Day Centre meal was something I'd like.
Sloggi pants are great. I've always been a pear shape- small waist but big hips/thighs. We're never satisfied are we.

I've had a busy day doing many challenging things so my head is all over the place but exhausted - caught up with you all thinking of each with care and love for what is tomorrow - as its a very busy morning too and an early start.

I just have to be very, very, careful indeed not to get too "up" and crash.

May tomorrows good and tough bits go as well as they can

Night night all

SweetpeaSue I envy anyone with a waist! I've always been apple-shaped (my late MIL said I was barrel-shaped, which was kind of her eh).

Wyllow3 I hope you don't have too early a start and that your day goe well.

It's pouring with rain and my Sciatica has started up. Better not go to aqua today. Jaffa's going to have his claws trimmed at the vet's, so nothing much else today x

Hi everyone just short post at present.
Felt so low this morning. Just couldn't get through to surgery , no appts left by time we got through. Hope to see our own GP Monday when he gets back from leave.
DGS here at present. Will be taking him to his Dad's soon as they've been away on holiday. He's doing a Barbecue and invited us for tea.
Wyllow You have been doing so well but yes, don't 'get ahead' of yourself. Hope your day has not been too bad.
HVDY Re your MIL- oh dear! Not sure what a barrel - shape is . Hope your sciatica has eased and Jaffa was OK having her claws trimmed.
Doodle Sending love and hope you've seen someone today.
Love to all.

SweetpeaSue trying to get a GP appointment is difficult for a lot of patients these days (we're very lucky with our surgery) but I hope you manage to get through on Monday. Nice that you've got your grandson for a while. I hope the BBQ is good and that you have something tasty to eat. I think food is always better when someone else has cooked it. My back is still painful so I cancelled the vet and aqua aerobics today

Sweetpeasue sorry you failed yet again to get an appointment. I do hope you get seen Monday and DH is ok over th weekend.
HVDY another Sloggi fan here.
Wyllow you sound as though you’ve had a positive day. That’s good
Scaredycat I hope you’re trip goes well and you enjoy yourselves
Ellie Anne hope you’re ok too.
Love to all xx

Once a pear HVDY....... - I'm a "T-shirt" or was until weight gain but still have the broad shoulders which allows for clothes hanging big further down...You did the right thing to cancel everything, clearly your back really needs rest.

Oh Sweetpeasue - what a huge downer this morning, you've waited all week and then not getting in. I dont know about these matters but can you make an appointment with the consultant with GP letter to follow?
I'm glad DGS is there to give a little distraction, I hope afterwards it has lightened the load a lttle.

Doodle always god to see you managing to write a little. Are your arms any better at all? Just hoping you can keep up what you can.

I’ve been in a whirlwind which started Wednesday really tho it didnt kick off straight away. My carer and I got on so well when she dropped meow she said how much she enjoys being with me as we have a nice walk and she enjoys our exchanges on family and social and political stuff - she happens to be interested too.

So I actually felt…appreciated even loved..the next day Thursday I made the enormous decision to try and do something about my computer, which has had a dodgy connection to even chart it up for a long time, touch and go, and yet I rely on it all the time like a life line. To the extent I felt well if it breaks down thats it.

I managed to find (googling, follow ups) a shop where someone will actually come out on a home visit. This started lifting my mood and to my surprise I found myself ringing my sister first time for ages that night.

So it’s been like people have slowly started penetrating the starve heart. More has happened today, family contact by WhatsApp - the computer man didnt come today but will tomorrow. Also my cleaner broke down on tears in a MH crisis and it all spilled out and I could help as my own knowledge and experience has taught me enough..so again I felt valued.

Th big danger as I am bi-polar 2 (long bad depressions, shorter periods of being a bit high and not making good decisions, rushing into too much) and so going too high is also a danger as it leads to a crash.

Nevertheless - music “spoke” to me today! Yes it reached in. Just cross fingers I can get a new computer and maybe mobile sorted asap, and I keep my balance of mood.

charge my computer up not chart it.

also hoping Scardeycat has got off and will settle OK, back in later.

Wyllow3 That's such pleasing news. The "old" Wyllow is returning. We're all willing you on.

Glad BD's there for wobbles as quite a journey ahead. But the music does look like it's back. ..remember Nadateturbe and Taise for example but we all have stuff that can work for us.

Glad you enjoyed the song other thread Sweetpeasue I've just managed to log into u tube on the TV to browse.

Wyllow3 I'm pleased you're now finding it pleasant to listen to music again.

How's everyone been on this wet day? DH and I met Son2 and family at Thoresby Park for a birds of prey and sheepdog event. Very good, despite the weather. In true British style, we sat under our umbrellas, shivering whilst eating ice creams x

Hi all
Just to let you know we,ve settled into our little house after an overnight ferry and then drive this morning.. Weather iffy but should improve hopefully. Lovely to be on a bit of an adventure - wish you could all share.
HVDY- sorry about the sciatica it’s a b- er isn’t it. Wise to miss out Aqua. Jaffa is getting his nails done like his Mum. My DD has a lady come to her house to do her 2 cats claws as one is very scared of the vet so only goes if he has to.
SweetPeaSue- so sorry you weren’t able to get that appointment. I hope having DGS brightened your day though and that you enjoyed the BBQ.
Doodle- Thank you - so far so good . I hope you can get to Church tomorrow and see your friends. Take carexx
Wyllow- glad that at last you are emerging from starvation mode. It is good that you are aware of the down side to getting too up too quickly so can stay in control. To hear you realise what we have known all along that you are loved and deserve to be is wonderful. We all so want you to be happy again.

Sending love to all here and those we haven’t heard from lately.
Bless you allx

Wyllow It's done my heart good to hear the optimism in your posts .I understand that it's scary having bi- polar and you're afraid of your mood getting too high ( think that's what you mean) but don't be afraid of allowing yourself to ' feel' a little. That starving heart has waited so long.Im so glad you can listen to your music- as you say ,we've all got our own tastes and mine can change with my mood. Your cleaner breaking down and you being able to help will have helped you so much as well as your cleaner. Hope today has been OK for you too.
Scaredycat Have a wonderful time.Every holiday feels like an adventure doesn't it - new things and places. Yes my DGS always brightens us .
HVDY The rain has poured down here and I can just imagine you all sat underneath umbrellas with the ice- creams.Ice-creams always taste better outside they'd soon cheer things up. I did have a nice time with son and his wife ,telling me about their holiday to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. Can't believe it's a year since I was worrying about what to wear and the whole thing. We eat inside as it was rainy.
Doodle Hope your poor hands aren't hurting as much. It all must be so frustrating for you to do the everyday things that we take for granted ,and will take you twice as long. I just hope you are still seeing people and are able to get outside ( weather permitting!) Hope you can get to church tomorrow too.x

Myself and DH met my 2 sisters and their husband and partner ,over the moors for a meal. We haven't all been together for nearly a year so it was a lovely chatty time with laughing about old times ( and of course leaving out the sad ones). We sat for hrs and it was so nice. It does make me feel more afraid of loss as we see each other with health issues but that's life isn't it.
Absolutely shattered now but in a good way.

Thinking of those not in and wishing you all a peaceful night. Love and hugs to any who are finding it difficult to cope. Xx

Wonderful to read your uplifting post Wyllow.
Hands are doing ok but it’s typing that causes them to hurt. The movement makes them ache and I have to stop.
Been a mixed day today. Had a nice time at friends open garden dodging the showers but enjoying the company.
Few tears throughout her day as various things reminded me how much I’m missing DH.
Have a good weekend all hope the holiday goes well Scaredycat

I had to look up Thorsby Park HVDY. Very nice! But I am sorry about the weather you got. How are you sleeping these days, is DH still not using his breathing equipment?

Ah, glad you have made it in, Scaredycat. Is it a nice house? But hearing you say a lovely adventure after the anxiety is good indeed. Just fingers crossed for your weather it matters so very much.

If its really bad weather...think of pussy cats a waiting…..

Sweetpeasue thank you. Yes thats what I mean, as my judgement in the past when high has been impaired (but not to the point of psychosis, which of course my Ex had) I’m glad you got to see son and wife and had a catch up.

It sounded a truly good time to sit for hours and be positive. Yes, that may have a reaction when the bits you missed out talking to family hit you. ...As you know that happens to me but..we mustn’t let it stop the good bits, somehow...probaby you will be also shattered tomorrow.

Thank you Doodle. Ah, there are so many triggers, aren't there? Some predictable, some, apparently small things that hit hard. Hugs to you. Hope you can manage church tomorrow.

I had an over busy day with a major challenge in terms of computer stuff and the bloke not turning up, and needed to stop them putting me off more by insisting in the right kind of way - pushed for a phone call instead which sorted it instead of a call. Ant there was me getting up early to get milk but in fact also bought a new range of foods as discovered in terms of IBS I had been eating ALL the wrong stuff.

So done too much but it’s wonderful to be a-doing, just still need to keep a close eye on myself. Family and music more in heart. Still aware of potential for a crash and will now need support on that! Fortunately I’m seeing the psychologist on Tuesday and have been keeping a diary.

WhatSapps - family saying we want to meet up, me saying max is 4 hours atm, (they are 3 hours drive away you see)but `I want to see them as soon as I get a bit more confidence and a bit more stable.

Tonights song Leonard Cohen healing:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUB1O2cT2gM

night night to all BD's in or reading.

ScaredyCat Glad you got there alright. Hope the weather brightens up for you. It's a holiday, even if the weather's not so good. Enjoy it as much as you can.

SweetpeaSue We laughed at Little Girl splashing about in the puddles on the picnic blanket! It teemed down. I remember how worried you were about what to wear for the wedding. That year has flown by. Seeing your sisters and their men must have been very nice. Did you eat at a pub? Do all the men get on well? I try not to think to much about the future, because, like you, I worry. There's no point, really - what will be, will be.

Doodle I'm pleased you had the company of a friend. Has she got a big garden? At least the plants don't need watering!

Wyllow3 What music have you listened to today? I've had The Who, Pulp and Rod Stewart .

Off to bed, hope everyone sleeps well x

lots of Baroque song and bits and bobs of a lot of classical and pop - Sara Bareilles - marsh family -vv eclectic HVDY I like the bands you mention too. (I played the cello as a Child/teenager so got some classical stuff in there)

Doodle There must be so very many things that remind you of DH ,Doodle. So sorry for the sadness and tears.
Glad you weren't alone though. The showers are everywhere just now but good you were out with friends.
* Wyllow* It's just so good to see your posts with so much positivity. You are aware of the possible consequences of getting too high , I think that's a bonus. I'm so glad you're thinking of meeting up with family again - shame it's a long drive. Only do what you can . Don't rush it - they'll just be happy with Wattsapps and you reaching out . I'm just so very happy you are beginning to feel better.
HVDY Yes, the year has flown by- the saying This too will pass is just so very true. Aw, Littlegirl and the puddles!
Yes, the.men do actually get on well though so sad to see my BIL 's health and agility failing- it really makes me sad as I write.Yes. it was a very old pub on the moors where we met and ate. It really is best not to look too far ahead.

Well, son has asked us to dinner at his tomorrow, with other MIL. Here I am in the early hrs and I'm so tired but my mind works overtime when I see family too and I just need everyone to be happy.
Love to all.

Wyllow3 You seem to like a variety. Great that you could play an instrument. Did you learn the cello at school or privately?

SweetpeaSue I hope you enjoyed the dinner at your son's. It's always good when someone else cooks (DH does most of our meals now). It's nice when you all get on well, too.

Had a lazy day - wrapped lots of presents as it's my friend's on the same day as GD1, so I've bought several things for each of them. Hard to believe LG will be 2 at the end of this month. Hope ALL BDers have been ok today x

Evening all. Been to church a then went to hospice with our sons. Nice to chat to them both. Hospital tomorrow re check on broken wrist.
Wyllow fingers crossed for you doing a bit better. Hope your Dh gets appointment tomorrow Sweetpeasue
Scaredycat have a lovely time.
HVDY. How children love puddles.

HVDY Dinner at son'' was really delicious and was one of my favourites- roast chicken, lots of veg roast pots, mash and yorkshire Pud. I had 2 small roasties, veg and 1 Yorkshire but dinner was delayed ao I'd had nothing but half n apple till dinner at 3. Now my gut seems to be churning- no reason but it does that. It's taken time and a bit more meeting up but I think we're all very much at ease now and that's good. Hardly believe Littlegirl is nearly 2.How fast time goes when we're older.
Doodle Glad you managed church this morning and was able to visit the hospice with your sons. I hope it still helps and your sons too. Crossed fingers your wrist check proves things are healing well. Thankyou for best wishes for DHs appt.
Wyllow I started learning the violin at school and was able to take one home for practice( much to my parent's delight!) I didn't continue the lessons , though the teacher wanted me too . It's strange ,and I can't explain, but the sound and vibration of the notes and strings even when tuneful, seemed to go right through my body and the emotion felt too much. Not sure if you know what I mean. You must have been really good as the schools didn't really give out a Cello unless someone was. Do you ever wish you kept it up? Hope your day has been good .
Scaredycat Hope you're having a lovely holiday , you deserve it.

Thinking of those not in and hoping you're all OK and the weekend has been nice. Peaceful night to all.

My goodness and other day of changes, no wonder I’m drifting just trying to catch up on myself and protect myself from “too high. I mean, I’watching a BBC 4 classical concert instead of desperately searching for distraction.

This morning I attended the local Quaker Centra Meeting for worship by Zoom, which meant I could dip in and dip out, and I did find that place of peace in my heart at times.

I’ve also bravely taken bull by horn and emailed my Ex’s brother to try and find out whats happening in the family - I was fond of hs mum and her of me, I don.t know if she is still alive.
I did ask him if he had any news of EX but dont know if he will reply. I apologised for the difficulties I made during that year (as I did, not being steady myself) - looking for a bit of closure and also hoping my Ex is well enough - or not

More bits like that, contact with family WhatSapps kept up.

Released that my vaping which I got very addicted to in vv bad times has made my lower lip start to to collapse, just caught in time.

Above all I need to reduce my meds. I’m sending a long screed to my psychologist tonight so she can hopefully skim read it for Tuesday morning.

The cello was free at school, HVDY - the local authority paid back then.I dropped it when I went to uni - just couldnt do everything and I also simply wasn’t good enough after meeting better payers. But that, plus my Dad’s love of classical music and O level music was enough for it to be always in my world except when I “lose” it.

I’m glad to hear you had a lazy day, you do so much HVDY Nice to anticipate the pressies being unwrapped with pleasure. surely LittleGirl cant be 2!!! It seem soo time since you were trying to support your son when there were difficulties with DiL - all, btw, to your credit.
I may have bits and bobs of qualifications coming out of my ear, but you have done something I never could be the supportive heart of a family and what maters most?

It is sad Sweetpeasue to see BiL - you are right - live for the day as much as possible. You are also right that needing to see our children happy - thank goodness I also have that, they are stars, both DS and DiL.
Now I’m crossing fingers and toes for your tomorrow and trying to get that appointment sorted.

I do know what you mean about the music and feelings, because I too resisted the feelings that owning my hear to the music would have done. I was on my guard too , as you describe.

Doodle, as ever, you re always in my thoughts - so much - your loss and your injuries. Lots of hugs.

todays ear worm

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXcttZVhf0s

Wow Wyllow I’m impressed. Well done you.

EllieAnne its a sort of process and not sure what started it off. Series of better small things half completely accidental and then a flip.bIt could happen to you if for example you met someone who "understood"....
please struggle to stay open to the possibility of hope hug, is all I ask x

Please let us know how you are doing, Ellie Anne? x