BLACK DOG 25

Wyllow Your first post that explains some really sad losses in your life of Dad and also later on your sister must have had a big impact on you ,plus ,not, least, your poor mum and how she was overly protected from her own mum( hope that's what you meant) . It must have been very confusing for you and been very hard to understand all these losses.
You lost your dad the same age I lost mine.
I hadn't realised your doc sis was one of twins. She must be a major steadying influence on you and a warm and caring person.
What terrible timing, nurses and gardener and quite a predicament! Note was such a good idea and so glad you're sorted bowel wise.

I always see different views from all directions so my thoughts are always tumbling over each other ,especially at night.
Take care of yourself Wyllow - it sounds a difficult time , trying to ground yourself when coming out of such a low place. Do remember to eat and nourish yourself. I know you usually eat very well and healthily.
EllieAnne Your garden looks really lovely and so tidy. Thankyou for sending photo . The one of the sea on your walk is beautiful- the sea looks so blue . I guess you've seen that in many different weathers. Nice to see you in. Take care.

That made me laugh Ellie Anne..shhh....as I have gardening help too, as it got in such as mess whilst v ill so good for you for getting a gardener, thats quite something. Yes it was necessary but it took courage to ask for help. I'm getting better at it...its asking the right people for the right things...

Ah, Sweetpeasue, you do understand a lot, thank you.

I eat very very healthily, when I do eat, MY food is all low FODMAP as far as possible, rarely eat sugar, but heck, we all need choc ow and then...in moderation ....it does hyper me and I have to avoid that.

but no one, no one, will stop me having my 2 large lattes in the morning, a filling mild pick me up when I'm dozy. Tomorrow is an early morning cleaner, I've asked her if we can rearrange a later time.

Bless, she burst out with some problems last week, v serious, so handle with care - not swamp me.

so much thinking to do to stay well, eh? but worth it.

Wyllow I started having a gardener when I broke my hip and couldn’t do it. Dh makes a mess of cutting the grass and won’t do the edges. I only have the grass cut every 2 weeks in spring and summer and do the rest myself though It is getting harder.

Ah, no wonder you needed a gardener. But the effect of a nice garden, neat, its calming and worth it - felt that too with my gardener. Especially when the gardeners labourer took a whole morning on patio and driveway weeds growing in all the cracks.

I've had a terribly busy start - the cleaner has made all hunky dory, washing out, etc, and we have nice chats helping each other, but its very full on.

GP rung back promptly as requested (now they have me off to a T, ie mental health gets in the way of physical health, and these days the doctors in my practice do take this on board) Plans made going ahead for caring for tum stuff and I made sure she wrote down everything relevant so its in the notes. Phew.

Glad to be able to stop having to think on things, its exhausting, my head, but getting there.

Oh - and told GP my difficulty eating, I get that way in a high, so we have to do weight checks, and I have to try to make my posh scales work or order new ones from Amazon.

ScaredyCat What a lovely place it looks. Peaceful and scenic.

EllieAnne Your garden is beautiful.

Wyllow3 What a lot of loss and sadness you had, at a young age. My word, you've been very busy lately. Glad the jobs are all getting down - electrics, garden, house. Has the enema worked?

How is everyone today? Day centre was Hunter's chicken (I don't like) with salad. Strawberries and ice cream afterwards. We had a lovely time at Son1's yesterday - buffet, some friends of GD1 were there, plus her younger sister, of course. Son2 and Little Girl, too.

Hope everyone's ok x

I hope you liked the salad, HVDY? Aw, what a lovely time yesterday - you really are tops at gathering your extended broods together.

The enema worked, but of course it didnt take long for me to realise that my underlying condition remains the same to manage. Long conversations with DocSis last night and the doc today results - managing the condition.

Until my reduction of diazepam really kicks in - this is tough but now essential - to reduce at safe speed - and suitable exercise and relaxations mean my autonomic nervous system (thats the inner muscles that you cant control, they work on their own, make you digest) ie all digestive and anal functions have a chance to repair:

which is possible I know, but hard, from being a yoga teacher: and the improvements that can be made on that system through the breath, visualisations, targeted exercise, self massage.

Until then, its using movicol and enemas as needed. I have asked for a small number of enemas to be prescribed for as and when, the dic wasn't sure so is getting back to me later today.

I told her I was the sort of person that would only use them if essential, but needed the reassurance they were there.

(lecture over )

Today's top news was that, browsing through Quaker emails I hadn't checked, I found there is a closed chat room on Facebook !!!!! I have applied to be let in.

Looking forward to hearing from other BD's when you can pop in.

I posted earlier but find it's not here now- strange. Thought might have posted on different thread by mistake-but no.

EllieAnne Your garden looks so neat and tidy , you do so well. Glad you have some help from the gardener though, you do enough yourself. I mistakenly sowed annual Cottage Garden seeds in front of Sweetpeas , thinking they'd not be so tall- big mistake - they are crowding out my Sweetpeas but Sweetpeas still going , crossed fingers.
Hope you've managed to have a reasonable day. Your photos are lovely. Amazing sea view there.
Wyllow You have had a v busy day with cleaner coming so early . You are great at talking to the medical professionals and getting things done. No wonder your head is bursting. Good thing you are getting the bowel problems looked at now and that's taking more precedence. I didn't know yoga could have such an important part to play in digestive system ect , interesting. Although my bowels never been the same since botched procedure, they're certainly nothing as bad as they were ,when I had to go to A&E. Perhaps things do heal themselves with time too.

Great about Quakers closed chat room. So many avenues opening for you- it's wonderful and so exciting to hear your positivity. You've come a long way and suddenly turned a corner!
HVDY Don't like Hunter's Chicken either. The strawberries n ice- cream would go down a treat though.
It's been really hot here- 27 degrees. It's overcast now but still extremely warm.
How has your DH been , hope the bladder issues have settled.
Scaredycat Not sure if you're home yet but take care of yourself and get some rest. Just remembered ,you asked about Fluffball. We have her Thursdays n Fridays while son's away working so should be next week.
Doodle Hope you've been OK today. Sending love.

Didn't know that air-fryers get v hot underneath so bought another heat protective board for kitchen top at The Range- there's a fascinating store- they have just about everything.
Just lazed about in the garden this aft reading.

Hope all BDs here and not in have had a reasonable day.x

Wyllow Hope I didn't sound as if I had same problem bowel- wise , I know you have much going on there. Just meant my own problems have got a lot better with time. I really think the bowel adhesion that was removed ( and caused by infection brought about by botched op) has helped a lot.

Hi all

Today is our last day so after a long paddle and coffee by the Sea we have got most of the packing done. It’s so warm as well.
Had a bit of wine shopping and a few goodies but the new rules about what you can take into UK are a bit prohibitive. No cheese!!!!
Anyway it’s been lovely having you all here with me and will be back after the weekend.
EllieAnne- lovely garden so neat and colourful. I,m envious of your lovely walks that you are able to do- such beautiful scenery. Thanks for the photo.
SweetPeaSue- hope the weekend is a good one for you both- maybe seeing Auntie?
HVDY- glad the buffet went off well. I love to hear of your family gatherings. There are 2 of the fattest cats next door here but not friendly at all. Still nice though.
Wyllow- it really was all systems go yesterday and a good result too!! I,m like you I like knowing there is something I can take if really needed- hope you get a few enemas for peace of mind.
By the way there is a gadget that DH got to remove the weeds in cracks - it’s brilliant and all you do is push it around like a little mower but it does the job really well. He says every time he uses it in the front of the house he could sell a couple as people stop and ask him about it!! Have a good weekend Wyllow- get some rest and eat well.
Love to allxxxx

Wyllow3 Yes, the salad was ok. My sons are quite different, so they tolerate each other. The GGDs love seeing Little Girl - and she loves the dog (Husky/Collie, very good-natured) and looking at the rats. Glad you got good advice from your sister about managing your tum. Quaker FB group is another opening for you.

SweetpeaSue DH has been ok today, thanks for asking. How's yours? It's been very warm here and humid. I hate it.

ScaredyCat Glad you got some nice things to bring back. I'm feeding a neighbour's cat for a week. She's an old girl and quite small. She's very friendly, though.

Hope everyone's managing ok in this heat. I got round to sorting out some dresses that I don't wear - some of them have never been worn - and posted them on Vinted. Sold 2 today. Love to all x

Scaredycat I think it always feels a bit sad to leave when holiday comes to an end but you will be glad to come back for the family celebration at home. It always seems when.packing to come back that it's not long since packing to go! That weed mower thing sounds good. My aunt has a huge paved yard at front of house and the grass n weeds are growing fast- she could probably do with one. Yes well be taking aunt out tomorrow. Will pick Sweetpeas for her as she loves them.
HVDY My own sons have very different natures too. Oh its been really warm here- we have electric fan on in living room( pedestal one that we replaced the ' gagged dalek' with) DH hates the heat and can't sit out in it much. He's no different unfortunately and still has 51/54 bpm. I made him cross last night for saying he should have gone to A&E when he had ECG and nurse wanted him to and he doesn't have to wait for 3rd July appt. Nurse gave him print out of ECG and said to take it and he's still go that. I guess he'll go if things got worse.
Oh you've another cat to look after - your neighbours know who to go to and trust you as you're a good carer.

I’m having fun atm planning via WhatsApp for the family to come down for a weekend, sometime in the first half of August, and of course they are staying elsewhere as my house is 2 bedrooms and there are 4 children….(something of a relief, it would be too full on anyway)

I needed a snooze badly this afternoon but couldn't settle - What helped me snooze is that I returned to a guided mediation I've had for ages..worked a treat.

There are so many on U tube that I’d like the recommend this one. Dont be put off by the “yogic” picture or the name - its a superb “working gently through relaxing the body then the mind” He has a slight Californian accent, which was the only think I didnt like. I recommend finding a quiet time and just sitting and listening to hear the process he takes you through, and if it works then get to know it. See the pic for details.

It could help youSweetpeasue , you never know, give it a try.

Yes the Quakers are potentially good, I’ll have to see if they chat about things that matter like spiritual journeys and trials and trips, or if it’s just announced events.
Lazing about in the garden - just what the doc ordered…
No, I didnt think you implied you had the same bowel stuff. I hope it goes well with your aunt.
It was heartening to hear you write of improvements in your health, because when we both first posted it was appalling. Small steps.

I’m sorry that DH is no better. I think probably you need to go with his flow as it were but keep a little bag packed in case you need to go with him to A and E., he might accept this as a compromise.

Aw, the last day, Scaredycat. It has been a really good one with this weather.
I’ll see you back after you get home, safe travels.

I’ve taken note of what you said about weeds in cracks, with a proper tool I would have a go in bits myself, I think. Love back.

Although you buy a lot of clothes, HVDY, you are very good about re selling on. Good system. I’m glad your sons, though very different, find ways to get along. Today was not quite as hot as yesterday. I’ve just bought on Amazon another nice loose cotton blouse, plain coloured - it’s a wear all the time loose but no need for sun oil in hot weather.

Thinking warmly of absent BD’s.

I’m liking these warm late evenings. A lovely time of year - dusk at 10pm!

correct above -trials and trips, not trips.

Sorry all. Hand pain. Thinking of you xx

And, as ever, of you, Doodle I'm so very sorry that the pain continues. xxx

Something very different

Have you heard Daniels Jojk - a Sami song (the tribe from the far north of Scandinavia - a partuclar style that echoes across the snow:
It is a grief song for a dear friend, listen as it builds to a crescendo.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCL9FiAuezk

On reflection overnight I realised it wasn't a great song for those here suffering loss, although its positive and poignant, do forgive if needed. I was rather high last night and didn't think.

Another bright warm day, some washing is out.

Oh dear, no one in, was it me....

I have had a long pampering shower and must pop to shops, short list of "urgents"

Not at all Wyllow I’m here.
Going to meet lady from church for a coffee. Made the mistake of over sharing and I know she’s going to quiz me though I have asked her to forget about it. She’s got a counselling qualification but I can’t face being quizzed. Oh well too late to cancel

Oh what a relief Ellie Anne

Try and keep it light is my strong advice. You could just venture to say, "it was good taking to you but I realised maybe I said too much about myself"- but do not then get drawn in. Safety net on first.

I'm listening to all your music Wyllow3.
Thank you.
Not posting everyone. Life is a bit of a trial recently. Now have some virus. Can't read all the posts, eyes strain so easily. But eye tests ok.
Know that I am thinking of you all. And wishing and praying for good days for everyone.
Lovexx