BLACK DOG 26

Wyllow3 It's been great weather for sitting in the sun. Hope you had something nice at the cafe and got back home ok. I don't know about having a rich life - I've been idle today. Just spent 2 hours yapping on the 'phone with a friend 9she rang me and talks more than I do). I'll always try to support the GDs. Just wish GD2 lived with her dad instead of her mum.

DH making dinner - Goan curry. Back later x

Ah, dear Sweetpeasue, so glad you have an appointment lined up.

You are listening to your body, not fighting it - its a hard road to tread, but the best one, no forcing to do this or that because you "should" except of course in emergency matters.

Well I walked the slightly long was so's to get past the shops, and seeing the new bike shop there thought" I'll sort my new bike handlebar extension issues, and he agreed to come round after 4pm to look at my bike and see if he wants the old one. He doesnt, but has got the specs for my upgrade.

Now, this is debatable - I didn't need to do it today, I could have put it off, but the result is tiredness and "big job done" not frazzled. time for music et al in bed.

The weather is in that funny state where all is silent and still, but being to the East of the Pennines, it will probably have dropped somewhere else than my garden.

Back later.

Hi all
Sorry I,ve been absent but my DD and SiL have only just gone today and we crammed as much as we could into our days together. DH and I now have empty nest syndrome!!!!
Wyllow- lovely to see you all happy and smiley on your new bike.
Won’t be long before your family visit - glad you’re planning a return visit and will find a quiet space to do so.
How restricting life was with your Ex- now you are free and can just consider how you want to love and where. Your conversations with your Sis seem more natural now- what a lovely gift you have in her and her family.
Yes you have been very active lately. You have time now to sometimes take it easy and just enjoy “being “. Please be careful of being drawn into any upsetting situations. Very sensible to have the manager there with you when you deliver the letter.
SweetPeaSue- you are so kind that in the midst of all your worries you think of a little child who is suffering. Teddy is sweet.
M and S meals are great and such a good idea for you to cut down on work when you’re tired. St Michael is my sous chef!!
Hope today you have been able to have a good chat with the psychologist. It will also help your DH to know you have someone you can open up to and help your overworked mind.
Doodle- you have done so well this past year after all the sadness and trauma of the previous year. Your DH will be with you forever - in your boys,your grandchildren , videos and photos but of course it’s his physical presence you are mourning the most. You are a wonderful example of the bravery of keeping on in grief.
Hope tonight’s dinner with your Son and his family brings you joy. Hope also that Church was enjoyable and some friendly chats with coffee followed the service. Today we went to a shrine that when I was at school we used to go on pilgrimage to- a candle was lit for all.
EllieAnne- Happy Birthday. If I could give you a present it would be a big box of Self Worth. You have so many good qualities and are a loyal and generous friend. Don’t let people treat you unkindly - it’s no sin to give yourself some love too.
Safe drive home and hope the SweetPeas are waiting for you.
HVDY- What a lovely photo- you have the most beautiful skin and hair.
That poor little cat. It’s criminal how some people treat animals. It’s kittens having kittens .
I,m another Tinnitus 24/7 since 1992 when we lost my Mum. I,ve got to say my hearing aids don’t help at all.😩
Jaffa is a case isn’t he- bit of a dreamies addict.
Glad you had a good Aqua Aerobics session- does it help you to exercise in water?
Nadateturbe- good to hear you,ve been out. I do understand very well the need to push yourself. But a good sleep would make all the difference for you wouldn’t it. But you do as much as you can when you can- I admire you so much.
Candy6- Hope you’re OK .
Love to all mentioned and not. May you have peaceful times

Wyllow- I meant how to LIVE. not love. Doh!

I was just rather concerned Scaredycat as you'd had that hospital appointment so glad the pain is the very natural missing them when they've gone. What sort of things did you do? See?
Yes you are right I'm both excited and will be nervous by seeing family till we work out a comfy way to all be together or separate. Remember the complex bit is that L the disabled one has often got to be catered for separately so a wee bit of complexity there.
Usually L is with DS as he can still physically assist her and it gives me a chance to be "1 2 1" with him.

You say,
*Ellie Anne*- Happy Birthday. If I could give you a present it would be a big box of Self Worth. You have so many good qualities and are a loyal and generous friend. Don’t let people treat you unkindly - it’s no sin to give yourself some love too"

Spot on..

Re Tinnitus and hearing aids, and people saying they might help, I assume it's that some, including me, find better hearing takes my mind away from it, not a physical effect.

It was triggered by a major stressful event too, it must be very much the way, unless its those who have gone to noisy concerts.

I also wonder how Candy and others posting are getting on: .

I've been wanting to say awhile:

Its the choice of a small group of us to "hang about together" on this thread

Its fine to come in and share once or twice or awhile, then go, please dont be put off by what can be a small intense group

we mean what we say in the O/P.

I had a nice sleep, good, it means I made good choices today.

.

Scaredycat I feel the same when son1 and his family visit then have to go back ,though I'm not as bad as I used to be. Just glad you've had such a.nice time .
Oh dear , I'm afraid I'm not the one to accept any credit for being charitable -- the wonderful man that has made countless trips in a lorry to Ukraine since the war, full of hundreds boxes of aid for children's hospitals ect - he's amazing and works tirelessly with some admin helpers. Ordinary people doing extraordinary things. Sorry about the tinnitus - you have a lot to put up with.
Wyllow Glad , after all that your day has been good . Take care.
Doodle Thinking of you and hoping you're ok.

Sweetpeasue glad you’ve got an appointment.
Ellie Anne yes I know exactly what you mean by needing more Martha’s than Mary’s. Good your own church is more helpful. Hope you managed to enjoy a bit of your birthday.
HVDY so good your granddaughters have you to come to and who show them love and care. Poor cat. I bet it’s upsetting for your DGD having dead kittens.
Scaredycat how lovely you had such a good time with your DD and SIL. Thank you for your kind words.
Forgive me all for not writing more but I’ve just got home and am feeling very full. Nice evening but I need to rest now. Take care all

And take care yourself, Doodle.

Sweetpeasue - just read your post. Can you see how you put down what you actually can and do do, by comparing yourself with someone who is able to do more? What matters is what you do +++ not what you dont xxxxx

SweetpeaSue Glad you've got an appointment soon. Hope it will help for you to talk about the things that are bothering you.

ScaredyCat Thank you. My skin is smooth but I always wear make-up because of the severe redness of Rosacea. The Dermatologist said make-up protects the face from the elements. Aqua aerobics is good and quite active (the exercises are to a video thing in a big screen). I'm glad you had enjoyed time with your daughter and her husband. You make the mist of your days and do a lot of things. I keep trying to explain to my husband that we really ought to be doing things and going to places whilst we can.

Wyllow3 I had my hearing tested a couple of years ago and it was fine - normal for my age. My Tinnitus began when I had a car crash. Son1 has it, caused by a noisy rock concert when he was about 20.

Doodle Cats can come into season only 1 or 2 weeks after giving birth, so I hope the mum of GDs will do the right thing and get her speyed, but I'll be surprised if she does. Glad you had a nice evening and were well-fed.

Going to bed soon. Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

ScaredyCat Most, not mist!

Ah, you have Rosacea, HVDY. I'd wear a foundation and a bit of lippy with that. (and dye my eyelashes - inexpensive, going to have them done soon - unless your skin is too sensitive for that.

There always is a trigger for the onset of Tinnitus but after that, everyone is different. ime the best way of minimising is is to relax especially the jaw and not get stressed up (!).

also the build up of ear wax generally makes it worse.

As mine is a low constant hiss, with ringing if I get stressed up) it means that I can generally put it aside and can enjoy an utterly silent day - (I didnt plan it that way, I just sort of did it.)

My hearing has been bad for about 8 years, but when it all kicked off with Ex and then when I was ill I didn't nothing about it so am picking up where I left off. The alterations in hearing especially higher frequencies is common as we age.

Over all I often cant hear people in Quaker meeting unless they speak up and similar situations.

Wyllow3 I've had Rosacea for 36 years so understand it well. I had lots of different treatments, initially, including Roaccutane 3 times. I know what makes it worse. I use a green camouflage cream then a cream foundation, not liquid. My Tinnitus is a constant hissing in both ears, often with humming as well. I use subtitles on tv or I wouldn't be able to follow things. We each have ways of coping with our problems, don't we?

Up at 6.30, have put washing on the line and I'm going to the day centre later. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Yes, we do, HVDY. I have sadly met people who focus ON their tinnitus not OFF and the ENT people are a lot lot better now and offer talking therapy, relaxation etc so people can learn to cope if they take it up.

When I went for Help it was "we cant cure it, next patient please" but of course I quickly realised that wasn't true.

Guess what BD's - late last night I actually picked up my needle and thread and started on my pile of small but important small clothes alterations. meaning. Small Yay. 🙂

Bit if a heavy day however - quick visit out in the morning, then Window and gutter man cometh at 12.30 and needs supervision , he is cleaning, cleaning out, all UPVc as well as windows not cleaned for 2 years, and needs supervising.

Then Boots hearing care at 2.15. I'm tempted to put if off, but I'm fed up of hearing badly. and the next couple of days have friends booked in.

Hi all
Doodle- sounds like you had a good meal with your family.
It’s funny isn’t it how a good meal can make you feel tired- I,m the same.
I hope you were able to have a good sleep and have had something nice to do today.
HVDY- I too have a bit of rosacea on my cheeks and have some green Accurist cream to use on my nose as well because I had bad sun damage from skiing years ago. Your skin is so beautifully smooth - I have wrinkles on wrinkles😩
Yes you are right to say that to DH. Do things while you can it’s no good getting older and then wishing you had. But you do do a lot for your family .perhaps you could arrange a couple of things just for you and DH.
SweetPeaSue- of course you must take credit for your kindness- without lovely people like you the man would have nothing to take to Ukraine.
Us ordinary people can do all sorts - you as well. Think how hard you fight for your DH.
Hope you,ve had a good day today.
Wyllow- we had such a nice time revisiting places from mine and DD childhoods. We went on a silly ride that I took her on when she was little. Saw seals,went on pier, beach trips coffee and cakes. Nothing exciting just oh so nostalgic. You will love being with your family- it’s the best feeling. It will all work out because you all love each other.
Busy day for you again but it,ll be good to know that the work is done. Just chill when you can and don’t forget to eat!!

Last day for us tomorrow then home on Saturday. It’s been so good to be here but we,ll be glad to get home too.
Love to all - absent friends and those who maybe just read.

Scaredycat I was so tired last night. Slept for an hour then woke and couldn’t go back to sleep. I’ve been cleaning in the church today and been out for a meal with friends tonight. Really sleepy now. Glad you’ve had a lovely time. Nice to get home though isn’t it.
Wyllow you are really doing so well. It’s so good to hear your news. I have tinnitus too. Sometimes it’s awful others I don’t think of it so much.
HVDY I don’t know much about cats but obviously that poor cat needs to be spayed soon. I don’t go out without make up. I’m so white I look ill. I use self tanning drops in some face cream to give me a bit of colour.
sweetpeasue hope your day hasn’t been to bad. I think about you and your DH. You are doing all you can to help him. Don’t ever forget that. Have a peaceful evening.

Scaredycat Your post, along with Doodle's brought tears. Just those few words mean such a lot to me. Oh how lovely to go on the ride with your DD that you took her on when small. That's so special. Seeing the seals ,pier ect ,very nostalgic. No wonder you felt the empty space when your DD left. Doesn't time go fast when you're away? Hope you have a good journey home.
Doodle I think you must sleep tonight after your busy day and previous sleepless night. I'm white too without makeup! Oh thankyou so much for the reassurance about trying to help my DH. I'd been thinking that it was much my doing - going to see the young GP because he only did F2F appts , which meant I could go too. Maybe, just maybe if he'd had telephone appts with a more experienced GP ...... I told DH of this yesterday but he said I shouldn't think like that . Sleep well.
HVDY Hope the day centre was good ( and the meal)
*Wyllow Hope the gutter man did a good job. Plus your hearing aid appt. I know my DH and myself don't hear the same either. We really appreciate the subtitles. I often say 'pardon' to son when he talks- bit of a standing joke.

Not a great day. Up early so we could each phone. Dh got through and asked for the GP that the nurse called in when he had BP took last week and she'd thought could be cardio. Went and asked to be referred to private Cardiologist. Then phoned secretary when home . Got NHS secretary and she said there was still a triage system for private. Said private secretary would ring back when she got back in office -- but didn't. We intended to go for a beach walk but stayed in as I wouldn't be able to talk on the beach.
Cried till my eyes were swollen. Everything is like walking through treacle. Stupid damned NHS system. GP said this morning it's so badly disconnected when she heard our story.

Then bit of a breakthrough , as I was browsing through private Cardiologists. Came across one in Harrogate . Never thought of Harrogate. Also a Vascular surgeon who has appts end of August. Already have referral to Newcastle NHS one so that letter should do. Can't download it from DH NHS app . Will try getting appt tomorrow and then contacting GP again for copy.

Oh dear sorry for going on.

Well done Sweetpeasue . It’s a sad state of affairs but it’s what you have to do these days, keep pushing, hope you can get the appointments. They way your husbands treatment has been handled is awful. Hugs x

Doodle ❤️ Much love. I really don't know how you coped so well with all of your DHs many illnesses-- all with such a serious condition yourself that required the pacemaker-- I mean 30 odd bpm heart rate! You must have felt so terrible. God bless Doodle.x

Wyllow3 Hope the widow man did all those jobs ok. It poured with rain here for a couple of hours at teatime, so I hope you didn't get that too. No need for me to dye my lashes - I've got mascaras in 5 different colours. (blue, purple, green, black and brown)

ScaredyCat I've booked a Skills coach trip for a day at Stratford-Upon-Avon next Thurs, with a boat trip. We're spending a lot on the house this year, but we can have a few days out. Your holiday sounds wonderful- and seeing seals! Lovely.

Doodle Hope you sleep better tonight, and with the cleaning you did today, you're perhaps quite tired. Glad you saw friends for a meal.

SweetpeaSue The NHS has too many people using the system. Money is wasted, too. Going to Harrogate for private might be a good idea. I hope you get the letter ok.

Day centre was ok - shepherd's pie (I don't like lamb so had a chicken breast, with mash and veg. Sponge pudding and custard. A man from a falconry centre bought 2 owls. One was a tiny thing (Long Eared Owl), which flew all over the place (I'm afraid of things that flap), and a barn owl - I went before he got that one out! DH went to a friend's funeral. . Hope everyone has a restful night x

Scaredycat. This is little consolation when you cop a look in the mirror, but all the wrinkles are a testament to a life fully lived through great joy and pain, they are the stamps of all this.

You have not avoided experiences and kept a “smooth” face, unengaged with the world and those you’ve loved.

I loved your description of the seals, the pier, the coffee. Why, these count, in the end, more than Great Achievements.

Yes, I am looking forward to family, but must guard against getting too profound abut it. Keeping things light is best, if I can do it.

Yes, you’ll be glad to get home and look forward to the Great Cat Hunt.

Last night must have been pretty grim, Doodle. I think you are right, today’s physical exercise will help you sleep.
I think your tinnitus, iirc, is uneven and more troubling than my regular hiss and occasional ringing because can control the ringing.(and clicks).

Dear Sweetpeasue, your DH is right
Some day you’ll believe us all - you ar loved, and helpful, and work hard for others, and have earnt that spot in the sun you wish for so much.

Please, next time you have the chance for a beach walk, believe that not doing something for just one day wont make a real difference. I know this is hard as I struggle with it myself. Did I really HAVE to do x or y “right now”

I know where it’s coming from: it’s “if I don’t do it now, it wont ever happen”. When the reality is, have the thought to act, but write a note “to do” instead.

HVDY - the men did a really superb job, and costs very reasonable indeed. I’’ve just written a review and given 5 stars and words to match.

This means that the bay window roof can be done next Friday, all part of the mistress plan to get the house in better shape and feel better about it.

But I am not pacing myself well, I still start things off that have to be then finished once I’ve started it, when I could wait 2/3 dsayds even a week to start the processes off. g

I got a reply from my diary from the psychologist saying as much.
She also re advises great caution with Ex, but I believe I am doing well enough there, so far,.

Far more painful is my desire to see Ex’s mum before she dies.

The psychologist says I need to leave it - Ex’s mum is very old, it might upset her, but a little bit of me says, “I cannot let this relationship of 11 years pass totally unmarked. So trying with help to think up ways of coming to terms with it all without actually seeing her.

Wow, thats a fab mascara collection there, but how do you avoid smearing it? I guess it’s practice? I’m glad that, this year being a “house” summer, you are booking nice tings for the future. Ooo, a boat trip, nice, and what else? Mind you, you are good at more mundane treats, eating out, the day centre, and so on.

(Bit like me with my wee hotel break…definitely the gym and all the old and new natters there, Quakers now and new habit of going to the same Costa so as to get known there.)

I’ve been over busy again, but did have a sleep, so left myself time to watch a bit more of a favourite film, sew a little, before heading to bed.

I hope Doodle and others sleep well tonight, and this includes any “BD at heart”who read and follow bits of this thread xx

Hi all
Wyllow- I,ve got used to seeing an ‘old bird’ in the mirror but I,m slim and scrub up OK - I just need ironing!!!
You’re right keeping it light with your family is the way to go. Don’t make too much of the past awful years but live and laugh with them like you used to do. As for pacing yourself it’s hard when everything has come alive again you want to do 50 things at once. Hopefully as time goes on you will naturally slow down .
I think the psychologist is right to advise extreme caution with your Ex. Much damage was inflicted on you by him- please don’t get burnt again.. I agree about his Mum too and not getting involved. Could you perhaps send her some flowers with a little note but not go and see her.
Doodle- sometimes we get overtired - it sounds daft but it happens.Zonking out and then waking up after an hour or so .
Hopefully the Chirch housework and a nice meal with your friends did the trick last night.
Will have to pack in a minute . This morning we went to a NT place and then had a last look at the sea. It looked so lovely with the tide out- blue sky,turquoise sea and pale sand. I felt proud of my dear old county.
SweetPeaSue- driving home tomorrow- feel a bit sad but will be happy to be home.
I hope all that research and phone calls pay off for you and DH. It’s madness how difficult it has been for you both .
You do both need to,if physically possible , to get out in the air together and enjoy the sunshine. Once you,ve done all you can get out and have some nice times. You need some light on your lives - that spot in the sun Wyllow mentioned.
HVDY- Glad you,ve booked a trip. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant- just a change of scenery and experiences. It feels like a mini holiday.
My DH loves Shepherds pie- I,m with you and the chicken. Sponge pudding and custard though is right up our street.
I would have loved the falconry man and his Owls. They are one of my favourite creatures and I love flying them and being with them. DD has treated me to a couple of Falconry days - they’re so good.
Hope Jaffa is behaving himself- my GD 3 and her boyfriend are adopting a little rescue cat today- they are so excited. She is really good with cats.

Right must get packing😩 much love to all. Candy,Nadateturbe,
And all our friends regular and notxx

Wyllow3 Take it steady, you've been going at top speed recently, getting so many things done. It must be tempting to keep doing so much and going out a lot, after such a long time of not being up to things. I think you should be careful about getting in touch with your ex's mum. Could you text her or send a note asking how she is, instead? As for smudging my mascara . I've worn it for 50 years, so I've had a lot of practice. Luckily, the stroke didn't leave me weak.

Scaredycat Glad you've had a good holiday. It's always nice to get back to your own bed, I think. Aw, how lovely that your GD and her man are going to have a cat. Please let us see a photo, if/when possible. Jaffa is being good; he's been lounging in the garden today and sleeping under the trampoline.

Got my hair cut today, with the layers put in. Did some washing and ironing, but lazy apart from that. DH and I are going out this evening, to see SGD in a theatre production "Newsises", a musical about the newsboys strike of 1899 in New York. Hope ALL BDers are ok today. Back later x

HVDY Wow - 5 different mascara colours. You are sooo brave. Have a great time watching your SGD in the musical- sounds really interesting. I'd never heard of the news boys strike. Your DGD is so talented.
Scaredycat You've had such a lovely holiday - I could sense a little sadness at your packing things to return. Nothing like your own bed though. You can always go back . What a picture you had there of the lively seaside scene this morning. We do need some light in our lives -- planning on a gentle walk tomorrow.
Wyllow You are doing so much right now- you're feet aren't touching the ground. I feel like other BDs about seeing ex's mum . A letter and flowers seem good first, but I know you had a good relationship with her. It's all such a shame.
Thankyou for kind words . The medical appts tend to take over our lives and the * thinking * and preparing can leave us so tired.
EllieAnne Hope you're back now and your DH is now at your DDs. You'll be glad to relax at home.
Doodle Hope your day has been OK and you've had company. Can't remember your art day. How is your wrist coming along now?

Booked 1st appt at The Duchy hospital with Vascular surgeon-- on Monday! The next was end of the month. That meant trying to get referral letter to NHS surgeon in Newcastle printed out. No pdf on DHs app . Went to surgery and receptionist wanted us to fill a subject access form in and said it would take 2 weeks for us to get it! She said we could copy and paste but the letter was on his app with other stuff. Son helped by ( well he put it into DHs e-mail and DH printed it with our printer)
Getting nervous now but the referral letter is very good and we're happy with it. Distance is 1hr and three quarters so quite a drive to Harrogate.
DHs BP is not responding well to his medication and they're not able to stabilise it so hope that won't hamper any treatment. Thinking too far ahead now.

Hoping all BDs have had a decent day. Also thinking of * Nadateturbe* and hope you're feeling a little stronger for a while and can get out a bit.
Love to all and those not mentioned here but hoping things are better for you all.x