BLACK DOG 26

My choice for night music is Jakub Józef Orliński - Countertenor - singing so Baroque songs so beautifully like this one

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnQOHOozGFY&list=RDVnQOHOozGFY&start_radio=1

(nice bit of eye candy, too)

No I am trying to start my Great Sewing Plan, but 3 essential distractions got in the way.

Note to self -
have breakfast
proceed to sewing room.

Can I manage this...

Will be back later.
Came home yesterday. Had such pain in right side ,low down. Bad last night so took all painkillers. Eventually eased and slept and slept - up late this morning.
So low.
Hope everyone has a decent day.

Oh, you poor love, Sweetpeasue. Now take good care of yourself, pamper, take the meds. Yes, DH is poorly, but you need to "Care for the carer" and I'm glad you intend to do that today xx

Bless you Wyllow. Thanks so much.x

Swampy Welcome. Hope your low mood has lifted a little by now. It's good to hear you have some great neighbours who you can share with and go for a coffee with- it really can make all the difference if you have someone to share with. I found BD has helped me a lot that way. Of course the GC can be a real tonic too.
Nadateturbe I must 'come clean' - the boat I steered wasn't exactly a speedboat though it was electric. I believe the fastest it travelled was 8mile an hr!😂 Mind the afterswell of large ferries and speedboat sent us rocking quite dramatically. Hope your son can get you some Plumbread.
Wyllow Well done on all those hrs of gardening. I bet the garden is looking quite transformed. Tarn How's now has a NT car park at the top so only yds to walk down to Tarn. Torn of course about the easier accessibility- easier for people like us and others not so fit makes it less quiet - though there's lots of places to sit around on your own. Interested about this sewing project of yours.
HVDY How amazing to feed deer by hand like that. The one we saw was just over the fence of the garden ,so about 80 yds( though terrible at guessing distance). Makes it extra special when they don't know they're being watched. DH also saw a Badger in the corner of garden. It ate peanut butter sandwiches that we put out the next night. Hope you're having a good day.

Back later.

Yes, I was so chuffed with myself on the gardening, and was going to sew, and got all ready...

but something was wrong so I did this and that, (all worthwhile, and needfuland

BUT

its dawned on me as I got into bed with my lap top for music, I had a good cry, at last...and ended up finding this (amongst others)

Sweetpeasue (and I know some other BD's) it might help.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVJAm3nrXJ4

“Come Healing” by Leonard Cohen, best cover I’ve seen, and made made during Covid which adds to it all, hope and in sureness there is "repair" ...

I intend to stay here until its all "felt through" - obviously a good cry over Ex, and a desire to heal it that now not only seems worth a try, but has the backing of all who care....a spiritual thread runs through but I don't think you need to be "religious"

(I will get out and grab some food treats before retreating again and see what happens next)

I like days where you can "make it up as you go along"

Candy Yes, it's always nice to get back to the comfort of own home and bed. I'm another of the back n fore to the loo during night. It so disrupts sleep doesn't it. 'Majestic' is a spot on description of a deer I think. Wild deer can be difficult to spot as they're so very quiet and blend into the background. Hope you're having a nice day.

HVDY Do hope your brother was better company than usual and the fayre thing was good. Also that your DBs wife was in fair spirits and it was a decent visit.
Nadateturbe See you were up very early again- could you get back to sleep?
Wyllow Oh I'm sorry for all the sadness you're experiencing again. Perhaps it couldn't 'come out' before .Hope you're feeling a bit lighter now . The words to that song very uplifting and encouraging.
Scaredycat Have a lovely time on your break away.
* Doodle* Hope you've been OK today. X

Very quiet afternoon. Did some washing this morning, went out for a few food bits. Son 1 rang me- not heard from him in ages. Son2 texted - hope we're OK and could we look after Fluff tomorrow while they're out for day and back late.

Wishing all a peaceful night ( with as few bathroom visits as poss! ). x

HVDY I don’t really like shopping either but it’s a day out. Been to the hospice today. It’s peaceful there.
Wyllow it’s ok I know what you meant. I know you’ve had approval for meeting your ex by the MH team. I am still worried that he will say or do something that sets you back. Please, pleas be very careful. The balance between being ok and over the top is very small.

Sweetpeasue glad you’ve heard from both sons. Home safely but sorry for the pain you’ve had. I know you’re low but you went away. Well done.
Scaredycat hope you’re having a good weekend. Are you seeing any family..

How nice that today brought Fluff, and sons back to you, Sweetpeasue

Doodle, you are a sweetheart, and I'm so glad you went to your peaceful place today, and hope the sun was there for yo to quietly remember DH.

But as regards Ex, I can be a pretty tough cookie when I need to be. I dont show it here, not the right place, but I are than survived a 6 month stay on an inpatient ward and never failed to stick up for myself there which believe me I needful (except to the nurses, there power over us was sometimes difficult like when one nurse said "whats the like of you doing in here, but others were super).... and despite being teased for being "posh" I was generally respected and confided in.

I also had to stand up for myslef against Ex in some completely bizarre situations last year - like a visit to a crack dealers house - or Ex's belief he could help get the brother of the guy in the house off on a murder conviction -and much more.

I'm lucky needing just the one bathroom break, I realise.

today it warmed up later - was delighted to get rain over night for the garden - but really - I am just totally tired out after the last 9 days and its good to be able to just be in bed chatting away online, music, a film if I want, and WhatSapp on crocodiles and whatever else that pops up.

I dont mean, last year, but our last year together.

Doodle Thankyou. Though your own pain and heartache is so very much more. X
Wyllow You are indeed made of strong stuff. I worry about an upcoming meeting with your ex, evenso , though trust that you are in need of closure.
Sleep well.

Night night all BD's, reading, and posting xx
If you are troubled, may tomorrow be a better day.

SweetpeaSue Glad you heard from both sons, hope you had a nice day with Fluffball. How's the pain you were having? How lucky to have seen a badger. I've only ever seen a live one once - when I did community care, two used to visit a couple in the village I went to, and I saw it one night. They used to leave peanut butter sandwiches and peanuts. The fete and gala thing was ok, thanks. Brother was talkative (but very lonely and depressed), his wife doesn't speak unless she's spoken to, but at least she had some fresh air (I pushed her in a wheelchair)

Doodle Hospices are calm, relaxing places. Did you have your lunch there?

Wyllow3 You've had a very busy week or so. Hope you do things to relax today.

Hope everyone has a decent day x

HVDY Your SIL will benefit from the fresh air - it's so sad though. Good your brother was a bit more open though also a sad situation all round.
It's today we pick up Fluffball, at 2. Thanks, that particular pain I get from time to time and can pin point exact place. Not sure what it is but could be bowel adhesion growing back , not sure.
Hope you have a decent day too.

I slept late so must get myself together and try to get moving. My body is just all pain but I know what it is so I'll have to get used to it. Love to you all. X

Just saying hello. Sorry about your pain Sweetpeasue.
Hopefully chat tomorrow. Eyes strained. .
Hope everyone is OK.xx

Hello all
Nadaterturbe thank you for your kind words. You rest up today and hopefully your eye strain will be better tomorrow. Hugs xx
Wyllow wow 5 hours gardening! That’s good going. You must have a very big garden. Ours is quite small and DH does it as I’m not much of a gardener. Like others have said, please be careful about seeing your ex. You have come a long way and you need to protect that. I get that you’re a survivor but when we’re weak emotionally any disruption can take its toll. I remember when I was ill, I had a nasty confrontation with a car park attendant who was very aggressive. I gave as good as I got but later that night had a big panic attack which I’ve always put down to that. Years ago something like that would not have affected me. I know it’s not the same thing, but just be careful.
Scaredycat how nice your GD1 lives so close. She must be glad that “school’s out for summer”. Being a teacher can be challenging I’m sure.
Swampy your black outs must have been scary for you. Hope you get your BP stable. Mine is always on the low side and I do suffer the odd dizzy spell. I understand what you mean about AD’s. I was scared to take them but glad I did as they’ve made so much difference. Finding the right one is key I think. I have heard that St John’s Wart is a good natural alternative but I’ve never taken them myself so I don’t know. I like to keep busy too.
Doodle nice time browsing. I like doing that too but I am a shopper so I have to restrain myself from impulse buying.
HVDY Nice of you to go with your brother to see his wife. It must be difficult for him. Would he be up for “joining things”. Does he have any hobbies? I know previously you have said he can be difficult but not nice to see him low I expect.
Sweetpeasue I hope your pain eases and your painkillers work for you. Had a nice day yesterday thank you. DH and I took our dog for a long walk in the morning, just around our village. We’re semi-rural so it was nice being in the countryside. I did some housework in the afternoon- not my favourite thing but felt satisfied afterwards. Then we went to a local pub in the evening, had a few drinks and got a takeaway on the way back. All in all, a good day. Nice you heard from your 2 sons. Enjoy Fluffball as best you can today.

Thinking of Ellie Anne. Love to all xx

Hi all
Swampy- nice to have you with us. It’s so hard to deal with health issues when there are other things troubling you too.
It’s good to take all opportunities to see friends and do things that you enjoy.- hope being able to share here lifts your spirits.
Nada- sorry you were awake on another loo visit. You may as well enjoy your evening cuppa.
HVDY- yes we’re lucky like you to have family nearby. I love to be part of their lives.
Our GD1 does enjoy the children in her classes.
Glad you were able to go with your Brother to see his wife. At least being out in the fresh air was a change for her. It’s such a shame your brother is so insular - you have such a lovely family he could see if he was more willing to make the effort.
SweetPeaSue- glad you’re home safe. Sorry you,ve been in pain since getting back but I do hope you felt some benefit from what sounded like a lovely week.Have fun with Fluffball.
Doodle- glad you had a peaceful hospice visit. It soothes your soul doesn’t it. We have 2 weeks here so can relax and will see my SiL from my first marriage during that time. We have always been friends.
Candy- I,m a shopper too and now the internet is another temptation. Your Saturday sounded perfect - glad you enjoyed your day.
EllieAnne- hope the weekend isn’t being too difficult for you. Are you still going to your DD?
Wyllow- what a busy time you’re having right now. Lots of good and enjoyable things that a few weeks ago were unattainable. Quakers and the Gym too bring you much joy as well.
I must admit that I too feel worried about you contacting your Ex for the same reasons they mention. Please be careful- you have come so far all by yourself and your Ex sounds like he has mixed in very dubious circles . You owe him nothing - closure may come at a price. All everyone wants is for you to be safe and happy and able to see your family and friends in peace.
Nadateturbe- hope your eyes are more comfortable tomorrow.

Had a nice day in this little seaside town and a couple of other places nearby. Lovely beaches - good to see families enjoying the simple things just as we used to do.
Love to all mentioned - absent - or just readingx

wyllow you must do what’s right for you but please don’t let yourself be set back by contact with your ex. It’s lovely to have our old Wyllow back with us.
Scaredycat your holiday place sounds so lovely. Hope you have a nice relaxing time there. Be nice to meet up with your SIl. Hope the weather is good for you.
Candy your village sounds a nice place. Glad you enjoy your walks with your dog, a local pub sounds good too.
hVdY yes I love going to the hospice. Usually have a toasted tea cake as I prefer to eat my main meal in the evening.
Glad the fete went ok. Sorry your brother feels so lonely but from what I remember he won’t get out and socialise with others. Still hard for him though.
Sweetpeasue sorry you are in so much pain. It must make things so difficult for you. Glad you’re having a Fluffball day.
Nadateturbe nice of you to pop in to say hello.
Ellie anne thinking of you

Will probably go to dd on Friday.
Wyllow she lives near Bradford.

SweetpeaSue Sorry, got mixed up. Hope you had a nice day with that lovely dog today. Hope your pains have eased off. Can anything be done about those adhesions?

Candy My brother used to go to Men in Sheds, but it closed during the lockdowns and hasn't re-opened. He hasn't got any hobbies or friends, and refuses to think about joining anything - I found about 6 things local to him, gave him the details, websites, tel. nos., etc. He told me not to suggest anything else. A country walk with the dog, the village pub, and a takeaway all sound like an enjoyable day.

Nadaterturbe Hope your eyes feel better tomorrow.

ScaredyCat It must be so nice to be near the seaside. Was the weather good? It's been cool and grey here all day.

Doodle My brother is his own worst enemy. He's depressed so is alone but is alone because he won't join anything. It's difficult.

Hope everyone has been ok. I helped DH to clear a few things from the 2nd bedroom and move some furniture I dozed for an hour this afternoon. x

I've read all - I've had a busy and happy productive day, Sunday is my favourite, with quakers then a long slow yoga and weights and bike in the gym, and a superb charity shop snaffle.

Only snag as ever is, I thine tell myself "you've been too clever by half (thats Dad, yes he did keep saying it) or "It will all end in tears (which my mum didnt say).

but I talked (literally) myself out of it. "^Wyllow, thats just not true, being intelligent is a good thing not something to hide^" and
"^Yes you are good at X or Y, but nothing wrong with it!^"

That's not far away, *Ellie Anne, I have been to the wonderful Saltaire Village, have you?

I do have something to share with anyone here who has ME. After my session I got talking to a women, it started by realising we were both yoga teachers, and how we got into it, and she said it was becuase she had ME badly in her late 20's, was just offered drugs, and went on a journey of exploration to find what would help, and well clearly they worked - not that they would for everyone, but...

She found very gentle haha yoga, and reiki, and the right sort of gentle massage, and acupressure/ trigger point therapy/Shiatsu/relflexology.

I've done them all except Reiki and I have also had CFS myself when I put myself under great pressure (like throwing myself headlong into situations which wasn't as necessary as I thought it was at the time.

I too went to the ME/CFS people, it was an OT, they wouldnt take people with MH support on, but I did notice they offered Real Life or Zoom gentle yoga (the sort you can even do in bed)

Like this excellent 18 min video
www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUQkM5x1hEQ

HVDY, I do like an afternoon snooze (especially after heaving stuff around or similar) Sadly, there is very little you can do for your brother - take the horse to the water, cant make them drink x

Yes, I have my meal in the evening, Doodle. I don't understand people who do except if they have a very physically active job or obviously children need it. -a toasted teacake is a fave at the gym or anywhere else really with a coconut latte if possible. Be reassured - if Ex doesnt respond, I shall send a card tha says what I want to on it, and word it so that his reading of it "hears" what I want to say. (talked that over with sis tonight).

Oh Scaredycat "the sea, the sea"...I've decided I shall do my walking near rivers instead of ridge walks, super one at Chatsworth. I do listen to sea sounds.

Thats very perceptive Candy re getting more uptight than need be. I'm trying to keep an eye on what I say to everyone. Very hard work, but someone's got to do it ..🫢 🙂

Night night all - Psychologist tomorrow, just a follow up..buy week, but mixture of nice stuff (new bike) and stuff I resent (sky engineer has to come...

xx

Walked into an initially busy morning, as by accident, the locksmith only went and turned up unexpectedly at the same time as my Psychologist: I get I had to write my final draft on the Gaza thread, so in theory the day is clear to relax in, as my brain is functioning like a S n a i l.

so am lightening up but posting this, which could cheer us all up, and long story short, my disabled DGD will get the one with the fierce zip....