Black Dogs 27

HVDY- so pleased to have heard from you- was worried about you. Sometimes communicating in any way is really tiring. Rest and only do what you feel like doing. Make sure you re eating enough though . The boys send Jaffa their love😻😻

Wyllow- Glad you were able to have a decent sleep - it makes all the difference doesn’t it.The visit from the policeman seems as if it took some weight off your mind.
Yes at least one of my friends is progressing well- it,ll be lovely to see her early December
Wouldn’t it be nice too have a Christmas Day for all beliefs. The Christmas Story is so beautiful but there must be many other lovely tales too.
Have you chosen any presents for your GC? We really must start - thank goodness for Amazon!!
Have a good day.
Doodle- the Graduation for your GD must have been bittersweet. I,m sure her grandad was with you all. What does she want to do now? Hope you have something nice to do todayx
SweetPeaSue- hope Fluffball enjoys her sleepover. It will do you both good to have her with you.
Belated Happy Birthday for your DH and hope he enjoyed his visit from your Son and grandson.

Had a walk this morning - it was cold but just nice to be in the fresh air. Met a lady with a lovely black and white gteyhound and a matching whippet !, They were both rescues and so gentle. DH was at Gym with his friends.
Love to all and wonder a lot about those we haven’t heard from for some time.

Doodle Its lovely that you have made friends with various groups and in turn they've made friends with each other.
The graduation of your DGD was so special and Im sure your DH would have been so proud.
Scaredycat Its funny , though I dont know anyone with greyhounds or Whippets I've always thought they seemed quiet natured when we've passed them with Fluffball. Speaking of which, Fluff seems a little restless at present . I think shes nit sure of what's going on as shes oy been here once overnight. Thanks for bated birthday wishes for DH.
Wyllow How has your day been? What a great idea you have to start Christmas Day thread off for those who might be feeling alone or somehow left out'. I too hate all the trappings and hooha of the run up to Christmas, far too early.
Im not sure if we'll see that Cardiologist again and we're not too bothered tbh, he wasnt very interested on all 3 times we saw him.
EllieAnne* HVDY* Hope your day has been OK.
Nadateturbe Thinking of you and hoping you are coping with your disabling condition.

Great news that Vascular surgeon sent DH email to say he's already booked his stent procedure. Well hear next from York with appt ( between 4/6 weeks)
Cardiologist sent letter to DH and will go to GP. Seems he's not overly concerned with more action for DHs heart just yet and thinks its best to see how he feels after this Subclavian stent procedure. If DH continues with breathlessness/tightness after that he said GP should refer him to the University Teaching hospital Cardiology for an NHS appt and they will probably do an Angiogram.
Im hoping the Cardiologist will be right but neither of us felt v happy with him. I remarked, concerned that it looked like he'd had a busy day , yesterday and he just ignored me.
Fluffbally here and both had plenty of cuddles. She's just been shorn so she's extra soft.

Wishing all a peaceful night. x

Evening all
HVDY hope you’re resting and feeling a little better today.
Sweetpeasue at last some action. Good news from the vascular team. Hope the appointment is sooner rather than later, Good the cardiologist thinks your DH’s heart is ok.
Scaredycat our granddaughter has been asked to stay on at university to work as a research assistant which she has decided to accept so she will be staying at the university though not a student.
Been to art today and enjoyed it then went to the hospice this afternoon with friends.
You had a nice walk this morning. Nice to stop and chat to people.

Wyllow hope today has been a bit more relaxing and not so stressful. Have you heard anymore from the Quakers.?

Yes, Doodle some good news at last. Nice to hear you're still enjoying your art classes.

Looks like Fluffball is settling.

How cosy 💕

Evening all. I didnt have a good night last night as a Quaker (the one who despite her very best efforts has managed to mess things up quite a lot, she is now NOT the "pastoral person" for me I have discussed it with her why and she accepts - she texted me at 11.30 at night then switched her phone off - today she nearly did something quite crazy -

I've had 2 police calls today and know the path ahead now, and after I'd explained she only goes and says "oh I think MrA should know" (!?£^&£$@£$ !!!)

so I`'ve been occupied nearly all day with police, quakers, and sorting some tricky admin, but all the efforts with Quakers and a lot of assertiveness are paying off

- two of the Area Safeguarding people are coming Saturday afternoon "get to know me"and I took the opportunity to describe aspects of my depression in an email for them (sociality, not dressing, showering, eating, going out, other aspects of self care blah blah blah in the kind of detail that has let them know just how vulnerable I've been and all the normal things I still can't do. (-and how MrS knew many of them!)

and the kind of thing BD's we dont usually go round telling people about because its so exposing and assumptions get made
-and how MrS knew many of them!

so I feel better now I know they are coming. But angry at yet another day spent ..without the gym, the natters and friendships there....chats out and about..

Isnt it nice Scaredycat - when you meet up with someone you enjoy being with a while, it lights up the day, along with coffee and cakes with others. Still so sad about your friend, but a reminder even for you...keep your emotional air mask on in the face of terrible distress x

You must feel that Sweetpeasue yet another day "lost' for so long, when it should never have needed to be. I'm glad that practically you know things are happening at last, what the docs say about what and see what effect the stent has is tough before we assess other matters - but probably medically necessary?

Fluff ball is a true delight. When DH is a bit better do you fancy a cat (dogs are rather more of a responsibility? a pet can bring one together in troubled times, when I look back at certain events with my first husband and DS I know our two cats sort of...well helped us all so much.

Ah, your nice art class Doodle and the hospice..the more you go of course the more real friendships grow, nothing can replace DH, but the comfort of true friends...

A very warm wave to you, HVDY, you will always be with us as are others.

Sweetpeasue thanks for thinking of me. So kind of you with such worry about your DH. I don't have the energy to read everything in BD or to post. So low in energy, Have some other health problems, but who hasn't? I have skimmed through and am sorry so many of you are ill and suffering, in other ways too. Always thinking of you all. I pop on to Gransnet to do puzzles which takes minutes. And that's it really. Would be lost without jigsaws.
Hoping your night is as peaceful as possible. xx

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- I guess Fluffball was feeling a bit nervous as she wasn’t in her normal sleeping place. Bet she was happy to wake up and see you both there. She looks so sweet with her new hairdo.
Yes great news that things are on the move at last for your DH.
Everything sounds like a good plan and I hope it will happen soon. There is no excuse for that offended Consultants behaviour. He’s obviously a good Dr but with no people skills.
Hope your mind feels less troubled today .
Doodle- what wonderful news for your GD.I hope that whatever she will be doing that she will be happy and fulfilled. Is she far away from you?
Art is such a satisfying thing to do. It’s fun isn’t it to be in a class and see how a group of people can all do the same subject and everyone’s work is so different.
This morning we met DD for coffee in M & S . While we were chatting we discovered we had both bought the exact same Xmas present for GGS2 . So I,ve just parcelled mine up again to return- so back to the drawing board😩
Wyllow- I,m glad your mind is gradually settling a bit over the MrA saga. You must be longing to just get on with your life and the things you are so enjoying again.
Yes chance encounters with lovely people or arranged meetings with old friends are what makes the world go round and moments to treasure.
I am an expert at Emotional Air Masking- plenty of practice!!
Also friends in distress for whatever reason want company that doesn’t just dwell on awfulness every minute. They need some light and laughter despite everything.
Being cat parents again has made us realise how much life furry people bring to a house- they are such sweet boys.
Nadateturbe- so lovely to see you thank you so much for making what I know is an effort for you. Just good to hear from you. I,m sorry you have other health problems - you are very brave.
HVDY- thinking of you today. Every time the cats appear it reminds me of you. Just sending a hug and hoping you feel more your old self soon.x
EllieAnne- how are you today?

Love to all mentioned or old friends .x

Scaredy-cat I’m ok thank you. Nothing new. Had a walk yesterday but been a bit lazy today.
Saw my first Christmas tree in someone’s house yesterday. If I did that I’d be thoroughly fed up looking at it by Christmas. Costa had theirs up too!

Hello all,
I've been reading your posts. I'm ok, thanks - just got nothing interesting or relevant to say. Family are ok, Jaffa's a damned pest at 4.15 in the mornings. Love to all x

Wyllow I do hope the safeguarding people tomorrow afternoon can allay your fears and give you some peace . I hope youve been able to get out to have a natter with people today, be it gym or Costa. It wont be good for you to bog yourself down with all the admin or whatever . I know myself when I am immersed in trying to make Drs understand DHs problems ( which I have to be) I get very tired.
It will be good for the Vascular surgeon to sort out the Subclavian artery that is causing headaches ,dizziness and arm pain- one thing that should help.
However the Cardiologist hasn't been very helpful which we're both disappointed with.
Scaredycat How you keep going day to day with such positive and encouraging words for us all I just dont know. You must be such a lovely person to have in one's life- real life - although we all feel like you're in our lives too. ( the more I read that back the less it makes sense but hope ykwim)
You are spot on with that consultant. He asked if we were insured after the stress test and when we said self-paying and needed to go forward with NHS in future he didnt want to know us and has advised GP to refer us to the other Cardiology dept in another hospital.
Nadateturbe Im so sorry you are still suffering with the very debilitating loss of energy. Its so draining for you to do very much at all. I hope you can reserve a little energy ( when youve got some in the bank) for the odd art class . We always think of you even if you're not mentioned.
Doodle Hope youve been OK today. How wonderful that your DGD has been offered the job as research assistant - it sounds so very interesting and you must be so proud of her.
My DH is still v much having angina symptoms and I believe he's much worse than the Cardiologist thought. He was stretched to do far too much on treadmill ( he should have stopped long before he nearly collapsed) and Cardiologist said he was very 'unconditioned' ( he hadn't been able to do much exercise, even walking).
His breathing was bad last night.
HVDY Hope you've had a reasonable day. I know Littlegirl is a huge tonic for you. 🙂.

DH got copy of letter to GP on his app this morning from Cardiologist who urges a referral to our local hospital if DH still bad after Subclavian stent procedure. When describing /acknowledging DHs medical history he listed that the Spirometry tests had been reassuring! I had determined that I would get a word in edgeways at last consultation and told him of the delays of the Spirometry tests that had never taken place and he didnt want to listen , dismissed me. Glad we wont be seeing him again- arrogant man.

Fluffball was good last night and stayed in her bed until I came down just before 8.
Love to all and those not mentioned.x

EllieAnne Know the feeling as saw a tree up in M&S yesterday!
HVDY Its alright for Jaffa isn't it- he gets to sleep throughout the day!

nadateturbe

Sweetpeasue thanks for thinking of me. So kind of you with such worry about your DH. I don't have the energy to read everything in BD or to post. So low in energy, Have some other health problems, but who hasn't? I have skimmed through and am sorry so many of you are ill and suffering, in other ways too. Always thinking of you all. I pop on to Gransnet to do puzzles which takes minutes. And that's it really. Would be lost without jigsaws.
Hoping your night is as peaceful as possible. xx

We never forget you, and I'm so glad you popped in - I think of you as I listen to Taise music a lot, each time I listen to Nada Te Turbe.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=go1-BoDD7CI&list=RDPop65vCB6Oo&index=2

A case of Great minds think Alike, Scaredycat. Now what will you get?. Yes - humour. -sometimes distractive humour, funny memories brings some normally back.

There is also gallows humour - I remember as an inpatient on a MH ward there was plenty of that, on the most apparently distressing topics.

It is shared experience. Jo Brand was a MH nurse, a CPN. Whether you like her or not, one can imagine gales of laughter around her.

Warm wave to you HVDY. Sure you are OK? Hope things are going as well as they can with GD1 - glad you popped in.

Oh yes Ellie Anne its started being more full on. I'm glad you got some fresh air yesterday - where did you walk?

Sainsbugs have fresh trees for sale already. I've already constructed twinkly lights over twigs, but this is for a cheery living room and is very nice as in light in a dark time of year. I've bought some similar for my bedroom.

So many ways of marking the time of the year - the 21st of December is the longest night, and after that, the return of longer days.

Last year I dreaded it in every single way I was blocking so much out, any hope, joy, family, to survive. This year I am keeping it simple.
its enough to celebrate I no longer am suicidal and get a lot our of life now compared to that deadness inside. Music speaks to me. I meet friendly people where I go.

Everybody has different ways of turning their heart about.

No easy answers that fit all.

I'm glad you didn't get woken too early with Fluffball Sweetpeasue. Would you say there is anything that you and DH find at all relaxing or calming - Im not saying you "ought to be", given the pressures - only that angina can be worse with stress? Every little helps?

Today I had our little Quaker spiritual support group. It's the first time I have been since I got ill. I was ultra aware of who was to be there. Three out of 4 of us knew the MrA business.

In the meantime, our Area have started to get on the case.

An email was circulated to all Quakers in our area about abuse, consent etc quoting a passage from our book "Faith And Practice" which is a collection of sayings and writings over 400 years, and there is a whole section on how we treat each other including sexually and intimacy and whats acceptable.

it is a de facto recognition that something has gone very very wrong, or a least it is accepted there could have been.

I had consulted the police, as mentioned, about what I could say to who, and specifically what I could say in a small completely confdential support group. so I told all, reminding them that at tis point is is allegations. so I went for it, no embroidery, my experience.
The Quaker who has been so diffiuclt was there and I knew she was dreading what I might say but expressed herself as very relieved by what I said.

She also admitted that she had been upset by my anger and I pre-emptied this by talking of a passage in Quaker F and P which says that anger can be good, when it strengthens you to get through difficult times instead of going under.

So I feel very different, so far, so good. The woman who hadn't known was making little gasps of shocked concern. It's quite clear that she felt woman to woman at the wrongness of what had happened. (wish I'd been able to speak to her initially, I was "Assigned" the wrong person.)

so lets see what happens tomorrow with the Area people. I anticipate they will see I am actually quite a nice person not whatever they imagined......

Oh and I did remind them that the strength of my reaction was partly Retraumatization and to factor this in, which helped of course. This little group meets monthly and obvs v glad I'm back.

nadateturbe glad you get some pleasure from doing the puzzles. Nice to hear from you. Hoping strength and healing come your way soon.
Scaredycat nice to meet up with Dd. What a funny coincidence about your DGS present.
DGD is in Bournemouth about an hour and three quarters away but her family home is 10 minutes away so I see her whenever she pops back for a visit.
HVDY I am worried about you. You have always been so upbeat. I hope whatever ails you is resolved soon. Just know you’re lived and cared for here.
Ellie Anne life isn’t easy is it. Hope you’re coping ok. Christmas can be difficult for so many. Like last year I’m concentrating on its true meaning.
Sweetpeasue like so many grandparents we were/are proud of our grandchildren no matter what they do. All are loving and caring. Academically they are different but all doing their best. I don’t like praising one over another because some are naturally gifted whilst others have to work so hard to get anywhere. We just love them all. That’s the most important thing.
I hope things progress with the vascular man soon. You need to keep strong and keep fighting for your man. I can’t believe how badly you’ve both been treated but keep going you are getting somewhere

Hvdy I am worried too. You always seem so strong and look after everyone. I hope you are being looked after.

Doodle I understand what you mean about praising different abilities. Both my sons are different and they both have different but equally important skills.
Thanks for your support ,I will indeed keep fighting.

Hello all, thank you for your caring words. Much appreciated. Sticking to my diet - another 4lbs off, so 16lbs in 3 weeks now. Saw my friend on Wednesday, went to the day centre on Thursday, had LG yesterday afternoon. Spoke to GD1 yesterday - she'd been off school with Tonsillitis, but her dad was at home. Meeting Son1 and his family this evening for a fireworks event. I'm ok, thanks, but just a bit sad (not sure why).

SweetpeaSue What an arrogant person the Cardiologist sounds. Some doctors don't have very good personable skills. I hope your husband won't be waiting long until the stent procedure is done. Fluffball looks gorgeous. What a good girl.

ScaredyCat What a funny coincidence that you both bought the same present. I struggle to think of what to buy people. Your lovely boys are enjoying a cosy life with you and your husband now .

Wyllow3 Things are progressing re MrA. Have the police spoken with him? I hope things go well with the area people today. Is that going to be a face-to-face meeting?

EllieAnne Thanks. I'm ok, but how are you? It's the weekend again - will you get out and see anyone?

Doodle Great news about your GD being offered that job. How exciting. Will it be somewhere local? (sorry if you've already said). We just want our children and GC to be happy, don't we?

nadateturbe I do some of the games on here, too, and crossword puzzles. Hope you have some better days soon.

Love to all x

Lovely to hear from you, HVDY. You are such a busy bee, and I do realise that being a busy caring bee is at the heart of your sense of well being.

The sadness could be that you care so much, you take to heart particularly GD1's pains, and are a bit helpless on that front - or are actually struggling with a sort of compassion fatigue...
and actually rapid weight loss is actually physically tiring as your body adjusts.

Self care, dear HVDY x

Yes, today Area are coming to my house, and I am so, so tired. Like the exhaustion when the stress eases a bit.

It could very much be me receiving guests in my gigantic pinkish fleece.

I'm aware that its possible that my anger over MrA could be interpreted as maybe "too much, isnt he after all 86 and has done much good etc etc, it was only a tough hug"

I thought it might be good to reproduce this from our very own Quaker Faith and Practice, I've quoted the relevant bit

.... "I was very ashamed at how much private anger and resentment I still felt towards him. I confessed this to a very dear Friend, Maria Bruce, who was surprised and said: ‘But your anger and resentment have sustained you – without them you might have sunk into depression or despair. So don't be ashamed of them – you have used them to good purpose".

And indeed, I sunk into that depression or despair after Ex, didnt I.
But with everything that happened, he never, ever, ever physically or sexually attacked me.

Of course the my reaction to the incident is stronger than someone without the Ex experience might have had, tho thats a ?

but fortunately all recognise including the police that this is a "Retraumatisation" and treating it accordingly. Ie heading towards Restorative Justice if possible.

Yes, next things to happen are

MrA interviewed and the outcome depends on his response - ie does he recognise it as a crime and be prepared to indicate that if it came to it, he would plead guilty

I go to be interviewed for formal video evidence. What I have said before is not regarded as evidence. If he is even just to be given a caution, evidence is required. I am trying to get support as it involves travelling to a part of town which is very hard for me, a long way away and I need to find support, as MH wont be able to free someone up for 2/3 hours. (unless legally required, which they aren't)

I think I might ask the police if we can do it at our local police station as its just up the road and that would make all the difference in the world, I know locals who'd come with me. I know who I would like, my dear friend/cleaner, we have talked so much and so personally.

Thanks, Wyllow. You could be right. Being woken up early by Jaffa isn't helping. I left him downstairs last night -blankets, food, litter tray - but felt sorry at 2.30, so went downstairs to check. He was fine, so I'll be doing that in future.

Just popping in for a quick word with HVDY . A sudden thought occurred to me reading your post.
I wonder if what’s bringing you down is your weight loss.
If you have cut out alcohol or coffee or just the loss of something you used to enjoy you could be having with drawl symptoms.
My DH stopped having coffee once for some reasons and after about a week or two he was a bit low. Looking up in the internet I came across withdrawal symptoms linked to food and drink. Just a thought x