Black Dogs 27

nadatetrube, Hey well done on those presents...
and I do hope you can make it to art as well.

I can usually cope with the practical stuff. Just need to get some crafty or the grandkids probably from the range and something else for d in L .Son 2 and family are coming for lunch on Christmas Eve and we are going to son 1 on Christmas Day.
It’s having to be with dh I can’t cope with.
I know how ridiculous that sounds.
Wyllow I’ve not been walking much . My days have been quite busy and it’s dark so early. But I’ve booked to walk with a group .in January and hope that might be the start of something regular.
Sweet pea sue I hope your dh feels better now.

Doodle You'd had a busy day. No wonder you felt tired. I love a good buffet, with lots of different things. We have Indian snacks on ours, as well as the usual stuff. Our tree is green with snow effect branches, and the baubles are blues, silver and white. The x-rays will probably show Osteoarthritis (common as we get older - I've got it mildly in my hips). Decent painkillers and gentle exercises should help.
Wyllow3 Cartilage damage is painful (I did my hip last year, and it took months to get better). The physiotherapist sounded helpful. I expect you know all about those sports injuries and will know what to do. Aqua aerobics to Christmas music sounds fun! Ours is a programmed thing n a large screen at the side of the pool.

nadateturbe I think you're wise to have the first procedures done and then see how that goes before having the other thing done. You've done well to get the presents and decorations done. Hope you manage to go to your art class ok.
EllieAnne You were really worried about Christmas, but you will be seeing family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. You don't like being with your husband, but you won't be alone with him for those 2 occasions, at least. When all's said and done, Christmas is really only for one day, and surely you and he can get on for that time?

Got presents for everyone except LG. I bought a lovely Fisher Price farm set, and DIL said they'd "just got rid of the same thing" as she hadn't been playing with it. Got to return it to the shop. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Thanks HVDY . Appreciate your thoughts on that.
Pity about Fisher Price. I used to buy a lot of that for my children. Did your DiL give you any ideas,
EllieAnne good advice from HVDY. You won't need to have much interaction as there will be other family there. But what a shame. Two days at Christmas with family should be something to really look forward to.
It must be very stressful living together.

nadateturbe I'm annoyed, actually. We bought LG a very nice wooden train set for her 2nd birthday. DIL said she'd put it away as LG "wasn't old enough for it", so this Xmas toy was 1.5 years to 3.5 years (she's 2 1/2). DIL hasn't replied to my message from yesterday morning, so I'm going to buy an easel with drawing paper (roll included) and blackboard (chalks included. If it's not right, DIL can sort it out, stuff her .

HVDY I understand perfectly! That's what I would do.

You can only do your best with pressies, HVDY. Is your DiL sending a slight warning signal "don't take away control?" -only a thought - families are so different - as a parent I wouldn't have minded.

I think you plans are the best they could be in the circs, Ellie Anne. I can see how you feel so sad about DD - but she does suffer with MH stuff,

and well.... its just I recall so well that I couldnt be who my mum wanted me to be due to long term MH stuff. it was that I didnt love her, it was that I just couldn't cope with a lot of things - including btw Christmas after a certain point. I didnt want to see her at that time of year some years.

If you can bear to be supportive at a low level ie WhatsApps little messages, it may repay greatly later - you let her "Be Who She Was" without backing off.

Things are not good. Yesterday in the car going home although it had apparently been a good day a sudden thought entered my head, "I'd be OK if I died now" - not a good sign. and last night was horrendous. In the end I took a large but within the permitted limit dose of extra diazepam at 4.30am, slept a bit more, and its still in my system, allowing me to get some necessary things done -
basically I cant let go of concerns re MrA until matters are settled between us as far as possible and of course, troubles within Quakers.

some things have changed irrevocably for the Wyllow who before the assault used to quietly creep into Quaker meetings and get great benefit from them and the chats afterwards, uninhibited by events that have hit our whole group. And I dont know how, if, when, will settle.

I've written this all down for my psychologist for the notes and any immediate email advice: there is a chance that she may intervene to try and speed the process of Community Resolution up as warning signs of severe depression cannot be ignored.

Wyllow3 DIL can have all the control she likes . You certainly do seem to have put a lot of time and effort into all the MrA situation. I hope you get some good advice from the Psychologist soon. As for the thinking you'll be ok if you died now - I feel that same thing 4 or 5 days out or 7 (yet have no real reason to think that). Don't let the MrA problem undo all your hard work of getting back to "the old" Wyllow3.

I rang the hospital yesterday regarding having a brain MRI (for the Meningioma), as it was meant to be every 2 years - the 2 years will be up next Feb and I haven't heard anything. Apparently, the Consultant I was under has left. A very nice doctor just rang me, asked me lots of questions, is going to try to arrange an MRI soon, and an appointment with a Neurologist, about some symptoms I've been having.

Off out now to Smyths toys to return this thing and wonder what to get LG.

I got my gd a night shirt with a character she likes on it. At her house today and see she has it already. I hope I still have the receipt.
I realise I sound ungrateful about Christmas. I’m not I appreciate seeing the family. Haven’t seen dd at Christmas for years.
It’s not that dh and I argue we never have. It’s that I feel trapped and uncomfortable with him there whereas normally I d go out or be in a different room.
Wyllow I messaged her this week to say I’d sent a fun present, she never wants anything and if she gave me details of a charity she supports I would give a donation. She has read the message but not replied.

Sigh… not a lot you can do, Ellie Anne except … drawing on when I was a bit like DD .. avoid asking anything of her, just give her little newsy messages? I know, perversely that I didn’t want my Mum to cut me off. An Amazon voucher can’t go far wrong, one always needs something? Bear with her x (btw, if the character you bought for GD is really a fave, then ‘one for the wash’
Might go down well… always one to wear?

It’s great you’ve got a fairly rapid response there HVDY. It’s always difficult when someone leaves that you’ve liked.

Briefly, as regards MrA, tho I have grumbled about some responses I’ve had, it’s not seen as just personal to me:

he has basically broken key moral and legal guidelines from within Quakers as well as the law, he has to answer to us as a whole, if you see what I mean.

Unless I pretended it never happened, it was always going to be messy like this as it’s a ‘first’… what I hadn’t anticipated was degrees of reluctance and unwillingness

I’ve just been to the Dentist and got a clean bill of health (polishes halo) and sitting in a warm Costa with a view of the sun going down. I’m trying to get a quick physio appointment for the bloke I saw yesterday due to severe twist in the night, but I put loads of arnica on and the elastic stocking

Enough for one day.

Thinking of you Sweetpeasue and DH, how are things, are you at home, in hospital? X

Just got back from shopping - bought a 2-sided easel for LG, with crayons, paper and chalks included. If it's wrong, DIL can take it back! This hospital doctor just rang, wants me to have a brain MRI next Monday, at the TIA clinic, and said to be prepared to be there all day as they'll look at the results and discuss any treatment, whilst I'm there. That's a quick service! Should I be concerned?

I’d be concerned if I’d reported unusual activity or flagged up a new problem, but it sounds as if it’s a good fast response because you are well due for a test?

Wyllow3 I did tell the doctor on the phone that I'd had a few new symptoms. I also noticed, on some photos a couple of weeks ago, that the right side of my face is drooped (I didn't have that at all after the stroke). My brother said today that he'd noticed it too, although nobody else has said anything. If I HAD had a TIA, I suppose they'd adjust my meds and keep an eye on me. Glad you didn't need any treatment at the dentist. I know Arnica can be good to use. Hope it helps with your knee. It's been a lovely, sunny day here, too.

I don't think you should be overly concerned HVDY. I and my husband have found if we remind consultants rather than just waiting, we get seen quite quickly.
And they may think you have contacted them because you have a particular concern. It's good service I think.

Back when I've rested. I got to art and had a lovely afternoon. I've hardly chatted to anyone apart from my DH (and a consultant, if that counts 😀)for at least 2 weeks.

nadateturbe Thanks. I hope you're right. I'm glad to be gettseen so quickly, especially before Christmas. Glad you had such a nice time today. It's good too talk!
EllieAnne Have you bought your GD anything else? If so, still give her the nightie. If not, perhaps you could change it for a different one? You're not ungrateful, you're unhappy.

Good chatting and art there, nadateturbe. doesnt it make a difference, these natters, seeing others? My gym does so very much for me in this way including just lingering over a coffee for ages
- living alone, its my "club" and of course "open all hours" tho it gets un-nattery about 8 ish when people just want to come quickly and go.

(Arnica wont heal a meniscus, which is the pad between the bones in the knee and obviously crucial for walking, tho of course it helps as does icing. I've just booked an initial assessment appointment with the physio I saw yesterday for next Tuesday, and there will need to be follow ups. I'm just glad to have found someone so good and handy at the gym)

Yes, it's great, HVDY - fingers crossed, it's a good result.

Sorry everyone can't post individually but have read your posts- just feel unable to reply right now.
Yes, DH and I are home. Not much rest last night( bed at 8 but noisy neighbour prob)
DH still has arm pain though early dys.
He had chest pain this morning so took spray. Both v tired but so glad op is done.
Love to all. Xxxx

It sounds like a very cautious, so far, OK, but too early to tell, Sweetpeasue: so glad you checked in. It will be good to hear how things go as time goes on.

Wyllow sounds a nice chap you met at the gym. F he’s any good why not book a session with him. Pleased you had a good swim too. Good you got on ok at the dentist. I hate going.
nadateturbe sometimes we have to make our own minds up as to what treatment or actions we take to our bodies. You are doing what feels right for you.
HVDY a little tactless of your DIl considering all you do for LG and her sister. Hope the easel is accepted graciously.
It’s good you are keeping control of your own health. The NHs don’t always call people for scans or checks at the right time.
Good thing to have your MRI hopefully to confirm all is fine.
EllieAnne I’m pleased you’re going to be with family this Christmas. There is obviously something about your Dh that really irritates you. Something that wide you up so you can’t bear being in the same room as him. It is a situation I cannot understand so can’t really comment on. Are you able to cope if others are around like your family?
Scaredycat hope you and the boys are ok. I think it’s lovely how they’ve settled in with you. So lucky to have found a forever home together,
I’ve been to church this morning the. My friend and I went to visit a church lady now in a care home.

Sweetpeasue glad you’re both home that is really good news and shows your Dh is doing well, hoping thr pain will ease over time .. I expect you’re both exhausted

SweetpeaSue Hope you both manage to have a better night's sleep tonight. I expect the next days and weeks will show how effective the procedure has been. It's a good job it was done, I think.

Doodle Yes, I think DIL was a bit ungrateful, but I'll put it down to her working her notice at her job (she starts a new one beginning of January) and all the stress of Christmas. She and I get on very well, so I wouldn't ever fall out with her. Son2 rang to see if I'm ok, as DIL had told him about the MRI etc. Kind of you to visit the lady in the care home.

Off to bed soon. Christmas lunch at the day centre tomorrow. "See you" all tomorrow x