Black Dogs 27

It's been a very lazy day here - a bit of hoovering, polishing and washing. How's everyone been? x

It was a small Quaker meeting, I’d gone early to learn the opening up responsibilities, it’s not difficult but will go another time to learn.

The bit of me that needs healing/conflict resolving is the spiritual bit HVDY: took me ages to understand: that a sexual invasion in our worship space by a very trusted and widely respected man would have a religious element.
Anyway, I have fixed to chat to the woman who has remained the constant troubling element in our group as regards MrA on Friday: we have to clear this up between us, both recognising it.

It is so nice some of the younger people coming. It’s like being back in the 70’s… alternative lifestyles, asking life’s big questions ‘anew’

Then I did a couple of hours at the gym, not heavy duty, working hard on my knee to get back and keep reasonable walking. Nice chats with one woman, and quiet, before a short shop with long queues at Sainsbugs before they closed.

In Costa now, avoiding mess at home.

HVDY Quiet, lazy day here too. Did a bit of hoovering, washed hair and drove 4ml to neighbouring village Costa. Had coffee and seeded toast. Sewing this afternoon and wrapping a few prezzies for DGC.
Wyllow Im sorry the assault from Mr A has gone so deep- it is disgraceful it happened in your place of spiritual reflection and prayers. Hope you can sort out the issues with the other quaker lady. Nice to meet another possible friend at your gym. Careful with that knee.

Hope everyone else has been OK today. Windy and rainy here. Peaceful night wished to you all.x

It's good to hear you had a lazy day. Made me smile - thats what I have at Costa, mine with Marmite, but they do have those little pots of Bonne Maman jam....well done on the pressie front.

Wyllow I play games on my iPad. NY times ones. Pips and wordsearch and connections. Sometimes soduko or a complicated version of solitaire. There are church services between now and Christmas Day. Nothing for Boxing Day or Saturday then a service Sunday again.
HVDY will you be seeing your DGDs for Christmas? Hope you enjoy your posh lunch. Is it somewhere you’ve been before.
Sweetpeasue you sound a bit calmer today. I do hope DH’s arm is not so painful and he’s making a good recovery from his op.
Scaredycat your boys must feel quite at home now, hoe liu my they are to have a home with you. . Did you get your wrapping done today. I’ve spent most of the afternoon doing it l. Still more to go though

Wyllow3 2 hours at the gym sounds a lot. What machines do you use? Take it steady with that knee.
SweetpeaSue I'm glad you got out for a while. Have you finished all your presents shopping? I'm waiting for 2 items to arrive and that's it.
Doodle We'll have all the family here on Boxing Day, but will see LG this Wednesday (instead of tomorrow as I've got the MRI) Yes, I've been to the posh place a few times before. Going on Tuesday. Do you have a drink at Christmas, or aren't you bothered?

Doodle thats really impressive. I'm really not good at all those games, I can manage a word association or a bit of a limerick.
I find the period just after Christmas harder than the day, that gap before "things start up as normal". when services that I can call on, even if I don't need to, sort of shrink to the bare minimum, and I cant ring etc.

Well *HVDY, I overdid it with 2 hours yesterday, as today I'm far too stiff and dont feel very well - atm I'm not up to my usual energy levels at all. I need to nibble at the cake not take big bites. I'm hoping for the very very best for you tomorrow for the MRI x

I've had to spend the whole morning on admin - chasing Curry's, managing to get the gym manger to cancel a £60 parking fee, bits and bobs to do with Community Justice, changing my energy contract and more.

Most of me now wants just to go to bed, because I had a really really bad depressive night - but I really ought to get the car checked out...

Wyllow3 Well done on the parking fee, etc. Hope your mood brightens soon and that you manage to get your car sorted out. Got to hospital at 9.30. Blood tests, ECG, questionnaire, then RI at 12.30. Saw the stroke consultant - NO TIA, further stroke, or dementia. He said some parts of my brain are still recovering from the stroke (it was actually 5 blood clots) in 2021! Some won't recover fully. All in all, an excellent service, and I'm massively relieved.

Oh my, HVDY, I am so very glad to read the results xx! what a relief. Now you know exactly why you have symptoms - brain still recovering - and I hope it recovers further.

Well I did go out to the garage and jolly glad I did. All was sorted for £0 as they should have altered the computer display last time round. I had to disappear for an hour while they got on with it and a Morrisons cafe was nearby. Baked potato and salad for a fiver, and cheap but readable coffee and you could get free refills. While I was there a group of Downs children came and sang carols for charity.

I have to walk more HVDY. Doing the weights is all very well but my walking has to be kept up.

Thank you, Wyllow Glad you got your car done -and without charge, even better. Jacket potato was a bargain. How lovely to hear some special needs children singing (I always cry when I watch children singing). I need to walk and do some type of exercise on a regular basis - I'll concentrate after Christmas.

Aqua is great isn't it, but not weight bearing.

I've no excuse, as there are treadmills at the gym of course even on a rainy cold day. I'm seeing that physio tomorrow, I'll ask him for a written plan for me to follow.

I went to sleep....I managed for the first time ever to spill a bit of milk on my computer this morning on one side, and thank goodness it's charging up, but the USB-C ports wont work. I'm currently a walking disaster zone.

Evening all.
Had a busy day writing cards and wrapping presents. My friend who lost her husband 6 years ago has been very upset today. Just goes to show you don’t get over grief.
HVDY ima afraid to say that I drink a lot. I have. Glass of wine every evening or sometimes, like tonight I have a passion fruit martini with vodka. DH and I always used to have a glass of wine with our dinner and I keep doing so because firstly it means I’m connecting with him and secondly it relaxes me.
So the answer to your question is yes I will be drinking on Christmas Day and every other day 🤣
Good news from the consultant. What a relief for you.
Just had a big bill from HMRC for last years tax. Fortunately I’ve been putting money aside as I knew they’d got it wrong.
Been writing Christmas cards today having finally found our address spreadsheet on the computer.
Wyllow don’t go to bed when you feel down. Do something else and push through it. Distraction is better than depression. I have to fight going down every day and I find keeping busy helps. Hope you recover from your gym session. I really must exercise more I’ve put on so much weight it’s affecting ju walking.
Doing the games keeps my mind occupied.
Sweetpeasue hope you and DH have had a peaceful day without stress and hope his arm is improving.
Scaredycat have you finished your Christmas shopping? You have a large family however do you keep track of them all. Hope you are doing ok.

Hi all
HVDY- Great news about the MRI. It must have been a huge relief.your poor brain suffered a huge trauma and is slowly but surely recovering. Your DH must be very relieved too.
Your lazy days never sound very lazy to me. We all need lazy days though.
Hope you have a lovely meal out tomorrow- you deserve a treat after what must have been a worrying few days.
Doodle- I did some wrapping but didn’t have much time. I chatted for 2 hours with my Sister in the morning and then late afternoon we all went out to dinner at one of the village pubs as it was GD3s boyfriends 30th Birthday . Being with our families is a treat never to be taken for granted.
I like to play games too on the iPad especially word games.
I can’t tell you how much we love having our boys- they seem very much at home now.
SweetPeaSue- so nice to see your post- you sound much more relaxed. Just having a quiet day such as you had must have felt good after so many days that have been full of stress and worry.
I hope DH is recovering well from his Op.
Wyllow- I do hope the chat on Friday resolves some of the differences between you and the other Quakers lady.
Yes it must feel good to have some new younger people coming along to your meetings- listening to them asking questions some of which you must have asked in those first years.
I understand you must feel cast adrift in that No mans Land after Xmas . Hopefully you,ll have some nice goodies and there
Should be some decent tele over that period.
Yes 2 hrs was probably a bit too much at the Gym but it’s only cos you’re wanting so much to get your fitness back. Yes little nibbles can get bigger each day.
Result at the garage and a pleasant hour while you waited for the work to be done. The children must have been so sweet. Children’s voices really tug at the heartstrings don’t they.

Love to all - EllieAnne,Candy and all our other friends

Doodle Yes, I am a lot calmer now that is over. I think I feel less secure about the future and certainly realise how we need to live for the day. You are so very busy these days, though I understand that it helps you to keep going. Your church sounds so very special .
HVDY Oh that's wonderful news ! As you say , so efficient getting it all done in one day,so pleased for you. You must be so relieved.
Tbh Ive not got a lot of gifts to wrap this year as I couldn't do with any more to think about so mainly gift cards. Just a couple more to wrap ,but I find it so difficult to get DH things as we're always together( he always says he doesnt want anything. Obvs we've said so many times lately , we just want each other, its enough.
Wyllow Fancy you having seeded toast too. Have mine with marmalade though marmite is healthier option. Hope you're feeling a little better, sounds like your body is rebelling a bit from your workout yesterday. I wish I had your discipline and motivation. I did some squats holding bathroom basin today and have decided that every time I need the bathroom will do some and it should help tone up thighs but I need to strengthen back too as feels like its going to give. Glad you got car sorted, we still have DHs car off road but will need to look for another soon.

Hoping everyone has had a decent day.x

You are completely right about those moments Doodle when "inward retreat" is the worst option. Your fight, everyday, must be so very hard for you.
Well done for being on the ball as regards the tax - and extracting the address list: and carry on enjoying your evening drink.

Doodle I too need to exercise more and put so much weight on. Ooh that passionfruit martini and vodka drink sounds delicious. There are so many flavoured drinks now , Martinis, Vodkas and the like. Im glad you have so many friends to socialise with ,it must help so much.
Scaredycat Missed your message too. Its lovely that you're enjoying your furry friends so much and they've settled in so well. That chat with your sister , 2 hrs, you both are so close and get on so well. I think everyday life can often compete with family relationships and you're right- family time is so special. I feel my days have become quite boring compared to many who go out and do things. My DH is needing to get out and about so is wanting to replace his car now .

Wyllow3 I know what you mean about aqua aerobics. I like it but need to do something for my muscles. I wish I could do Zumba like I used to, but perhaps I'll do Zumba Gold (slower) again next year. Perhaps your computer will be ok when it's thoroughly dried out? I hope so.
Doodle I don't think it's possible to "get over" the death of a loved one. It's a case of learning to live a different life without that person, which must be very hard when it's a spouse. Nothing wrong with a drink every evening, if that's what you enjoy. I had a very large vodka and tonic at teatime. It made me feel quite drowsy, but then DH's sister rang me for an hour . It's a good job you've been keeping an eye on your tax affairs. Still not nice having to pay a bill though. Yes, I'm hugely relieved I haven't got anything wrong.
ScaredyCat Eating out is such a pleasure, isn't it. Especially so, with family. Aww your lovely boys have got such a good home now. Yes, I'm extremely relieved and looking forward to lunch and pudding tomorrow! 26lbs off now, in 8 weeks.
SweetpeaSue I really thought the MRI would have shown a change, so I'm so pleased to have the all-clear. They'll have me back in 2 years. My husband and I never buy things for each other (I buy stuff throughout the year when I like something). I'm glad your husband seems to be getting on better now. You've both had a rough time - now's the time to relax and try to enjoy things you've missed.

It's been a long day. Looking forward to a good sleep later. Hope everyone else has been ok today x

I'm just glad that DH is thinking that way, Sweetpeasue, positive thoughts - and yes getting out and about with confidence in your car is key.

Yes HVDY if it doesn't dry out I cant charge things up or print - this computer has had a sad history and my fault for not being careful enough - I'd have to go to the computer shop Wednesday to see if they can help, the online advice is give it 24/36 hours.

Zumba gold is great to aim for.

Wyllow3 I hope your computer dries out and that you'll be able to avoid having it fixed. I did Zumba Gold for a little while, after the stroke, but found the group to be a bit cliquey. I'll look after Christmas for a different group.

It's a dark, wet morning. I don't mind, as I'm only going out for lunch and then spending the rest of the day being lazy. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Hi all
Doodle- I don’t think anyone really ‘gets over’ losing someone they have loved so much but as HVDY said we have to learn to live a different life without them. At Xmas I miss my Son so much and feel sad for all the lovely family times he’s missed and the life experiences he never got to live.
I don’t drink because of AF but Oh did I love a drink before.
You enjoy every drop- that cocktail sounds lovely. I shall think of you in the evening now with a cosy tipple beside you.
Yes shopping all done - but I keep putting off the wrapping- it’s a mammoth task. I have done some but so much more to do.
Without our big desk diary we wouldn’t have a clue what all our family are up to and dates of birthdays etc.
Hope you are having a good day and that your lovely friend isn’t so distressed today.
SweetPeaSue- yes we really do have to live for the day. After all it’s the only one we can be certain of. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn’t a certainty so seize the day. It’s lovely to hear that note of positivity returning in your ‘voice’.
I,m impressed with those squats- don’t know if I could get back up though! I do try the standing on one leg to clean my teeth.
It’s great that your DH is getting his enthusiasm back too- good lick with his car hunting.
Ordinary days are not boring- they are the stuff of life and it’s the small things that make a day worthwhile. Just think of Fluffballs happy little face when you take her for a walk.
Hope you are having a good day today .
HVDY- your weight loss is continuing so well. I really admire you as it can’t have been easy cos you sound as if you enjoy your food. Hope today’s lunch is a delicious one and don’t count the calories too much!!
We don’t buy each other presents either- we have ni e holidays and they are our presents.
You have marathon phone calls too . Is your DH Sister a long way away?
It really was great news about your MRI - now you can look forward to Christmas without that worry hanging over you.
Wyllow- Hope the physios plan helps you - you,ll be fighting fit in no time.
Can’t resist this one- No good crying over spilt milk!!!😀
So sorry very thoughtless but what a pain for you, Hope you computer makes a complete recovery.
Doodles advice was good about going to bed when feeling low.
Everything turns inward then and your thoughts end up with worries going round in your head. If it’s daytime try just going in the garden and pottering a bit. Or nightime watching a favourite film and maybe have a treat. Best of all when you can walk well again get out and walk- it’s such a mood lifter.
Hope you have a good day and maybe a random chat and coffeexxx

Love to all. Nadateturbe,EllieAnne,Candy, and all our old friends and new.

What a lovely post Scaredycat. Live in the now. But its hard to make the right choices hour by hour to get to that place where you truly, do live in the present: I still find troubling and "ill" thoughts get in the way, often degrees of self hate: and possibly always will:

its a matter of trying to ameliorate them, trying to remember to be kind to oneself.

My upbringing brought many good things, but the missing "chip"

was that life, whenever possible, is simply here, now, to be actually enjoyed, "being" viewed as "good" as "doing" My learnt instructions were completely to the contrary as in "ought to be's" on the political and social and family front. I doubt I am the only one here with these learnt instructions.

Late last night and today I am full of a lurgy: it's not full blown flu! but enough to cancel everything including the physio. Probably fretting about you know what (last night included) has been a big part of it, but the sun is currently shining through the French windows through the patterned trees.

I took this photo in a caught moment: it took me sometime to work out what the silhouette on the roof was!

Interesting photo.
I’ve had a really busy week and a stomach upset, nausea etc which has left me not wanting to risk eating although hungry.
Managed to speak to dd . She’s ignoring Christmas even more than usual because it is wrong when there is so much suffering around the world. I can’t help her . I so wish she had a partner to share with.
Christmas shopping finished. Just a few cards to write.
Sweet pea sue I hope your dh is improving.

ScaredyCat You always look on the bright side of life. What a great way to live. You always know just what to say to us all, too. My friend and I enjoyed a 3-course lunch. We both love food. She's been going to Slimming World for 6 months (and has lost the same amount of weight as me, as she admits she "cheats" a lot). DH's sister lives about 5 miles away. She's pleasant enough but quite eccentric, and a hoarder (by her own admission), so hasn't allowed anyone into her house for about 11 years!

Wyllow3 There are a lot of bugs around at this time of year. Son1 was unwell for about 5 days. Hope you soon feel better. Keep drinking lots, and take Paracetamol. Great photo. Is that a pigeon?

Hope everyone else has been ok today x

Scaredycat HVDY is right, you seem to know what to say to us all. You sound so positive but Im sure it can't be easy and you must miss your son so much ,as Christmas focuses on family.
Ah yes, standing on 1 leg to brush teeth is meant to be so good for balance- forgot about that one.
EllieAnne Its hard to feel ok when our sons or daughters feel so unhappy. I can understand how you worry about your daughter when its difficult to communicate with her. Being so busy and the worry may have lowered immunity and affected your tummy - hope you feel better soon. Thankyou for asking after my DH. Today's not been so good unfortunately but perhaps its too early to say if his hand is getting better.
HVDY Glad you had a nice lunch with your friend. Ive heard a few people saying how good Slimmimg World is though I dont think it suits all. I think I'd hate the weighing every time. You've really done so well on your own. Hope you can find a Zumba Gold class somewhere near - I know you liked the first one you went to.
Wyllow Oh dear, looks like you might be coming down with something. Do rest up for a while.
Oh yes, the troubling thoughts, especially at night. Im sorry you feel unable to stop those coming into your head but can understand a little. Mr A has affected your confidence and I wish I knew what to say. I hope you will find some calm in your music tonight.
Oh that photo looked a little scary-- I never saw a pigeon but what looked like a male intruder on the roof! How strange. We all perceive things differently ,I know.
Doodle Hope youve been OK today.
I went out with DH and we bought a few gifts for my DILs and BILs . Had DGS for a couple of hrs from 5.which was nice.

DH not been good today. Pain in his arm and hand and couldn't close one finger at all . Heart nurse appt this afternoon- she said the fingers looked swollen,they did. Can't understand why hes still getting problems with it-- its concerning and DH feels very flat with it all. Hoping he'll have a better day tomorrow. He has morning appt with Rheumatologist. Think it'll be the last one as hes getting no Polymyalgia symptoms now and has finished steroids.

Wishing all of you a peaceful night. Love to those not in and past BDs.x

Scaredycat I remember the time you were so worried about your dear sister. So good you are able to have those long chats now.
Family meals are so special. Nice you celebrate with your DGDs boyfriend too.
I can’t imagine how hard it is to cope with the loss of your son. All the things he should have got to enjoy growing up and never had the chance to experience. That I think must be the hardest thing to cope with. You are an amazing lady to have gone through so much yourself but to still be able to give kindness and caring to others. We’re so lucky to have you in our group

Sweetpeasue funny enough I’ve been at home on my own the last two days and I do notice I feel worse when I don’t go out and meet people. Others think that I’m doing well going out all the time. They don’t realise I have to in order to keep myself going.
You and your Dh both need some time to relax now and unwind a bit from all the pressure you’ve had recently, hope your Dh is doing well and improving.
HVDY I’m glad I’m not the only one who indulges in a little vodka now and again. Such a relief about your results,
I don’t think I could do Zumba gold either, it’s as much as I can do to get up out of my chair and hobble to the kitchen. My knees are not strong and I definitely need to exercise more.
Hope you enjoyed lunch
Wyllow somehow I missed what happened to your computer. Hope it’s ok. Is that a man on your roof? So sorry you’re not feeling well. So many people have coughs and colds at the moment. Hope you feel better soon.
Ellie Anne I’m glad you got to talk to your DD. I imagine you may well not see her for Christmas if she’s avoiding it altogether. You’re doing well with the Christmas shopping. I am struggling for ideas.