Black Dogs 27

Oh poor DH just came out - he looks dreadful. They had a bad time putting in the canula, which is most strange as he's never had a problem before.

SweetpeaSue Your poor husband. Some people's veins go flat when a cannula is attempted (mine do. I had to have one in the top of my foot when I was hospital, as they couldn't get it in anywhere else). I hope he rests well for the rest of the day and that the results are known soon.

Thanks HVDY. Have just driven back and he's going to rest now. I have a problem with cannulas too- they have to use a baby needle. Ooh having one in your foot doesn't sound fun! 😩

SweetpeaSue No, it wasn't - they'd tried several times, in both arms and both hands, for hours on this particular day. Hope your husband will be able to sit and relax with his feet up.

How's everyone else been? I took 4 binliners full of sheets, duvet covers, bathsheets, and a brand new (bought last week) cat bed, as well as 2 interactive cat toys (things with holes for cats to put paws into reach a ball inside) to the RSPCA shelter. I wish I could have offered a home to a couple of cats, but with Jaffa being FIV, it wouldn't be sensible. x

My goodness, first visit here, and you are all so lovely.
Brought some flowers, and hope none of you are online allergic.
flowers] [flowers} [flowers}
Did I miss anyone out?
May I be a bit forward, and ask about that Goose Fair?

Wyllow yes lots of lovely cakes at the hospice. Today we had sandwiches and scones too.😱
HVDY keep doing the stairs. Moving to a bungalow and then to a flat meant I haven’t been doing stairs for a while and now I’m suffering for it. Love your animal hot water bottle. I doubt you’ll be cold this winter with Jaffa curled up with you.
Scaredycat so glad that’s done. Please take it easy. My friend is still wearing dark glasses as she says things are brighter.
Sweetpeasue sounds like your DH’s veins were not being helpful today. Did he drink lots of water before he went? That can improve the blood flow and make the veins more accessible . Hope he rests well tonight at least the scan has been done so hopefully you’ll get the results soon.

Maremia welcome.

Maremia How kind, thankyou for the flowers. You are most welcome here. I think it might be * HVDY* who may have suggested the Goose Fair as I dont know much about it. Do pop in whenever you want.
Doodle Your hospice sounds such an incredible place and much needed. There must be so many who are helped through friends who understand each other there.
Its strange as my DH never has trouble with blood being taken and he drank half a litre of water , as advised, a half hr before scan. They ended up putting cannula in his bad left arm where there is insufficient vascularity due to the SS so nit good. We didn't see anyone today ( just scan appt) but ringing secretary tomorrow to remind her DH has had scan. The nurse said it might take 2 weeks before Consultant gets results but I'd like secretary to be prepared to make appt to see him quickly as poss.
Have felt upset tonight at the lack of care DH has had through it all. The nurses that did DHs scan were puzzled as to why DH was there so far from our own district so when DH told them they asked if this Vascular consultant had complained to ors in our local hospital ( them denying DH had SS when it wS clear on scan 18mths ago. Obvs they can't be aware that Dr's stick together , they were only young.Im thinking of writing to this Vascular consultant to remind him of DHs condition and predicament , even though his secretary will be informed tomorrow of completed scan. Hope you sleep tonight. X

Maremia Welcome. The Goose Fair in my home town of Nottingham has been going for 700 years. It's on every year and finished last weekend, after being on for 10 days.

Doodle Today, I practised getting down onto the floor then up again, in the middle of the room, without holding onto anything. It was surprisingly easy but not very graceful. Yes, Jaffa does like to cuddle up. All the toys he's had (and has still got about 10), and he's chasing about with a ball of screwed-up paper at the moment, under the dining table. Did you have a good day today? Was it lunch at the hospice?
What did you have?

SweetpeaSue It's true that doctors/medical staff in general stick together (you and I know it). Do write to that consultant. He needs to be told that he was wrong. I did the same, once I was home and ok, to a Consultant in Coventry, also one in Nottingham, and had replies from both (nothing changed, but I wanted them to know that I knew their failings. An independent inquiry was made (Nottingham City Hospital) about the wrong drugs they gave me, although they denied that it had caused the stroke. If 50 doctors said the same thing, I still believe that it did.

Day centre place tomorrow. I've missed the last 3 weeks, so it'll be nice to see people there. Hope everyone has a good night's sleep. It's either unseasonably mild or I'm having a "turn". Got the back door wide open x

It’s late, BD’s, and it’s good to come in and share days.

Unless people have bad health conditions, HVDY, which of course means they are unable to do many tings -thinking of our own nadateturbe here - as we get older, its a case of “use it or lose it”. Yup - keep on going up and down those stairs, we all need a wee bit of fresh air and leg stretch, however limited, as I know form being seized up with depression - it was a triumph to walk for 30 minutes, and I had to have someone with me, as most here recall. Hooray for getting down and up - go HVDY…yes, the sticking the bum in air bit is not very graceful 😊

As for Jaffa, I recall so well when you had to coax him just to come to the back door and so on. My goodness, that was a successful day there, much achieved.

I’m glad to hear of the improvement in your vision, Scaredycat - of course its tried you out.

Been thinking of you on and off all day, Sweetpeasue. First waiting anxiously. Yes, sometimes a cannula is really hard to get in, poor DH. In the foot? That’s a new one on me! Two weeks must feel like a long time -oh the other hand, you dont want them to hurry results if there are discussion between people about them (ie, it might be brought to a meeting - that is what has been happening re my BiL - doctors need to confer sometimes my DocSis says. For now, see if you can have your furry friend and try to get a bit of sea air, even if you both just sit there with a costa.

Welcome Maremia. Coming bearing flowers, well now, thats really nice. If you’d like to share, thats fine, but its always nice to see people in.

I did rather suspect the cake situation might be very good at the hospice, Doodle. And sandwiches and scones. We wont mention calories..whoops, just done it 🙄. I remain so impressed with the hospice, did you chat to a friend there or go alone? I would do the same, in your situation, I know, I’d go back and back.

Well, my today was quite unpredictable and extraordinary. I thought that cycling up to the bike shop and getting a part fitted would be it…but no, another part was needed to make it just right for me, so I walked back carrying my panier bag quite a way, but the sun was out and I looked at front gardens for ideas as usual. Getting home I decided to take my bike on holiday next week, so went over the road for the younger bloke who lives there to put it in my car the day I go.

Then when I went back to collect the bike, I found I had to take the front wheel off. No!!!!. He showed me and it’s a quick release wheel. One I got home I found I could just about get the bike out and thought, I have to do this somehow. I grabbed a passing plumber to help (as you do 🤣 and realised yes I could do it. But I rung the hotel I’m going to and she got back to me saying, yes, they could do it for me. And I looked up the tides and its low tides at the right time (north Yorks coast)

But I left my bike helmet at the shop…

Then maybe the big things 0 me and my first very nice Ex are going to be at the grandchildren’s together when I go for jus tone evening. (He has another partner, but she wont be there, that would be too awkward))

but they will all realise sort of how it all fits together and best of all that we get on fine.

Then maybe the biggest thing

I rung up the local support organisation for women and girls over 16. It’s funded by the council and voluntary workers. I am going to volunteer for them. I dont want to be a counsellor tho an qualified, all too much for me:

I dont want to be an overall organiser -

but they run an arts and crafts group and - believe it or not -

there have been calls for …..
chair yoga!

I said, one session a week. I have to fill in forms, get police checked again, be interviewed etc but tbh they are short of help in the art group and I’ve done that sort of things many times, but I’d prefer the Yoga (less hassle). Or help out now and then in the arts group, much more complex to organise all the materials.

Phew.

Later I went to the gym just for a long steam room, sauna, shower and pamper with of course added natters.

I’ve not taken something like this on for as long as I can recall, but feel its within what I can do, and will be open about sometimes not managing etc.

Ellie Anne, and other occasional BD’s, how are you?

Just going to copy Wyllow and sit in costa for a while.
Every day I do a daily reading and today it was about not going around complaining.
It’s made me think. Is sharing with someone that you are unhappy or struggling complaining? Is telling someone what you feel complaining?
Many of the people I interact with through the week don’t know my circumstances and I put on an act.
But keeping every thing inside surely isn’t good for your mental health.
The reading went on to say share it with god but if you feel that he is not there that’s not going to help.

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- oh dear your poor DH . I hope he’s feeling more comfortable today .
It will probably do you good to write to that Consultant. He needs to know how his words and manner made you feel and that just sometimes he’s not always right.
Take Wyllows advice- try and get out ,enjoy the fresh sea air,give Fluffball a hug. Eat cake too!! Costas have mince pies in now.
If at all possible live each day as it comes and treat yourselves kindly.
Maremia- Nice to see a new face here. Welcome and thanks for the flowers. Look forward to seeing you again.
HVDY- The shelter must have been so pleased with all those lovely things. The weather is getting colder now so they will be very glad to receive them Did you see the cats? I wish it was like before COVID when you could just call in To the rescue places and meet the cats. I spend hours trawling the internet so many poor little kittens being born.
Hope you enjoy the day centre- your friends will be pleased to see you. It’s nippy here today but lovely and sunny. We’re taking our friend to the Oncology dept this afternoon for her follow up from Tuesdays Chemo.
Wyllow- what a lovely post. As you say it’s so good for Children and GC to see people can get on together despite circumstances. We,ve had lots of practice with our blended family!!
What wonderful news about the Support centre. Things that you love to do and share with others and people who you will feel empathy for. You,ll be perfect - Lucky them.
Just take it easy and don’t overstretch yourself. So proud of you.
EllieAnne- Have you tried not putting on an act? Most people have a head full of worries and emotions of one kind or another. No what you describe is not complaining. It’s sharing feelings and we all need to do that sometimes. If you put on too much of an act people won’t know the real ,kind,vulnerable you. Wish I could sit in Costas with you.
Doodle- yes I,m glad the first Op is over too. Your friend is right - everything seems so much sharper and brighter.just have to remember all the DONTS for a while.
What lovely goodies at the Hospice- I,m so glad you have such a welcoming kind place to spend time at. I know I go on about Cake but it really is one of life’s treats. What is your favourite?
Hope your family are all well.

Love to all - as usual those who we haven’t seen for a while - we miss you.

EllieAnne I hope you felt easy and relaxed in the Costa. I know you liked to sit in the (Morrison's cafe think it was?) and feel unnoticed. As Scaredycat says, what you describe is not complaining at all and it can help sometimes to share feelings with someone you feel you can trust. None of us are anywhere near perfect and all of us need someone else to share with. Oh that feeling that God isn't there-- lonely feeling indeed and I put my hands up to that one.
Wyllow Oh Im so pleased for you about the chair yoga teaching position. Im sure you'll get so much from being able to help others and see their health, mental and physical, improve. Its a great idea , just up your street. I wouldn't have a clue about anything to do with how bike parts go together( or come apart) but glad youve got that sorted. Pleased for you about the family get together , including nice ex , that will be so special
Scaredycat I hope yourfriend got on ok at the follow up Oncologyappt. She will appreciate your company and supportso much. Oh ' to live each day as it comes' I really try but its so difficult to do when Im trying to look forward to a future where I dont see DHs pain. Not a great deal of fresh air today though hoping for some tomorrow when we have Fluffball.
HVDY . Hope you had a nice time at the day- centre and caught up with the friends there.
Your blood pressure was raised to such a huge level when they gave you the wrong drug ,I would have thought it nigh on impossible not to have devastating consequences. Its so ridiculous isn't it but we both have experience of how much is kept quiet and hidden. I wasn't clear at all, when I looked back at my post, but it was the new Vascular consultant that we saw once in Harrogate privately , that I thought of writing to and it was just to say my DH has had the scan and to remind him of his circumstances. Im sure he'll have forgotten he ever saw us by now. He'd told us the scan would be in about 4 weeks- turned out it was 3 times that long in the end. I have also meant to write to the woman Vascular Consultant who dismissed DH at ourocal hospital though too.

DH seemed in quite good spirits this morning. I was relieved as I'd woken at 5am , couldn't get back to sleep for worrying about him. Went out for a coffee and on way home he felt terrible again. Gave him paracetamol and ibuprofen, he had bad headache, muscle aches and felt weak aswell as neck pain. He tested negative for covid so dont know if he's still unwell with virus. He rested while I tried walking on treadmill for 15mins. Managed a mile and was enough.
DH has dental checkup tomorrow- I've started to worry now when he goes out alone( I'll need to be at medicine review at surgery)

Hoping all BDs have had a reasonable day. X

HVDY I’m glad you’re able to get up from the floor. I think the fact you live in a house with stairs will make a difference. I’ve gone downhill since I stopped doing stairs, it was afternoon tea at the hospice and very nice it was too.
Hope you had a good time at the centre today. Did you enjoy lunch?
Sweetpeasue I would certainly write or phone and remind the consultant about the scan. Hope fully the results will come through soon and you get an appointment. Keep chasing just like you have. This has gone on for far too long.
Wyllow the hospice is a wonderful place. Such caring people. I actually went as the plus one with my friend who was the one who had been invited for tea as a thank you for an article she had written for their magazine.
Well you’ve certainly had a day today. Glad you’ve got the bike sorted. What a lovely idea to do a chair yoga class. It will be so good for you and the people you’ll be helping.
Ellie Anne if you put on a face every day then you are not complaining but it doesn’t do you any good to bottle it up either.
Have you tried counselling before. Sorry I can’t remember my mind is foggy these days. Have you got someone at church p, vicar or curate or someone you could talk to in confidence or even just to discuss your difficulties in your faith. God is there but I agree it’s hard at times to feel that.
Scaredycat make sure you look after yourself at the moment and keep your eye safe while you recover. My friend can’t wait to have her other eye done at the end of the month.
The hospice is an amazing place. I love going there and feel close to Dh too. I like carrot cake best I think but actually I’m more of a savoury person. Id rather have cheese and biscuits
Had cake again today though
Afternoon tea at church. All homemade and delicious.

Wyllow3 Glad you got your bike sorted out. Now you know how to take a wheel off, too. When are you visiting your family? Sorry if you've previously said. The children will love seeing you and their grandad. Running the chair yoga sessions would be perfect for you. You've come such a long way from those dark days of not wanting to get dressed. You're doing so well.

EllieAnne Sharing feelings isn't complaining. I think a lot of us put on a front and go around with our own thoughts and worries, other people not realising. Is there anyone you feel comfortable talking to about your feelings? It definitely isn't healthy to bottle everything up. Keep posting here, anyway.

ScaredyCat We didn't see any cats or other animals (didn't even hear any barking). Viewing the animals is at certain times. The place had a huge refurbishment/re-building a while ago. I think about poor strays (as Jaffa and my Mr Cooper both were) in the cold weather. You're kind to take your friend to her oncology appointment. How is she doing? The day centre was good - group quizzes, curry (mild) and rice, then bread & butter pudding. Keep looking after your "new" eye.

SweetpeaSue It sounds as though your husband isn't over the virus you both had recently. I hope he feels better tomorrow and that you manage to have a walk with Fluffball. Pets and children usually manage to cheer us up, don't they. I hope your DH's dental appointment goes well, too.

Doodle Lunch was good, thanks. A lovely chicken curry (mild but tasty), then pudding and custard. Your afternoon tea sounds very good. I love all cakes except Christmas cake and Battenburg. I'm glad you've got the comfort and company at both the church and hospice.

Little Girl will be here tomorrow - parents are going to an indoor skiing place and out for lunch, so we'll pick up LG's sister from school, too. Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Ellie Anne

Just going to copy Wyllow and sit in costa for a while.
Every day I do a daily reading and today it was about not going around complaining.
It’s made me think. Is sharing with someone that you are unhappy or struggling complaining? Is telling someone what you feel complaining?
Many of the people I interact with through the week don’t know my circumstances and I put on an act.
But keeping every thing inside surely isn’t good for your mental health.
The reading went on to say share it with god but if you feel that he is not there that’s not going to help.

No, I can say categorically that it is not complaining.

Going way, way back, long ago, I remember a friend telling me how guilty she felt expressing how she felt to me. I recall saying, 'you are not bad, you are very unhappy.

Sadly there are some people who perhaps for valid reasons phrase their unhappiness as self pity to the extent it puts off listeners, but I cannot think of anyone here on BD's who is like that:

You most certainly are not: you are telling us straightforwardly about your state of mind. And I also know that from what you have said, you can be a very empathetic listener.

No it's not good for your `mental health, so please continue sharing.

Putting on an act is necessary at times but I have done it to the extend of self destruction big time in my life - how can people help if one pretends all is OK?

I'm glad your eye is recovering, Scaredycat - presumably after a while the other will be done, or was it one eye only? Hopefully you can make it for coffee and cake soon locally.

I'm glad DH woke up a bit more cheerful, Sweetpeasue..a mile is actually quite a long way!.....maybe more baby steps like drive to the nice spot with bought Costas and cake and just take in some fresh air? You've both been through the mill big time, it's easy to do a wee bit too much, too soon.

Oh my, HVDY - curry, right up your street 🙂. have a lovely time with LG tomorrow.

I had a lovely chat with a quaker friend this morning, the one who used to be my Psychiatrist in another life long ago - very nice. But I've had to be over busy today - my computer screen is faulty, and it's my fault - `I'm insured but more hassle - it's OK for now. And I was so tried that when I collected my bike helmet left at the bike shop I went and left it onto of the car and drove off - it might have been taken to the library where my car was parked, but if not - more hassle going to Halfords for a new on.
Meds mix up/sort out...

I really really need that holiday badly next week - my cleaner/friend is going to help me get ready - believe it or not - she loves cleaning cars out (yes, I know..but its true, or I wouldnt have asked her)

so start packing tomorrow because I like to be sure all is there as needed and I'm busy on the `Monday (going Tuesday). HVDY, the family visit is last weekend in October, so I am getting a good couple of breaks after a busy summer.

You do make me smile, Doodle. Yes, I like savoury best too, but you are going into situations constantly bombarded with cakes...yes, I go for carrot cake if I do fancy cake, or even better, date and walnut cake? I'm glad you went as the plus 1, nice.

Yes it was Morrisons I used sit in but they closed it. Costa is ok but it’s smaller and can be very noisy. also costs twice as much!
I couldn’t share how bad I’m feeling with Anyone. The C stuff is in all the shops and I m already dreading it. D in L 2 has usually mentioned it by now and hasn’t and I m assuming that means they have other plans. Son 1 does what his wife wants and never decides till the last minute. Dd will ignore it all as always.
I know I shouldn’t be thinking about this now but can’t avoid seeing all the stuff.
I’d be ok on my own but you all know my situation.
Yesterday I was by the sea and wondered how far I d need to go out to float away.
I wouldn’t do it but even having the thoughts are scary.

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- my friend has to have her chemo bottle and line removed and port flushed out a specific time after her appt. We’re just pleased to be able to help her .
Hope you’re able to enjoy your time with Fluffball today.
You could be right about DH and the virus so hope he’s feeling better today. You won’t be apart for too long so try not to worry.
Doodle- like your friend I can’t wait to get the other eye done. Didn’t like the procedure but the results are astonishing.
Going to try a walk and Costas tomorrow- have taken it easy as instructed but need to get moving again.
The Hospice must be a place of hope and love for you- what marvellous people who work there and have such compassion not only for their patients but their families too.
You’re certainly not going to go hungry with all the lovely treats there and at church!!
HVDY- my friend is being so brave especially as her DH is so poorly too. Good news today though he is finally off oxygen and in good spirits.
Oooh Bread and Butter pudding- haven’t had that for years - loved when Mum made it. I love Xmas cake but wouldn’t eat battenburg if you paid me!!!
I bet LG gets excited when her Sister gets out of school - her Mum and Dad are having fun too. Is the dry slope indoor or outdoor. There are lots of good things around your city aren’t there.
Wyllow- bet your face was a picture when you realised your Cycle Helmet had escaped. That’s so easily done isn’t it.
Glad you’re having an adventure next week - take some pics for us.
Great you have your family visit to look forward too as well. So happy for you.
EllieAnne- Shops have no concern for those who dread C do they. But it’s for the children and hopefully still holds a bit of magic for them. Just wish they,d wait til after Halloween and Fireworks.
Please ,please don’t even think like that. Of course those thoughts are scary - for you and everyone. Could you please consider seeing your GP - ADs really might help you.
Take care EllieAnne.
Nadateturbe- as always hoping the day has some bright moments for you.
Candy- how are things with you?

Love to all and hoping those we miss are managing as best they canxx

I’m out and about on my mobile:, just wanted to say to Ellie Anne that from my experience: when I first started having suicidal or what’s the point anymore thoughts it was indeed terrifying.
What I had to learn over time, was that having the thoughts did not mean I would actually do anything.
I was confusing the thought, with it happening, as if the thought would automatically lead to taking action.

Now everyone is different and therefore it’s my feeling *you do need to talk this over with a professional or the Samaritans*…

but what they look for is if you are actually making plans. The human spirit can take many many dark thoughts and survive, even, paradoxically, when you feel you don’t want to.
Keep coming in and sharing is really important xx

Back later

Wyllow3 Did you get your helmet back ok? Not long until you see your family. I hope you have a lovely time with them all.

EllieAnne I felt low like that recently, even though my circumstances are different to yours. Please try to talk to a GP about your low mood, and consider antidepressants (I know we've all said it to you before). It's 2 1/2 months until Christmas, so there's plenty of time for your DIL to mention something. If you really want to avoid being at home with your husband, you could perhaps do something different, like helping at an animal shelter or a place for homeless people.

ScaredyCat I bet your eyesight in your "good" eye is great now. You must notice the sharpness of colours now. LG adores her big sister. They've both just this minute gone. Son1 and DIL had been to Tamworth for this indoor skiing thing. He got it for their 5th anniversary (they aren't married, but you know). He certainly doesn't take after his dad for surprise outings and presents .

Nadateturbe Hope you're getting on ok.
SweetpeaSue Hope your husband feels a bit better and that you've managed to have a nice day with Fluffball.
Doodle Have you been anywhere nice?

Took LG to a playgroup we haven't been to before. It was for 90 minutes, and was very busy and noisy (about 30 children and their mums/grans. She loved it, and then we went to a different park on the way back here. DH this evening, to the Nottingham beer festival. He's meeting Son1 there. x

I know it’s a while till Christmas but with the garden centres full I it it’s hard not to think. D in L 2 is usually organised by now and puts up the tree beginning of November!

I’d be happy to help at a homeless shelter or a similar but we are a small town and there is nothing like that.
And dh will expect me to be there. I have 3 children I’d do anything for and I really feel that they don’t like me much. And I can’t do any more than I ve already done.
Anyway wont mention the dreaded C word again.

I hate all the stress of Christmas, especially as early as September. I've seen all the stuff in the garden centres and shops, but I am not buying anything until December. Little Girl's mum has already bought presents for the children, and she puts the tree and decorations up in November. I'm not taking any notice of it all until much nearer to Christmas. I know you help your children and that you care deeply for them. Like all the younger generation these days, they're so wrapped up in their own lives with work, children, money worries, etc., they probably don't know how you feel. You're depressed but you either don't recognise it or you don't want to seek medical help. Only you can do something to change that.

HVDY sounds like the day centre turn out good warming dishes that most people would like. I expect you know quite a lot of people there by now. Do you do any craft or have things to do while you’re there?
Ellie Anne I too am badly affected by seeing the Christmas stuff. I don’t think you’re the only one whose family don’t make up their mind what they’re doing till the last minute.
Talking of not complaining or putting on a brave face. I never did that when DH died. I came on here and let it all out as you may well remember. I couldn’t pretend. I know some can but it was too big a loss for me to make out I wasn’t devastated.
I think you feel guilty about how you feel. Don’t. None of us can help how we feel. Try not to fret about Christmas yet,
Wyllow oh what a shame about your helmet. I’m glad you’ve got help packing and hope you have a lovely trip. You need the break I think.
Scaredycat good you help your friend with hospital visits. It’s always quite taxing. My friend is amazed at how clear things are too now. Hope you get a date for your second one soon. Hope you get to Costa tomorrow. Are you meeting anyone?
Sweetpeasue I hope your Dh got on ok at the dentist and was able to get there and back ok. Maybe he does have a virus and that’s why he’s feeling so poorly.
Definitely make sure the consultant knows your Dh has had the scan and make sure you get the results asap. Hope you have some good news soon.

Sorry that should obviously be was devastated not wasn’t