Black Dogs 28

Hi all

Wyllow- I hope,the phone call from such a trusted and knowledgable person will help you. Being able to chat with somebody from Quakers too who,understands and has her own experiences with her MH will be another outlet. But as you say on both your own terms with no responsibilities .
Those highs and lows of Bi Polar are familiar to me as my Mum was BiPolar too. I had noticed you have been hovering between moods for a while now. Please see after yourself and we’re here for you always.
You are all,packed and ready to go tomorrow so,play it by ear and see how you feel after your phone call and lovely relaxing facial. You will be well looked after by your family but only you can decide what to do. I remember visiting my Sister when I was extremely low and it helped so much.
HVDY- I,m so sorry to hear the news about your SiL. Your Brother will be grieving in his,own way and will appreciate your loving support even though he probably won’t be able to show it. Not having a funeral will be easier for him. I feel sad she’s gone as we ,ve all “known” her for quite a while.
Hope you got to see the GP today about your ears - it’s not good for your balance if your ears are not happy.
SweetPeaSue- it must help your Son and DiL so much to know their little boy is in safe hands when they visit her Mum. He always sounds such a lovely boy from how you talk about him but of course it’s tiring for you at the end of the day.
Hope your Aunt has settled in by now. There is a lot for,you to contend with at the moment. Once she’s home she,ll forget where she was before and get used to her own home even though she perhaps won’t remember it to start with.
That talking tiredness is exhausting isn’t it especially if it’s serious and not just trivia. Or if someone goes on and on over the same things.
Hope you,ve gone to Book Club- a change of scene and people can lift your spirits when you least expect it.
Doodle- getting out each day is so,important if you can manage it. Doesn’t have to be anything exciting . Just fresh air and other people preferably and appreciating being able to get out.
My other friend and I went Monday to see our friend . She felt dreadful physically and mentally but we still managed to have a laugh despite the situation.Afterwards I drive her home and we sit on the car and feel so sad and have a talk.
Yesterday DH and I took her for her last Chemo. The Appt was late so we were pleased we had waited with her. The dept is always so full- all those poor people whose lives have turned upside down.
I have tinnitus too and it’s a high pitched continual whine 24/7. As you say sometimes it’s so loud- I have been known to ask DH if he can hear it😩
Hope you,ve had a nice Church Day.
EllieAnne- maybe those you were with were wrapped up in their own thoughts and worries too. I expect you have got used to hiding your feelings. As Wyllow said there could well be someone else there who feels like you and is covering up their feelings.
Life is so difficult for you - could you perhaps reconsider your GP or ADs to try.

Well I,m now going to venture into the cupboard under the stairs and have a sort out of the cat stuff. We went to The Range this morning and got some drawers to put their food etc in. I,m sure they,ll be in helping mode!!
Love to all- mentioned or our welcome visitors

I didn't post much yesterday, saving energy for art, and I made it! Only stayed an hour and didn't go for coffee break, which is very close together, couldn't risk an infection.
I felt strange going, I've rarely spoken to anyone since early December apart from husband and telephone chat. It took a lot of courage and encouragement from DH, but I was fine.

Will catch up now. And post soon.

HVDY I hope your brother will contact you a little - you are kind and patient with him. The fibro affects shoulder/ arm pain but leaves whole body stiff and painful to move. Its the tiredness that's most difficult though and I often look like Ive just woke up but need sleep. Hope you can see the GP about your hearing loss.
Wyllow I was awake too last night. You took the opportunity to pack so that must have distracted you a little. Good you sent off that letter so its out there for them and you can do no more really.
So glad your good psychiatrist is helping. You need that back up so much.
Scardycat You are so right about the going over and over things but of course people with dementia cant help it. Every time they think they've just said something new. Yes aunt is home now. She just rang me and sounded bright but v confused about things . She'll be having carers 3 times a day. So glad you have that mutual friend who knows the poorly one - it will mean so much.

Sorry Im not feeling clear headed. Awake most of night and still severely fatigued. Then such a shock- youngest sis called me first thing to say other sister' DH taken in to hospital. Middle sis had to do CPR on him and hes in I.C. they think could have been stroke but not sure. Hes v ill. She's been in touch and has her DDs with her.
Oh I do hope he will be OK. He had a TIA a couple of yrs ago. So worried for them.
Sorry, cant write more just now.Love to all.

Nadateturbe So glad you managed to get to art. I think Id have been nervous too if I hadn't been for so long. You've done so well - good for you. 🤗

Wyllow3 Glad the Psychologist understands and is helping you. Having a facial and haircut must have felt good. How funny about that lady saying her dad needed a repository - I assume she meant suppository? I hope you do go to see your sister tomorrow. I think the change will do you good.

ScaredyCat My SIL was such a lovely, quiet, gentle lady - even recently, apart from her bad moods occasionally. My brother will miss her, but I know he agrees with me that it's a blessed relief SIL didn't end up in the final stages of Alzheimer's. I texted him earlier, and he rang me! I will obviously make sure he's ok. Your poor friend. You're so kind to her. She must really appreciate your company. Do your boys have wet food? Jaffa will only eat Sheba (and lots of it). I've just bought him a new scratching post with toys attached - he hasn't even looked at it! Another thing for the RSPCA shelter to have. Do your cats play with toys?

nadateturbe Well done on getting to your art class. You went, that's all that matters. I hope you'll soon feel well enough to get out more. Seeing other people is good, if you can manage to do so.

SwetpeaSue What a shock for you about your sister's husband. I hope he'll be ok. Your aunt must be pleased to be home, and will hopefully settle down alright.

Saw a GP about my ears - locked eustachian tubes, caused by the tonsillitis I had. She couldn't give me anything and said it might take weeks to get it right! I keep blowing my nose, with my nostrils held, to try to clear the tubes (it's called the Valsalva method), so we'll see. I'm sick of saying "Pardon, what?" when anyone talks . x

Blocked eustachian

HVDY my condolences on the passing of your SIL. It must have been a bit of a shock. Hard for you to give your brother the news. Mixed feeling I imagine considering her Alzheimer’s. I hope your brother will be ok.
So sorry about your ears. I hope they clear soon. Not heard of that before.
Sweetpeasue feeling tired even after a good night is difficult to cope with. Many of my bereaved friends report it as a side effect of grief. Even after two or three years the tiredness persists. Oh dear so sorry to hear about your BIL. You must be so concerned for him and your sister. Sending hugs.
Scaredycat yes getting out is good. I went for a walk with my friend this afternoon. Difficult times for you and your friend. Trying to support your other friend through such a hard time. Good you are there for her.
Wyllowwhat a troubling time you have had with the Quakers. I wish they wouldn’t keep changing their minds. Hope they will follow through on the proper plan. I’m glad you got to talk to your psychologist, and the haircut was a bonus at the gym.
Had a nice time at church this morning and an interesting lent course. Went on long walk with friend this afternoon came home and did jigsaw. Art tomorrow

I'm seeing double on my screen. - it's packing up, I have read but it will hardly let me write (keeps appearing then double writing and other stuff - I want to say so many things to all !!! 😡 as feel very loved and supported and wished to return it especially the sudden crisis reported and the long tender waits around those we love xx

just to say....well if more than one of us is up at night, its worth popping in and just saying, "anyone around on the BD night shift - as in no pressure but I'm around (but may get to sleep before you read this etc)..

I'm in contact by mobile whatever happens...

Oh, I will have to go to the computer shop as have arranged for a loan computer as its partly their fault - before a long journey, far from ideal, and asking a lot from my brother - long drive to sis 6 hours?

Now the cursor isn’t working on the computer and is flickering like crazy. Not dead, I think it needs to be alive to transfer data to another one, but never did understand the cloud. Brother has been kind about stopping off at the computer shop, but how unlucky can one get? I slept OK with a little help.

Hoping BD’s have as good a day as possible.

(I’ve had tinnitus since 1993, but count myself fortunate that it is a low hiss not a high one. With stress I get clicking but can relieve that by loosening my jaw.
Whoever finds a way to cure it will have millions of happy bunnies over the world!)

HVDY Haven't heard back from sis today about her DH but I believe he was stable last night. Hes to have MRI today. Makes one realise how fragile life is and how things can change in the blinking of an eye. I looked up that manoeuvre- doesnt sound nice at all and you must get fed up of the ear problem and not hearing properly. That was a nasty dose of tonsillitis you had. Hope your DB is keeping in touch.
Doodle The constant tiredness must be very hard to cope with. I liken it , a little, to forcing a car to keep going without petrol - I suppose I should add diesel/ electricity to that. Hope you have enjoyed art today and its not too windy where you are- blowing a hoolie here. Thankyou for your hugs x
Wyllow I hope by now you're on your way to your sister's. What a palaver with your computer/cursor- right when you could do without it. Hope you got some joy at the computer shop and they know what it is. Have a nice time at your sister's and take care of yourself.

Scaredycat* EllieAnne* and * Nadateturbe Hope youve been OK today.

SweetpeaSue Life can, indeed, change so suddenly. I hope you BIL gets on ok. The Valsalva method thing is no bither, but it's not helping. Spoke to my brother today - the cause of death has been Alzheimer's, and as SIL didn't have an infection of any type, the hospital will take her body for medical science (they won't if the person dies of something contagious). There will probably be a service of some kind at the hospital, in due course - he's not having to deal with anything at all, as SIL's sister is doing everything. It's been very windy here all day, and raining, too. Hope you and your husband have been ok today.

Wyllow3 What a rigmarole you had with your computer. Glad it's sorted. Hope you're at your sister's ok.

Didn't go to day centre - I can't have a face-to-face conversation because I can't hear what someone is saying. How's everyone else been? x

HVDY These blocked eustachian tubes are really interfering with days, stopping you going to your day- centre. I hope it clears soon for you. My DH has woken up 2 mornings running with the tight chest thing - not quite painful but not able to take deep breaths. Doesn't seem right to me but we'll wait until his cardio appt.
DBIL still not had the MRI today.🙄 They're monitoring his heartbeat but dont think its been a stroke but something else to do with heart. Glad your SIL is dealing with things- your DB probably wouldnt be able to face it. Its so sad .

HVDY was it your SILs wish to go for medical science? Yao sorry about all the problems you’re having not being able to hear. Must be so frustrating. Have the doctors any other treatment that might help?
Sweetpeasue when is your DH’s cardio appointment? Be a good idea to note down all these symptoms and how often they happen so you can discuss it with the doctors.
Sometimes it takes hospitals ages to organise scans for inpatient. You’d think it would be easy with the patient already being there. I remember DH being told he needed an MRI. I kept asking the nurses when he was going to have it and they said the unit would come and collect him when they weee ready. I waited till 3.30 the. Wandered down to the unit myself and asked when he would be called only to be told they were waiting for the ward nurses to bring him down.
Art was good company thanks but the painting was awful. Very difficult to draw. It was a ship.
Oh Wyllow sorry you’re having problems with your computer. Hope it gets fixed soon. Have a good time with your sister and try and relax a bit.
Scaredycat hope you’re ok. It’s really blowing here. I have had to go and rescue my rocking chair in the balcony. It’s moved 6ft from its normal position. I’ve tied it down now but I was really surprised as it’s not moved before.

SweetpeaSue Has your husband been overdoing things? I hope you'll get to know more when he sees the Cardiologist. Perhaps his medication will be increased or changed. I thought it odd that your BIL hadn't been given an MRI to check for a stroke when he first went to hospital, so at least it's not that. I hope he'll get a diagnosis soon. He's in the best place for now. My brother is very self-absorbed, always has been. Once his wife had gone into full-time care, he had to do next to nothing - he bought her clothes, toiletries and chocolates, but didn't have to pay any fees or for the hairdresser, etc., nor did he have to feed her or do her washing.

Doodle Yes, of course. There are forms to fill in (and signed by witnesses) to offer body donation. DH and I did ours about 15 years ago, and my brother and his wife did theirs at roughly the same time. I had these blocked eustachian tubes many years ago, after having had the flu. It was a different GP surgery, and I ended up having antibiotics. I'll give it more time to clear up on its own first, but it's making me very fed-up. Your art subject sounds tricky. I used to love drawing but was no good at painting. The main thing is to enjoy it and see other people, so it's good for you.

Doodle I believe th cardio appt is 13th April but its not with Cardiologist but a cardio nurse and its by phone. Yes, Ill certainly be writing things down that's bothering us and usually give DH a pre- appt ' run through' of things he should say( or not say) that could set them on the wrong track.
Oh dear you were given the run around over the MRI. Fancy the nurses saying they were waiting for the others when it was themselves that had to take your DH . There's so much we are not told and it feels like we have to be on the ball about everything. Dont think Id be much interested in the ship subject and it must have been quite detailed. We have a Camelia plant in a large plant pot and it had just started flowering for the first time in 3yrs. The wind blew it over and the pot was in bits. Gusts have been so strong.
HVDY No DH hasn't been overdoing things and its strange that he should get the tight chest thing after resting . .y BIL was told hed get the MRI yesterday and then today. They dont think it a stroke but some sort of heart issue. Hes wired up so if hus heart goes out of rhythm the Cardio dept are alerted.
Oh dear Im thinking your DB wont change now. Hope your ears go right soon ,its such a nuisance for you.

Hope all BDs have a peaceful night.x

Morning all, got computer, long but easy drive, glad to be here, see you all later xx

SweetpeaSue The telephone appointment for your husband must seem ages away - a month - but I hope he'll be able to get some advice about why he's been having those tight chest feelings even when he's relaxed.

Wyllow3 Glad all ok with you now. Hope you have a nice time with your sister and her family.

After a night of very heavy rain (Foxy got soaked at 9pm) and severe winds, it's a bright and sunny, but cold, morning. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Good point for Sweetpeasue - finding out what those tight chest feelings are, as its possible they are relatively benign but its the not knowing.

Not quite as great I posted early morning - I had a really horrible dream where someone else in Quakers was out to get me, but it has dissipated.
I knew very well that a change of scenery and being with family was needed, but fully accept that one takes ones brain and emotions with you on holiday.

Well this morning so far (9.45) there have been 3 blasts of heavy driving hailstones and sun in-between. Not really a day to go to the seaside, and I slept 9 hours and more of these kind of long sleeps are much needed.

I spent 7 hours when waiting for the computer and in the car chatting to brother. I was very tired, but wondering why it was even possible and I was able to do it at all!
But a quiet day today.

Laters, all.

Hi all
Wyllow glad you have arrived safely- that was a long day. You are capable of more than you think. Lovely to have your Brother all to yourself for a while. That’s a good tired at the end of the day.9 hours - that’s a good well needed sleep.
Enjoy every moment of your stay and may you get down to the sea and feel the sand between your toes. Your Sister must be so happy to actually see you face to face - it’s been a while I guess.
Doodle- the grief tiredness comes I think because you use a lot of mental as well as physical energy when such an upheaval
happens in your life . Getting out helps a lot but sometimes we can do too much. At least with the Summer coming you can get out but then rest on the Sun and have a natter.
It’s been blowy here too- our garden chairs flew off on an adventure down the garden.
Ships are very difficult to do- the shapes are not easy. I have done a few Cornish ones. But the friendship of the Class is what makes it isn’t it. I,m seeing my Art friends next week - we,ve been friends for ages.
HVDY- yes your lovely SiL has been saved the horrors of the very late stages of Alzheimer’s. My friends DH has had some awful times. Your Brother will come to appreciate your kindness hopefully as he will be very lonely in his own way.
I did shopping for my friend this morning and DD and I took it round. The worst part is how frightened she is- it is so much for one person to bear.
Our boys have wet food and Kibble for Ragdolls. They are typical cats one minute they like something next day they walk off with noses in the air. I expect an old box would do Jaffa- we got our boys some crackly paper balls today - they are not impressed.
I hope it doesn’t take so long for your ears to get better- that manoeuvre is horrible.
SweetPeaSue- Yes the dementia repetitiveness is very wearying- my friends DH asks the same questions every five minutes.
Your poor BiL it must have scared your DS what a good job your other DS was there to perform CPR. She must have a very cool head. Glad they don’t think it is a stroke but of course the MRI hopefully will make it clearer what happened.
It’s worrying for you too as you have another long wait for a phone call re DH. Maybe keeping a note each day of how he feels might give the nurse a clearer idea of how he has been.
Perhaps he just needs to pace himself evenly and rest well after an activity- I know that’s what I have to do. Trouble is when you feel OK you do more than perhaps you should- but it’s so good for your MH- Catch 22.
Nadateturbe- so glad you got to your Art Class albeit a shortened version.It must have felt good. I admire your determination and courage.
EllieAnne- hope you’re OK and getting out and about.

Love to all - missing some of our old friends

Wyllow3 Good for you to sit and chat with your brother for all that time. Did you have a lot to catch up with, or was it just putting the world to rights? The wintry weather has returned, for a while. Hope it brightens up where you are. You must have needed that long sleep, and I expect it did you some good.

ScaredyCat I rang my brother today. He seems to be ok, and is now used to living alone, but yes, he'll be lonely. I'll try to seem him tomorrow. He's going to visit his son next weekend, in Norwich, so that'll be good for him. Your cats are well-fed, like Jaffa. Cats are quite fickle, aren't they. Your poor friend, she's lucky to have you and your daughter to do some shopping for her.

I decided to get a 2nd opinion, so saw a different GP this morning. She said I've got Otitis Externa, a bacterial infection of the outer ear, and prescribed antibiotic drops, 4 x daily, for a week, so I'll see how it goes. Hope everyone else has been ok x

So tired - been quite a mentally busy day with various family members.
Scaredycat Lovely words to us all as usual.Thankyou- it was the same sis ,who's DH had the 'seizure' ( as they are thinking now) that did the CPR till ambulance and her DD arrived.
Doodle Hope youve had a good day with friends.
HVDY So glad you went for that 2nd opinion- the infection could have turned much worse. What's the matter with some of these Drs? ( sorry- feel quite mad tonight)
Wyllow Those tight chest feelings are what my DH started off with - its the angina. Sp glad youve made it to your sister's. Hope you have a lovely catch-up.
Nadateturbe Hope youve had a reasonable day.

Wishing all a peaceful night.x

HVDY good of you all to offer your bodies for medical science. I’m not opposed to being a doner but I’m not sure I could go that far.
I am hopeless at both drawing and painting. Distinct lack of talent here. I hope your ears get sorted soon. Sounds very miserable not being able to hear properly.
It was so windy here last night. Really blowing. Poor foxy. Hope he found somewhere warm to sleep.
Sweetpeasue I had a heart monitor in hospital and they could monitor my heart all the time. I went to the loo and while I was washing my hands the nurse was shouting through the door to see if I was ok as apparently my heart rate had dropped to 20 for a bit. I was lucky I didn’t fall but I was holding onto the sink and just felt a bit dizzy. Had another attack some 30 minutes later whilst I was sitting in bed. Doctor came within minutes and said we’re going to operate on you now as an emergency. That’s how I got my pacemaker fitted a day early.
If you’re concerned about DH could you not phone the cardiac nurse before the appointment to ask about her chest tightness?
Scaredycat yes it’s the friends at art that make it enjoyable, lovely bunch and we have coffee and a chat after class too. We all take turns in paying and bringing in biscuits or cake.
Nice you get to meet up with yours next week. Do you go for lunch?
Wyllow nice to have some time with your brother. I’m glad you’re there ok. Please try and rest now and enjoy your time with family. Push Mr A as far to the back of your mind as you can and relax with your family
Had a nice walk this morning then my friend came and helped with my jigsaw. Going to hospice tomorrow’s instead of today.