Black Dogs 29

Sweetpeasue hope you have a good time and your Dh can relax a bit.
HVDY glad you had a good time at the park. Sounds like everyone had fun.
Scaredycat hope you’ve had a good day. Did you see family again. I had afternoon tea with two friends. Very nice. DS1 is better but his wife is still poorly.
Wyllow you are obviously very self aware and should be applauded for the effort you put into trying to keep yourself on the straight and narrow. Very difficult where MH is concerned. I hope you can get past this Mr A thing and do some things that are good and helpful to you. I know you want him to accept responsibility for the harm he has caused you but I think he’s too selfish and self-centred to be able to do that. Don’t let that fact cause you any more harm. Try and forge ahead with plans for yourself. You have come on so well from where you were. We’re all rooting for you xx

Spot on about the anger and the difficulty leaving it behind, Sweetpeasue. I’m so hoping you go off tomorrow, and enjoy the break enough, its a bold but important move to try it x

As you hint, one trauma bleeds into another: it’s possible that the MrA business triggered unresolved feelings about ex. But your situation is worse in a way, you wont get justice for the trouble the doctor caused:

although its pre-occupying me re MrA, its aint over till the fat lady sings:

Yes I have to see him (I have today asked Safeguarding for a meeting with them and MrA and me tory and have my say - not confront him in the com[lex situation of a religious Meeting. If I could leave it behind without this, I would, but for whatever reason, I cannot yet

Doodle so am trying to find ways of processing it and leaving it, and I think I could if I didn’t have to see him in my worship space and actually worship alongside him - and also, Safeguarding wont let him come back properly if I absolutely genuinely am not coping so…

Yes, all of us in Black Dogs have had or are having trama of one kind or another: we aren’t the kind of people who can just “leave it behind” as some can do: have to work within who we are not who we might in our imagination like to be.

Today I kept busy - almost certainly because of the consultant eye appointment tomorrowplanted some violas out, did quite a tough session at the gym, wrote some emails to Safeguarding who are only going to have a key Area meeting on Safeguarding when I am away next Sunday!!! Clearly I would have like to have been there, if they are policy making.

Probably would have been terribly difficult but….the email they sent out announcing it, didnt say why ie…. it was to discuss Adult Safeguarding - and because of the incident. I ave put them on the spot by asking them to promise to raise what happened (no names or timing of course) and that “the victim was not believed” “one quaker actually wrote to her” etc. Well, I can only ask.

Thank you for sharing your story, HVDY as well as earlier significant ones.
And yes, you are right, this is my goal: family: I hope I’ll be around more as they continue to grow.
I’m sad I missed so much time on the growing up stage - with the youngest I was so close to him aged 4, then the depression happened, and of course he was then 6 going on 7…just have to accept it.

You had a busy day art home, well done on all that washing and hoovering, and tomorrow will be a lovely day weather wise with LG.
How is GD1 getting on now? If I recall, there was a tough patch?

Doodle I’m sorry you missed the Easter family time - poor DS and DiL - horrible to have on a holiday weekend. Was it something they had to eat?
I’m glad you had some company this afternoon, sending warm thoughts for those times that are hardest.

Hi all
HVDY- thank you .yes my Sister makes so much effort to do as much as she can. It’s a b….r that she’s had this accident- just hope it heals up well.
Clumber Park looks so lovely- a photographers dream. Something there for people of all ages.
Wow you worked hard yesterday- in the afternoon I visited my friend - she looked brighter so hope now the chemo is finished she,ll feel stronger. Although 18 months of immunotherapy won’t be a walk in the park
Hope you’re having a good day with LG and GD1.
EllieAnne- so sorry you have had such a trying time. Hopefully this lovely weather has reached you nd you can get out for walks and feel some peace.
Would it be possible to sit down with DH and share your feelings and the problems that wear you down- you have nothing to lose.
Wyllow- thinking of you today. Not easy to concentrate on anything until you,ve had your eye appointment I guess.
I hope it helped you to be able to offload some of your story.
Please don’t let that grubby little man spoil all that you have achieved and worked for.
Now is the chance to forge closeness and comfort with your lovely family. You have missed much but you have much more to share with them.
It made me feel sad that you feel so alone- I hope it is of some comfort to you that we all care so much about you and if ever you need to just chat we are here- ready to listen or PM.
Hope this evenings appointment puts your mind at rest.
Doodle-Ah what a shame you missed your family meal- poor son and his wife . I hope they feel better now.
Glad you were able to have afternoon tea with your friends. I think afternoon tea is my favourite meal out.
Yes we went to DD yesterday morning as DGD2 and DH and GGS 2 were there . So good to see them as they live in the Midlands. DGD is a nurse and DH is a MH nurse. GGS is 9 and a dear little soul. My DGD has several health problems but never moans- but laughs a lot!
Church for,you again tomorrow- hope your flowers are still looking lovely.
SweetPeaSue- sounds like the Easter lunch went better than you feared. Children are so full of life you can’t help but go along for the ride.
Such kind words for Wyllow- you have good insight into her situation.
I hope the sun is shining up on the Moors and the change of scene lifts your spirits, The children will have lots,of space to play and use up some energy. Hope too your DH manages to
Relax and has a comfortable 3 days.

It’s a lazy afternoon for us as we did some gardening this morning and DH cut the grass. It’s a postage stamp lawn but that’s enough!! The furry boys are loving the sun in the conservatory and are fast asleep - what a life.

Love to all Nadateturbe, Candy, Allsorts, and all others who pass this way

I’ve tried sharing things in the past and been ignored or had an angry response. You may remember the golden wedding conversation last year. However I did get a new doorbell this week but I think that was because ds2 commented on Saturday that we hadn’t got one yet. I’ve been asking for about a year. I’ve been for a walkonthe beach today and done work in the garden. Missing my usual activities.

It does comfort me that we are here together on BD, Scardeycat.
It is a very supportive space. And I am interested and care what happens to people who post on here (as well as in some other GN places, but probably know people best here). Living alone of course the internet is a great blessing.
I like the sound of your day, with a gardening morning and a lazy sunny afternoon. I so hope your friend is not affected by the next bout of treatment too much - will she get to see her DH? Oh yes, the furry ones are having the time of their lives sunning themselves sleepily, with hotel service laid on.

After an incredibly anxious day - week, weekend really - the 30+ mins I got with the consultant were very rewarding. He was so utterly through and I could trust him and gave me the all clear: said go ahead and wait for NHS appointment, they will take photos, then in a years time symptoms can be checked up on but currently def benign. Maybe I will feel more relaxed about MrA: however I still think seeing him - with witnesses - before before he comes to a meeting or asap will help me get things off my chest.

I hope Sweetpeasue got off all right and can relax a bit in the sun as tomorrow is supposed to be the “Best day of the year” so far.

Ellie Anne I feel angry on your behalf that your DH won’t engage with you and has blocked attempts to discuss your mutual situation. I feel the long shadows of your past hang heavily on you because you know these days, that many women would leave their husbands to make the most of the time we have left on this earth.

And the divorce laws now mean you do not have to prove a thing - you can divorce him, and assets have to be divided equitably. I know you want to help your family so much, and don’t be put off by my post please - I just want you to have a life and this last part of your life… I dont want you to sacrifice it to this man. (Hugs) but would back you whatever you decide x

As Scaredycat said as ever “Love to all Nadateturbe, Candy, Allsorts, and all others who pass this way”

Wyllow3 Firstly, how did your eye appointment go? Alright, I hope. GD1 is fine at home, good with us and any other family members (on paternal side), but very easily led by the wrong types at school. She also desperately needs a good mother figure - her own mum is horrible and selfish, and Son1's partner hasn't really taken on the role much as Stepmum - she's got 1 boy, but isn't hugely maternal, somehow.

Doodle How is your DIL now? What did they eat that caused food poisoning? Or was it a bug?

ScaredyCat I hope your sister makes a good recovery, and if she's already walking about with a frame, it sounds hopeful. Your poor friend has been through the mill. I hope she won't get any unpleasant side-effects from the treatment she's got to have. You had a nice time with family, by the sound of it. So important. Aww, your boys are loving the sunshine. Jaffa sat outside for most of the day, too - part of the garden is sectioned off for him.

EllieAnne It takes my husband years(no exaggeration) to get around to doing jobs, so I know what you mean about that. He also isn't good at discussing things. I'm glad you've been out - how lovely to be close to a beach. When do your activities start up again?

Busy day - GD1 and LG were here all day, so we went to a park that has a huge sandpit (LG loves it there), then a pub for lunch, and a local park to feed the waterfowl, before coming back to do crayoning and jigsaws. DH out with Son1 this evening. Hope everyone is ok x

Evening all.
So very sad to hear today that the lovely Soop of Soops kitchen has died. Such a lovely kind and beautiful soul. I feel so sad for her husband and family.
Wyllow so pleased the consultant was able to relieve some of your anxiety. Our eyesight is so precious.
I hope you get your meeting with Mr A and witnesses. Such a hard time for you with so little support from the Quakers. I hope they have taken on board the stress all this has caused you.
Ellie Anne do you think your Dh is as uncomfortable with the situation as you are or does he live in his own world.
Scaredycat pleased you got to see your midlands family. Sounds like a lovely day. I can just see your two fluffy ones sunbathing in your conservatory,
Sweetpeasue hope you’re having a good time with your family.
HVDY hope you’ve had a good day with two of your DGDs .Nice to have them together.
I’ve had three friends round today. Very pleasant afternoon

HVDY thank you for your concern, answered above.
I’m glad to get news of GD1. I think you are the good mother figure, it’s a blessing that she has contact with the extended family, and is able to see for example how mum and dad are with LG. She’s quite young to be able to analyse her situation and compare with others as of now, and young teenagers often act difficult situations out as rebelling.
But days out like today with both of them are working their secret magic x

I didn’t know her, Doodle. But such love on the thread, she was clearly very, very special and brought comfort to many.
I’m glad you had a pleasant afternoon - did you provide cake? ☺️. I hope the sun comes into your flat to enjoy.

I do read all your posts and do not have any solutions, when I get really down I just feel alone in it.
Ellie please do something about being in such a unhappy place. You would be better on your own because nothing will change unless the situation does. In 10 years it will be as it is now and you will less able to deal with it.

Wyllow3 Strange that your post wasn't there when I posted, but I'm very pleased that your eye trouble is benign and that the consultant took the time to explain things. I hope you slept well last night, after being reassured. GD1's mum had a lovely few days away in Filey, but didn't take any of her 3 girls (2 are Son1's). That's the type of "mother" she is. DH and I, and our side of the family, are very different, and GD1 realises that (she only sees her mum's parents a few times a year although they live not far from me), hasn't seen aunts and cousins for years.

Doodle Glad you had a nice afternoon with some friends. I bet the view is great, looking over the river.

Nadateturbe How are you?
SweetpeaSue Hope you're having a relaxing time.

I collected a Vinted purchase last night, from a parcel locker. It should have been a pink cardigan, but turned out to be a pair of men's trainers! Some poor man will be shoeless. Contacted Vinted to tell them. Meeting a friend later this morning. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day. x

Good to see you in, Allsorts. I guess we all have our ways of coping and some want to talk and others dont.

Oh dear, re the mens trainers, HVDY.
No, I cannot imagine not wanting to take your children on holiday with you. "time for yourself" is one thing, but....I'm glad that D1 is now getting some insight "it's not always like this for children", with support, hopefully sh will get through. Does she still have the cat/kitten (s)?

Enjoy your friend.

I didn't sleep well at all, tho not a big down, accumulation of stressors I guess - and tbh I was also terribly concerned overnight on the political Trump front and glad to wake up to what has happened. (this is unusual for me, but so was the situation)

Huge dark circles under eyes, so I will take it easy today. Believe it or not the pebbledash man has to come back as they had inadvertently more or less blocked a drain, but I will hide or go out!

Hoping Sweetpeasue can enjoy the sun - me, I'm concentrating on getting ready and resting up for driving north on Friday to family.

Just a quick post.
So glad your eye appt had good news Wyllow.
EllieAnne Thinking about you and your situation.

Sat on some decking at present and lovely quiet and sunny day with sound of birdsong. Everything going really well.
Reading your posts though not always having time to answer.
We go home tomorrow.
Love to all. Xxx

SweetpeaSue Glad you're enjoying relaxing break. The weather's beautiful.

Wyllow3 GD1's mum had a week abroad with her other 2 girls last year, left GD1 to look after the cat that gave birth shortly after they went, with no cat food or litter (I bought all that). She (the mother) has got the mum cat and 1 kitten (not speyed or microchipped), and gave the other 2 to her mate. Hope you have a very nice time with your family. It'll do you good to get away, and yet you'll still be able to spend time alone when you need to.

My friend got me a voucher for a manicure, for my birthday on Friday, so I went earlier

I'm doing this on my mobile, so have somehow posted a photo twice

Wow! You have nice hands and nails. thank you for the family background, I'll understand more in the future. I must admit I find GD mum difficult to understand - taking th other 2 away, unless thats what GD 1 wanted (or thought she wanted?)

Had another little sleep, a call from Psychologist, helped, been in sun, MrPebbledasher came round to unblock the drain and did it by shoving his arm down, I cleaned up, brief chat, then I did some clearing and hosing dust, and found the other drain was more or less blocked, (not due to them)

So undeterred I stuck my bare arm down the drain to my elbow and brought up the gunk, which was mainly earth, leaves, and small pebbles. I wouldnt have had gloves long enough and anyway I was pleased with myself as found some wood I havent been able to get rid of from Ex days had rotted and would fit in the dustbin....

and enjoyed more sun -

A big, big, hurrah! Sweetpeasue..well deserved, you both x

Hi ll
What a beautiful day it is . First day wearing a T shirt - first of many hopefully.
Doodle- so very sad to lose one of the well loved GN posters. She sounded a very lovely lady.
Nice for you to have friends round- hope,there was cake involved.
My SS1 popped round this morning to pick up his Birthday pressie for Friday . He lives about half an hour away and was working locally. I am very lucky to have such nice SC.
Hope Church was companiable today.
Allsorts- so nice to see you here . Wise words for Ellie Anne.
HVDY- my sister went home yesterday evening. She has to have home visits as her wounds haven’t healed up yet. We,ll chat at the weekend when she has caught up with her sleep.
You really have good parks where you live - always somewhere different to take LG. You give your GD1 another perspective on life and a realisation that family life can be trusted and loving. What a pity she doesn’t have a kinder Mum.
The Vinted episode must have been a surprise . Maybe there’s an old chap somewhere wearing a nice pink cardie!!
Love the nails - what a lovely present.
SweetPeaSue- so good to hear that your break has gone so well.
What wonderful weather you have had - you so deserve it.
Wyllow- my friend sees her DH when she is strong enough to cope with a visit.
What good news about your eye. They are so precious aren’t they and you must have been so scared. Thank goodness you are now being monitored.
I felt like you over Mr Trump last night. What a relief to turn on the TV news this morning.
You and Mr Pebbledsash got really stuck in - nice clear drains now.
May there be many more sunny days for you to enjoy.
EllieAnne- I too wish you had a life without all the pussyfooting nd inability to be yourself.
Life goes by in a flash - please think about ADs if nothing else.
Glad you got to the beach. On a nice day could you take a little seat and sit in peace . Maybe it would help clear your mind.

I,m feeling so tired at the moment but the sun called to me and we did an hours weeding etc. No I don’t think I,ll ever learn.
Love to all - present and pastxx

Wyllow3 Thanks. My hands are really wrinkly (I forget to use hand cream). GD1's mother didn't invite GD1. She's a horrible person - I could write a book! Well done on unblocking the drain. Not a pleasant job. The weather is glorious here.

ScaredyCat I'm glad your sister is home now. She'll be happier in her own place. You're always doing a lot. Have a rest!

Wyllow you are brave. I wouldn’t stick my arm down a drain.
Glad Mr Pebbledash is being useful. Reminds me of all the pebbledashed houses there used to be years ago.
Glad you had a call from the psychologist. Some sunshine will do you good,
HvDY the nails are stunning. Love the colour. I agree with Wyllow GD1 is lucky to have you in her life. Her mum doesn’t sound too great, mums shouldn’t play favorites.
Oh dear, men’s trainers. I imagine things don’t often go wrong as you deal with Vinted quite a lot don’t you?
Sweetpeasue I’m so pleased you’re having a peaceful time. Hope it does you both good.
Scaredycat church was nice. Lovely to have a service mid week too. So pleased your sister is home. Hope she recovers well now. Please don’t overdo things in the sunshine. You need to rest more.
Alllsorts nice to hear from you again. Hope you’re getting by ok. I know what you mean about feeling alone. I seem to have sunk into a sadness at the moment. I’m ok, still doing things and meeting people but missing Dh so much.
Take care all. Ellie Anne thinking of you

Dear Doodle I think the sun, people around happy, when you were, doesn't help. Not for a moment you begrudge them it, but....
and you bravely keep on for it is all that you can do, and I am very glad you have such a good church, and it does give a frame and what meanings you do have, and indeed, you put in a lot too.

HVDY my hands currently encased in lots of hand cream in latex gloves, leave them on for a couple of hours (I'm even typing in them - softens them up nicely.

Went to one of my groups tonight.
One of the verses was about god giving back the years the locusts have eaten. Some of you will understand the reference.
But I don’t believe it.
Didn’t have a good childhood because of my dad. Got into lots of bad relationships and married because I wanted a normal relationship and children.
And you know much of the rest.

I hope for many more T shirt days too, Scaredycat Sounds a good one for you, what a difference the sun makes. Good to see SS1, and yes, it is lovely to have them nearby, but credit to you…they clearly want you to be part of their lives. Yes, an early awakening to catch the news. Grim stuff, balanced only by realising the limits of what we can do now and ‘handing the baton on’ and, well, by loving as much as we can in our families and communities do we “do our bit”.
Yes you did overdo it, yes who can blame you on a day like this to tackle the garden. No, we will never learn. 🙄.

I didnt know that verse until I looked it up, Ellie Anne. The trouble I have with it that it apparently gives back those years without our own agency in getting them.

Any getting back that I have done has been at great effort and with substantial help: but I do seem to be gifted with hope in better times. Or learnt of its existence, something like that.

But you seemed also to have learnt you cannot change things.

It was pretty grim escaping Ex and divorce but imagine I hadn’t done it, tied to a controlling man, and your husband sounds pretty controlling by using anger or silence against you. There is a degree of abuse in that, you know.

You had a s*itty childhood and it’s all too easy to model choices of men on them.x

Wyllow3 I keep a tube of hand cream in my car, so I use it then. I've got a tub of O'Keefe's Working Hands cream, too, and find it good - when I remember to use it. Hope it's another sunny day again today. Do you sit in your garden?

Doodle Thank you. There are dozens of colours to choose from, but this one is summery. GD1's mum very much favours GD2 (who lives with her), and openly tells people that. What an idiot. I've never had a problem with Vinted, so I don't know what to do with these trainers - I'm waiting for a reply from Vinted. You will always miss your dear husband, but you are determined to push yourself to go out and see people - I wish my brother would, but he won't.

EllieAnne your childhood wasn't happy, you possibly married in haste, and your life now is very unhappy. You could change that by looking into ways to get a place on your own (a furnished flat, perhaps, and Pension Credit). Otherwise, do you really want to spend the last 10- 20 years of your life with a man you don't love or even like?

It's the day centre place today. It's usual for people to take cakes or sweets for everyone when it's their birthday, so I've got 40 cupcakes (that will include the staff & helpers). Hope ALL BDers have a decent day x

I lie down in my garden, HVDY, there is an area that is not overlooked at all. I've a well padded mat for this. I find it more comfy than a chair, but I havent got a proper recliner chair for the garden, and anyway like lying down.

I use a hand cream called Neutrogena, it's great, and keep one in my handbag. I do the glove thing in the evening.

Hey, is it your birthday !!
Have a good one if it is. Great cupcake idea.

Today is gym as missed 2 days and tomorrow day 1 of three without it and generally trying to take it easy as going tomorrow.

Wyllow3 Nice to relax like that in a private part of your garden. Shame the weather's changed today (it's rained on and off here and is cool). It's my birthday tomorrow (67), so DH and I are going to go out somewhere different for lunch. We don't ever buy each other presents for any occasion, but he's given me a lovely watch (I had 6 very cheap ones that all needed batteries). This one is just right and apparently charges itself by daylight , which I don't understand. Are you all packed to go tomorrow?