Black Dogs 29

Doodle You were together with your DH many years and you had a such a lovely between you. I can only say how sorry I am for your heartache and longing for him. I know you will always miss him but I hope today is a little easier.
Thankyou we've had a lovely time with son, DIL and the 2 children . Separate lodges but together mostly .
* HVDY* I should bother with my hands more. Ive age spots on them and I should use sun screen on the backs but I think nothing gets rid of them now. I actually put nail varnish on for our little break - I should care more.
Hope you have a lovely birthday lunch tomorrow. It was so nice of your DH to surprise you with the watch. Ive not heard of the ones that charge themselves with daylight. Have a livy day tomorrow.
Scardycat Pleased to hear your DSis is home from hospital. You must feel relieved and its good shes having follow up at home to keep check on the wounds.
Hope you feel more rested today after the gardening. The weather was gorgeous wasnt it- if we'd been home I think we would have done a bit of gardening. It gets harder though to bend over and if I get onto my knees I need DH to hang onto to get up!
EllieAnne Im so sorry for your situation and it makes me sad to think you have such a futile future feeling so alone. Some good posts here from our friends - I know whatever you choose will be hard, at least at first. Take care of yourself first.
Wyllow I was really impressed with you sorting that drain out-- I just couldn't do that , you are a strong lady.
I do hope you manage to enjoy some of your stay away. I think its good you have your own place to stay and it allows you to rest when you need. Lovely post to * EllieAnne* .
Allsorts Nice to see you in. Hope you can still have and look forward to better periods. Take care of yourself.
Nadateturbe Often think of you and sending love.

Well the last 3 days have been very lucky weather wise and it all went very well. Good to have those little times playing with the DGC . There was an open sided barn with table tennis, pool table ect and we spent little time with that. Animal's to visit too and they formed a couple of friends to play with.
DH has not been himself but didnt show he had pain to family. He disappeared with Fluffball a few times to walk quietly. Hes needed spray 3 times today alone. Monday we go to Scarborough for Vascular appt and the Thursday phone appt with Cardiac nurse. Hoping to get his problems investigated further.
Just so tired now but think we'll sleep so much better in our own bed- the bed in lodge was torture!😩 xx

Sending love to you all. ( nice to be home)

Sweetpeasue I’m glad you’re enjoying the break. In some ways it’s good that you have been able to watch over Dh so when you get those appointments soon you can mention the pain and the use of the spray and see what they have to say.
Thank you for your kind thoughts. I’m never sure whether to say how I feel or keep quiet. No one can help so why mention how I feel. It’s hard to know what is the right way of doing things. I don’t want pity but somehow I feel sad if people think I could forget Dh so easily. They think because I go out and do all these things I’m “getting over it” which is so far from the truth they have no idea. I talk to DH a lot during the day. Think of him all the time.
Sorry there I go again but I like talking about him. I don’t want him forgotten. He is everything to me.
Sorry all this isn’t a good time for me. I’m ok not crying just cry sad,

HvDY many happy returns for tomorrow. What a nice gift from your Dh. I do hope you have a lovely meal and enjoy yourselves.
Wyllow your garden sounds a nice place to relax. I should look after my hands more but I never have. Hardly ever wear nail polish although I do try to put hand cream on at night.
I’ve been in my rocker in the balcony earlier. Had to wrap up well because it was really windy. It’s lovely just rocking and looking at the sky and the clouds going by. Hope you got on well at the gym.
Ellie Anne I’m sorry you had such an unhappy childhood and that seems to have carried on into your married life. I know you love your children but your home life is so miserable. I do wish you could get a place on your own.
Scaredycat have you heard how your sister is today? She must be happy to be home now. How are your two fluffy friends? Do they sit with you and your Dh in the evening?
I’ve been to afternoon tea at the church hall. Had so much to eat I feel so full now. And I wonder why I weigh so much 😱

Afternoon the is a dangerous time, Doodle, as it nearly always involves cakes and the like.
I like it when you share your sorrow, as its "where you are now" and I can understand: and I like to hear about DH, because after all, he was with us when this series of threads started, part of a history we all know....always feel Ok about doing so....or not doing so, whatever works for you x

I'm just about packed - reflecting how much time self maintenance takes when I'm older - exercises for knees, eye heat treatment, pesky reappearing facial hairs, decent skin cream and cleansing...sigh...so much easier age 40 or so - "shower, spot of face cream....and go out.

I'll be in anyway when I am away. I have to put BD's and GN in my bag.

Sweetpeasue those days sound fab: but also quite demanding of course as in full on. Can you talk to the vascular people about what it is that particularly triggers needing the spray? How significant is needing it a lot now and then, unless it's all the time?
I can understand the time out DH took and glad there was Fluffball to take out. I wish there was a suitable painkiller for him? Or does taking it very easy mean less pain? it is so difficult - the desire to see family and spend time especially with the children, versus the need for quiet restful time.

Yes, there is nothing like your own bed, tho the bed when I stayed with sis was good: we'll see what its like in the modest B and B I'm going to, except its more than a B and B, the lady said I can come in for afternoon nap etc, she sounds really nice.

SweetpeaSue Thank you. The watch is a Citizen one. I've never heard of a watch not needing batteries. Glad you had a nice time with the family, especially the children. Sorry your husband hasn't been too good. Does his spray help much? I think it's always good to get back to your own bed and shower. Was the bed hard where you stayed? We once stayed in Prague and the bed was worse than a park bench. Hope you have a good rest tonight.

Doodle We all share our feelings and worries here. Carry on telling us about your husband. Your rocking chair sounds so lovely. You enjoyed your afternoon tea, that's the main thing. Don't worry about your weight. My diet has gone by the wayside recently.

Wyllow3 Enjoy as much as you can, with your family. Those times are so special. Hope the weather is decent for you.

ScaredyCat, EllieAnne, and ALL BDers - hope you all have a good sleep.

Ah, I read back, and your birthday is tomorrow, HVDY

Any plans?

I hope you get lovely pressies.

Doodle Never be reluctant or afraid to mention how you feel here. Ive done it enough.
I dont think anyone here thinks they can alleviate your pain. But I think it must be such a very lonely place to be when you are feeling such pain , yet cant express it. Its awful that we cant help, but even worse if you cant say how you feel. Just because we cant do anything to help, you need to be able to say how you feel. Hugs and love tonight and always.x

Sorry haven't replied to others. Will do so tomorrow.
Night all.x

Oh, all the demons available in my head, came a-visiting in the night. Grim. When I'm going off to do something potentially very nice. When it got to the whats the point stage, took extra tablets in the end, I knew I had to sleep as its a long drive. things have not stopped lurking.

Fortunately my cleaner is here making things more ordinary and I don't have to hurry.

On the plus side the weather is good for driving.

Wyllow3 We're going somewhere new for lunch. The Botanist. Family will all be here after work, but only for cake and drinks. Safe journey today, hope you have a good time with your family.

I googled it! We have one in Sheffield, I checked out the one most likely local to you, it looks amazing, classy, variety, not your one heaving plate of chips.

Enjoy.

Happy Birthday*HVDY*🎈🎉🎂
Have a lovely lunch and day.
Safe journey and good stay with family * Wyllow

Back later.x

Wyllow Thanks, the pain DH has in his left shoulder/arm/hand is due to him not being seen soon enough for the Subclavian Steal. He had very poor vascular flow and Vascular consultant that put syent in said he couldn't guarantee that the procedure would alleviate the pain as there might be nerve damage. We'll see what he says on Monday.
Do hope you enjoy your stay - just rest when you know you need to.
HVDY Sleeping on a park bench is exactly how it felt! Pillows were like flat boards to so DH put a bath towel under his head last day there.
DH seems to need the spray at times when hes not doing anything ( like lying down) as well as other active times.
He has also been getting pain in all his joints ( aswell as the nerve pain in his arm which seems constant). I wondered if his joint pain was due to the statin. I know they lowered cholesterol but I also think they increased dose too much from 20 to 80mg. Hes cutting tablet in half now ( at my suggestion) then after a short while going to GP to ask for cholesterol level to be checked again. He might not need such a high dose. I know the side affect is joint pain.

Been out to get some groceries this morning. Just a bit of pottering in garden - plus ironing to do.🙁

I don’t iron unless it’s linen.

Nerve pain is a tricky one. I hope the appointments get the balance right.

I like driving, and the motorway and the A road smooth sailing.
Hit a snag… strange noises developed in the car on the motorway yet the engine seems fine… so I’ve dropped stuff of at guest house (nice lady) and waiting for family to get back

And rung the AA 😬😬😬 cross fingers and toes don’t need a garage or something as out in the sticks 🤷🏼🤷🏼

AA came soon and it was the underboard flapping under the car, apparently not enough screws in it… its OK to drive with it off… as I don’t have AA Relay I’d have been stuck up here if it hadn’t been simple …it’s nice and sunny here and the kids have friends here which suits tired grans.

Hi all
HVDY- Happy Birthday!!🎂🎂🎂🍸🍸🍸
Hope you have the best day and enjoy a lovely lunch with DH.It,ll be a perfect end to the day with all your family.
Your watch sounds brilliant- what a great present. Must be well charged up in this lovely sun.
Doodle- always say how you feel- the love that you had and still have for your DH is so special how could you ever forget it.
We like to hear about DH . You go out and about because that’s what helps to fill your day and to meet new friends.
Your rocking chair is the perfect place to relax and let the warmth and the sounds of the river wash over you. It must be getting busy on the river now and lots of baby water birds.
Our furries are never far from us - even sometimes they sit outside the loo waiting!!
Wyllow- well done seeing those demons off- don’t let them do their dirty work. It was nice to have the company of your lovely cleaner as you were getting ready.
I hope you have a happy time with your family - isn’t it wonderful that you can go and see them now.
Glad the car problem wasn’t a serious one and that the Sun has followed you. Relax and enjoy the sun and your GC.
SweetPeaSue- Ah Fluffball and your DH walking together. such a sweet picture in my head. Two little friends taking time out.
I,m sorry DH has had to use the spray - is it more when he’s mobile ? Hopefully this coming week will bring some more answers for you both.
Hope you had a lovely sleep back in your own bed- there’s nothing like it is there.
EllieAnne- I really feel for you and your situation. To be alone yet not alone.
Is it not possible to make small changes. How about WI or volunteering at a pet rescue or local hospital. Anything that could help give you back your self confidence.

Last week I had my routine blood tests and an extra one for possible heart failure. The levels were raised so I should have an echocardiogram within 6 weeks- I,ll believe that when I see it. This would explain how exhausted I have felt - just have to wait and see.
Love to all- don’t the weekends come round quickly.

Wyllow Oh thank goodness not a serious problem with the car. You must have felt relieved. About 10 yr ago Id been to a friend and on the drive back I had simular( same?) problem. It made quite a noise and DH came out to meet me and tied it up till I got home.
Nice when the kids have friends to play with. My DGC made friends while we were away. Have a lovely time.
Scaredycat Yes, my DH loves Fluffball. It was such a nice country area and he walked her around the pathways between some fields.
It doesnt seem to make a big difference if active or not ,about DHs spray but it does relieve the tight ,crushing feeling in chest.
Oh crossed fingers that you do get your echo in the 6 weeks. I hope its all OK. Do tell GP if you feel worse. It may well explain the tiredness. Take it easy wont you , though I know you find it hard.

Ah, Scaredycat take care now while you wait for the tests … it would explain the tiredness… thinking of you xx

Well I had a fun rolly poly game with L, and got wee’d on, have used hairdryer on trouser legs… it’s quiet as the kids have friends round, which suits me as I’m tired and just nice to be here. The guest house is homely and easy going, have a front door key to come and go. She was glad I wanted breakfast at 8.45 not on the dot at 7am ☺️

Just had a phone call to say one of dh’s brothers has died. He’s been ill for a long time and it’s not a surprise. He’s in his eighties.
Dh doesn’t seem affected but he never does. And I got on fine with him but because of the distance we didn’t see him much and I don’t really know his wife . She is his third.

It’s a hard, lack of warmth world for you *Ellie Anne*… and it would appear he was more amenable, so I’m sorry to hear it. X

Ellie Anne your Dh doesn’t seem to have much emotion about anything. You seem to feel the loss more.
Wyllow what a lovely thing you said about hearing about Dh and the fact he was here at the beginning of the thread. So nice of you to think of him in that way. I’m glad the car problem wasn’t serious. The guest house sounds nice and a day with the family lovely. Hope the visit does you good.
Sweetpeasue you may well be right about the statins and your DH’s joint pain. So many people have that problem. I hope the vascular chap or heart people can help with the pain your Dh is getting. Nice that he likes having Fluffball around.
Scaredycat I hope you get your echo soon and they find a reason for your tiredness which they can help. Heart failure sounds so bad but in effect just means heart not functioning at peak performance. Hope all goes well for you.
HvDY happy birthday. Hope the Botanist provided a good lunch and you had a nice time with the family this evening.
I’ve had a nice day out with our walking group and coffee. This afternoon friend came and helped me with my jigsaw. Going to garden centre for lunch tomorrow

SweetpeaSue Your husband's joint pain might well be due to the statins. His dose sounds rather high. I was on 10mg of Atorvastatin (standard thing after a stroke), but stopped taking it as my legs felt so heavy. My cholesterol is 3.5. My husband stopped his, too. I hope your husband gets some satisfactory answers on Monday.

Wyllow3 Glad the car situation wasn't anything serious. Hope the weather is fine for your break away. Seeing your GC and son must be so good. The B&B place sounds perfect.

ScaredyCat I hope you get the test done soon. Heart failure doesn't mean you'll keep over - it can be managed. My mum had it for 25 years. Rest when you feel tired - I know you like to keep busy, but listen to your body.

EllieAnne Your BIL had been ill for a long time, so perhaps your husband feels his death is a release? My husband doesn't easily show emotions, but it doesn't always mean that things aren't felt. Take care.

Doodle Your day sounded very pleasant. I'm glad you've got friends to keep you company.

I had a lovely birthday - the meal was delicious (I had pan-fried salmon), and we got a cheesecake on the way home. Son2 and family came, with flowers, chocolates and 3 Bob Mortimer books. Later, Son1 and GD1 came, with a plant, mug, cat-themed notebook, and a scented candle. They all had some cheesecake. I had 12 Facebook messages and 13 WhatsApp/texts. I feel extremely lucky. Off to bed, hope everyone sleeps well x

Oh, that's one of my favourites too, HVDY - they pan fry in butter, yum. And cheese cake too. A lovely day and well thought out pressies.

Well yes Doodle, thats my recall, and the cruise too. How far does the group walk (or how long). Be careful with your Debit card in the indoor plant section (to outside if you have a little balcony).

Others know a lot more about it, Scaredycat and Sweetpeasue, than I do.

It's a lovely room in the guest house, warm, very comfy and nice high large bed. I feel quite comfy here. I had lots of cuddles with L and sang to her (my forte, mum and dad aren't very musical, I make songs up about her life.
I'm deliberately not sharing much about current events in my life, I know DiL doesn't want to feel emotional demands on her, its a matter of patience I think.

Night night BD's.

SweetpeaSue I didn't mean to suggest that your husband stop taking his statins, but Atorvastatin seems to be the first one GPs prescribe, but others might suit better.

ScaredyCat I meant you won't keel over.