Black Dogs 29

Wyllow does the safeguarding team have ultimate control of what happens or are they just in an advisory capacity? If a decision is made that you don’t like is there someone you can appeal to?
To be honest my biggest problem is my laziness. I could exercise more but I don’t. If I bought any equipment I wouldn’t use it. I am happy spending all day sitting. I need to move I know it,
Scaredycat I have both blinds and curtains. I love our sunny flat but when it’s really sunny it gets so hot. Hope you have managed to cope with the heat today.
Purplepixie I’m sorry you’ve had a bad weekend. Hope things improve for you,
Oh dear Ellie Anne he’s not very good at household matters. At least he tried. Must be annoying though.
Thanks HVDY don’t know what to do to shift this weight says she who’s just eaten a whole bar of chocolate. I know your brother is his own worst enemy but I do feel sorry for him. It’s such a lonely life without your loved one.
I’ve been with friends this afternoon eating ice cream and sitting in the shade, So hot now, I’ve got the fans on.

So sorry * Wyllow* that you are having to go through all this- it seems never ending for you.
Purplepixie Hoping you feel better after a rest. And that the bank Holiday is at an end.

Scardycat It must be so awful to see your friend with Alzheimers- you are so kind to both of them .
Yrs, my aunt's 'home' is within walking distance.
Doodle Im afraid Im the same. I want to lose weight so much but dont seem to be able to get myself in the right frame of mind. I dont discipline myself enough. I hope youve felt better seeing your friends today.
HVDY Wish you lived closer, your experience with dementia patients is very interesting. Im learning as I go along but thankyou for the tips. It doesnt seem long since we were taking aunt shopping and she loved talking about my mum( hersis) . Ive learned not to be first to bring her up over last weeks as her face started clouding over. She seems more in her own world.

SweetpeaSue It's so very upsetting when a loved one with dementia behaves like that. I can only say that your aunt probably settled down later and forgot how distressed she'd been. The home sounds nice, and I expect the workers are caring and kind. My SIL used to ask my brother not to leave, and he used to say he was going shopping but would be back later. She soon forgot about being left at the home. If your aunt senses that you're upset, she'll be more distressed. As difficult as it will be, try not to let her see that you feel upset. Dementia is really terrible.

Doodle It's been so hot today, ice cream is needed. I've just had a Cornetto. My brother is very lonely. I've been trying to persuade him to have a holiday. He can afford to go away, but won't, though.

PurplePixie How have you been today? Did you have a sleep?

These tablets for my overactive bladder are helping - yesterday I had 14 wees, today it's 9 so far (most days I'd wee 8 - 14 times just in the morning).

Dh can cook but I usually leave something that only needs heated up. I was just so tired when I got back and could have done without it.
Having a glass of wine. Probably not good for my headache. I should have been to bible study group but too tired.
I’m going to watch coronation street then go to bed. I know exactly what he will say. ,
“Oh ok”
Not are you feeling ok or anything like that. Sorry, I just feel nobody cares about me.

Thanks HVDY Yes ,the workers seem very kind and caring. My cousin said her mum would probably be fine after we'd left. She'd forget.
What a mess it all is.
There's going to be a choir singing tomorrow and my cousin will be there with her mum tomorrow.
Aunt wont remember it all - but she'll probably enjoy the moment.
I just feel so very depressed about how life can be- its not long since I wanted out myself. DH has had pains everywhere today so he needs to be sorted too. Rheumatologist Wednesday so we'll tell him everything about recent pains.
Thanks for your kind words.

EllieAnne I genuinely, genuinely care about you. We have got to now each other on here, and you are loveable but struggling. And don’t cook his dinner! Ask him to cook now and then for you both?

😡 😳

I found out why Quaker L had come forward to discuss with me yesterday about the one day a month business.

It’s actually quite shocking to me. It took some getting out of her email wise as she basically agrees with me and details were said but….

I will quote that bit of her email. I must make clear that she personally doesn’t agree with what follows, but had been basically trying to engineer a compromise so I didn’t find this out.

She wrote

“I have, however, shared my view (ie agreeing with me) with “those Friends” who
- knowing the bare bones of the matter - have challenged me about what they see as a lack of generosity towards him by you and a possible failure to live up to Quaker ideals of forgiveness and restorative justice

Ie, I am being “unquakerly” and she did not say who. MrA has been manipulating people . And of course she wont tell me who they are so I can’t talk to them personally!

Doodle Those in out little meeting in charge do not have a great deal of official status and I believe are not in agreement with each other either.
I sent all the correspondence on to Safeguarding. They are in charge on this but its all very complicated because of the ack of formal structure.

had alcohol and tablets (enough to knock myself out not self harm again but its a symptom of how its got to me. Another day gone.

What needed is Safeguarding to make a decision and explain it properly to all concerned.

I got dressed and thought, I’m going to walk in the lovely park!

It was hot and busy with children and very happy.

I pushed the boat out and decided to get an ice cream. As I walked away from the van I found myself along side 3 teenage girls and one woman and they sort of stuck around me.

Eventually one of them - the woman - asked me the way to the boating lake. I explained in some detail concentrating hard and they had just moved away when a man and woman rushed up to me

Are you alone? “Did they take something from your handbag! Have you got your purse?

I looked down and my purse was missing. The man rushed and rung 999 and I turned and saw them running away but not far.

After a moment of utter confusion, I was shouting shouting so loudly as we got near “we’ve called the policer! ~You’ve taken my purse!!! they dropped the purse near a load of people and the helping man picked it up and the women stood by me,

Meanwhile I had whipped out my mobile and took whatever photos I could shouting we have called the police
It was a family incident - a man was managing it, his wife the ringleader, and others involved, pretending to be “innocents”

We should have followed them quickly so I could get a photo of the number plate but I wasn’t thinking quickly enough what to do it was such a shock and relieved I had my purse and the own reminded me to check it..

The police came and they have the photos but they are only of use if the photos match ones on record. I was offered a lift but decided to walk it off, angrily, but so grateful to the couple, whose English was limited but they were so lovely and caring.

Just settling down from it now haven’t quite processed it. I’ll probably have a glass of wine before bed.

Doodle well hot days like today are not the ones to start exercising. But I’m the same about doing exercise at home - you know I head off to the gym your best bet is a chair yoga class…or even do a deal with one of your friends you’ll watch a U tube together and try out some chair yoga on it for a laugh.

I cant imagine your brother going away alone HVDY. Did he used to travel? Can you start trying to persuade him to go on organised day trips with others? Like coach outings to interesting places.

Now that is good wee news. Just over half?

I remember when you used to go and see your aunt Sweetpeasue and how much she enjoyed you going, and you taking her out. It seems no time at all. And being blessed to talk to her about your mum and all too, I hadn’t thought of that but so poignant. I’ve never had to cope with anything like that. xx

Well this weather is no good for losing weight and the pressures are so great….

I am very glad in the circumstances that DH is being seen on Wednesday, thank goodness not long to wait now.

EllieAnne Does your husband ever cook for you? As for him not asking if you were ok - he probably naturally assumed you were tired. Do you ask about him (with his hand, etc)? It doesn't sound as though either of you cares for the other much, which is a sad situation. Isn't there any way in which you could live alone?

SweetpeaSue It is so hard to accept that a loved one has changed/deteriorated. Yes, your aunt will enjoy the singing but then forget about it. Her long-term memory is probably still ok, though, so if you ask her about her childhood, teenage years, where she went to school and work, you'll possibly get a nice conversation going with her. Best of luck for your husband getting some answers tomorrow.

Wyllow3 What a horrible thing to have happened to you, on what should have been a pleasant time at the park. Those type of "gangs" are so sneaky and quick at stealing things like that. I'm glad people helped you and that you got your purse back, but you must have felt really shaken up by such an upsetting incident. It's a sad sign of the times that we cannot always trust strangers when out and about. My brother had some lovely holidays with his wife (UK and abroad), but I doubt he'll go anywhere now - he's not at all sociable, and his mobility isn't good - prosthetic leg. He'll visit his son in Norwich, so that'll be a break for him.

It's going to be another hot (too hot) day, so I'm staying in. Lost 4lbs of the 7lbs I'd put on. Swapped LG day to tomorrow, so we'll have all 3 granddaughters for the day - the 2 big ones will entertain LG. My bladder is much better (not "normal" yet, but it's certainly making life easier. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Oh Wyllow that was horrible for you. I’m so glad you got your purse back. It’s awful having to be suspicious all the time.
As for mr a I think it is possible to forgive someone even if they are not admitting to doing something wrong ( I’ve had to do that) but it doesn’t mean letting them back in your life to hurt you again or putting yourself in a situation where you feel uncomfortable or traumatised.
Sorry about my poor me post. Dh can cook but we don’t often eat together. It stresses me too much.

No, not a poor me post, it was a how you feel post x
And a very wise one too. MrA's absence, and time, may do what confrontations may not and others forcing one. but the whole situation is just re-inforcing my loneliness as it was a major tho of course by no means all part of my life, but the faith part till there is some way for moving forward.

It seems to me that he is able to cope with separateness but still living in the same house, but you cannot (nor should you) as you hunger for affection more than him and the lack of is made stronger by the situation.

Ah, I didn't realise but your brother's leg, HVDY. Hey, well done on the weight front.

My second paragraph is about you EllieAnne not me!

Wyllow What a horrible thing to have happened to you on what should have been a pleasant walk to help you take your mind off the fall out from Mr As assault. Its despicable how these thieves can plan a theft like that. Im so sorry - youve enough to deal with. Glad you got your purse back but it must feel really horrible .
Such kind words to EllieAnne
EllieAnne I just dont know what to say but, like others, perhaps leave your husband to do more for himself. Its such a sad situation. I just cant imagine how uncomfortable it is to live like that. Surely your husband must be aware of the day to day atmosphere- Im so sorry.
HVDYThank goodness that medication has helped the bladder situation. Its so tiring having to keep getting up for wees in the night too.
Yes, aunt has many longterm memories and things she's told me from years back that can open up conversations.
Well done on losing some of the weight gain.

DS wanted us to accompany them to a garden nursery today but wont be going as DH not well - both hips, shoulders and finding it painful to open ip both hands. Not sure if Polymyalgia come back. Will see tomorrow.
Hope everyone has a reasonable day. X

Wyllow3 My brother had to have his leg amputated above the knee, when he was 36 (long story but a car ran into him). He's had the artificial one longer than he had his own leg but still gets Phantom Limb pains occasionally.

SweetpeaSue It's too hot for mooching about. Hope your husband's go soon go. If it is Polymyalgia, I expect he'll be given steroids?

Been up since 6.30, and feel so lethargic that I've been dozing off. Must liven myself up. x

SweetpeaSue that should have read "hope his pains soon go"

Hi all
Wyllow - What a dreadful experience for you especially as it must have taken an effort to rally and get out.
What wicked people to do that to you - glad you had kindness from strangers too. It must have been very scary but also must have made you really angry.So glad you got your purse and contents back - don’t let it ruin your confidence at being out as there are far more nice people around than the greedy scum who think they can take whatever they want but never ever give.
Quakers was and still is a big part of your life. Mr A has sullied that for you but time and support from your fellow Quakers will gradually heal the hurt- Safe guarding need to make a definitive decision without pussyfooting round MrA.
HVDY- we raided M and S freezers this morning - ice lollies and choc ices and peppermint ones on sticks. Time we grew up eh!!
So glad your tablets are helping you.
Your brother must have some lovely holiday memories but his leg must hamper him quite a bit now to go on his own.What a terrible thing to happen to him.
I,m glad he has Norwich to visit- it’s my home town . Such a beautiful city and slower ,kinder pace of life.
Wow that’s a lot to lose in that short time- well done.
Tomorrow will be lovely with all the girls - LG will be very happy.
SweetPeaSue- It’s a huge learning curve with our loved ones who are suffering with Alzheimer’s. I,m sure that your Aunt will be happy to know you are close by - even though she,ll forget 5 minutes later!! We, e learnt not to make a big deal when it’s time to leave - just a quick hug and a see you later but not goodbye!!
Ah life can indeed be so difficult - but there is always something to be grateful for even in the darkest hour. Remember- one day at a time.
Hope the Rheumatologist will be kind and understanding tomorrow and also answer all your questions.
Doodle- I don’t for one minute believe you are lazy.
It’s not easy trying to motivate yourself to exercise if it’s something you don’t enjoy much. I guess the thing is to do something you enjoy- or as Wyllow suggested the chair yoga with your friend- it,ll make you laugh if nothing else.
Yesterday my DD and GD3 and her boyfriend came over for coffee and cake while DH and SiL went to Golf. It was boiling hot.Yuki fell in love with GD boyfriend and they played together for over an hour!!! It was so sweet. After they’d gone sat on my B…. For the rest of the
EllieAnne- Next time you go away and leave DH behind just leave rolls ,cheese,ham etc and let him make his own food. He could always get really creative and open a bag of crisps!! Also now he knows how the dishwasher works make it his job to load and unload. You don’t have to do everything - unless he is poorly.
There is so little feeling on DH part towards you or what you are doing no wonder you feel uncared for. In reality it is him who has made you feel like that. Your DC and GC love you and your friends will love you for your kindness and we all care a great deal for you too.

Love to all -xx

Scaredycat I love ice-creams, I’d have one every day if I could
How lovely you had visitors yesterday and Yuki had fun with them. Bet they all enjoyed themselves. I do go to sit fir but it’s not in this week, quite glad really as it would have been to hot for me.
HVDY good idea to have your DGDs together so they can keep themselves occupied, I didn’t realise your brother had his lower leg amputated, How awful for him. He obviously gets round well though.
Your weight loss is amazing, well done, what are you taking for your bladder if you don’t mind me asking?
Sweetpeasue oh dear more worries for you with your Dh. I wonder what it could be. Hope he improves soon. Nice of your son to ask you out thought,
Ellie Anne we all care about you. It’s awful you feel like that. Perhaps you should get your Dh to cook a few times a week so he gets in some practice. It sounds like you do all the work in the house.
Wyllow I’m so sorry. What a dreadful thing to happen to you. Last thing you need on top of everything else. So good that other couple warned you and you got your purse back. Good of them to help. I wonder how many others they’d done it to. Hope your ok
I’m just melting here. No energy for anything which is bringing me down a bit. Sleep well all

He can cook ok. I leave something out when I’m over at s1 and he worked away from home for a long time and had to see to himself. For some reason he couldn’t think how to cook mince.
I know it’s hard for people to understand why we are still together but he does not treat me badly and seems to think things are ok. Him working away for months on end didn’t help. Anyway I will stop talking about it.
I hope everyone is ok with the heat. It’s been nice her but due to change soon.

ScaredyCat You're never too old to enjoy ice cream or choc ices! I had a mint Cornetto earlier. Lovely. My diet is all over the place with this hot weather (too hot to cook) but I haven't been having too many calories. How nice that you had family there yesterday for coffee and cake. Glad your GD's boyfriend got on so well with your boy. Cats know when someone is friendly and trustworthy.

Doodle I'm taking SOLIFENACIN, 5mg, but it may be increased to 10mg when I go back to the GP in a month (doubt I'll get a urology appointment before then). I was on Oxybutynin many years ago, for about 15 years. This weather is too much for me - I've been drowsy all day, and sticking to the leather settees.

We had a thunderstorm not long ago, for about 10 minutes. It hasn't cooled things down at all. x

Sweetpeasue this is a long shot but does it being so very hot make a difference? I'm so very glad it's tomorrow.

Oh my HVDY at 4pm there was nearly half an hour of - yes really - hailstones! I hope the meds you are on continue to be helpful and maybe even put up.

BTW to all - it was a comment other thread about heat, and a poster pointed out if you are on certain MH drugs (*possibly others as well*) then you are more likely to be affected by the heat. Its worth googling. As includes dizziness et al.

I think the loneliness you feel and DH matters Ellie Anne is complicated and doesn't fit any neat explanation. as you say, you used to have chunks of time alone and when the kids were at home - all very different.

DH doesnt need to be abusive to be "not right" for you right now but you know we wont nag you, but still keep expressing your feelings.

We all need support for things we cannot change whatever the reason.

Doodle yes the heat knocks one flat, and therefore limits what you can do in the going out and doing things/occupying yourself. How about on days like today just making it out to the hospice for a quiet cuppa on the cool?

I find that going out even if it's just the Supermarket or the Costa when it cools a bit helps.

But I was incredibly tired today but not surprised after yesterday ho0 wever I need to go to the gym to stay well. (people plus exercise)

Tomorrow.

I was OK after the purse thing today because the sense of gratitude of being helped sort of more then cancelled it out?

I wrote to my psychologist first thing and got a reply within a couple of hours. Its really helpful as her advice on MrA things she sort of ordinary-fies them. I am mega fortunate having had her for 6 years and realise it's only "for the now".

Nothing wrong with sitting one ones @, *Scaredycat. its so hot! but what a truly warm picture you paint of cat and GD boyfriend, I love it when young men go all gooey for cats. (DS does, first Ex did).

Slept today as ever in the afternoon. and rung the GP to book an appointment in a month with the my best ever GP to discuss energy levels and low immune system when she has the psychiatrist report. its quite simple really, yes I want any advice going on low immune system and other bits of me like digestive system all putting it together and I want it on my medical notes,
but I also want ammunition to prove consequences of MrA if there is more disbelief.

Thanks Wyllow. The heat has made no difference but I understand why you may have thought that as recent bilateral pains have coincided with the high temperatures. DH has seemed quite bad fairly quickly with the Polymyalgia type pains.
Wish we could make appts in advance with GP -would make things easier. So good you have such a knowledge of how the medical system -GP surgery ect works.
I feel we ( DH) are just a nuisance now if we need further help. DH doesnt want to bother anyone as he thinks ' they' can't help.( which, to be fair , by and large , the NHS haven't shown to be helpful when it was needed)
Just take extra meds as having a bad night.

I hope you got some sleep Sweetpeasue. All the best for today.

I woke up at 4.30 too early for me as I'd gone to bed at 12, I've pottered and going back!

Hi all
This morning we are taking DD and SiL out for their Wine tasting visit which had to be cancelled due to SiL Dad being poorly. We said we,d take them so they can both have some wine. We,ll go into the nearest village/ town and have a mooch - probably a hot mooch🥵 and a coffee etc. Then Pick them up when they,ve finished.
Doodle- this is real melty weather!! I confess I have had ice cream every day in this heat- that’s my excuse!! The lack of energy is awful isn’t it.
SweetPeaSue- isn’t it dreadful for us all to have that feeling of being a nuisance for the doctor instead of just being able to go like we used to. You and your DH should never have to feel like that - hope today goes as well as it can.
HVDY- how’s Jaffa doing in the heat? My boys are zonked.wish they had zips on their furry coats!
I could eat ice cream til it came out of my ears!! My very favourite is Rum and Raisin why can’t it be a healthy option!!
My GD and her boyfriend have their own little rescue cat and from never having had cats he,s besotted with her- always a plus if a man likes cats.
Wyllow. I expect you’re still asleep!! Hope the rest does you good. Being proactive as you are with getting to the bottom of things is such a strong attitude. I think you feel better if you have noted everything down and tidied it up in your mind.
My DS loves cats too and at one time had 3 Norwegian forest cats. Now he has 3 dogs!
So glad you took comfort from the caring side of the purse episode - emotionally it must have exhausted you.

Time to get ready - love to all mentioned or not and have the best day you canx

Wyllow3 Hope you managed to go to the gym. The weather's been beautiful here - warm but with a nice breeze. Same where you are?

SweetpeaSue Hope your husband's appointment went well. Is it a flare-up of Polymalgia he's got at the moment?

ScaredyCat Jaffa is ok in this heat. His fur is only short, and he occasionally flops down on the laminate flooring or patio. He's been drinking more. Men who love animals, especially cats, are always kind and good men. Both of my sons are animal lovers - Son1 has got pet rats, but adores his GF's dog (she had an elderly cat which he loved, and Son2 loves DIL's 2 cats. Norwegia Forest cats are big, aren't they? Beautiful.

Hope everyone has been ok. Had LG and GD1 and 2. Took a picnic and spent the day at Rufford Park - lots of walking, fed some ducks, went on the park, and they played in the sandpit. GD2 was especially helpful with LG. They've all gone now. x

HVDY I think we've been to Rufford Park when we were looking after DGD while son 1 and wife were away. Youve so many lovely parks around there haven't you. Oh heat and leather together 😩 - our car has leather seats that get so hot they literally burn any bare flesh. We'll need to get covers. Its nice that older GC can help look after LG and I bet LG loves it.
Much cooler here today too. DH has had a blood test to see if inflammatory markers are raised which signifies Polymyalgia.
Scaredycat Hope it wasnt too hot for you both while waiting for your DD and SIL. I have some M&S choc ice-cream cornets in the freezer and so far haven't touched them. We have had pure fruit juice ice- lollies, though theyre not as 'naughty'. Its easy to feel a nuisance as you get older and need Drs more isnt it. I still cant think of you as being 'older' though. Never heard of Norwegian Forest cats - must look them up. Ive always been a bit scared around cats actually, as my first boyfriends parents had one and it was pretty wild and scratchy.
Doodle Hope there's a cool place in your flat if the heat gets too much. I think its much hotter where you live. It must be nice to sit and chat with your friend on her cool balcony.
EllieAnne Dont worry , we understand that you need to offload at times when things get on top of you.
Wyllow Glad youve been able to share things with your nice psychologist. Hope you had some rest today. I was awake most of the night and had bad dreams last night.
NadateturbeAllsorts**Purplepixie Hoping you are all OK.x

DHs appt was an hr and half late.We were the last ones sat in the clinic. Rheumatologist must have been so busy but he was so nice, as always, and examined DH' properly and gave us time and listened. Blood test done to see if Polymyalgia- if it is DH will need steroids again. He checked a CT scan DH had done on one shoulder a couple of yrs ago , said there was lot of inflammation so sending him for Ultrasound on both shoulders and guided steroid injection into one of them. Also sending DH to Pain Clinic.
Really tired now .
Hope all have a reasonable night.

Ellie Anne I wish you were happier at home and had some common interests with your Dh but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Sorry things have worked out as they have for you.
HvDY my DH was on that for a while. Glad it helps you. I’ve just had an ice cream. You’re right it’s too hot to diet.
What a lovely afternoon with your granddaughters.. sounds a good idea with the picnic. Hope they all enjoyed it.
Scaredycat where do they go for the wine tasting? Nice of you to give them a lift. I’ve had lots of ice cream too. Don’t like rum and raisin though. I like pistachio or raspberry.
Sweetpeasue you should get help from the GP. They may not be helpful but never feel you are being a nuisance. Don’t ever be put off from contacting them if you have worries. You’re trying to do your best for your Dh and if that means being demanding, so be it.