Black Dogs 29

Well I slept for 2 hours plus and pottering. I must had had 5 brandies, HVDY, which is far too many, as it didn’t knock me out at all just eased my reactive feelings after such a difficult time.

That is some cemetery! Yes, the supermarkets are fine for your standard plants and sometimes some nice surprises too.
Enjoy son.

Scaredycat I hope that when it is cooler as it is now at 7pm you find you can enjoy the family “do” - the heat saps ones energy and the more so for you as you are quite vulnerable. I just cant imagine the ages of your huge flock.
Yes - where does the time go - where has it gone? I’m glad to hear that he cats in your garden have not been excavated as yet.
Well you cant drink wine so you just go full on for the very best cake and choc, and what did you have at the do.

So you have a special Fluffball voice too, Sweetpeasue. I think many dog owners do but often a well kept secret.

3 miles is too far becuase you want to use the energy ON the beach, dont you? It doesnt sound a very touristy area like further south?
My goodness, what a dream! Huge heavy duty caring in it! I’m not surprised you woke low.
Sensible to potter and tidy, I hope you got some nice M n S treats.

I had a long sleep.Just allowing myself, after all the stress last week, to flump around in my long nightie/more like a long day dress as well. I did do a wash...still watching Montalbano, I will hate it when I get through the 10 DVD's. I'll make myself stick to one unit by having white wine, I have a box.

I’ve been to the theatre today. Enjoyed it but had to walk really fast uphill to catch the bus. Feel totally drained and exhausted now but a good day.
Wyllow a good sleep and rest will do you good. So much stress for you recently

Wyllow I’m working backwards through the posts and have just come across the wonderful news that Mr A has been banned. What a relief. Such a vindication of all your efforts. So pleased for you

HVDY hope the BBQ went well. Nice to have a family get together. That poor woman. Sounds such a difficult thing to cope with. So nice of you to go in for a chat. Yes I did take my fan and I needed it. Such a hot day,
Scaredycat hope the party goes well. It should be cooler now. Been such a hot day. I do hope you enjoy it. My hair is not dead straight but not curly either sort of wavy .
I was in a cafe today coming back from the toilet when I saw the back of a man sitting at one of the tables. He looked so much like my DH it gave me such a shock. I wished so much it really was him. My friend turned to look at where I was looking and she thought the same too.
Sweetpeasue bad dreams affect me too when they linger during the day. Managed the theatre with a fan but the bus journey was boiling. I’m totally exhausted
Sorry your Dh has had such pain. Do you have any idea hats causing it.
Ellie Anne have you been in the garden? Hope your weather is improving it’s so hot here.

It is exhausting when it's so hot, Doodle Can just imagine the bus journey.

What was on at the theatre?

that was a shock, like a deja vu (hugs) x

ScaredyCat Hope the family get-together went well. Ours did. I don't know why I thought it was going to be a BBQ - it was takeaway. 6 had pizzas, 5 had Chinese (I had pizza), and a chocolate cake to follow. The children and dog all played together. LG was her adorable self. How many were at your party?

SweetpeaSue Sorry your husband hasn't been very good today. We're almost in July, so hopefully he'll know more about what the pain is. Nightmares are horrible. Hope you have some pleasant dreams tonight.

Wyllow3 That was a nice long sleep you had there. I was tired today but managed to stay awake.

Doodle Glad you had a fan to cool you a little bit. What was on at the theatre? Oh, that's horrible when you see someone who looks like your loved one. It's been pleasantly warm here today, not blazing hot.

Had a nice time with all the family - seeing them all again tomorrow, at Bakewell (Derbyshire), the Thorbridge Estate, for the day. DH and I will be taking our chairs and big parasol. Hope ALL BDers have a good sleep tonight x

Doodle That moment, when you saw that man looking so like your DH must have been such a shock. With your friend, thinking the same- well he must have really been quite a lot simular. I hope youve been OK tonight after that shock.
Hugs and hope you're OK.

Thanks HVDY Ive been googling his pain tonight as hes been particularly bad and been clutching his left chest most of the night. The angina spray doesnt help .

So dh can’t hardly walk this morning because of the pain which seems to be from his hip.apparently there is no point in going to the doctor because the waiting list is 3-4 years. I’ve just looked it up and it’s more like 1-2 though he’d have to wait a few months to see the orthopaedic dr. But if he won’t help himself there’s not much I can do.😬

SweetpeaSue What do you think is the cause of it? Could it be muscular pain? Has he been doing gardening or washing the car, anything like that? Would Voltarol or anything ease it a bit?

EllieAnne Some GP practices have their own Physiotherapists (mine does). Is there anything on their website to say they might have? Does your husband take painkillers? I assume he's got Osteoarthritis? I take 2 Ibuprofen every morning for my hips, and it helps a bit. On days when I've forgotten to take it, I really notice a difference.

Dear EllieAnne, may I venture to say that DH seems to be assuming it is the worst and that his hip would need replacing. Firstly, it may not be the case, and secondly even if it is, there may be things he can do in the meantime to make his situation as good as possible.

So - just in terms of "getting on the list", if it proves to be necessary, is important: and secondly, HVDY is right, he needs to be referred to a physio: also it may be that X rays will help identify matters.

He needs to make an appointment to see a GP. Yes, I know, some men and GP's, but he shouldn't be laying it on you as all hopeless and effectively making you responsible when he might be able to be more mobile than he is.

Enjoy your day out, HVDY - be shady in the middle of the day!

I had two dreadful dreams - spotted the meanings right away it was so obvious! One was being invaded by people who didn't care, the second was being asked/social pressure to perform tasks way way beyond coping with. Not too surprising: I'm poorly with earache:
I will go to the Quaker Central Zoom and just poddle and not expect too much like not going out if I cant.

SweetPeaSue - It was sooo hot last night but there was some air con and a big conservatory. We sat near the open doors.
Oh yes 3 miles is too far to walk especially as you then have to walk back!
Those dreams that stay with you are horrible aren’t they.
July can’t come quick enough for your DH - poor soul.it does sound more like muscular pain though.
Wyllow- last nights food was great. The kids had burgers and ll the stuff they like with the. And we all had Greek. There was Lamb,Chicken ,Pork ,Pittas and different salads- really tasty and good for,the weather. Plus piles of profiteroles.
We,ve watched all the series of Game of thrones 3 times and every time it finishes I want to watch it again. You need another good series to watch after Montalbano.
I like your verb “poddle” much nicer than poodle. Think we all need to do that sometimes.
Hope the earache goes way quickly.
HVDY- glad your “Do” went well. Having Takeaway was a great idea - let someone else do all the work. LG is going to be so confident in the years to come as she deals so well with all sorts of social occasions.
Bakewell is nice- have a lovely day. Good idea to take the chairs and brolly.
We have just had Stepson 1 and his wife over for lunch as it’s Father’s Day. Then DD popped over to bring DH a card. It’s boiling hot - so uncomfortable.
EllieAnne- your DH does put a lot of obstacles in the way of doing anything doesn’t he. He really ought to get his hips checked out. It’s not going to get any better. He needs to take more responsibility all round.
Take care of yourself.
Doodle- hope it was a good show and worth the effort in that heat.Having to hurry like that afterwards was enough to exhaust anyone.
You have the perfect hair- in this heat my poor little hair wilts like a whisp.
Oh it must have made you feel all sorts of emotions seeing someone so like your DH. He must have been a nice man too.
Sometimes it happens to me if I see boys playing football etc- the longing is always there.

Last evening went really well. So pleased for GD1 s DH he,d worked so hard to make it special for her. There were lots of people there probably about 80-100 - including Uni friends,school friends,neighbours,work colleagues ,family . Including every bodies children. My DD was so happy to have all 3 of her girls together as GD2 lives away. It was at the venue where they got married - only 5 minutes from our house.

Love to all- mentioned or not.xxx

Afternoon all. I’ve been at the hospice this afternoon with our sons and two of our grandchildren. It is DH’s birthday and Father’s Day. So lovely of them all to want to be with me at the hospice. It’s a special place for us all and we tend to gather there on anniversaries etc.

Had some quiet time to myself at the lake and shed a few tears.
Back home now and thinking of something light for dinner.
Scaredycat what a lovely evening you had. So many people. I bet your GD was thrilled. Her Dh sounds a caring chap.
Food sounds wonderful. Glad you all had such a good time.
Wyllow I hate those dreams that linger into the day.
At the theatre it was Allegra with Maureen Lipman. It’s nice to go and do something different. Hope zoom meeting brought some comfort.
HvDY hope your parasol and chairs made it a comfortable day for you with the family. What a good idea to take some shade with you. It’s quite hot to be out. Hope you’ve had a good day. Did you take food with you or eat out?
Ellie Anne when I had hip pain the GP told me it wasn’t my hip but referred pain from my knee. I’ve heard the same from others and you/he could look it up on the internet. It is common for hip pain to actually be knee problems. Either way whatever it is your Dh needs to see the Gp and be diagnosed or to stop complaining. It’s silly to talk of stairlifts if he hasn’t even been checked out. Perhaps get your children on board to tell him not to be so silly.
Sweetpeasue I also wonder if your DH’s pain could be muscular. If the angina spray doesn’t help it’s likely not that. I think he needs to be seen as soon as is possible to see what’s going on.
Yes it was a shock seeing that man. I only saw him from behind and it was the back of his head and shoulders reminded me so much of my darling man.

Thankyou all for asking after DH.
It may be muscular though hes had it about a year now. He can point directly to the spot just above heart and says he could draw a ring around the spot so quite definite. It hurt when Rheumatologist pressed slightly against it. CT on 8th July. His other pain- hips/shoulders I thought may be Polymyalgia at first but a BT didnt show high inflammation. Hes getting so low with it all. Rheumatoid said he was asking another Dr to see him but not got word yet. Supposed to be getting guided steroid injections too. I wonder if its Rheumatoid Arthritis as hand swells but the left side could be nerve damage from neglected Subclavian Steal where first Vascular consultant ignored it.
It just seems to be constant . Hoping something shows up in CT.

Sorry can't address everyone, today. So glad your famy were with you today at hospice Doodle A very significant anniversary with Father's Day included too.

Take care all. Xxxx

I looked up Allegra, Doodle. Phew, energetic (on stage).
What a poignant day for you. Thinking of you warmly as you hold your memories dear.

My goodness, what an amazing "do", Scaredycat. Phew. I expect you are well flumping after that today. And the food! And another family do today....

Well I did manage to get going after all, after the Zoom. I decided, as it was cool in the supermarket, to do my weekly shop.

TMI .. I have been grossly over bloated the minute I eat certain foods that are completely wrong despite previous research: did more this morning, shopping done.

(Headlines: eat carrots, leaf greens spinach potatoes and fish fish fish (fish, and more fish), low gluten, no lactose already, no onions garlic pulses etc but they have cunning delicious whatever free munchy treats as well. I've been having too much raw food, I love it, and "its good for me" but is not easily digested)

Then sort of made myself to go to the local park. It has a walk by a river that is 50% shade on and off:
It’s a lovely park for people watching, international, paddling in river, long shady walk by river, tennis, basketball, 4 play areas, and a boating lake with paddle swan boats.

I am freeing myself from you know who thoughts, but have bad dark circles under my eyes that speak of over long stress. It wont happen again A kind person gave me some good advice earlier online.

Back later xx

After I told him the real waiting times he said he would go to the doctor. And the surgery does have a physiotherapist so dr can refer him if it’s necessary.
At last we have ☀️
I’ve been sitting out and doing a bit of gardening.

ScaredyCat What a lovely time you all had. And such a large gathering! That's what life is all about - seeing loved ones, enjoying good food, and chatting with people. Perfect. Nice that your husband saw your daughter and his son for Father's Day.

Doodle How nice that your sons remembered Father's Day and, of course, your husband's birthday, too. Lovely that a couple of the GC were there as well. Bittersweet memories. I didn't realise Maureen Lipman was still performing (she must be knocking on a bit by now). It made a change, and as you say, it's good to try new things sometimes. DH & I and Son2 bought a packed lunch there, but Son1 took his own gluten-free food.

SweetpeaSue Whatever is causing your husband's chest pain (and other aches), I hope the CT will show something so that he can be treated. How have you both been in this heat?

Wyllow3 It's lovely to go into air-conditioned shops. I hope you bought some goodies. Do you keep a food diary at all? Your park sounds great - lots of things for people to do. Ideal for families - might your GC go there if/when they visit?

EllieAnne Hoe your husband manages to see a Physio soon. Glad you've got some nice weather at last. It's been 26 degrees here, and it's going to be as high as 34 by Thursday! I hate it.

Had a long but lovely day. Left home at 10, met everyone at 11.30. The children played in the sandpit and with the lawn games - badminton, swingball, Connect 4, and paddled in the fountain. Afterwards, we went to the Tap House so that the men could sample real ales. Got home at 7.30.

Oh well done there, EllieAnne.

Oh, they loved the park when they went, HVDY. I haven't tried it with the bored 14 yr old but he'd like the footy pitch and the boats. No, my diary is sort of in my mind - I just targeted the mega baddies on the FODMAP scale and decided on lactose myself. (google "Low Fodmap" if anyone wants to read up on stopping rapidly bloated hurty tums and IBS and so on)

What a simply lovely day there HVDY! Something for everyone once you add the Tap.

(You are right tho about he temperatures. they will go up, and the drive out to escape with my not too well friend was to have been Thursday - 31 degrees ..tbh.. its a bit much for me too.

Back to clouds today. Rain forecast tomorrow. Dd is hating the heat in Yorkshire. She’s never liked it.
I know it’s wrong to envy but I do envy those family gatherings. Apart from my 3 children and 3 grandchildren I have no family and Dh has one brother down south who he hasn’t seen for years. I’m trying to arrange a meal for Dh 80 in August but will only be sons and families with dd living down south.
Oh I’m so tired of everything.
When d in L was going home on Saturday something was said about home and I didn’t mean to but I found myself saying that I don’t have a home. Little Dgs who is 5 said yes you do Granny this is your home and again without thinking I said no it’s not it’s just a house I live in. Dh and ds weren’t there when I said it and I don’t really understand why I did.
I wasn’t being poor me just saying it how it is.
I hope you all cope with the heat . Pity we can’t share it out more.

Wyllow3 I don't mind the heat, but the humidity is horrible, isn't it?

EllieAnne You've got 3 children and 3 grandchildren - that's more than a lot of people have got. Could you go and see your daughter? I know you help out at one son's, but does the other one live nearby? What's wrong with having a small get-together for your husband's 80th? It's really sad that you don't consider your house to be a home. What would make you feel differently? Are you afraid to break away and live alone? We're complaining about the heat where I live, but I wouldn't like rain all the time. I hope you'll get some nicer weather soon.

Did aqua aerobics then had pancakes and fresh fruit at the pub. Not doing a lot today - just a bit of vacuuming. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Sweetpesue i Hope all the scans and tears and consultations can identify what is wrong with your Dh. No wonder he’s down. It’s ongoing. I had hoped after all his treatment things would improve. The trouble with pain is it’s hard to pinpoint what’s wrong. Hope he has news soon.
Wyllow I’m so fat and bloated. I look at what I eat and can’t figure out what causes it. You’re no where near as huge as me. I can’t do stairs. I find getting out of a chair difficult. My knees hurt my feet and ankles hurt. I’m a mess. X-rays say just ear and tear but I think I’m worn out.
Ellie Anne we don’t have huge family either. Just our sons and grandchildren. I have my BiL and wife but don’t see them often. I like the idea of big family parties too.
Considering how you feel about your Dh it’s lovely of you to be planning a family meal for him. I didn’t realise he was that age I had imagined younger. I doubt your granddaughter knew what you meant but we do. Hope you manage to arrange something. 3 children and three grandchildren is more than me,
HvDY pancakes and fresh fruit sounds lovely. I never did get all that stuff with maple syrup, Good your still doing aqua aerobics. I wish I could lose some weight. I know the answe is eat less and exercise more trouble is my feet ankles and knees hurt when I walk or try stairs or do anything really. I can’t think how to cut down on my food but I think the answer is les wine and chocolate but I do love it.
Maureen Lipman was great.
scaredycat how are you feeling after the party. Things like that always exhaust me even if I enjoy them. Been to coffee morning this morning and to meet an elderly lady for a chat this afternoon with my friend. She was so pleased to see us.
Still so hot here. I have sun in my lounge all day. How is your home to you have some shade and cooler places?

EllieAnne Like Doodle I think its quite good of you to try and arrange your DHs celebrating 80 with a family dinner. Ive 2 sons too though its difficult to get everyone together at the same times. Im sorry you feel so lonely in your own home. I dont know what to suggest that others haven't really. Glad you got to sit in your garden a bit the other day.
Wyllow Your park sounds really lovely. Ah, 14 yr olds can be difficult to amuse though yes he might give the boats a go .
Its too warm to do anything active isnt it. Hope it wont be too hot for whatever is planned with your friend on Thursday.
Doodle I can understand how you feel about the weight. Ive never been this size since I was pregnant and Im just realising the difference extra weight makes in the warmer weather. Ive no one to blame but myself really as I comfort eat . Yes, I thought DH would go back to being his old self once the stenting procedures were done . It just seems to go on. Rheumatologist also had said he was referring him to someone in pain clinic( I tend to think people sent there are when Drs dont know the cause). Think thats abkut a yrs wait anyway. Oh its so hot for you where you are- not nice.
HVDY Like you Im not good with the heat or DH . You live where son 1 is and I often look to see what weather will be like there. Can't believe how hot its going to be -- you will just want to be in the shade and not move! Tip-- supermarkets are selling coldmats- I put one in fridge and hr before bed and sleep on it. Really cold at first but it helps get me off to sleep .
Scaredycat I bet you're exhausted after your super family party. Hope your AF has behaved. Hot weather cant help. Dont know how your cats will keep cool. We have Fluffball tomorrow - son 2 gets back from work tomorrow night then will be home for a month.

Took back a top that I thought I might fit into when Id lost some weight - but didnt. DH has been fretting over the ivy grown wild over back garden fence. Hes always done heavy jobs himself . Anyway we did it together - me holding stepladders with him shearing it with electric saw thing. Filled huge tarpaulin many times and garden bin chockablock. Didnt realise how hard it was going to be! DH feeling worse now and we were shattered. Realisation-- simple garden work is no longer simple now.

Love to all. Keep cool! X

Well it's not wrong to envy actually *Ellie Anne*- it's all too human. Beating oneself up for feeling things we generally all do at some points in life to some degree or another is another way of self punishing or self hating ourselves.

The question is how to make it better - is it to try and replicate that which one envies, or other routes to feeling a bit better?

I do like the idea of the 80'th celebration, because it is generous on you half, and may help the family generally.
I think Doodle is right and it won't really have registered with your granddaughter, forgive yourself. x

It has been such a long haul with your own long story of being let down Sweetpeasue and the DH's health difficulties. I just sort of wish it was all explainable and doesn't leave these distressing ??? as to what is going on. It helps even tough situations to "know where one is". That was some task you tried to undertake - phew I wouldn't try, I pay someone.

This is a difficult one.... all of us as we age have to give up things we used to do but it's been very quick and emotionally as well as literally painful for DH as his life lessons have arrived rapidly. and the only way round it which I struggle with of course is

- do the things you can do as over hard ones just remind you of the "can't do's".

I am keeping my weight down as the meds make me constantly put it on by being very tough re what I eat and by exercising. Last `June coming out of depression, I had done almost no exercise for 15 months, hardly even walking, having a shower had to be done when someone was there to egg me on, help going out to shop at first, a paid carer once a week (I shelled out for it myself) to go for a little walk other wise nothing would have been done at all.

However - I was fit before the depression descended (previous depressions I managed to swim 2 to 4 times a week - this one was worse)

and have been fit all my life, so had a good base to pick up from. Its often gallows humour we women talk about at the gym- to be brutal - "use it or lose it" ..

many big big ladies take *HVDY's route of aqua, and some brave souls come to the mobility classes - yes, for those who cant climb stairs and so on, trainers are there.

All I can say for myself - I like going to the gym, I like the feeling of feeling better after whatever I do, fortunate in that side of my life's path.

Doodle I guess - I want to get better and live some more since I missed such big chunks of life since 2002 aged just over 50 - and that is a driver.

What would bring you the motivation for those yoga chair sessions, for finding a class to help basic mobility and so on? That is your challenge - and a tough one. xxxxx

I did a gym today: I got a lovely new mattress delivered back friendly and so posh its on the "never never" 😉.

I got an email statement from the local Safeguarder which says MrA can't come to our meetings, we wont offer any more support except keeping him away for some events I might want to go to.

Pretty cross at that as I do want some hep with my confidence and Quakers and also a standby person in case MrA canvasses hostile people against me or my meeting. But *od it - what support have they ever really offered to me as opposed to conflict?

People will recall I have been attending Zoom meetings and actually raised it there just in one meeting in the chat and support bit afterwards: they have been getting to know me: and a nice supportive Quaker wrote and some helpful ideas - from somewhere in UK.

Thank goodness for Zooms, there have been some lovely evenings as I never go out 🙂

I'd love a ginormas family party: not really viable in my family nor enough motivation:

but I could make more effort when I get the energy back to see my now passed sister's DH and children, go there with DS, but...... its the dreaded overwhelming London.

Psst ...eeek....HVDY not saying you are big big big at all just saying as you probably see in your own class very very very big ladies can and do do it.