Black Dogs 29

Whats the forecast like for where you are going, Scaredycat?
I hope cooler and a sea breeze....it is going to be hard to pack in this heat.

Yes Doodle I'm guessing it's an old church? Cold in winter, lovely now?

ScaredyCat Glad the wet flannel helped the boys. Jaffa doesn't usually like it, but he sat and let me cool him. Hope your boys are ok at the cattery. I've never used one, have you? Are you going abroad or in this country? Sorry if you've said that before. The pool is too deep for LG.

SweetpeaSue I hope your electricity didn't stay off for long. My brother's was off on Sunday for 10 hours! The water in the pool can stay there all summer - we've got Chlorine tablets that are in a floating dispenser ball thing, and a pool cover as well. After that, it'll be used to water the garden. I hope your husband's pains ease off a bit. Does he have Osteoarthritis?

Up at 6, washing on the line. Having my hair cut at 9, then GP follow-up appointment. Not much else. Hope everyone manages not to wilt x

Hi all

It’s even hotter here today. I just washed my hair and dried it and it’s wet again🥵
We are meeting DD and SiL this morning in M and S cafe- it’s nice and cool .
The boys had a wet flannel again this morning - they like it. We have always used Catteries but our old one closed after Covid so we’re using one on recommendation of a very trusted cat lady. Dreading taking them though they are such gentle souls.
We are going to Brittany on the Saturday overnight ferry so not far. Then 20 mins drive to a little flat by the sea. I still have churning tummy at the thought of being away but DH loves it so much and I,m alright once we get there. Weather is cooling down there by the time we arrive.
Pop in later hopefully- packing keeps calling to me but I,m not listening!!
Xxx

I do recall, from last year it must have been the "alright when I got there" feeling.
Listen to its call later. Join the cats flat out under a large flannel in the day.

How did it go with the GP, HVDY?

Well I've been shopping first a charity shop (most ly taking stuff in, a nice blouse) then some underpinnings collected at the local retail park M n S: its got a couple of useful shops like Superdrug and a costa in next, where I was able to try on said M n S underpinnings but really size wise I need not have bought two to try: but very happy with result.

I decided I needed to be out and about with people so chose this over gym, but 3 lots of washing on first.

Back later in here, catch up with any more BD's....not sure what my mood is, as I am a heat shrivelled husk till I have a rest.

ScaredyCat Hope you had a nice catch-up with your daughter and her husband. Did you have cake? The boys will be fine, I'm sure. A break away will do you good. Have you packed?

Wyllow3 I'd never heard of underpinnings in that context. I had to Google it . You had a busy day - it's far too hot again but lovely and cool in the shops. The GP had made the appt - she asked how I'm getting on with the tablets for my bladder (14-19 wees a day now) and has increased the dosage. She discussed my blood tests and all was ok. Thanks for asking.

Visited my brother for a few hours, collected his prescription and got him some bread & milk. He's very depressed - spends far too much time alone -but it's too hot to go anywhere. Hope everyone has been ok x

Scaredycat Oh you'll be beside the sea , thats lovely. Yes, you really will be alright once you get there and at least you have had a good recommendation for the cattery so try not to worry about your boys. Hate packing as you always think something has been forgotten- unpacking seems much easier. Look forward to the cooler weather when you arrive.
Wyllow I too wasnt sure about the 'underpinnings' - not googled it yet but guessing knickers/pants? You must have an eye for the bargains in charity shop.
Glad you mixed a bit with people - I like people watching but Im very discreet - wouldnt want to make anyone uncomfortable. Ooh you are more inland so youll have it much hotter there.🥵
HVDY No ,the electricity was only off for about 3 hrs - just as well it wasnt when England are playing!
Aw your brother must feel so depressed as it must be harder for someone like him to socialise- you are kind looking after him , I know it must be difficult to know what to do.
Ive never heard of those chlorine things for pools though I know something like that is used in hot tubs.
You are still suffering with that bladder - hope the extra dosage of the med helps, I really do. Its must be such a nuisance and do hope its not that active during the night.

Went out this morning to exchange buying society accounts. Got to change DHs phone contract and talk/talk too - why does everything need transferring and changing so often- hate it. Sat in the garden trying to skim read boring book club book , and for vanity's sake to get little brown. Stupid me! Out less than an hr - came in for cool bath and laid on bed with wet towels on me feeling sick.
Can't imagine how you are all coping in midlands and southern areas!

Take care everyone and thinking of those not in yet.xx

Doodle Yoyr knees sound really bad. Do you think you might need them x-raying? Hope youve not melted today. You mentioned your feet were so hot . On another GN thread someone mentioned putting a hot water bottle in freezer for half n hr. Worth a try . Those chill max things from supermarket are good too, Ive been sleeping on one thats been in fridge. Xx

Sweetpeasue I’ve had my knees and hips x rayed many times since my 20s. Always been fine till they started saying wear and tear. They have always creaked and groaned but worked. Now they creak and groan and don’t work. My excess weight doesn’t help either.
Funny you should say that I’ve got an ice pack on the floor with my feet on it. So hot there’s no movement in the air.
Yes you need to be careful in the sun. I’ve kept out of it as much as possible. Certainly couldn’t sit in it.
HVDY hope those tablets help. Going to the loo must take up so much of your life, I’m bad but nothing like that.
Sorry about your brother. Not surprised he’s depressed. This heat doesn’t help either. I wish he’d find something to interest him.
I’m finding I’m gettting depressed too. I think the heat is making me sit around more and the more I sit the more I think. Missing my lovely man so much.
Wyllow glad you got your underpinnings sorted. Comfortable underpinnings are most important. Glad you had a reasonable day and got things done.
Scaredycat hope you have a wonderful time. It sounds lovely. I’m sure your fluffy ones will be fine. I too remember when you were so scared to go anywhere. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.

SweetpeaSue Thanks. I've had this bladder problem for so many years now, I've got used to it, but I feel confident that the increased dose will help. I usually get up once or twice in the night (3 times, occasionally). If you'd like to have a bit of colour, perhaps try Dove gradual lotion? I use it now and then, on my legs (I'm very freckly on my arms). Too hot to sit outside! Those phone/broadband contracts are a pain sometimes, aren't they? Hope it's been sorted. It's been 35,36 degrees here.

Doodle His prosthetic leg slides about and becomes unstable when he gets hot and sweaty, so it's difficultfor him to get around at the moment. He misses the son who died 2 years ago, his other son lives in Norwich but can't drive (he had a stroke 5 years ago), and his friend is away on holiday. I don't know what he can do, but he hasn't done any family things like we do - meals out, BBQs, days out, etc. I know how much you miss your lovely husband and the good life you shared. Have you seen anyone today?

DH bought a ceiling fan for my bedroom (he got one for his room last year), so I'll try that tonight. It's still too hot x

Hi all
Wyllow- you sound in a bit more relaxed mood. Underpinnings that’s a new word for me- I like it.
Glad you were happy with them after a try on.
Did you have a Costa too. It’s great to sit and people watch- they are endlessly fascinating.
I,m so hot tonight my face feels like it,ll slide off from under my wet hair🥵Hope you,ve de shrivelled by now.
HVDY- yes we had a good catch up- Coffee and then cold drinks. I had a lovely pain au raisin.
Still haven’t packed but there are little piles of stuff out now ready.
That still sounds like lots of wees but at least not too many at night.Glad the blood tests were OK.
Ah it is difficult for your brother but I,m sure he is appreciative of you kindness and company even though he doesn’t show it much.His leg must be uncomfortable in the heat as well.
SweetPeaSue- we hate it too when it’s time to redo contracts too. Everything always seems such a fag.
My DH loves lying in the sun but today had him beat. It must have felt lovely to get in that cool bath.
I wish I,d got,one of those cool things that you sleep on for the boys and me too!!
Doodle- I,m sorry that you are feeling down. You are right though the more you sit the more your mind starts going into overdrive again. Hopefully it,ll
get cooler soon and you can get out and about again . Hve you had any more thoughts about a little break with your friend?
Thank you yes I think it,ll be nice where we are going just wish I didn’t worry so much before going away. So much better than I was thank goodness.
Love to all - stay cool

On the cool thread people were discussing getting large pet cooling pads for themselves, Scaredycat.
For real.

There are lots of different hints maybe people might like to pop over?
www.gransnet.com/forums/chat/1359434-Keeping-Cool-Tips-Let-s-swap

All the best in these anxious times before you arrive in Brittany. Postcards welcome, you do photography well.

I think these bladder tablets are a big step forward, HVDY. I do sympathise with your brother, at the same time, you truly do do all you can. No easy answers - when I was vvvv depressed no one could force me to socialise even tho thats what now helps - people watching is a simple enjoyable activity costing a cuppa, but then, one has to be curious about people?

Oh Sweetpeasue please don't over do it. At our age the sun makes our skin wrinkly faster so the vanity, which I share, is...well, compromised? Maybe HVDY has a. point...slatherings of factor 50 help, but then, you want to go brown...
Having to fix and rearrange contracts and so on drive me spare.

Doodle I wish we could find an answer for helping you with knees. I did look up the anti depressant I think you are on and if you raise your dose some people do gain weight.

(My MH meds make me constantly prone to weight gain and the only way I have found is to be really really strict - virtually no sweet stuff or pastry or fried or roasted in oil or butter no choc or... you get the picture) some days I win and some I lose)

Can you cycle gently on a standing exercise bike - as it carries your weight but if on a low setting does unlock your knees a bit.

Can you manage to get to the hospice in this hot weather? As you say, sitting at home where you both once were is extra hard, and on a sunny day too. As in recalling sunny days together.

tonight was very busy so not yet come down to planet earth. First you all know I'm in the L Party and our MP is very involved in the latest stuff and we put tough questions so well interesting times. Then a Quaker Zoom which was nice tho I'm in the why do I say too much sometimes mode.

Lastly Quaker D who caused so much difficulty has emailed me wanting to make up - the tone recognised "owning her part" but I am extremely cautious so asked her what she wants to talk about. It's relevant as we go to the same meeting. Talked it all over with DS, we hadn't had a chance for some time. Lucky DS is off climbing in France for a long weekend,

well, just send me a magic carpet and I will visit all the places I can only visit in my imagination. anyone fancy a magic carpet trip tot he V and A in London?

Thinking of absent PurplePixie and as ever nadateturbe

Maybe it will rain tomorrow, maybe....

ScaredyCat I think a lot of people have those worries about going away. I certainly do, but everything is fine when you get there, and you'll have a lovely time.

Wyllow3 My brother is his own worst enemy. He isn't interested in what anyone else says or does - he's very self-centred, so of course, he's isolated. 95% is his own fault. (he hasn't always had depression - that began when his wife became ill). What a nice dress - I bet you're lovely and cool in it. I love a bit of animal print. No chance of rain today - it's 36 here in Nottingham. I'm staying indoors, DH is faffing about in his shed. Hope everyone manages in this heat x

A long story.
I was heading to my friend’s house for my stay but her mother took ill and she is her carer. I was fully aware that I would be fending for myself but she wanted me there. I ended up staying at another friend’s house but her and her husband were not too well. My original friend’s mam died (aged 106) on the day that I got there. Yes, it was upsetting and my depression was massive. I wanted to walk into the sea. I ended up taking my second friend along to the hospital and she is back home now so I had to cut my visit short. Got home to the husband who hardly spoke. We had words that night and divorce was mentioned and he had promised to change. The words chilled him a lot. I am 74 and fed up. I’ve been living each day as it comes. My youngest son stayed last weekend and it was great. Husband is now suffering with tennis elbow and refuses to move or do anything. Divorce might still be on the cards. I’m also propping my friend up with phone calls after her mam has died. The funeral is next week and I don’t think I will get there but she has invited me up there in September. Oh well. I feel so lost and alone. Thank you for reading.

Hi all
Wyllow- Thank you will send postcards when I can.
I don’t think there is any need to talk to D - you,ve said all you wanted to say already. If she is now feeling a bit guilty and in need of reassurance that’s tough. Just play it cool - friendly but not confiding.
Glad you were able to talk it over with your Son. Is it Alpine climbing he is doing?
It might be a bit hot on the magic carpet to London- it’s melting there at the moment. The fires in the Peaks are right by my Sister but she’s ok thank goodness.
I really like that dress- looks cool and floaty- just the job.
HVDY- thank you wish I didn’t get so worried but as you say I,m not alone. I,ve travelled a lot but always get the heebie jeebies before I go.
Your brother misses out on so much - he could have some lovely times with you all.
It’s sooo hot here today BUT We,ve done the packing😀😀
Time to put feet up and have a cuppa.
PurplePixie- That was a stressful ,sad visit for you. What a shame.I expect you knew your friends Mum quite well and losing her must have been a shock for you both. What a wonderful age though.
Well it’s time your DH had some serious thoughts about what you,ve said and make an effort to be kinder to you. You can only take so much. Does he put on a show when your youngest Son visits? You are propping everyone up- who props you up?
Make some time for yourself and perhaps you could visit your GP and talk about some help for your depression.
Take care allxx

Thanks Scaredy-cat - yes, he does put on a show when my son visits. Another long story. He was acting like a silly kid when my son’s lovely friend arrived. She is beautiful and it was embarrassing to watch him.
Drs are for definite on monday.

PurplePixie you are very very wise deciding to go to the doctors. I know those feelings. (I feel them from time to time, they are horrible and scary to feel
and it is a big sign that you need support even if the situation is not of your making

ie just at the time you need your friend, huge triggers come up there...
Your DH can weave a web of being a Mr Nice Guy to those around you.

I would suggest also, when you can, to get a reality check on divorce and money and assets by phoning a good solicitor (ie family specialists firm).

Well done for the packing, Scaredycat. I do understand: I get in a similar state leaving my familiar home ...packing is like wading through treacle.... Especially in this heat. ...are you driving or going by train to the ferry or flying? (its been a long time since I went to Brittany, and it was by ferry then).

It's sad re your brother HVDY. You really do do all you can xx

I've got in a right mess re D: she has managed to pull me into a bit of a whirlpool: got a damaging response and didnt deal well with it -

why cant I accept that one just cant "make things OK" with some people - they are toxic, well, for me - D might be great for someone else who wants her advice...

PurplePixie Your trip took a disappointing turn. That's a shame. Your friend's mum was a very big age, though. You've been supporting your friend, but who supports you? Your husband's attitude isn't good. Tennis Elbow is painful, though, and it's too hot to do much. Antidepressants won't make your worries go away, of course, but will enable you to think more clearly and deal with things differently. At 74, you should be enjoying what's left of your life, not being unhappy.

ScaredyCat My brother has never met any of the GC — his loss. Glad you're packed and ready. DH has been in the pool for most of the day. Jaffa and I are sensible and have stayed indoors.

Hope everyone has been ok x

Purplepixie I'm sure your friend wi have appreciated your support at such a difficult time- not quite how you thought it was going to be though. Its good you're clearing the air with your DH as he needs to know how unhappy you are and you can't tolerate the situation. Hmm- typical a pretty young face and he comes over a different person-- that must hurt especially. HVDY and * Wyllow* have some helpful suggestions I think. Take care of yourself though and a Drs visit is really needed when you feel so bad.
Scaredycat Hope you have a really nice holiday and dont worry about your boys. Keep telling yourself you will be ok. X
Wyllow Your looks lovely and cool and nice and 'wafty'.
It seems Quaker D is just not on the same wavelength and might be just as well to just keep things as they are and play it cool. ( just seen thats what Scaredycat said too) .
You're quite right about the sun and its damage to skin. I wasnt out long but it was silly really. Certainly been indoors today - been even warmer here. Count me out for the magic ride to London ,too Im afraid , they can keep their heat.
Doodle Oh your knees do sound quite bad and crunchy. I dont know what to suggest really - have you tried very light physio moves. You dont want to be doing anything that causes more pain though. Ice pack would be just the thing to cool down a bit- glad it helped. I hope the weather becomes kinder so you dont miss out on your outings with friends. I hate to think of you inside and alone 😔.
HVDY Funny, I have been using that Dove lotion thats meant yo give a subtle tan , after my bath. I just put it on legs from knee down ( theyll be the only part of my legs Ill be showing!) Ive been in all day today as its just too hot but I know its worse where you are - you and Jaffa do right. It made me smile to think of your DH in the pool so long- hope he had a hat on! So sad your DB hasn't seen your DGC or even LG. He really misses out doesnt he. You cant do more though.
* EllieAnne* Hope youve got the sun by now! Are you OK?

DH took my car for its MOT this morning. Everything OK thank goodness. He's still suffering though and something cant be right to have this specific pain in so many areas. Might need a GP appt next week.
Having Fluffball again tomorrow and into Sunday as son and wife going to be with friends in York.
Hope everyone is ok. Love to all.x

HVDY sounds like your brother has brought a lot of this on himself. If he won’t go and meet people he’s bound to be lonely. It isn’t easy but sometimes you have to force yourself otherwise you’d wallow. You’re so good to him inviting him to things and going to see him. Must be awful in this heat with a prosthetic leg.
Are you not tempted to go in the pool. I’d be in it like a shot. Have the grandchildren had a dip yet.
Scaedycat yes I’m still getting out and meeting people even though it’s so hot. Had coffee and chat with our walking group this morning. 14 of us sitting in the shade chatting for an hour or two which was nice. Going to hear a choir singing in a church tomorrow with some friends. Just hope it gets cooler.
Hope you have a lovely trip relax and enjoy yourselves.
Wyllow I have cut back on my antidepressants not increased. I’m on a very small dose now. Not made any difference as far as I can see. I don’t have sugar, oil, not much in the way of fat. I eat healthy foods apart from my wine consumption 125 to 150 ml a night and my piece of chocolate. Mind you I have had a magnum in the evening for the last few days.
To be honest I’ve had two exercise bikes and once the novelty wore off they were used for hanging clothes on. Basically I’m lazy and don’t like exercise. Walked today and do some sit to stands and that about it.
Love the dress.
Sorry about D. Perhaps you oued have been better leaving well alone. Hope she hasn’t upset you.
Purplepixie I’m sorry to hear about your friends mum and all the problems with your recent trip. Sounds as though you are helping out a lot of people. Things don’t sound good with your Dh. I hope you manage to sort out your differences.
Ellie Anne thinking of you too

Oh yes, Ellie Anne its been awhile.

Doodle - truth is, I like exercise. And fully understand not many feel the same. What you did today was great. And a lot more than me. Tomorrow....

Exercise? well, every little counts just like you have done. My dod sis swears by walking, really.

This weather is very, very magnum inducing indeed. As non sweet person there is something about this weather when only magnums or similar hit the spot.

I'm glad to hear Fluffball is visiting again, Sweetpeasue. Furry cuddles time. I hope your legs have settled down. I especially hope that over the weekend DH's pains ease. I'm wondering if the hot weather just doesn't help.
I'm glad about the car, always a concern.

Sigh - it is his loss, HVDY.
His avoiding triggers like - maybe children might bring love, fun -actually (been there, done that, as in avoiding good things that can "bring feelings up") means you end up down the plughole just as Doodle describes.

I have just spent 1.5 hours on the phone to D. I think I have got somewhere. I mean far enough that she has let go of some preconceptions and we can conduct ourselves in a reasonable manner.

Believe it or not, she thought she was being helpful when she said it can't have been an assault and that I was seeking a hostile ending. More stuff like that: we are not people who would naturally "get on", but she completely misunderstood some of my motivations as it's still "poor MrA". And clearly furious that I "outed" her, but cant see her own anger blah blah.

I think she wants to be a knight on a white charger going round rescuing (she did actually admit that of herself) but has now hopefully seen more of who I really am.

Well we all want to help others but knights on white chargers charge in where fools dare to tread?

Or are they in fact, as I found out for myself, needy knights who want to control.

I will be glad that it's going to get cooler but wouldn't wish the sun, and these long light evenings when the dark arrives late, away for a minute. As long as I dont have to water my garden too much.

What a relief - no awkward "friendly meeting" in a cafe.

SweetpeaSue Glad your car passed the MOT ok. Yes, my husband wears a hat (it's a bucket hat and looks daft). My brother hasn't seen my Son2 for many years and has only seen Son1 a few times this year because he wanted a favour (computer-related) from him. Could your husband have Fibromyalgia? Is he on statins, by the way? Some (Atorvastatin, especially) can cause aches and pains. Aww Fluffball will love her time with you. York is great, lots to see.

Doodle Glad you're still meeting up with friends. I went into the pool briefly and wore a swimsuit with a t-shirt so I wouldn't get burned. I couldn't sit down - it was too deep. The family will all be here tomorrow, so the kids and both sons will get in. You did quite a lot of exercise today - I didn't do anything. DH likes Magnums. I prefer Cornettos. Lovely (and essential) in this heat.

Wyllow3 My brother is a strange one - he doesn't "do" fun, never has, much. He never had a Christmas tree for his wife, as he doesn't like Christmas. That was a long call with D. I hope things are settled now.

I did some ironing earlier, thought I might boil to death [ grin]. After a cool shower, I laid down and put my new ceiling fan on. Lovely. Jaffa hasn't eaten anything today (not like him) - tuna, Sheba and cooked chicken were all left. Hope it's just the heat making him like that. Hope everyone has a restful night x

Post shower, nothing on at all while the cream sinks in, cooler now, ahhhhhhhhh.

I'm sure you are right about Jaffa, HVDY. As long as he is drinking enough.

Wyllow3 Cats don't drink much, usually. He ate some wet food at 11pm, and is eating more wet stuff at the moment. Just going to vacuum through and then sweep the patio, before it gets too hot. It's going to be 30 degrees today.

Ah, eating late then early has sorted it.

I'm going to have breakfast then head out early for the park, cos the walk along the river will all be in the shade at this time. It is very hot but there is a breeze.

Wyllow3 Being by the river sounds perfect. Are there swans on the river? I've done my chores so am going to have a shower and go to B and M, for a mooch. Jaffa's too hot to sleep on his blanket but the leather is cool.

Hope everyone has a decent day x