Black Dog 30

Just popping in to catch up briefly. Yesterday was tough cos of a personal matter with me and A which took all day to clear up but is now. But got a good beach walk which was lovely.

I'm going back to the same beach today. Why not go again where I love and am content and has lots of nice coffee places and both beach/cliff walks?

HVDY oh my that was dramatic and scary! Phew!

EllieAnne now that is really really tough to contemplate. I think DD is at an age where such matters are easier to cope with.
Well I did.
But it's her life coping mechanism to focus on the big things at the cost of what for her are diffuclt - family emotions and so on.

You know, I used to be like that (not so much, but enough to be similar) when I was younger

Because I buried personal emotions in the Big Political Stuff, it was actually easier. Just saying that. Life has changed me, but that of no immediate comfort to you except. - try not to take it personally. xx

Sweetpeasue how very true, about how strange it is that the apparent same family experiences shape us differently in terms of siblings. Also..over time, understanding can increase.

"well you always did such and such!"
"no I didnt, I was actually doing x, remember"
"oh, yes"....

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202609/medium-65qlua-img-3112-3.jpeg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202609/medium-db3d5-img-3171.jpeg

I cant post a lot cos of ID place x

Hvdy they say they have to remove everything to check the joists etc . The floor is wood on top of chipboard. But I will be querying that when they come. I’ve not heard back from them yet and dh has not heard anything about the scan.
I had a pang of envy reading about all your brothers and sisters.
I’m so aware that I have no one and dh and I have no friends either.
I have not been able to cry for years but yesterday driving to Sainsbury’s I was crying with all the stress worry and loneliness.
Dd can come over as uncaring and my boys do care I think but aren’t near enough to help with day to day things.
Going to church today to help with our old folk club.
Some are younger than me but we do have at least one in their 90s.
The garage is ordering another sensor for the car.
Wyllow it all looks lovely.
Hvdy that was awful. Thank goodness you got back when you did.

Hi all
HVDY- yes although we don’t always feel it we are lucky to be able to live our lives as we do.
Your Brother must so enjoy your chats- you must have looked up to him when you were a little girl.
OMG what a dreadful fright that smoky happening must have given you both. Thank goodness you got home when you did.
Good too that Jaffa was ok. I expect you can still smell the smoke a bit. Yes the thought of retiring sounds horrendous.
EllieAnne- That sounds like a big old job and a lot of upheaval. Still you don’t know for sure yet so try not to worry too much.
Your DD has no children so I guess her perspective on life is different. World problems become her problems .it would be nice though to give you a sympathetic ear.
Your problems are certainly not trivial but they are solvable even though they must seem overwhelming at the moment.
SweetPeaSue- yes it was an ovarian Cyst but a giant one 23cm. She also had a full hysterectomy and has heart problems so had to have a cardiac team there too.
You have enough worries so try not to dwell on World problems- we can’t do much about those . It doesn’t help though does it when the people in charge behave as they do.
What a lovely sisterly time you had- it must be so nice to all get together. The differences are what make them special. Your Mum would love that you all meet up .
Hope DH is ok today,
Wyllow- good to see you albeit briefly. Glad you and A sorted yourselves out. Your beach walk must have helped calm And soothe you. Some beaches you could walk on every day and never get tired of them.
The sunset photo is lovely- we never tire of watching the sunset go down over the sea.
Hope the food situation has improved.

Love to all those mentioned and all BDs everywhere.

HVDY- I meant rewiring 😀😀😀

SweetpeaSue I'm very lucky to have a husband who can do things. We've had plasterers and gas fitters in to do jobs, but DH has done everything else - knocked down interior walls, created a new bathroom, tiled all over, put in extra sockets, and always mended washing machines. All self-taught. I don't tell him how much I appreciate all he does, but I should.

Wyllow3 What beautiful photos. Glad you've been able to go for walks on the beach. The weather's great here (25 today), so I hope it's good there, too, and that you're now getting better meals.

EllieAnne If they do take the floor up, they need to put it back as it was. I take it you're an only child? Having siblings doesn't mean they'd all be close. My brothers were 12 years, 10 years and 5 years older than me (only the eldest one left), so not particularly close. I'm glad your car, at least, is going to be sorted out soon.

ScaredyCat The whole of the downstairs still smells smoky, despite the windows being open all evening and last night. A new dishwasher will be here tomorrow (DH reckons we need one). No, I don't remember looking up to any of them, but Brother 1 was married when I was 6. Brother2 in the army when I was 11-19, and Brother3 died when I was 16. Your poor niece, carrying that cyst about all that time. 23cm is huge. Poor woman, I hope she'll feel much better soon.

LG day - did colouring, played with toys, then took a picnic to Wollaton Park for 4 hours. She went on the playground, and we saw some stags (lots of deer live there). She's fallen asleep and will be picked up in about an hour. Love to everyone x

SweetpeaSue Nice that your sisters are fairly close in age and that you all get on well.

Hvdy I had one sister who died of breast cancer age 54.

Ah, that's sad, EllieAnne . One of my brothers died at 54, of a massive heart attack. The other one was 21. Have you got nieces/nephews/cousins? I've got a niece, 2 cousins I haven't seen for many years. Have you been out today? It was like a summer's day here.

I have nephews but we are not close. I send cards but no real contact.
Lots of cousins but I never really knew them and wouldn’t know them if I met them.
My father didn’t encourage any contact and didn’t like people coming to the house.
Thinking back my mother must have been very lonely too.

EllieAnne Yes, she probably was lonely. My own mum must have been very lonely - her mum and family were in London (we in Nottingham), so Mum only went 2 or 3 times a year. Dad argued with his brother and 2 sisters, when I was about 9, and we didn't see them again for about 25 years! Families don't always get on, do they?

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202609/medium-2s2jfx-photo-2026-09-22-14-08-26.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202609/medium-6i9xk7-img-3237.jpeg

Well, no, they dont - from the outside "oh how lucky she has a big family" but in fact that doesnt mean they are close,

generally speaking. Scaredycat's is, and it's rewarding (no wonder that operation niece had took a lot of scheduling!!!)

and you HVDY despite growing up isolated have put a lot of work into building a close network but thats only when family are responsive.
Having only had one son I am very fortunate we get on well tho it wasnt always that way, so you see things can change EllieAnne and maybe building carefully on your relationship with your DS even more - warmth without demands and so on - would be a step in the right direction for your isolation.

My Dad didnt like people coming but Mum worked as a teacher and was incredibly nattery and sociable outside the home and when he died when she was 48 after recovery got quite sociable, still working, and joined this and that on retirement.

Completely lovely day like a last summers day, like a gift, out on the beach and the cliffs yes and natters. Beach, riding little shells and taking photos of this and that, listening to sea patterns, squishing over seaweed..

I did have a very difficult thing to sort out - bad cystitis....

GP would not initially give me anti b's tho I found a local chemist, I rung 111 and they assessed but wont give drugs, I didnt let the spot me and got out and about, but when I asked a lady in a cafe in back end of beyond if I could use her landline

I then found my GP had read the assessment and meds were waiting. so picked up after that. Had already wee'd myself and had to wee on the beach a crevice in the cliffs 🤣.

Tomorrow is rain and I have indoor stuff to do in this very comfy quiet room.

I had 3 puddings as they said have what you want from the counter. Pavlova and the others.

I looked up Wolaton Park. Nice!

Wow.."Wollaton Hall is one of the country's finest Grade One listed Elizabethan mansions, set within 500 acres of beautiful parkland. Experience stunning architecture, exhibitions, a packed events program and an array of wildlife" sounds like it needs more than one fist and when you haven't got LG too.

I hope Doodle is getting on OK...and bests for BD's not in today, and for best outcomes, if it's a bad time

Wyllow3 What a stunning view. Really beautiful. The puddings look good (although crackers are more of a snack). Cystitis is so uncomfortable. Good of your GP to prescribe something. Hope it gives you some relief soon. When you need to wee, it's a job to always get to a toilet quickly (I know all too well, being on diuretics now). Wollaton Park is well-known, and some scenes from the last Batman film were shot there. I've been dozens and dozens of times - a favourite as a child (although my parents never had a car - we used to go on the bus). Taken sons and GDs 1&2 several times. They have various events happening there at times.

I'm going to visit my day centre friend in hospital after lunch - I rang his wife last night for almost an hour. He's not making much progress and hasn't taken any steps yet, only standing and sitting with help. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

I’m sorry if somehow I have given the impression that I don’t get on with my sons. Son 1 has always been the difficult one but we are ok. But they both live an hour away, have family and jobs so I don’t see them too often. That’s one of the reasons I go to son 1 to help out every week. Sometimes I see him but sometimes he is not home from work. But I get to catch up with his girls when they come home from school and sometimes d in L if she gets home.
I see son 2 every few weeks.

Just an update. We all, DD included, have sent letters, messages and tried phoning. No response from anyone. It is most dispiriting.

Hi all
HVDY- gosh your DH is a Handy Man supreme!! So clever to have learnt all those skills by himself.
So sad about your brothers- they were so young.It must have been awful for your poor Mum. Yes she must have been lonely but we don’t think of things like that when we are young do we.
I have a Radar key so I can use toilets when I,m out and about.
Hope your friend is feeling better today - it must be tiring learning to walk again after the Op.He must be missing his wife - and her him.
Wyllow- we are lucky with our big blended family - it does help that they are all spread around . I would love everyone nearer but it’s special when we do get together. I feel lucky that my DD,GDs1 and 3 and GGC are close by.
Glad you had that lovely day- it was beautiful wasn’t it. The beach is a constant source of wonder for me - everything you describe so well. I,m sorry glad you have that lovely one so close.
So sorry about the cystitis- it’s so painful and restricting. Good job the GP pulled out all the stops.
3 puddings is the way to go- especially pavlova.
EllieAnne- you are such a good Mum- your boys know they have you always there for them even though there is distance between you. Nice you can have times with your GDs as well- they will be great company when they are older.
JandJ3- So sorry that communication has not been forthcoming re your GD. It must be worrying as well as distressing.Hope there’s a breakthrough soon.
SweetPeaSue- Hope you are Ok today.

Love to all and hoping Doodle is enjoying her cruise - that beautiful scenery will hopefully lift her spirits.

Wyllow Those photos are stunning. Glad youve had fairly decent weather. Just as well you got your Cystitis sorted - its a dreadful thing.
EllieAnne Yes, Im lucky I have some sisters. Mind we didnt always get on as children though time heals and matures us as people. I have my 2 sons and dont know the benefits of having a DD but would have loved one. IIts clear your children love you and you are a wonderful mum and do so much for them.
* HVDY* Ive never been to Wollaton Park, it sounds great. So many lovely places near you. So sorry to hear your friend in hospital is having problems with his mobility after his op. His wife will be so worried and would appreciate your call. Do hope you find him a bit better when you see him today. Its not a good sign when people cant move about.
Scaredycat Cystitis is very painful and disabling - yes. I have a radar key too. Not used it so far but they are quite bulky carrying them around. Oh Im hoping too that * Doodle* is finding the holiday enjoyable enough. She deserves it so much.
JamesandJohn Im really sorry there is no communication yet from your granddaughter. Dont give up hope- those letters and words will mean a lot , Im sure ,even if no response yet.

Been to book group today. A well known member died a few weeks ago which was quite a shock. Lovely lady.
Another 2 people have left so its looking like next week is last one before it folds.
Getting F tomorrow and Friday. Think weather will be reasonable too.
My worries are breaking through into my dreams - bad- about being on my own and not being able to cope.

Hope everyone is ok. Peaceful night wished for all.xx

I hope it went well on your visit, HVDY. I expect you will have been most welcome - well I hope so.

I didnt think you got on badly with your sons, EllieAnne, sorry if I gave you that impression. What I meant was if possible is this a time to be able to see them that little bit more so’s you didn’t feel so alone.
They may not realise how lonely you can be - and general chat and closeness can help your feelings without expecting them to be hands on given how busy they are. Catching up with the girls is lovely I except.

JamesandJon I’m not surprised at all actually -although it had to be worth a try.

It wouldn’t have made much of a dent when I was very bad. Has she seen a psychiatrist yet?

But what the little notes and letters do help with is when she can lift her head above the parapet is the knowledge she has been loved all along and she hasn’t sort of put the family off loving her by her withdrawal. Regular little pretty short cards maybe for now as in ‘thinking of you” “ this is our new cat Doris” (you get the drift - some not focussed on her, but on a wider world)

I know, Scardeycat. Clearly every women needs a Mr HVDY to sort out this or that. Unfortunately love doesn’t choose a Mr Handyman each time.

I use bushes. Or any cover, like pulling into a layby and opening both sets of car doors to crouch between - well as long as I can crouch…
The anti b hasn’t worked yet: its easy it a bit, but they didn’t give me the heavy duty stuff needed last time, I had to go back then same old same old so its a work in progress:

I have had a day or rest in this comfy room with a Quaker Zoom and bits of chats to people. I just felt ill with exhaustion and have over done it but nothing can take away yesterday’s lovely day. One more day, tomorrow, will be same beach, sands, cliffs to get more seaside memories.

Oh Sweetpeasue - your book group folding? What will you do? You had such an internal battle to get up the confidence to go there. Any alternatives?

As regards the dreams, all very understandable, ones greatest fear is often loss, abandonment. I’d just say one thing - we cannot know what is ahead,

all we can do is try and strengthen the love and the knowing family that would still be with you, it doesnt make 'it all alright" but it does matter so much.

and you have actually been doing this with your family - the holiday and all, DiL’s mum and your support, you are closer than before x

There may be a meal report later. I have found out what happened the first night and rubbish meal - they had asked me already by email what I wanted for dinner on Saturday the 20th September, the 20th being in my diary.

Except they got the date wrong - ^Saturday was the 19th* and I didnt notice 🙄.

Salmon....the apple and blackberry crumble with cream for pudding. Very Yummy. The mystery of the first night remains unsolved.

James&Jon33 Don't give up hope. Your GD may well contact you. If she doesn't, she'll have read your letter and will know that you're thinking of her.

ScaredyCat Those Radar keys are handy, aren't they? I bought mine from Amazon for £10. I need the loo so frequently - diuretics and overactive bladder. My day centre friend hasn't even tried to walk - he apparently tells the Physiotherapists he's in too much pain (he had a partial hip replacement; only the ball part (head of femur) was replaced. He's on Oramorph. Unfortunately, he's not very brave. He keeps texting his wife and complaining. She's visited every day since Friday.

SweetpeaSue Nottinghamshire has got lots of great parks. My friend hasn't been making an effort to get moving. He won't be allowed home until he can walk up and down stairs (or he'd have to have a bed downstairs). What rotten luck about your book club. Is there anywhere else like it where you are?

Wyllow3 I took my friend some cake, cartons of juice, a newspaper, a pen, a word search book and a "Get well" card, even though he's not ill. He was very confused, probably because of the Oramorph and dehydration. He's been told to drink more but doesn't appear to be in a hurry to get home. Your dinner sounds delicious. I love Salmon. Fruit crumble and cream, too - gorgeous.

I did a lot of walking today. The QMC is huge, and the parking is atrocious - it took 45 minutes of driving around to get a parking space (which was a long way from where I needed to be) and 15 minutes of walking to get to the ward. DH has been in all day, waiting for the new dishwasher - it hasn't arrived. Hope everyone has a peaceful night x

Hi all
HVDY- I got my key from Amazon too, is there anything they don’t have!!
It’s a shame about your friend- his wife could give him a lesson in bravery! My SiL Dad may come out of rehab next week- he’s 92 and had a broken hip. He can walk enough steps now with a walker and they live downstairs. Hospitals seem to get bigger the older you get- the poor staff must walk miles in a day.. Parking is the most stressful part of it though- I get very anxious if I am taking my friend.
What a pain for your DH to wait in all day and still no dishwasher. At least they can’t leave it on anyone else’s doorstep😀
SweetPeaSue- I ,ve used my Key once in Buxton when we were there with my Sister- boy were we glad I had it. Yes they’re a bit
Big- you’re tight.
What a shame about your Book Club - perhaps you could find one online. Our WI has 4 Book Clubs - I think the nattering and getting together is as important as the books.
Hope that Fluffball is on her best behaviour- she must love her visits.
Those dreams are just that- dreams. Our worst fears come to haunt us in the night. Wyllow is right no one knows what the future holds - those of us with families are the lucky ones.
Try to enjoy each day as it comes .
Wyllow- I,ve done all those tricks - crouching down is OK but now getting up is a challenge.
You were sensible to have a rest yesterday so hopefully today will turn out to be dry and fine and you can enjoy your beautiful beach.
That meal sounds a vast improvement- crumble is a huge favourite of us all especially with lashings of custard.
You have done brilliantly this week - thank you for sharing it with us all.

Love to all enjoy the rest of the dayxx

Sorry SweetPeaSue you’re not tight at all😀