Black Dog 30

SweetpeaSue a dog menu at a pub in Sheringham. Just about everywhere there is dog-friendly

HVDY Oh how I loved that photo of LG bless her. I expect shes been used to seeing sun cream being rubbed on by everyone in this hot weather and she thought shed have a go. Must have taken a good soak to get that lot off. My mum told me when I was little I once got my hands on a tin of golden syrup and had made patterns on the carpet.
Your lunch sounded delicious. Ive had half a bacon sandwich, 1 grapefruit and some grapes and just had some porridge. I know its not the best stuff but Im trying. Wont get on scales till Saturday.
Scaredycat I wish I could have worn stilletos- never could- but I remember getting some cream heeled sandals from a catalogue and I loved them. Oh those pushchairs- do you mean those that folded in and had umbrella like handles. What a carry on lifting them into the luggage area whith a toddler in one hand . Can't remember having to do it with 2? So glad your friend is coming out of hospital- no ace like home.
I wondered what The Odyssey is like. Great cinema there you went to.
Wyllow I had to smile when you were thinking of that man's statement about not fighting unhappiness. My mind seems to often take something in and then come up with the 'buts' though I dont say anything. I analyse a lot too which causes so much prevarication.
Yrs, its can get too much at times - glad you have a meet up planned with P next Thursday. Funny Ive just had a text from that lady in our book group and arranged to meet next Thursday. I get just a little scared when Ive arranged something , dont know why.
Oh I couldn't let Fluff go into the water with the ducks - shed def chase them. Its actually more beck like than a river. Its just under 10 mins drive to the part of coast we like.

HVDY Now that menu Fluffball would love😂. Even a Sunday Roast - its great.
Thing is shes been used to getting bits when people are eating - which is bad , but I cant say anything . We dont do that here but she thinks she can join in when we go out. She thinks shes human! Plus she thinks ALL people want to stop and cuddle her - which a lot do. She just loves everyone.
EllieAnne I really dont envy you that 5hr drive. I think you said your DD doesnt have a TV either. At least the days are brighter now and hopefully you can get out a bit- assuming there are some decent walks around. Sorry you feel let down right now with some of your friends. I hope that things get better ,it might be they have a lot on at the moment.
Doodle How have you been today? Do hope its not still very hot where you are.
Thinking of you .
Nadateturbe So good to see your posts. That photo was so funny and so uplifting. You are in our thoughts too.
X

Sweetpeasue yes it’s DGS’s.German shepherd, she’s a little better today but still very poorly.
I’m not surprised Fluffball expects people to cuddle her. She’s very cute. Our DS2s dog sits at the table when no one’s around. He certainly thinks he’s human.
Wyllow I’ve never heard of yellow rock and grey rock are they Quaker terms?
I bet your canal walks were lovely too. Poor dog had twisted stomach. Not sure how or why but apparently common in the breed. It was emergency surgery.
HVDY how on Earth did LG manage to cover so much of herself with Sudocream? She looks so innocent and sweet.
Dog menu! Really? Well I’m not surprised. I looked in the ice cream freezer at the cafe today and half or it was ice cream for dogs.
Scaredycat it’s funny I noticed that too. Hospitals always used to have tvs but I expect they think people have i pads now so don’t need them .
I love these new cinemas with their recline seats and cup holders. Only problem is I fall asleep. 🤣
Stilettos oh yes I loved them. Used to wear them all the time. Now all my shoes are flat. Otherwise I’d fall over.

SweetpeaSue Golden syrup on a carpet must have been so difficult to get off! When I was pregnant with Son2, an elderly neighbour invited me to her house for a cup of tea. I took Son1 - he was 2 and a bit, and he went upstairs whilst we were chatting. I kept telling her I should go and get him, but she insisted he'd be ok up there. A bit later, she went to her bedroom, and I heard her shouting at him - he'd emptied a whole tin of talcum powder on her carpet. She didn't invite me again. You haven't eaten much today! Fluffball sounds adorable.

Doodle LG is a well-behaved child, but she found the cream (which should have been placed higher up somewhere) and thought she'd try it . She's never opened a cupboard or drawer at our house, never touches any ornaments or anything. Oh, the poor dog. That's a big surgery, isn't it? I hope she recovers well. I used to drive in 3 and 4 inch heels - until I got Plantar Fasciitis (very painful) and had to get rid of all my lovely shoes.

That was nice change in the pub, HVDY. Who organises the day centre?

I had to laugh at the golden syrup episode, Sweetpeasue. Mum may not have thought it funny….good luck at the weigh in.

Well (officially, as I have learnt from Them who Know) -

“Rumination” is a passive, cyclical, and negative fixation on past mistakes or distress,

reflection is an active, goal-directed examination of experiences aimed at learning, gaining insight, and finding resolution.

I have managed to catch myself at it and transform rumination as I used to do it all the time or mostly, since understanding what it is or at least “name it” in my head.

I also get nervous at arranged things unless very familiar. Supposing I Let Them Down..supposing they are expecting me to be other than I am…

Well you are wise to keep Fluffball away from the ducks.

So we have a collection of stiletto wearers in BD’s, Doodle. Glam pasts!
Well 3 hours in the cinema, not for you. Ice cream for dogs! Goodness me. A twisted tummy sounds awful.

No, grey and yellow rock are modern psychological terms as to how to deal with with people who are really toxic for you, and actually quite useful tools. They arrive out of assertiveness training really. Google “grey and yellow rock techniques”.

I had a long sleep in the day then went then a very peaceful Quaker Zoom.

Wyllow3 The Manager organises things - I call it a day centre, but it's listed as a Luncheon Club. I used to do that job, 2017-2019. Glad you had a good Quaker Zoom. I used to always wear heels because of being so short! I always wore stockings and suspenders, too - I didn't own a pair of tights until I was about 45. Trousers were only ever for work as a Carer. I get very anxious about planned things - Where will I park/What will I talk about/What if I make a fool of myself in some way.

I slept quite well (only up once). As I opened my eyes, Jaffa was sitting only inches away, staring at me . He's a lovely cat. A day of cleaning and shopping today.

A free day as regards commitments, and I'm still very tired/weary so have to make good choices for mind and body.

My goodness, never wore stockings and suspenders. Tights had just been invented when I reached the age where it was an issue. I tried a suspender belt once and that was enough! No....

TMI - went straight to tampons as well. Mum gave me the old fashioned options yuk and I saw an advert in "Jackie" all discreet "Nurse someone or other" for free Lillets and That Was It.

They started just when it was the time we stopped wearing knee length socks at school. The things I went out to if I had a dress or skirt it was tights or bare legs. I played in a Youth Orchestra a good place to meet boys but played the cello so it was trousers. (Levi cords were "in" then.
I don't even recall shaving my legs until such older either. or anyone who did!

But then, I didnt go to places where it mattered as wore trousers so much and in the hippy 70's it was longer hippy flowing skirts or dresses

I meant long hippy dresses = no leg covering needed.

Hi all
Wyllow- my Sister is an old hippy. We were so different when younger. But glamour is out the window now so baggy,flowing,loose and comfortable is my style too .
I think there is a compromise- accept and feel the sadness but dwelling on it doesn’t make it go away. Your new strategy will help. Yellow and grey rock behaviour makes so much sense - I think we have all unwittingly used it at times.
As for stockings - I went to a Catholic Grammar school and we had to wear Lyle stockings with suspenders!! There weren’t tights then. Can you imagine all those skinny little wrinkled legs . Hope you are having a good day.
SweetPeaSue- my pushchair was double width and I used to squeeze all threee into it.
My friend can’t come home til she’s had a blood test- no news yet.
So pleased you are going to see your Book Club lady. Try not to get nervous as she obviously wants to see you. She could turn out to be a really good friend.
10 minutes to the Coast- I wish.
Doodle. Ah poor dog she must feel awful in the heat bet she doesn’t know what to do with herself. A prayer to St Francis for her.
I must confess I did drop off for a few minutes in the cinema despite the horrendous battle noises going on. They are sooo comfortable.
I still miss stilettos - Skechers now😩
It’s still warm isn’t it - hope you have some nice things to do this weekend.
HVDY- love the story of your DS1 powdering upstairs!! My friend brought her tiny toddler round once and she put my kids toys in the toilet! It wasn’t her fault we should have shit the door properly. My DD wasn’t happy to see her Barbie swimming.
Oh saying goodbye to your shoes must have been sad- weren’t they lovely. Sorry you got the Plantar fasciitis- don’t really know what that is but it sounds painful.
What a lovely boy Jaffa is - so well loved and so loving I. Return.
EllieAnne- hope you have the best weekend you can .

Love to all. We,re now going up the village green pub to meet my friend with dementia and her son. So better tidy myself up a bit. Xx

HVDY you can never watch children 100% of the time. Obviously copying someone and applying cream liberally 🤣
Yes it’s emergency surgery and a big op. She’s a young fit dog so we’re hoping she pulls through. We all lover her to bits.
Wyllow I must be blessed, I don’t have any toxic people in my life that I’m aware of. Interesting descriptions of rumination and reflection. I think I’m definitely a ruminator.
Oh I loved my high heels. I had slim legs then. Now I couldn’t balance on low heels so it’s flats for me.
Scaredycat baggy flowing.lose and comfortable plus elasticated waists describes me to a T.
Thank you for your prayer for Gen. I think she’s being cared for in five star luxury. They probably have air con.
Do hope your friend is allowed home soon. Nothing like being at home rather than hospital,
I wear Skechers now. So comfortable have a nice time at the pub.
Sweetpeasue hope you’ve had a good day. I’ve been out most of the day. Coffee with friends and weekly shop.
Had a few tears earlier on. A magazine arrived for DH.
Ellie Anne Nadateturbe thinking of you and your too Nanny and Whiff

Oh Scaredycat you accidentally made me laugh. Look at a towards the end of your post and putting the toys in the toilet and shutting the door. Except for the typo.

I don't feel sad about Sketchers at all. I was born to love them. all summer I used to wear those Clarks sandals with two straps and flat, and in the winter stuff like suede bootees. Or "Mary Jane" flats or boots for work if it snowed.

I'm glad you don't have toxic people in your life currently, Doodle. I'm too slow to recognise them... I like to believe the best in people for my own comfort I guess until it hits me.

Poor wee dog - part of the family, clearly. Oh, that magazine arriving - what a trigger. Especially difficultly after a nice day. I wish your church did something like Zooms in the evening - it's at the right time for quite a few there really. (ie recently or not long ago years wise bereaved or alone)

In the end about 2pm I upped and went to the Park determined to get a longish walk in after the foolish jumping incident at the gym. Leg better now. I did one hour 10 mins along the path by the river. so lovely - peaceful in bits, people watching in others. Then a cooling iced coffee there. I had to do the big shop and was silly enough to wander into TU before foodie shopping and found a blouse that was just right. Nice and loose and cool. I thought about my family and longed to see them its two weeks now and nervous about DiL welcome and being too tired yet...

Back later, Zoom tonight if I go.

This is 3rd time of trying and lost other messages so just a v quick one. Phone keeps freezing and wont respond. Read all your posts. Difference between rumination and reflection v interesting.
Saw the typo * Wyllow* Made me laugh too.
Phone stopping again. Try tomorrow.xx

Look forward to seeing you in then, Sweetpeasue.

And from others we havent seen recently.

I watched the BBC show "would I lie to you" for the first time for years.

I realise how very much I still avoid that triggers memories of Ex. Whole loads of stuff. Places I cant go to.

At the beginning there were several years of so much happiness - and he lives just 5 miles away and its not possible to reach a sort of understanding, acceptance of good things, like all wiped out. (and not being told by his family about his mums death, and we were close)

Its obviously not like a death, but there is grieving to do as I was only just working on getting through and processing that whole period from 2011 and understand what went wrong.

(I used just to block all loss out, you see, and that was a major factor in my 2002 total breakdown). One has to find a balance.

ScaredyCat I used to have high heels in different colours - red, blue, polka dots, navy and black. I gave them all away. I love Sketchers. I've got 4 pairs now. They're so comfortable, aren't they? Plantar Fasciitis is inflammation of the tissue that goes from the toes to the heel of the sole. I had to have 10 weeks off work when I first had it (I used to drive a lot for work) Oh, your daughter's doll in the toilet . Little children do some funny things. Did you go to your village pub? How was your friend? Did your other friend manage to go home from hospital?

Doodle You had a good day, with friends, and then the magazine arrived . That naturally made you sad. Are you seeing family this weekend?

Wyllow3 I like Would I Lie to You, particularly the episodes with Bob Mortimer. He's so funny and tells such interesting tales, almost too bizarre to be true. The relationship with your ex and the end of it has affected you a lot, hasn't it? I expect you had counselling after your breakdown. Didn't it help?

Probably seeing Son1 and his girls later, and then LG will be here for tea, bath and sleep. Parents are off out for the evening. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Morning all, its sunny with a very fresh breeze here and I had a long sleep.

the "big Breakdown" was 2002 HVDY when as it were the "chickens came home to roost big time. I have been in the Mental Health system ever since: the first few years were the worst, as the people I was under were crap, to put it lightly. but subsequently I have had on off severe bouts - probably the worst was the one where you all know me first.

Initially never out of a the clinical depression until 2006 when I got a good psychiatrist and had 6 months as an inpatient (when hospitals had the time and space to give real support, but 6 months was a "special placement" to see if long stays helped instead of it being a revolving door.

But circumstances then led to the break up of my first marriage as first Ex had been unable to cope - joint troubles coinciding- we get on great now.

But a wonderful wonderful intervention - I had 6 years, yes 6 years psychotherapy, the deep sort, actually on the NHS from 2008 to 2014. that changed my life forever. What it did was give me the tools to understand myself: after that, it's putting them into practice and learning bit by bit.

How to be with others, what triggers are, stuff like rumination and reflection, more insight into ones past and its lessons and so on.

Fast forward, another depression and hospital, until 2011 when I met the EX I refer to. the first few years were glorious: too much so, as unknown to me he was actually quite bi polar 1 (the sort where people get really manic and do quite crazy and dangerous things - hidden so well).

But underneath he needed to be in control. We have lots of examples in GN of living with people who are controllers, who deny ones very existence in order to try and get what they want, but can be charming to the outside world.

Fast forward: another major depression whilst with him: he had a major episode I saw him through as it was relatively mild (but I saved him losing his job), it was my knowledge of the MH system that helped.

Then the control and his gaslighting came to a head in the next manic episode 2022 and he refused to take meds. A horrific break up year - I wont detail it, just that in the end I had to divorce for my safety and to be very strong in the face of police onto him, being Safeguarded by SSD against him, threats of suicide, the lot.

At the end of that year I whizzed around rather high trying to decide if I wanted to move up to be nearer my family, to move to a flat, whizzed and whizzed until ^inevitably the loss of this man I had loved so very very much initially -tbh, more than any before - having to "take against him"...

and thats when I had the depressive crash BUT came onto GN and you lot helped me out so very much.....

came out of it last June last year and that was them time when I was talking about Mr Costa and so on..

Until October when I was assaulted...no wonder it had such a powerful effect after what had gone before!!!.

So it sort of feels I am now starting over learning to be alone and make the most of it not knowing if there will be someone else or this is it...and I think have reached a place I never have before as regards that.

Thus endeth the sermon...

BTW, those 6 months, after I had started to feel better, I probably learnt more in my life than anywhere else previously. All conditions: multicultural: living side by side: I was the only middle class person for 2 months yet was accepted: ("prison rules" you don't "shop" each other);
learn learn, learn about conditions and backgrounds - a university of life really. I became useful as the one who could write letters or interpret medical lingo and learnt how to stand up for myself and take a joke wryly. There is a camaraderie and gallows humour.

Sadly, all gone - wards are now for the very, very ill indeed, very high risk, sectioned (I never was, I knew I was ill!) and so on. I feel quite strongly politically about MH post the cuts, just trying to help people I encounter - but knowing resources are slim.

Sorry folks just wanted to write about it not take over the thread. Things sort of are what they are, and we all have a narrative that has brought us to this point, all as valid.

Wyllow When you look back on those times of being very ill indeed you must realise just how far you have come on since then. Youve been through some pretty awful stuff anf you have come out the other side with such self awareness and the psychotherapy has obviously helped a great deal. I think ' looking back' is extremely difficult thing to do and could even be damaging if youve no support. Theres certain things Ive blocked ,due to it being detrimental , and I instinctively know going over it wont help ( I only went so far with psychologist and he didnt push me on some stuff). Its so hard being without special ones you have loved and on that, Im so glad you are friends with your ex husband. Going forward ,with your self- knowledge, is the way and you never know , there could be another special person out there for you . You have made some lovely friends which can make a difference to life. I' m glad I came here too - a place to be believed when certain others let me down.
Doodle Hope youve had a good day today. How is the German Shepherd coming along ? I really hope hes recovering from the surgery. Pets are so important to their owners and they become part of their family. Sorry about that harsh reminder of the magazine addressed to your DH - it must have been a shock seeing post to him and came after being distracted a little with company ,though I know you think of him throughout the day and he will always be with you.
Its been warm here today but hope its not too bad for you.
HVDY It must have been so nice to open your eyes and see Jaffa looking at you like that. A little reminder of how much he cares for you ,even when you're not aware and asleep. What a collection of high heels . My middle sis still wears them ( even minis !) . I wish my feet had been different - another genetic thing like early grey hair. My toes all go outward from the large toe so always needed broad toe room.
Can't believe it ! Weigh in today and only lost 2lbs! So disappointed.

Back later.
Seems like phone is ok today unless it was GN glitch.

Wyllow Its quite alright . All of us here understand that need to 'talk' . It helps all to know we can talk when we need to x

Aw that was disappointing, Sweetpeasue. Dont give up tho - a few pounds can be on or off if you've drunk a lot of water or having a stuck tum day. Every pound matters and the real struggle is to change your eating habits which I know you are trying really really hard with.
Its especially hard at our ages to lose weight unless you move around a lot, diet alone is a tough one but you dont have a choice.

BTW have you tried the Jasmin iced tea in Costa? Mmmm lovely, cheaper than coffee unless you need that energy boost.

Optimistic news from vet. DGSs dog might be allowed home tomorrow is she continues to improve. Fingers crossed she’s ok.
HVDY I love those episodes too. The banter between Mortimer and David Mitchell is great. Did you see the one about tearing and apple apart with his bare hands?
Oh I can imagine you had loads of high heels. Polka dot ones. Wow never seen them. I saw DS1 during the week but won’t see he others because they are busy with the dog.
Wyllow it’s an interesting story. Thank you for sharing with us. You can always write it out here. That’s what we’re here for to help each other. I can remember the time when we used to beg you just to write hello every day so that we knew you were around.
Sweetpeasue unlike a lot of people I am actually happy to see DH’s name on things. Makes me feel he’s not forgotten. What upset me really was the few seconds where I thought “must tell him it’s here”
2lb is good. Talking it slowly helps. I haven’t lost any weight in months. Just seem to be the same no matter what I eat.
Scaredycat you h seem to have inadvertently given us all a laugh 🤣 Your prayer might have helped. dGS dog is a bit better.
Any news from your friend in hospital? Did she get her blood test? Another warm day here. Hate to think how much electricity I’ve spent on fans this summer,

Scaredycat You really made us all laugh with that-- so naughty! Oh dear - a pushchair for 3 - how on earth did you manage that onto a bus - youd need to be an octopus. The friend from book group isnt really new - she has been in our group for about 14yrs now though we haven't met many times outside of it. Shes a smart lady and caring.
Hope you enjoyed your time with your friend and son at the pub yesterday.
Doodle So glad about your son's dog.Hope he continues to recover. He'll ( might be a she, sorry) be over the moon to be back with the family when he comes out.
Ah ,I see about that post for your DH. I remember thinking g I must tell mum about such n such for long after she passed. It must be so hard for you every day. Xx
Wyllow I had been moving a bit more with having Fluffball so much but maybe it takes a while to kick-start metabolism. I wouldnt care - but Ive been ignoring persistent, relentless calls from Ben and Jerry's in the freezer too!
EllieAnne Hope you're OK.

That is good dog news, Doodle. What a welcome she'll get. How old its she, btw?

I get it - that, "I must tell"....then the whhmfpf

I'd forgotten that in detail Doodle. You all did spot on. 🫶

Today has been a day of gym as well as Costa - nice chats, low key, not rushed. Spot on.