Black Dog 30

Hi all
Wyllow- I,m glad Monday was a better day for you. But the following bad night wiped it out a bit. Yes what you do or think in the evening influences your night time emotions. Maybe try and think of the good things in your life if possible - or watch something you love on tv.
It’s good to hear you have had kind reassurance from some Quaker friends . That’s what you really need is to feel believed .
The company of your lovely Gardner will be very welcome today I think.
HVDY- I don’t drink alcohol any more because of my AF etc but I loved red wine and almost any drink except Gin when I did.i have elderflower tonic now- how exciting!!
Loved your photos- what a great room with a view.
Cromer Crabs are famous. When I was little the fish man used to come on Sunday afternoon with his horse and cart laden with Crabs,winkles,cockles,shrimps etc- what a treat.I loved the crab and shrimps.
Hope you,ve had a good day with LG and a bus ride.
SweetPeaSue- your forest walk with Fluffball sounds perfect. She must have felt happy now it’s a bit cooler. It’s always nice when there’s a cafe involved too.
How lovely to be able to sit and watch the waves so near to where you live. I could do that for hours - it’s mesmerising.
Don’t worry about your extra weight- it’s more important to try and enjoy your days and relax. If you could manage a little walk each day it would help you.
Doodle- I remember when you used to walk in the park with your DH. Do you walk with your nice friend? The river is close by isn’t it - is there a river walk you can do?
I,m sorry you feel down - some days it just gets the better of you doesn’t it.
Today hopefully was better- a bit of exercise and then coffee and a chat.
EllieAnne- you,ve done nothing wrong. Your DD has her own issues and sadly is not able to share her feelings. But nothing is your fault.
You have made your decision re the cats so now you have time to prepare DH for his week. Some easy food and maybe a book or 2 . Then go and try to relax - he is only a phone or text away and must realise that your DD needs you too.

Sunday my friend was admitted to Hospital as her kidney function is very low as a result of her treatment for the cancer. It’s such a shame as she was starting to get out a bit more. She doesn’t feel poorly - just really fed up. Today she’s had transfusions of one sort or another and has a scan tomorrow.
Saw my Art ladies this morning and Photography this afternoon so a bit tired. But I feel lucky to be able to do these things when others can’t.

Love to all and thinking of all our oldfriends

It's a lovely jolly her, Sweetpeasue, with dyed red hair and a huge belly laugh.

Oh please don't feel naughty about daytime bed, "that one should be a-doing" is imprinted in us somewhere isn't it: and of course frustration that one can't go out and do more, see more to contend with.
I met an old contact at the gym, who has had fibromyalgia since she was in her 20's and always pain tho she somehow exercises through it (but I think gets not so tired?)
It really opened my eyes how bad it is. x

That cafe sounds really nice and 18 degrees you are right is perfect. I hope it can be repeated, its sounds a good place to be.

Today dh took himself for a blood test. I didn’t go because I knew he would be in and out in no time but when he came back he said that he didn’t feel fit to drive.
He can’t concentrate and is unsteady. I’ll drive him to the hospital tomorrow but I don’t like the road . Horrible roundabouts and very busy.

wyllow i often have disturbing dreams or thoughts at night and wondered how much of it is what I watch or think about in the day. My dreams never seem to make any sense and are seldom pleasant.
Glad Quakers was good and the gym work out helped. I went to sit fit this morning. Just about made it through the hour.
Ellie Anne glad you went to see your daughter. I too don’t think children discuss their worries with their parents and parents keep a lot to themselves too.
HVDY does LG like going on the bus. I used to love it when I was young. Can’t do it now of course but used to love the ticket collector and his ticket machine. Going upstairs and the conductor pressing the bell twice and saying hold on. Or am I the only one old enough to remember all that. 🤣
No Sweetpeasue no music in sit fit, I don’t like listening to music as it often upsets me so it suits me fine. Our instructor just talks a lot and jokes with us.
Glad you enjoyed he walk and cafe with Fluffball and your Dh was feeling a bit better,

Hi Scaredycat yes Dh and I used to walk by the river most days. When he was fit we did about 3 miles a day or more. He loved walking. I’m not as fit as I was then so can’t do as much but I do still walk by the river a bit and my friend and I go to the park to visit the tree we bought in memory of our husbands. The river is just across the road from where I live so I can look out of my windows and see it.
Sorry your friend had to go to hospital. Hope her results improve soon. Was it art class or just a meet up? I’m meeting my art friends tomorrow for brunch.
Ellie Anne despite your differences you do take good care of your Dh. Hope he appreciates it.

Doodle I spoke to dd on the phone. She lives 5 hours away. I tried to get through to her that I don’t know what to do for the best but she didn’t respond to me and is assuming I am going cat sitting.

I just missed you, Scaredycat, cross posted. It is so sad for you to see your friend in hospital, but they need to monitor the function...hopefully there might be specific drugs to fares the symptoms (my BiL being treated for cancer which affects kidneys symptomatically, and has the occasional transfusion and successful tablets). I wish her and you the very best outcome. but its a reminder isnt it of vulnerability and possible loss of those dear. (I'm always somehow worried about DGD L int hat respect after her covid intubation)
I'm glad you got to art and photography friends today. Is it hot where you are? It does affect me tho I'm younger than you and no AF.

I think she doesn't know how to cope with it, EllieAnne. You've said she puts her energy into volunteering and so on? "outside things" - not personal things?
Whatever it is, its her strategy.

That makes it so difficult to you when hoped for support. I'm so sorry it's so difficult. It puts you into the situation of having to choose, possibly.

Doodle those dreams must be very upsetting when you are coping with such sadness in the day. Sometimes dreams give you a helpful clue or insight or even a happy time, but they are a burden to cope with as well for you as well as the ever present loss. I like your memories of the canal walk, and thank God for that sharing friendship. A meant to be event.

Have a good brunch.

Having watched the lovely feel good film Amelie - (so positive) I've looked up "watch similar" so it's the Grand Budapest Hotel (Netflix) next.

Wyllow3 Your garden must be blooming well by now. Glad you can have chats and laughs with the gardener. It's been 26 degrees here. Hope you soon get some relief from the Blepharitis.
SweetpeaSue LG usually gets driven around - mum, dad, us, other GPs - but we've taken her on a bus before. Not today, though, after all. Flaffball sounds so cute. Sometimes an afternoon nap is needed. One of my friends has a sleep every afternoon.
EllieAnne I hope your husband starts to feel better soon. Steroids usually have an effect pretty quickly.

ScaredyCat What a shame your friend is so unwell. I hope the transfusions work well for her and that she won't need to be in hospital for long. You keep busy, which is great. Art and photography in one day!
Doodle I remember bus conductors. Things are so impersonal nowadays. How lovely to live in a place overlooking the river. Nice that you can see the tree and remember happy times with your beloved husband.
EllieAnne It looks as though you'll probably have to go to your daughter's to care for her cats - the longer you leave making a decision, the harder it will be for her to get a cat-sitter. 5 hours of driving to her place is a lot. Like you, I don't like driving around roundabouts.

It was overcast this morning, so we went to a softplay/role play place for 2 hours, then to a carwash - she hated it - then had a picnic at the park. Fed the ducks and geese (dozens of them there), then went to a garden centre that has a huge sandpit and a cafe. A friend rang me for 2 hours at teatime, then a different friend rang for an hour. Hope everyone has a restful night x

My, that's a busy day, HVDY but a very sociable one. I hope you get a decent sleep after.

Wyllow3 I waited for DH to come in (he always meets Son1 on Tuesday evenings), so went to bed at 11. Jaffa woke me at 5.30 but I went back to bed until 7. Not doing much at all today.

This is not surprising!

I had a really nice time this morning chatting to electrolysis and ultrasound beauty lady and hair dresser at the gym. Known them for over 16 years now its top woman giggle stuff and I get discount creams and in return give the hairdresser specific exercise advice as her job gives her shoulder cramps.

I really should do some sewing a couple of charity things taking in under the arms but am lazing instead.

I'm dealing with a tricky Quaker matter but in the middle of it (waiting for advice back) so parking it for now.

Ellie Anne sorry I misunderstood your message I thought you’d seen your DD? If you do go and car sit (how long is it for?) could your son stay with his dad while you are away?
Maybe she’s got an ostrich personality. Keep her head in the sand and hope it goes away. I’m a bit like that.
Wyllow it’s not a canal it’s the Thames. We loved our walks. DH used to enjoy it so much. I’ve been worried all day about DGS’s dog. Did I mention she had emergency surgery Sunday. She’s in a specialist hospital at the moment. They don’t have insurance and the cost is absolutely unbelievable. I cannot comprehend how the vets can charge so much.
I might try thos films. I do hope the Quaker matter doesn’t bring you down
HVDY do you take photos when you take LG out.? DH always took photos of our grandchildren and made photo books for them so they could see what fun times we used to have, they love them

Sweetpeasue and Scaredycatwhat have you been up to?
I went to church this morning then took car to be cleaned and popped into a garden centre on the way home. My friend bought a lovely dress there.

Scaredycat Im sorry about your friend having to be admitted to hospital, especially as she was doing so well . I hope the transfusion will help the kidney function and the scan will be helpful. You will be worried for her . Yes, we get out for a walk most days - even if it hurts DGs hip as it doesnt help if he doesnt move it either. A little is better than nothing.
Doodle When I mentioned music I was just meaning light music with a beat for exercises though I expect thats difficult too as youve no control over what the instructor will choose. Its strange about dreams- mine are seldom pleasant either. Last night I was lost and trying to get home but it was my childhood home I was trying to place. I was wandering through streets and trying to find my way and only finding past homes I lived in where no one was there. Oh yes, I remember ticket collectors on the bus and also the standing and holding on when going round corners.
HVDY You had such a busy day yesterday and nice chats with friends. Not surprised LG wasn't impressed with car- washes - they scare me a bit too. Hope youve had a relaxing day today after the early morning Jaffa awakening.
EllieAnne Im just amazed at the things you can do. I mean 5 hrs driving is a heck of a drive! I couldn't do it . Not surprising you're really fed up at present as theres so many family members depending on you. Take care of yourself too. If you weren't here....... well someone else would HAVE to do it.
WyllowGlad youve had a nice girly chat morning. Nothing like a good giggle . Oh dear ,the tricky Quaker matter. I hope everything goes OK. and not something that will keep you up tonight worrying.

Fluffball today and small trip to a small river where shes fascinated by the ducks. Then Costa where she still whined a bit . Gave her a chew stick which she looked disgusted with and still seemed to want 'human' food. Have her tomorrow and Friday too.
Hope everyone has had a reasonable day. Love to all. X

Doodle Oh Im sorry about your son's dog - it sounds quite serious. Is it the German Shepherd one? The vet's fees are outrageous . I cant understand how even the drugs are so much more expensive than those for humans. My sister paid a lot when her little dog had to have an operation.
Glad youve been out today with a friend. All sorts of stuff in Garden Centres besides plants arent there.

Doodle both sons live a bit away and work full time and share looking after the children so it wouldn’t work.
But I spoke to the dr today. His platelets have gone down a bit since last week but still not as bad as they were. He ll have to stay on high dose of steroids for a bit longer. But she says it’s fine to go away. It will be for over a week .
Wyllow I hope you sort out the Quaker situation. I’m quite hurt at the moment about lack of support from friends who know the situation but am trying not to brood on it.

I think the Quaker thing will work its way through. D rung me this morning like nothing had happened and I was her bessie friend. Insisted I just had to have a whatsApp with 12 pictures of her family when she knows her actions stopped me going at c mas. You couldn't make it up.

But as she is now being weird to many its "not just me", it's "Yellow rock" for her. Not blocking as in grey rock, but nice smile and refusal to actually engage until they give up.

Those are just the sort of dreams I get Sweetpeasue. Not a lot atm, but it's the "lost in a city table to find home type".

Well Fluffball...and Costa....maybe if you take some discreet human food in (what takes an hour to chew and will keep her busy - can't think?). Does she go in the water as in duck interest or a swim in heat - or avoid it? Anyway, I'm glad you both managed an outing despite all. And you are right - get out everyday just is essential really, it does one no good, we need fresh air and fresh views and people watching. How long is the drive to the coast?

The Thames is really very lovely upstream Doodle I guess I'd imagined canal as locally the "water views" are the canal and were back in Manchester too when I lived there. Yes, the poignant memories of the walks.
I really feel for the family - what a shock both dog wise and the cost! Garden centres often have really nice food and views and treats to buy.

5 hours is a long drive, EllieAnne, even with a rest stop x

Best wishes to all absent BD's.

Wyllow3 You had a friendly chat with some nice friends. That's always good.
Doodle Vets do charge a lot. What's wrong with the dog? Poor thing, hope she gets on OK. We used to have a credit card solely for vet bills. Jaffa cost us £850 in a couple of weeks when we first had him. I occasionally take photos and they're backed up on the computer. LG's parents take lots of photos. She found a tub of Sudocrem at their house! Glad you had a nice day today.
SweetpeaSue Those kind of dreams are upsetting. It shows that you're feeling anxious, I think. Glad you've got Fluffball to have a cuddle with sometimes.

Been lazy today- washing and ironing, not much else. Had my nails done, that's all. Hope everyone has a good sleep x

HVDY your photo of LG really made me laugh. Don't you just love little children?
Sorry everyone I have started posts twice and run out of energy before finishing. But I just had to pop on and tell HVDY.

Aren't they wonderful? the nearly empty tub on the floor HVDY .....Maybe she's seen women putting cream on. My DGD had a long princess dress phase too.

Have you managed to see your family recently, nadateturbe ? I ofter wonder how you pass the time.x

nadateturbe She's so funny. That cream shouldn't have been left within her reach, so she wasn't told off. Hope you have some better days soon.

Wyllow3 No doubt she'll have seen her mum and sister applying moisturisers.

Day centre place today - the place is being decorated, so we're all meeting in a pub for lunch (room hired for a few hours). Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Hi all
HVDY- It’s strange that my friend doesn’t feel ill at the moment although her readings say differently.
There are no tvs in the hospital so thank goodness she has her iPad.
Those soft play places must be fun- somehow we,ve never been to one I guess the ages were wrong.
If LG was in the car at the Car Wash I don’t blame her for being scared- it must have looked very scary to her.The picture of her
All creamed up is priceless. What a case she is . It would be a lovely advert for Sudocrem.
Hope you enjoy your lunch- they,ll have their work cut out to compete with the nice meals you get at the day centre.
Nadateturbe- lovely to see you in. LG was a cheery sight to greet you this morning xx
EllieAnne- It’s a long time to be away but now the Dr has given you reassurance you can organise things to keep your mind at rest as much as possible. 5 hours is a long drive so you need a clear head.
Doodle- those sort of dreams are the norm for me too. Full of stress and inescapable situations . Inevitable I guess for all of us.
Oh the buses- going upstairs in stilettos and a tight skirt!! I used to take 3 under 5,s on the bus and a pushchair as I couldn’t
drive. Then the shopping too😩
I envy you that lovely water view- dear old Thames.
I hope your son’s dog recovers well from the Op. yes Vets fees are extortionate . I think there is talk of more regulation for them - hope so.
Wyllow- yes vulnerability is an unsettling feeling but just have to get on with it as we do. Your GD must be very precious to you all. What a scary time that must have been.
It is hot here still- heat and my present condition don’t mix well so having to reign in my whizzing inclinations.
Yesterday we went to see the Odyssey- what bliss on a recliner seat and air conditioning. The film was 3 hours long- really was an Odyssey! It was Ok but in my opinion miscast not a patch on the Epics of old.
You couldn’t make D up- she is totally insensitive but you,ve got her number now so don’t let her spoil things again.
Concentrate on your fun,lovely friends who know you well.
SweetPeaSue-I am worried about my friend but have just spoken to her and she is doing well and may go home tomorrow🤞
A daily small walk is more beneficial than the occasional long one - you’re doing the right thing.
Ah Fluffball watching the ducks- I bet her little ears were pricked up. Maybe in Costas she’s trying to tell you she wants a.
Cappuccino and a cinnamon bun!
Hope you are both having a good day with her today xx

Love to all - going to visit my friend this afternoon.
Take care allxx

😉 At that age HVDY DGD2 was trying out sparkly make up. She now is into baggy clothes and plays football. I don’t expect the sparkly bit will ever go away, I hope not.

I hope you have enjoyed the pub lunch alternative.

Thank goodness indeed, Scaredycat. They have basically enabled patients in most wards to use FaceTime, and enjoy other internet stuff - sounds, catch ups, music with earplugs. TV’s in hospital wards are a very mixed blessing- suppose you need as much quiet as you can get?

Your friend is a real concern until they assess treatments and what will work and how long, so it would be interesting to know what expectations are for her at home?

I never wore stilettos. I never did glam. I was hippie dungarees and cords alternative.

Just now and then I wish I’d tried glam and make up and the lot but it was never to be in my circles.

Well, DS takes DGD L to soft play, for tho she is 11, her mind age is 4, and she needs the exercise of scrambling up the big soft steps and down the slides.
They are simply wonderful wet and dry weather places, very safety conscious - netting around everything and so on. I wasn’t aware of them for maybe 10 years?

It’s pretty humid here - you are certainly not alone in being affected by it….it is most annoying, this age thing. A 3 hours attention span is pretty impressive, I think I would have gone for the abridged version. Enjoy your friend.

Last night I realised I was stretching myself mentally and physically to my limits and was due for a really bad time if I didnt take time out. Ireluctantly cancelled friend P who is of course housebound but we had a nice chat today instead: I had gone to a one hour Quaker Zoom and it was a good un so I quoted her the poem and passage read out by one person.

One man said something interesting and brief. He said, “don’t fight unhappiness”. I get it - he’s saying if you avoid feelings and push them away they come back to bite you, but of course I didn’t say but thought, “well yes, but one can only let in so many feelings at one time or…”

So I slept till 10am and did pottering things like stuff lying around that needs to go to charity shops and so on, and actually had a low key phone call to Quaker L instead of email with strings of analysis which I can overdo. Which all here know 🙄).
I’m having coffee with her on Tuesday, and the aim is a sort of normalising chat that doesn’t as far as possible go into recent events.

Lovely cleaner N has just been round for an hour and is fine to do bits of gardening for me.

I know bad inner thoughts haven’t gone, probably will always have an inner push, but I have a better strategy I hope.

ScaredyCat Hope your friend gets back home tomorrow ok. It's not at all restful in hospital, and it's always good to get back to one's own bed. It's good that she doesn't feel ill. Like you, I wore high heels and pencil skirts - even at 9 months pregnant, I tottered about on high heels. Getting buses was no joke, was it? I used to have Son1 toddling, Son2 under one arm, pushchair and bags in the other hand - nobody used to help. Nowadays, pushchairs are wheeled straight onto a bus. The humidity is too much, isn't it? Do you get breathless? Air conditioning in the cinema is a welcome relief.

EllieAnne Glad your husband seems to be not too bad. 5 hours of driving is a hell of a lot. Are you going to do it?

Wyllow3 Son1's girls (15 and 11) wear baggy sweatshirts, jogging bottoms and trainers, although they like to use skincare products (not make-up). Softplay places were around in Nottingham when my boys were about 10 and 7 (now 45 and 42), but by then, they were a bit too big for them.
Your cleaning lady sounds very friendly and obliging. Quaker D sounds like one of those people who realises she behaved badly but now goes to the other extreme of trying to be friends - which is all a bit fake.

Nice change to have lunch at the pub - the menu had several things on it. I had a roast turkey dinner, then chocolate fudge cake.