Granny flat

what a dilemna! If you have to tread carefully around your dil think very carefully about wether you could live in such a close proximity ....I personally wouldnt if there was tension there already....not only that what would you be leaving behind...

Definitely not, in that case.

Its going to take careful consideration as this type of arrangement can work really well as long as everyone respects each others right to privacy etc.
I think I'd make a list of pros and cons, what you will gain and lose and also what your son a DIL will gain and lose. Could your DIL be in favour as she will gain a handy baby sitter or might it help them finanacially?
Knowing a bit about the circumstances (whether you own a home and would be selling, who pays for the build of the granny flat) would help us to make suggestions.

We've moved into a granny flat in our own garden and DD1 and the DGCs have moved into our bungalow. It's working well because it's our property and she is our tenant. Her partner has his own home and they don't always spend weekends together here so we don't see a lot of him BUT if the tables were turned and they wanted us to be in their garden I wouldn't contemplate it...Not for one moment!

Even if you get on well with your DS, if you already have to tread carefully with DIL it sounds like a recipe for disaster. Once you are in there'll be no turning back and even a small disagreement could escalate and make your life hell.

I know it works well in a lot of cases but not unless you are 100% confident that the relationship will be a happy one.

You need to be confident of what would happen if DS decided to move home for any reason. I have a friend who lives with her DD and has done so for years - initially DD living in the granny flat and eventually changing over. DS and his family are a settled bunch and like living in their 'nest' whereas DD has a tendency to want to move house every few years because she loves the challenge of making changes etc - I have noticed also she has been worse since she became divorced - I am hoping the house she is now in the process of buying will be her home for a good while as she only moved this time (250 miles) because of her job.
Think around all the scenarios before jumping in - will this move involve you putting a substantial amount of cash into the project - if so will you actually then have a share of the property - it can be done quite easily.

It's a risk to take. I have a similar relationship with one of my DILs and wouldn't contemplate it. What if, a few years down the line, they decide to move, where would that leave you then?

My other DIL suggested I sell my house and 'buy in' with them and renovate a large house with a natural 'granny flat'. Apart from the fact I am nowhere near ready for that yet, but I have to consider my other son, and his share of the inheritance in the future.

I would think it over carefully, talk around it a lot and still say no thanks.

I moved into the 'granny flat' here 3 years ago, it was great at the beginning but then SIL went really strange for about a year, he was getting upset because it was me not his Mother(dead for 17 years) living here.
The air got cleared when I lost it with DD and she lost it with him.
Now I would not want to live anywhere else, but it was walking on eggshells for a while.
The main thing I have found is not to, 1, interfere in any way, 2, do not expect to be invited to things with their friends, and have a joint diary with regard to babysitting etc.
DD asks me about everything, we are very close but we have our own places and respect each others privacy.

The one thing that would worry me is, What would happen if they wanted to move and you did not?

If you have any doubts at all, I would say don't do it. Especially if perhaps you would have to sell your own home first to provide the money for the granny flat, and then maybe not have enough to buy something else if it didn't work out. Please don't let yourself be persuaded or talked into something you aren't 100% happy about.

When thinking of your children it's not who they are but who they're with. What would happen if they divorce and the property is split between them? That would include your granny flat because they are not treated as separate dwellings.

Marmark, will you be paying for this?

I think you need to get a solicitor involved, because if they want to move or sell up, you might be forced into things you don't want to do.

I think the land needs to be divided properly with title deeds so you can't be 'diddled' as they say, by anyone including prospective buyers.

You need a proper boundary and mode of entry onto your property for your visitors, and not have to ask permission for things from your son and his wife.

Such a big step to take. Tread carefully please.

Take a piece of paper and write down all the pros and cons. Go and see a solicitor and talk it over. Find out where you stand legally.

Good luck !

Definately need to see a solicitor. Would you get planning permission for an annex let alone a separate dwelling? Do they have a mortgage? What happens if they got into debt and lost the house, would yours go too? So many questions. I share a house with my daughter and her two children and we all get on famously. Would not have considered it though if either of us had a husband! Hope you make the right decision for you.

My biggest worry would be that DC would want to move off to pastures new, I have heard the stories a lot lately, grans selling up to inhabit the granny flat and then having to find somewhere to live when DC decide to move again. We would like to think that we are factored into the equation but quite often once the money from the sale of parent's house is absorbed into the family home then it is a different story.

I just wouldn't as it alters all the dynamics so much and changes everything even in the wider family.
Independence, your own front door and title deeds is best.

You can't divide up your land and have separate deeds because granny annexes are treated as part of the main dwelling.

Thank you all so much,clearly we have a lot to think about,I am taking in every thing you have all said.
Yes,we would have to sell our property to pay for the build.someone told me we could have a legal document drawn up to say we paid for the extension.

If you have to tread carefully I would be thinking twice about living in such close proximity also as others have mentioned if they were to divorce or move somewhere else it could make life difficult I know it sounds cynical but what's in it for your DIL.

DH2 and I live in the north Midlands and DS and family live in the south west. It's too far at weekends and they have so much going on. It's hard to find a suitable weekend and I'm lucky to see them three times a year. My ex, DS 's dad, remained single and recently moved very close by to them due to health scare. It works well, DD in law is lovely, if volatile with 3 GS's, and I know that if I was left on my own my DS would whisk me away and settle me close by too. But not in the garden. When it's no longer your property there's always a subtle change and a shift in ideals and attitudes. This works well for some I know but I would never ever get under DiL 's feet. My own MiL (ex's mother) was a complete and utter cow to me and I've always determined not to be like that myself! All of the above is just another perspective, but it's a big step to take if the relationship between you is already less than perfect. Good luck.

I have friends who are not happy in their granny annexes. Nothing like your independence. I know I wouldn't get on with DIL.

Do not do this under any circumstances. Can't you just move nearer to them?

I would suggest you get a market valuation of your daughters house before extention for granny annex.

A cost to build the Granny annex.

A post extension house valuation of the house and work out from that your % of owner ship.

If the house were ever sold you should get your original capital paid back plus a percentage of the whole properties appreciation or at the least the % appreciation of your extension.

I have sdeen lovely 1 bed bubalows built onto the side of an existing house wher valuation is straight forward.

You need an experienced solicitor to draw up a shared % ownership contract between you and your in laws which all parties can discuss and negotiate to its content .

It could be that you sell as separate entiyies eventually

If DIL is 'unpredictable' and you have to tread carefully- then it's a definite NO! Even when you get on, living together, even if an annexe- is so very different to visiting and having holidays together. I've known it to turn to disaster too many times.

And then there is the worry about divorce or death of own son/daughter- and what happens next. NO, not for me.

My aunt and her DS and DIL sold their houses and bought a bigger one between them, many years ago. This allowed the young couple, along with their three little girls, to move into a nice house, in a desirable area. It didn't work well, mainly because my aunt always had to say what she thought - no subtlety. In the end DS had to then buy her a flat which I suspect cost him dearly. It wasn't in nearly such a nice area as her house had been. There were no winners there. In an ideal world, it could be great for all, but ..... there might need to be contingency plans!