Granny flat

Thank you all.
I know you are all right,my friends are saying the same thing.

Would not do it, I love my son and gc to bits would not want to leave that near to them we both live our own space. Also what happens if they need to move or give up the house for any reason!. Sorry to sound doom and gloom

Just to put the worst case scenario, as happened to my MiL, she sold her bungalow and paid for a granny flat to be built attached to her daughter's house. Unfortunately, her daughter and son-in-law's marriage broke up and the house had to be sold and she was homeless. Her brother, who was a widower, kindly let her move in with him. As I said, this is the worst case scenario but it does take a lot of thought.

I think the vital point is "unpredictable DiL".
Even if you heard dozens of stories from people who had made a success of it with their own unpredictable DiLs, that would be no indication of how you might get on.

I feel this is a recipe for disaster. If in doubt do nought.If you were sure you wouldn't be asking I think that in its self answers your questions x

Thank you all again.
I guess I was hoping to hear of some people who had done it successfully.But I will Definatly think on all replies.

I don't suppose it would be at all applicable here, but I have heard of cases where families have done this, only to run into problems later because the person in the annex needs a care home. If there is not enough income/assets to pay the full fees and the council has to foot most of the bill, they are apt to take a very dim view of that person's money having been used to make a substantial and valuable addition to a son or daughter' home.
Whether it's been done with that intention or not, it may be seen as 'deprivation of assets' and councils have been known to demand that the money be paid back.

My aunt and her DS and DIL sold their houses and bought a bigger one between them, many years ago. This allowed the young couple, along with their three little girls, to move into a nice house, in a desirable area. It didn't work well, mainly because my aunt always had to say what she thought - no subtlety. In the end DS had to then buy her a flat which I suspect cost him dearly. It wasn't in nearly such a nice area as her house had been. There were no winners there. In an ideal world, it could be great for all, but ..... there might need to be contingency plans!

If DIL is 'unpredictable' and you have to tread carefully- then it's a definite NO! Even when you get on, living together, even if an annexe- is so very different to visiting and having holidays together. I've known it to turn to disaster too many times.

And then there is the worry about divorce or death of own son/daughter- and what happens next. NO, not for me.

I would suggest you get a market valuation of your daughters house before extention for granny annex.

A cost to build the Granny annex.

A post extension house valuation of the house and work out from that your % of owner ship.

If the house were ever sold you should get your original capital paid back plus a percentage of the whole properties appreciation or at the least the % appreciation of your extension.

I have sdeen lovely 1 bed bubalows built onto the side of an existing house wher valuation is straight forward.

You need an experienced solicitor to draw up a shared % ownership contract between you and your in laws which all parties can discuss and negotiate to its content .

It could be that you sell as separate entiyies eventually

Do not do this under any circumstances. Can't you just move nearer to them?

I have friends who are not happy in their granny annexes. Nothing like your independence. I know I wouldn't get on with DIL.

DH2 and I live in the north Midlands and DS and family live in the south west. It's too far at weekends and they have so much going on. It's hard to find a suitable weekend and I'm lucky to see them three times a year. My ex, DS 's dad, remained single and recently moved very close by to them due to health scare. It works well, DD in law is lovely, if volatile with 3 GS's, and I know that if I was left on my own my DS would whisk me away and settle me close by too. But not in the garden. When it's no longer your property there's always a subtle change and a shift in ideals and attitudes. This works well for some I know but I would never ever get under DiL 's feet. My own MiL (ex's mother) was a complete and utter cow to me and I've always determined not to be like that myself! All of the above is just another perspective, but it's a big step to take if the relationship between you is already less than perfect. Good luck.

If you have to tread carefully I would be thinking twice about living in such close proximity also as others have mentioned if they were to divorce or move somewhere else it could make life difficult I know it sounds cynical but what's in it for your DIL.

Thank you all so much,clearly we have a lot to think about,I am taking in every thing you have all said.
Yes,we would have to sell our property to pay for the build.someone told me we could have a legal document drawn up to say we paid for the extension.

You can't divide up your land and have separate deeds because granny annexes are treated as part of the main dwelling.

I just wouldn't as it alters all the dynamics so much and changes everything even in the wider family.
Independence, your own front door and title deeds is best.

My biggest worry would be that DC would want to move off to pastures new, I have heard the stories a lot lately, grans selling up to inhabit the granny flat and then having to find somewhere to live when DC decide to move again. We would like to think that we are factored into the equation but quite often once the money from the sale of parent's house is absorbed into the family home then it is a different story.

Definately need to see a solicitor. Would you get planning permission for an annex let alone a separate dwelling? Do they have a mortgage? What happens if they got into debt and lost the house, would yours go too? So many questions. I share a house with my daughter and her two children and we all get on famously. Would not have considered it though if either of us had a husband! Hope you make the right decision for you.

Marmark, will you be paying for this?

I think you need to get a solicitor involved, because if they want to move or sell up, you might be forced into things you don't want to do.

I think the land needs to be divided properly with title deeds so you can't be 'diddled' as they say, by anyone including prospective buyers.

You need a proper boundary and mode of entry onto your property for your visitors, and not have to ask permission for things from your son and his wife.

Such a big step to take. Tread carefully please.

Take a piece of paper and write down all the pros and cons. Go and see a solicitor and talk it over. Find out where you stand legally.

Good luck !

When thinking of your children it's not who they are but who they're with. What would happen if they divorce and the property is split between them? That would include your granny flat because they are not treated as separate dwellings.

If you have any doubts at all, I would say don't do it. Especially if perhaps you would have to sell your own home first to provide the money for the granny flat, and then maybe not have enough to buy something else if it didn't work out. Please don't let yourself be persuaded or talked into something you aren't 100% happy about.

The one thing that would worry me is, What would happen if they wanted to move and you did not?

I moved into the 'granny flat' here 3 years ago, it was great at the beginning but then SIL went really strange for about a year, he was getting upset because it was me not his Mother(dead for 17 years) living here.
The air got cleared when I lost it with DD and she lost it with him.
Now I would not want to live anywhere else, but it was walking on eggshells for a while.
The main thing I have found is not to, 1, interfere in any way, 2, do not expect to be invited to things with their friends, and have a joint diary with regard to babysitting etc.
DD asks me about everything, we are very close but we have our own places and respect each others privacy.

I would think it over carefully, talk around it a lot and still say no thanks.