Ideas for use of DS's bedroom.

Have you got a contingency plan for if he decides not to go to university after all Ruby? Or if he doesn't get his grades? Better wait and see what the 18 August brings? He could be in residence for longer than you think!

Blimey - both of my kids' bedrooms are still stacked to the gunwale with their junk! I can just about use Daughter #2's room as a spare room, but Daughter #1 has crammed the contents of a flat into it whilst she's travelling...

I don't need the space. The house feels plenty big enough for me to rattle around in without 2 extra rooms.

I commandeered the small bedroom as a study / sewing room.when my children left home. The large spare bedroom is now a painting studio with a bed somewhere under the canvasses.

Our large spare bedroom is now my fly tying room, and DH says it is getting beyond a joke because I never put anything away, so there are bits of dead birds, pieces of animal fur and other miscellaneous materials scattered about all over the bed and chest of drawers! If anyone comes to stay I might feel disposed to clean it up! ?

I turned our spare bedroom into a dressing room for me - sounds grand, but I just had all my clothes in the cupboard - therefore no wardrobe in our bedroom and much more space (DH put his clothes in the second (guest) bedroom) scarves on pretty hooks along the wall, ditto jewellery, all my favourite photos on the walls, a floor standing mirror to check appearance, a little bureau/desk for writing cards, a radio/TV and DVD player for when ironing or just faffing about, and it really is delightful! Best room to see the sunsets, and a quiet haven when I need one. Might even get an armchair if I can fit one in.

Beware! They have a habit of coming home again! My younger DS came back after Uni. Left to house share with mates. Came back 18 months later while waiting for house purchase to finalise. Came back 2 years later while he bought girlfriend out when relationship failed. Came back briefly again when he & fiancee waited for another house purchase to finalise. 9 years on room is now craft room with double side bed for DGC so still not totally MINE. But not complaining as love having them to stay. Other DS's room remained a double bedroom & also houses DGC.

Not sure about your finances- and your location. We rented a room to a student from our local Uni when DDs were at Uni- and it paid for a significant % of ther own living expenses. It was great fun too, and the students concerned are still in touch and have remained part of the family ever since (in their 40s now..).

This also has the advantage that as they go home during holidays- the room is available for the returners.

I don't encourage visitors (daughter and step daughter live in different country ) ....so one spare room has two beds in it, just in case (but I used it as my ironing room and it has a huge wardrobe ideal for 'excess' clothes ! the other spare room is my office and dressing room .....ideally would like another room .....who said something like 'possessions expand to fill the space available ? ....it wasn't exactly that, but a similar saying !! We keep thinking it is time for a retirement flat, but then look at them and discover they have only ONE bedroom mostly, ONE lounge/kitchen/diner .......putting it off until absolutely desperate ......have to buy another one for storage !!

Craftycat and rubylady

Yes, I liken them to boomerangs.

As he will be coming home during the holidays, it would be best used for temporary activities, maybe do your craft in there or watch TV, but be prepared to vacate before he comes home. That way it will still be his room.

Gagagran makes a sensible suggestion Ruby, don't count your chickens. What if his grades aren't what he'd hoped for and he needs to stay at home for another year (or more). Most students come home during the holidays and has already been said, they often bring a pal or three with them.

I don't know about your financial situation but we found supporting ours through university very expensive. As you're in social housing, the bedroom tax will be an issue I expect.

Mine is a sewing/computer/library room. I leave my sewing machine set up so instantly available. My laptop and printer have their own space and there are shelves for my collection of books. DH laid a lovely bamboo floor so easy to clean. I love 'my' room but realise how fortunate I am to have it.

I had 'boomerang' kids! They went and came back several times but thankfully, in middle age, they are well settled. You can never tell when an offspring will return for a bit more than a flying visit.

Nope, I am sorry but he is going. And he won't be back to live neither.

After the festive season, I have decided to look for a ground floor flat or bungalow. My health really isn't improving and when I am alone it will be harder for me to deal with it with stairs so I am going to sort it out before I get too bad to move. No bedroom tax then at all.

My finances are my own business, not going there on here. Sorry but I've just got a year older and not very happy. I pranged the car today, went for a cervical cancer check, got upset over my dad, only getting a card off my son today and apart from a lovely present from some GNers Thursday, the only other present I will get is from a lady on ebay who wrapped a personal dvd player up I had bought and sent a card too. The kindness of strangers. No family will bother, my daughter wont bother. For once I am not in a good place on my birthday. My son told me earlier that I didn't care about him when I home schooled him for 4 years. So no, he will not be returning to live. I have had enough. He can go and be obnoxious with someone else other than me. While I sort out my own life, I deserve it now at my age.

Maybe those who had their grown up children coming back home didn't have such abuse to deal with or serious illness (I am still waiting for open heart surgery). Maybe yours treated you with kindness. If that was the case and I was cared for by him, then of course he could come back but he can't wait to get away. I give up, I really do. I have never felt so low going into my birthday.

Do you know, on the kids birthdays I used to stay up late until they were asleep and then decorate the living room up with balloons, banners, paper chains, streamers, the little confetti stuff, hovered up so it is nice, lovely wrapped up presents and lots of cards. Favourite food bought in for breakfast and out for meals at tea time, celebration stuff, cinema or whatever. Nearly 30 years I have done that. And I get nothing. Boy, do I feel loved. It's sh*t and then some.

ruby I'm sorry that your birthday has been rotten. You've got a heck of a lot on your plate right now and I wish I could make things better for you. Hope you can get some sleep tonight and you feel a bit brighter tomorrow (well, later today now).

Oh dear, kids! Who'd have them? [ruby]

Hang on in there Ruby if all else fails hug the dog.

Birthdays so often bring disappointment and sadness when we remember happier days and all too easily feel neglected. Your son has been thoughtless, rubylady but deep down you know he loves you, it's just that teenagers, especially boys, usually would rather poke pins in their eyes than show it. Of course we hope for better - but rarely get it
Take a deep breath and face the challenges ahead of you with the courage and determination you have shown down the years. Never mind the car- that is only bent metal and these things happen when we are * stressed*.
You have a lot on your plate, don't waste your energy looking back if you can possibly avoid it. You are strong, you are woman- onwards and upwards!

As DaphneBroon says, the car is just metal; if you were not injured that is fine as long as it is driveable.

Sorry you have had a rotten birthday and some to brighten your day. And with a candle (just the one! we don't want to set the place on fire!)

If you feel like downsizing then that is what you must do; however, it would be nice to have a room or a bed-settee at least for when strop-head decides to behave like a normal human being, which I sincerely hope he will.
Mine could be quite obnoxious when they were that age but have turned out to be very civilised, caring and nice grownups, I must say.
Although at 18 I think illness of a parent frightens them.
You must have said something right over the years and I am sure he will remember all the good things when he has come out of the tunnel and realised what the real world can be like.

Best wishes

My sons room remained his private area until he left home for good.

You probably didn't have to pay what the socialists term 'bedroom tax'.

It's just a hypothetical stick with which to hit the Tories unless you are actually living it.

rubylady you have to do what you feel is best for you, but it would be nice to keep an open door, a bed (even just a bed settee) and a welcome whenever he decides he might just pop home again for a visit.

Jalima, I am very fortunate in not having to worry about the bedroom tax. Unlike many friends and family who do worry, a lot about that tax. I don't feel you need to be a socialist to term it the bedroom tax, that's exactly what it is. It isn't just a 'hypothetical stick with with to hit the tories, unless you are actually living it'. It is a reality that impacts on huge numbers of individuals, children and families.
I don't want to hijack your thread ruby lady but I didn't want to let that one go by without a comment.

sorry, just feeling a bit stroppy.

It is all very well advising from the point of view of someone who owns their own house, can afford not to downsize etc etc.

And 'bedroom tax' is just something coined by the media for a cut in housing benefit for an unused bedroom - an under-occupancy reduction in housing benefit, which rubylady may not receive anyway.
I am not saying I agree with it at all btw.

It's ok Jalima and I don't want to be snitty.

I do feel the media, or whoever coined he phrase the bedroom tax got it right though. I have some sympathy if one person is living in a 3 bed house that could provide a family home, that individual should be offered a one bed property. the problem is that so few are available. Most of the folk I know who are affected though are single dads who were allocated two bed flats, because there are so few one beds. This was often years ago, before they even had children but in the subsequent years the "spare" room has been used for children with dad having staying contact, often three nights a week. Mum is probably also in social housing, she'll get the housing benefit, I've no argument with that . However, for the numerous dads who get £75 a week jobseekers, it's impossible for them to find the £15 needed to pay for the "unused" bedroom. It isn't unused, it houses their children. Some councils have got round the problem by designating the 2nd bedroom as a study or storage space. I wish they all would but of course, they need the revenue and they need the 2 beds because of the housing shortage.