Moving House

Our children are at a completely different stage of their lives to us, their parents, and therefore can't fully understand the feelings and emotions that we are now experiencing, much further down life's journey. Life is totally different when you're still young and you have a partner/family around and the days are busy. I think your plans sound absolutely wonderful, I really do. I'm sure you will love being in your new home and hopefully you will have a bit of cash to travel and do things that you enjoy. It's your money to spend as you wish and, whilst you obviously want to leave an inheritance, don't not spend money on yourself because you have the right to enjoy your life and be happy.
In all honesty they probably are thinking about how much money they are likely to inherit. Perhaps that's quite natural as parents get older. Could your daughter be concerned that you are moving quite close to her and she is worried that you will be popping in every five minutes or that she will be expected to look after you as you get older?
It's a great shame that your children are not supporting you and I really hope that the situation changes once you actually move into your new house. Anyway, please try not to let it get you down too much. These are exciting times; go and enjoy it.

I think you sometimes have to be assertive with grown up children. They seem to find it hard to see you outside the role of mum in the house they knew (especially if lived there a long time ) and it holds memories for them. It may take time for them to see you as a person trying to make a fresh start in a new place. Be kind but firm and look forward.

Good for you in thinking about yourself. No one is going to be waiting for me to die just for the inheritance. Don't get me wrong, there will be a pot for my children to share but only what is left after I've enjoyed the rest of my life after raising 4 children and being at the beck and call of all and sundry for most of my life. It's my time now and the intend to spend my money as I wish, doing things that make me happy, not saving so that their lives will be easier after I'm gone. They can work and save just as myself and my husband had to do. If money comes too easy, they'll have no respect for it.

I'm sorry you are going through this, but I ask you this question ' If you have found this place and it completely suits your need and new start- How would you feel if you let it go and see someone else move in ? Without being harsh I really isn't very fair of certain family members to be thinking of themselves and not.your well-being. At the end of the day it's your money and your life until you pop off ! Do what's right for you. Get packing !

Diamondsgirl, just go for it. No one can make up your mind for you, or really know what's going on in your head. I know an elderly lady, at Church, who lives way out of town, she is very lonely. She told me that she is keeping the property for her sons, one of whom is a GP. I'm sure they don't need her money, and she would be so much happier nearer to town. She is reliant on friends to take her anywhere, or taxis. I have only known her for the last 4/5 years, but as she is 90 (ish), I'm sure she won't make a move now. So sad when she could be much happier.

There was an interesting, angry thread on GN yesterday about baby boomers and whether we/they have stolen the goodies from our children. It's horrible and unjust but our skewed housing market and unequal society, full of expectations, has led to much unhappiness. Just do it Diamondsgirl and let your daughter get on with it, though as kindly as poss of course. I know two women trapped alone and unhappy in huge family houses because of their children's opinions. I know where I think the selfishness lies. Enjoy your travelling. I also know a grandma who, with the blessing of her children, is having a wonderful time traveling the world. She is an inspiration.

Good luck with your move and much happiness in your new home. your family really wont understand how difficult staying in the family home is for you. They will get used to your new home and gradually understand how much more relaxed you are there. Think carefully about what you take with you, don't over fill your new space. I totally agree, get the removal company to pack as much as possible, get them to un pack as much as is helpful. If you aren't aware of a handyman to do the inevitable things that need doing after a move we found the Estate Agent to be a mine of information with many excellent contacts. Age UK or Streetlife can also be a source of information. I'm sure your family will come round, wishing you well.

Good luck with the move. You sound like you are doing the right thing. As others have said, get the removal company to do the packing. So much easier and at little cost in the grand scheme of things.

I know several people who have moved house in later life, one to a completely different country, taking 4 dogs across Europe! None has ever expressed regret.

Enjoy spending your money. Perhaps, keeping quiet about how much spare cash you might have.

I agree Maudie take help from professional movers who can help you while your moving procedure and all other related stuffs. A professional mover will always suggest a pre-estimate visit and will never give an estimate based on facts got over the phone. He will suggest that you consider additional moving insurance if the objects being moved are too valuable or fragile. My uncle has recently moved to a new place, professional help from moving companies NYC. He was very happy with their work. Also, they prepare him with planing the entire shifting procedure and it was so organized that my uncle even didn't hesitate to give them with a good tip for their work.

Your new home sounds ideal Diamondsgirl, hope the move goes well.
Wondering if it is the SKI bit or moving from the family home that is freaking out your daughter. Probably she is worried for you and not expressing herself well.
Now, have you decided where you will travel to first?

Good Luck in your new home Diamondsgirl.
Have the movers do your packing as SPF suggests.You maybe able to arrange for them to do your unpacking too.
If your children don't offer practical help don't feel resentful, be independent and pay someone to help you.
Spend your money on making your house really comfortable and beautiful. e.g. new furniture, bedding, curtains, pictures whatever will give you joy.
Tell your children how you feel, that you need a fresh start and a new project to get your teeth into.
If necessary politely remind them that it's your money to spend as you wish.

I feel so sorry for the ladies above who are living in the homes where their DHs died. I live in a "family" house and I really do not like to be living here alone. I think about all the people who used to live here and I feel very alone here.
The DCs don't seem to have any understanding of how the women living without family or DH in what used to be a busy house.
My DCs have expressed their wish that I remain in the house and do not sell or rent it out but they rarely come here, they prefer that I babysit at their houses and that seems to be the only time I see them. I still get the money requests! I just feel a bit used.
I think that we should be able to do as we wish, either staying in the home or moving to another place. Our DCs probably will not alter their lives to fit round our wishes or needs, therefore we need to do whatever makes us happy.
I hope that Diamonsgirl has a good move and really happy in the new house. If the family wont help get removers to do a full packing service. I am not sure if Willsmadnan has already moved but I hope you are happier wherever you are.
I am going to try to find a new house. The DCs will have to like it or lump it.
SPF

I think you have got to think of yourself, and your wellbeing. I can empathise totally with your emotions regarding your 'old' home. Like you I found living in the house where
my partner died almost unbearable... in fact I never slept in our bedroom again and couldn't bring myself to do anything in the garden as it was always 'his' space.I'm not a gardener and always left it to him. It may be that your DDs have an emotional attachment to the family home... that's fairly natural, but you can't be expected to 'hang-on-in- there' for the sake of their memories. Nor can they expect you to provide them with a healthy inheritance.... our kids should make their own way in life, as we have done.
Put yourself first, enjoy what time you have left, and if there's a bit of money left for them, well that's a pleasant bonus. Time to be a bit selfish.

Good for you. I did the move from big house to little house five years ago and am so much happier in my new little space. I hated those empty rooms. And I've been travelling too. I expect they think you've gone mad.? All you need now is a lover!!!

Perhaps your children are sad to lose that link with their father. Talk to them. And what an exciting future you have!