Divorce, having to move & angry children!ivorce, having to move & angry children!

I blindly moved to Cornwall when I returned from living abroad. Houses are relatively cheap providing you do your homework and the scenery is glorious You can fly from Newquay to Gatwick for on average £35 in under an hour. Travel around In your camper. Even take a six month rental to make sure. Have fun looking.

Think about East London. Good as a base for your daughter and a good investment. Then zoom around the country in your campervan.

Reedwarbler I am very interested in your post as have been looking to move, probably South West, for the last 3 years. I have been held up by difficulties selling my house but now have a buyer.
In the time I have had to explore and think I've become more uncertain of what I want. As said in the thread above its wet and warm in the South West whereas where I am in SE we do get snow, from time to time, which I love. Also, I am in a similar position to you, age and family wise and need to move somewhere cheaper but lots of SW is expensive and the right kind of property limited. I have also considered Norfolk/Suffolk but an not convinced.
I am thinking of renting - love the Campervan idea but have 2 cats to consider so don't think its an option.
Perhaps we could share some ideas - I have done a bit of research, using airbnb, to try to inform my hunt but its hard doing something like this on your own.

Reedwarbler, you are still young and fit enough to use a campervan. Why not think ahead to when you might like to have a relative to respond to a care link pendant? It's probable that you and your sons don;t want to hobnob with each other. They do sound concerned about the practicality of having their ageing mum within a reasonable distance for emergency help. You may need also to live close to a food shop, a chemist, a post office, library, vet, and so on.
I lived on the Sussex/Hants border decades ago and liked it well enough.
Me, I'd choose a small town as rural areas can be bad for public transport and services, unless you are quite rich.

I would move to wherever you want to move- I know several people who have moved near to children and then find the children are too busy to see much of them.
I have looked through twice and can't see that you were saying Cornwall. Dorset and Somerset are much easier to reach.

I lived in Cornwall for 25 years and if circumstances allowed I would be back there like a shot. Have a drive round in your campervan and see what you think. I gather that even travelling abroad from there is easier now with the improvements they've made to Newquay airport.

How well do you know the South West? Moving is more than just a property, it is friends, etc. Have you thought as to how you will be in, say ten years, time? Will you still be able to drive long distances? And manage a house? . Children will then be of an age when they are unlikely to want to give up part of their school holidays to be with you. Perhaps you would be better staying closer to where you know people and think of what would be best for YOU to live in 52 weeks a year. A Bungalow or a flat. Even if you are now storing things for your daughter, she may want them nearer to herself in London and perhaps could use a storage unit, where things would easily accessible.
As has been said, holiday times, roads to the South West are dreadful, with journeys increasing by many hours.
So much better if you can within some sort of easy-to-reach place for your sons and g.children as well as your daughter. You are not there to provide B&B, so think about your own day-to-day living needs first.

I think your daughters-in-law maybe thinking of free childcare?
As your daughter is happy for you to move where you want to be I would listen to her.
Just a thought from a resident of Devon, perhaps you might consider a rental period in the South West? When I moved here some 50 years ago my work colleagues were so envious. This from the perspective of a few sunny weeks holiday. The reality is rather different, long periods of grey skies, wind and rain. I see that cavity wall insulation is not recommended for the South West due to heavy wind and rain. I suggest a "try before you buy" approach.
Good luck with your move.

My family lives in Sussex. My daughter moved back near to where I grew up, from Gloucestershire where she was born and I lived for 30 years. When I retired, I moved to Somerset, mostly because the house prices are reasonable here. I got a biggish house so the grandchildren could come and visit. They came once. They are too busy with their own lives, and that isn't going to lessen as they get older. I have now got a lovely manageable bungalow, with a spare room for friends if I need it. And a lot of friends and things to keep me occupied. Look after yourself, let them look after themselves

Hi Readwarbler

It sounds to me that you are closer to your daughter than you are your sons, emotionally not geographically.

I must say your sons sound just a little bit selfish if they are Demanding you do what is better for them! and they do not even manage to find the time to visit you, as you are saying..

I do not understand as well the anger coming from your sons.

Personally I would have a good chat with both of your sons just to see what exactly is going on.

The problem is, if you do as your sons want, it will make you unhappy, and when you sit alone in your new house in sussex where your sons wish you to be, they will not have the time to come and comfort you, or spend some time with you so that you are not lonely or un happy...

And so you do need to take care of yourself if you want any energy to be able to be of some use to your family..

You have to do what will make you happy not what your sons want. If they don't have time to help you move etc now they probably won't have time for you if you moved closer.

I live in Dorset, which can be expensive, but hope to move back to Somerset at sometime (my OH won't leave here unfortunately) in the future.

Thank you. It's lovely to feel supported - I will try and talk to sons again. It would be good to know whether it's me or themselves they're thinking of. But I think I know the answer already. I also think they don't know me at all!

Welcome Reedwarbler and I hope that you will enjoy your tour in your campervan.

The only advice I would proffer is to find something to move to and never just move away from something. I visited Sussex last year and it was so crowded that I vowed it would be a long time before I visited again! Make lists of all the things you enjoy, another of what you dislike, order your preferences etc. etc. as that could be helpful.
It might be informative to find out what all your D.C. anticipate that you will be doing with your life now that the current 'era' has ended! They might be surprised that you have plans for a future so perhaps you need to communicate your dreams to them. It sounds as if your DD is more on your wavelength than your DSs anyway since she is being supportive. It doesn't sound as if your DSs have tried standing or walking in your shoes or even used their imagination as to what your life has been and/or could be in the future. Hope you follow your dreams and find a happy future whatever you do.

they became angry with me.

My sons can't come and help because they don't have the time. Maybe that says a lot.

Your sons are not showing any concern for you, so do whatever you think best.

Not much more advice to offer apart from the above but welcome to GN and enjoy your camper van tour. Make your own choices. Indeed you may find some ideas you haven't yet thought of when you are on your travels. Keep us up to date with your adventure!!

Best wishes whatever you decide, though I found Cornwall too far from everywhere so don't go somewhere so remote that nobody can visit.
I had a long drawn- out divorce, stoney broke with four teenagers but have never regretted it. I left the place I hated for a new life and have been happy ever after.

Follow your instinct and do what you know is right for you, not anyone else.

Thank you so much for your support everyone!
It's going to be tough, so I hope my sons will try and understand and forgive me eventually for choosing to please myself.
So I will now start by visiting a few places around the SW in my camper van and hope to find a place where I feel welcome and able to make a new start.
I'm trying to look on all this as an exciting new phase in my life...aaargh!

Reedwarbler welcome to GN hope that you will stay on the forum for the future.?
If you like the South West then go for it! Property much cheaper than Sussex or anywhere in the Thames Valley that’s for sure.
Dorset can be pricey though.Do a bit of research on Dorset and Devon, Cornwall is very far away but lovely.Good luck.?

Move where you want but don't be surprised if neither children or grandchildren visit.

Move to where you will be happy Reedwarbler you have brought up your children now it's your time. I'm sure your grandchildren will love to visit you by the sea. Good luck.

Oh i see dorset hants has already been suggested!

Friends live in exeter and always talk about the traffic jams. Holiday time particularly bad. How about dorset,still lovely or hants, but a bit closer to your family.

As pensionpat says don't move to be near them. Who knows where they will be in 10 yrs time.
D's ex in-laws moved abroad as their son and my D were living there due to his job he then got sent back to UK and they were stuck there for another three yrs due to finances.

Train is the best option for getting to the SW.