Divorce, having to move & angry children!ivorce, having to move & angry children!

Hi Reedwarbler welcome to GN. I honestly cannot fault your logic or thinking, I think your sons need to come round to seeing your point of view and the fact that - and at 64 you are still relatively young - you want to live your life making the choices that are right for you. And what a lovely incentive to have your grandchildren visit if you are near the sea, plus you would fetch them! You're a lovely gran.

I don't have experience of a situation like this, but above is how I would feel in your situation. Imagine the flipside, moving to Sussex against your wishes or better judgment ...

Head to the south west! Do it today!

If you don't want to live in Sussex, then don't go and live there just to please your sons. They will get over it and your grandchildren will love having holidays by the sea.
You have already said they are both very busy, so how much of them are you likely to see if you moved closer anyway.

Do what you want, not what is convenient for your sons.

Their wanting you nearer so they can see more of you is coded language for saying if you live near us we can use you for free childcare.

They will soon see the advantage of you having a seaside home and the prospect of free seaside holidays.

Move to the South West. It's where you want to be.

The South west is lovely but it is hard to get to. I say this having had 50 years of visiting my husband's parents who lived there. In the Summer, because of the traffic, it took us longer to get to them than it did America! It became a chore, I'm afraid.
Have you thought about Hampshire or even Dorset? Not quite such a journey.

I was given some good advice once. Never move to be nearer to your children. They might well move again.

Follow your heart and not sons wishes . If they don't make time to visit you now then they never will.

Go where you will be happy If the sons want to see you that much, where have they been and where are they when you need help You will never please everyone all the time and you sound like you ve had little support in the past so do what will make you happy
I was once told that how ever many children you have there is always one who will help and the rest are happy for their input apart from having a good moan about it

Train is the best option for getting to the SW.

As pensionpat says don't move to be near them. Who knows where they will be in 10 yrs time.
D's ex in-laws moved abroad as their son and my D were living there due to his job he then got sent back to UK and they were stuck there for another three yrs due to finances.

Friends live in exeter and always talk about the traffic jams. Holiday time particularly bad. How about dorset,still lovely or hants, but a bit closer to your family.

Oh i see dorset hants has already been suggested!

Move to where you will be happy Reedwarbler you have brought up your children now it's your time. I'm sure your grandchildren will love to visit you by the sea. Good luck.

Move where you want but don't be surprised if neither children or grandchildren visit.

Reedwarbler welcome to GN hope that you will stay on the forum for the future.?
If you like the South West then go for it! Property much cheaper than Sussex or anywhere in the Thames Valley that’s for sure.
Dorset can be pricey though.Do a bit of research on Dorset and Devon, Cornwall is very far away but lovely.Good luck.?

Thank you so much for your support everyone!
It's going to be tough, so I hope my sons will try and understand and forgive me eventually for choosing to please myself.
So I will now start by visiting a few places around the SW in my camper van and hope to find a place where I feel welcome and able to make a new start.
I'm trying to look on all this as an exciting new phase in my life...aaargh!

Follow your instinct and do what you know is right for you, not anyone else.

Best wishes whatever you decide, though I found Cornwall too far from everywhere so don't go somewhere so remote that nobody can visit.
I had a long drawn- out divorce, stoney broke with four teenagers but have never regretted it. I left the place I hated for a new life and have been happy ever after.

Not much more advice to offer apart from the above but welcome to GN and enjoy your camper van tour. Make your own choices. Indeed you may find some ideas you haven't yet thought of when you are on your travels. Keep us up to date with your adventure!!

they became angry with me.

My sons can't come and help because they don't have the time. Maybe that says a lot.

Your sons are not showing any concern for you, so do whatever you think best.

Welcome Reedwarbler and I hope that you will enjoy your tour in your campervan.

The only advice I would proffer is to find something to move to and never just move away from something. I visited Sussex last year and it was so crowded that I vowed it would be a long time before I visited again! Make lists of all the things you enjoy, another of what you dislike, order your preferences etc. etc. as that could be helpful.
It might be informative to find out what all your D.C. anticipate that you will be doing with your life now that the current 'era' has ended! They might be surprised that you have plans for a future so perhaps you need to communicate your dreams to them. It sounds as if your DD is more on your wavelength than your DSs anyway since she is being supportive. It doesn't sound as if your DSs have tried standing or walking in your shoes or even used their imagination as to what your life has been and/or could be in the future. Hope you follow your dreams and find a happy future whatever you do.

Thank you. It's lovely to feel supported - I will try and talk to sons again. It would be good to know whether it's me or themselves they're thinking of. But I think I know the answer already. I also think they don't know me at all!

You have to do what will make you happy not what your sons want. If they don't have time to help you move etc now they probably won't have time for you if you moved closer.

I live in Dorset, which can be expensive, but hope to move back to Somerset at sometime (my OH won't leave here unfortunately) in the future.