Overstaying lodger!

I agree that you should not give her notice until you have your husband on your side. Here are a lot of disjointed thoughts: I would have thought that having room for the GC ‘s to stay was reason enough to ask her to leave. Until she does don’t hesitate to comment nicely about her encroaching on your space. . I also agree that you should not give up your living room and television. To make it easier to reclaim it, do you have a friend who could come round and watch something with you occasionally? Perhaps you could agree to having the right to choose what to watch on alternate nights. Does your husband have other friends that he can watch and chat about sport with? It does make it more enjoyable yo have a companion who shares your enjoyment. I think you need to talk it all over with your husband. Perhaps agree that if the lady wants to she could still come round once a week to watch tv with your husband after she has moved out. . If they work at the same place you need to handle it carefully - keep it pleasant, give reasonable notice, etc otherwise if she goes around saying that his wife chucked her out, people could come to all sorts of wrong conclusions, rumours could start and it would be unpleasant for both of them especially your husband.

Seems to me that you need to stand firm and tell your husband it is your home and you want it back .
It might cause a stand off but I would tell him he can leave also if he won’t back up you .

Sometimes things are right there under our noses, I say this from personal experience, in your situation as others have said it appears your H is using the money as an excuse.
I will be blunt now, you have to tell them both she has to move out asap, as in my opinion they clearly have become pretty cosy & you don’t want the day to dawn when ‘they’ turn around & ask/suggest that you move out!

Good grieeeefffff!!!! Can't believe you've been so patient as to have that woman in your house for a year!!!!!! I am sending you a whole bunch of courage to get rid of her at the very earliest opportunity. If you feel you are weakening just think of all the positives for you once your house is your own again. Very best of luck and as others have said. KEEP STRONG.... it,s YOUR HOME!!!!!
Please let us know how it goes!

I am in agreement with everyone else, your DH has known her nearly a decade and they sound way to comfortable, I am so sorry, she has got to go

For those that misread, this woman is paying £300 A MONTH!!

Unless she has a written tenancy agreement she has no rights, and even then at the end of a fixed shorthold (usually a year) she would have to leave. The amount she has been paying isn’t rent, it’s expenses. You don’t mention if you have been providing food as well, but I suspect that at least some of it comes from your stores. She is abusing your kindness. Take her aside, explain that you need the space for your family and would like her to move out as soon as you can agree a date. Write it down that she will be moving out by that date, and ask her to sign and date it. ( That can be used if you have to take stronger steps. Remove her stuff from your cupboards and areas. Tell your husband you intend to do this, and ask for his support. If he doesn’t give it, you will know where you stand. Stay firm.

Lodgers don't have a tenant's rights. If your income from renting a room exceeds around £92pw (not sure of exact amount) you have to declare it to HMRC.
I would give her 1 months notice, just to be fair - but no longer.
If H protests then give him the ultimate ultimatum, 'one of us is going, her OR me', otherwise there are 3 people in your marriage. The longer it continues the less likely your H will want to 'lose' her company.
Good luck and stick to your guns. No compromise, she's an adult.

p.s. I just read this in the Breathe magazine

'Get clear on your own priorities in life. What is important to you? How do you wish to spend your time? Remember, you have the right to decide what to do, who to spend time with and fulfil your own needs.' Words; Lisa Phillips, a speaker, trainer and author of 'The Confidence Coach'.

By answering those questions, you can formulate what you want to say to bothe the unwanted lodger and DH.

It goes for many difficulties I read about on here, and is very relevent for 'people pleasers'.

I too am in agreement with everyone else. I think this woman is secretly laughing behind your back. 'LIVE CHEAP SMELL SWEET as my old mum you to say. She is a free loader and she knows it! She is taking the piss to the enth degree because no-one has the nerve to say enough is enough... Be polite, be firm and give her a date for moving out (because she did not honor the date for leaving when she moved in); otherwise you're a fool to yourself. My goodness, I am annoyed for you, even saints plucked up courage to say what they see as true. Come on Anniechip, I am behind you (in spirit) 100%. GOOD LUCK!!

It's only a business arrangement if there is a rent book and payments are signed. That is what paying lodgers are supposed to have, whether they provide their own book or 'landlord' provides one is immaterial.

Whilst I agree it is good to know the legal position, I don't think she will attempt to take legal action. She is slowly taking over your home, first spending evenings with your husband whilst you go off into another room, then leaving washing in the machine and dirty dishes in the sink (does she think you will wash them?) Time for you to be strong, talk to your husband and let him know you will not tolerate this situation any longer and he must tell her she needs to find somewhere else.

Give her a months notice in writing ... in front of your husband....... help her to find a place if necessary... when the months up out she goes. You've put up with. situation too long . Your husband seems to have another agenda ...does he not!!?

I wouldn't be helping her find another place to live, you're not her mother. She's a 36/7 yr old woman fgs, well able to figure out which of her large social circle she can land on next. Your H will have withdrawal symptoms if you're not careful.

ReadyMeals
No she doesn't. She's a lodger and they have very few rights.

I think you should sit down with your DH and have a long talk about this woman (does she go out and give you both some space at all?) He will no doubt argue about the money being useful and they are just friends, which they very well could be, but show him this thread so he can see how the situation appears to others. As others have mentioned get your children to talk to him too.

If you decided to toddle off and rent a little place - quite apart from the no doubt many little extras (TV licence, heating, washing machine etc etc - could you get something for £300 per month? I'm guessing the answer is 'not in a million years'. Find out what people are paying as lodgers with similar facilities nearby. Set her rate at that. Explain the vague arrangement has run its course. If she wishes to stay a short while longer, no more sharing your lounge, no more her stuff in your space etc. Set a date by which you will no longer accommodate her. Stick to it. If not gone by then, I'm afraid its change of locks. Before implementing this, have a confab with husband and daughter. They need to be on side and clear about how you feel about this. Even if it does go to your making it clear that if she does not go, you do - and whatever it costs comes from him and her. Hate saying this but you have been a doormat long enough. - I think they will be shocked, surprised. It sounds like thoughtlessness - they have forgotten you are a person with feelings. If I'm right - she will go pretty quickly and you will find you have a more considerate if rather guilty feeling husband.

I might be also telling husband no more chats ALONE with this woman late at night, or anytime, whilst you wait for her to move out.

Do you have a rent book or is it still on an informal basis?

She's got it made, really, a comfy cosy house, a man to chat to about their joint interests, a woman who keeps out of the way and probably does all the cleaning.
She just has to flatter his ego (and some older men really do fall for flattery) and she could be there for ever.

It sounds an informal arrangement so give her a week to find somewhere else (or a month if you are really kind).

Am I the only one thinking there is something far more going on between your husband and this young lady?

I think you are a saint putting up with this for so long and I agree with the others time for her to go .

A little late in the day I know but did you and your
DH take your house insurance cover into account;

www.comparethemarket.com/home-insurance/content/lodger-insurance/
Firstly, you'll need to tell your home insurance provider that you're renting out a room. If you don't, you could find that your policy is invalid should you have to make a claim. You may have to pay extra to extend your cover. Your provider could ask you to include extra liability insurance to cover you if your lodger takes you to ...

Please do let us all know when your problem is resolved.

Laronsmum, no you are not alone. I have followed and read every response on this thread and the general consensus is that this bloke is having his cake and eating it.
I am guessing that this guy is late fifties to early sixties?
Well what bloke wouldn't be flattered by the attentions of a woman half his age?
Anniechip, time to face the music with DH, DH obviously prefers her company above yours.
I too would be interested in your daughters take on this.

Well if you really can't chuck her out , especially as your husband isn't back willing to back you up. How about arranging a more formal meeting to discuss house rules. As a boarder, that's what she is after all , she needs to keep her stuff in HER room , she must watch her own tv in her room , not leave clothes in the drier and so on. She is acting like your daughter not a lodger and your husband isn't helping matters. I'd watch her in that regard . Also isn't it time to increase the rent as you say £300 is very reasonable . As for your DGD sleeping on an air bed in your room!! Time for her to go .

Grannyknot has expressed it best "It's not working for me anymore".
It's your home, you need to feel comfortable there.