Overstaying lodger!

I'm with Cherrytree59. Time this madame departed! I'm not suggesting anything untoward is going on ...but maybe this does your husband's ego a little boost? You have been more than tolerant, and now its time for your voice to be heard!! Be assertive and clear that this woman has to go....good luck

easybee's right . its a tough call. Good luck. She knows what she's doing, your husband knows you are unhappy. You know it can't go on. I'm afraid it's time for uproar, which none of us like but obviously all the hints in the universe aren't going to straighten this out. Your husband has to help you, she has to go. We're behind you

PROVERBS! My dear father in law very wise but long since gone had a selection of proverbs he used often. Such as 'the pot calls the iron black' 'the proof of the pudding is in the eating' but my favourite was 'least said soonest mended'. It has cautioned me many a time over the last 40 years. Have any of you grans got a favourite proverb and if so why?

The fact that you want a bedroom for your growing DGCs to use when they come for a sleepover is enough reason in itself for this cuckoo in the nest to fly on. Your husband at least should recognise that. If he really digs his heels in I would be very suspicious as to his motives.
You have been an unwilling saint for long enough.

This is awful. Please let us know if you are successful in ejecting her.

I forgot to ask - what do your children feel about this arrangement? Could you not get them to be with you when you speak to your husband about it so they could also add their concerns?

It is very difficult to have someone else in your space, especially someone who has little perception of how to live co-operatively. You and husband need to sit her down and ask what her timeframe is. As soon as possible.

No Annie you don’t need excuses like needing bedrooms or wardrobes you need to lay the cards on the table and ask your husband to choose between her friendship or your marriage because basically that’s what it’s down to isn’t it ?and he needs his darned eyes opening to what he’s done/doing You have taken a lot been an absolute saint (she would never have moved in for me I m afraid she has a wide social circle, so why you? ) you say you didn’t want it in the first place so you must have had concerns/misgivings
Your husband is either a totally innocent or they are both conieving if it’s the former he needs waking up, if it’s the latter get professional advice about getting rid of both of them
I m so cross for you

For all the fine reasons given above, but please remember also that you don't have to give anyone a reason for wanting them to leave - it is your home, she has had a really fair deal (more than!) for the time she has been living with you, and I can see how she would be happy for this cheap, convenient and rather too cosy arrangement to go on for ever, inconveniencing you and making you feel a bit like a stranger in your own home. I too would be sitting down with OH and having the 'cards on the table' conversation; if he got a small job locally he could bring in £300 easily. If she has lots of friends then let her move on to one of them, or grow up and rent somewhere. Good luck!

Just say that you were led to believe that this was a temporary arrangement, that you want your home back to yourselves and give her notice.

There ARE rental properties available - she only has to look. £300 is not a lot of money for rent, water rates, electricity/gas, cooking and laundry facilities.

There's no point trying to make it a nice request, it will be ignored so be forthright and stick to the notice period you give.

Tell DH what you are going to do - don't ask.

Anniechip. You are in my opinion a saint and I admire you for your tolerance as this woman is for sure a leech. This ' we both like rugby/football??' closeness' between this woman and DH makes you feel excluded so you go off to bed???? No way .He is putting her needs, and his view 'look at the extra (pittance in my opinion) money coming in ' without any consideration to how this is affecting you and can he not see this woman' s sluttish ways.? Has he no pride ? Now GC have to sleep in your room as you have given 'her' their space when they visit.?DH may believe he is playing the Good Samaritan? With my suspicious mind I see more to this 'arrangement' involving a woman young enough to be his daughter than some one without a home. This is an intolerable situation so discuss it with your children.I hope you have told them what is going on, so they must have their own views. Other than that CA is a free service, very sympathetic and will advise.

Under no circumstances tell your husband either she goes or you do. It is your home. If however he gets difficult you could tell him if she is so important to him then he can go with her.
So glad you are going to be assertive at long last. We are all behind you.
Best wishes

That's incredibly cheap rent.
It sounds like she is comfortably ensconced.
It's your home not a boarding house. Your husband is showing great immaturity by not considering your feelings. You and your grandchildren deserve better.
Out with her I say!

Oh my god what a liberty there taking the piss tell her to get her stuff together and get out, and tell your DH to smell the coffee and realise she taking him for a foolish old man. This is s very devious woman your dealing with. The trouble your going to have is getting your OH to see it

Next time she leaves washing in the machine empty it into a laundry basket and put the wet stuff in her room (you really needed to do some washing that day) Start reclaiming your space by moving her items into a smaller space in fridge and freezer, (you want to stock up with food so that you don’t have to shop so frequently) Maybe store a box or two in her bedroom (you are so short of places to store things these days) take shoes and coats she leaves lying around and dump them in the middle of her bed. Find ads for suitable flats and circle them (you know how difficult it is to decide where to go and you thought she might need help to move) Ask sweetly if she would mind finding somewhere to sleep for a couple of nights because you want your granddaughter to stay or that you are going to have to put the blow up mattress in her room (it’s not ideal for granddaughter to have to share a room with you and your hubby - even if not true!). Put the rent up (or make her share one third of utilities, house insurance, council tax etc.). Snuggle up to hubby while watching TV, and pass obvious meaningful glances when you announce you are going to bed. He might think you’ve gone stark raving mad, but tell him you miss his company and remind him of the wonderful intimacy you were both looking forward to when the children left home. It does sound as if your hubby is basking in the attention of a younger female and it has to stop. Are you sure that she really shares interests with your DH or is her interest in him and he, her? You will have to tell him how lonely you feel with ‘three people in this marriage’ If all else fails it’s ultimatum time: she goes - if DH objects he can go too!

Well it’s seems we are unanimous Annie! Time for her to go.
I’d feel like doing all the things other Grans have suggested - damp washing into black plastic bags, dirty dishes into her cupboard - but don’t do it in case you end up feeling demeaned. Keep your pride and tell her to go.
Then sit down with DH - lots of good ideas on here about what he needs to hear!
Let us know how you get on.

I always think keep things simple tell it as it is, you want your privacy and home back and quality time with your other half. Anything else will result in some sort of compromise, get your children on your side. Good luck!

This is a dilemma and needs careful handling. It’s important to keep things positive so you maintain your power in the situation. Firstly, it’s timely that she be reminded that the arrangement was only ever a stop gap and you need the room back by a certain deadline. You don’t need to give a reason but if asked a strong argument would be family and the need to have better arrangements for grandchildren and / or other family or friend guests over. You can agree with your husband she’s a lovely person but she’s not family and her occupation of the spare room makes it harder for other family and friend arrangements. It’s normal to put family first and you’ve been more than helpful. That way you can avoid it becoming an argument with your husband or having to go on the defensive. It might work by discussing prioritising family and friends staying and how it’s better to have a spare room in advance with your husband over a period of time so there’s no sudden confrontation and you are both agreed before clarifying matters with her. Good luck!

Legally speaking, this person is an “ excluded occupier” with very few rights , because she is sharing your accommodation where you are resident.
Unless you have made an agreement to the contrary, you need to give her “ reasonable notice” which would normally be the rent period, preferably in writing. In your case it sounds like it is one month. Make sure it ends the day before the next rent is due.
You do not need a court order as she is not a tenant. If she does not leave, you have the right to change the locks, but if she has not removed her possessions by then you do need to make sure they remain safe or she could sue you for any damage. You do not have the right to use force or threatening behaviour.
That is the legal position. However, if you DH is not in
Agreement, there could be an issue, if you own the house jointly, so you do need to discuss this with him first and hopefully get him to agree that she has been there long enough.

This woman has licence to occupy status this gives very limited occupation rights (less than those afforded to assured short hold tenants who have to be in self contained accommodation) you can give notice that is reasonable this is usually deemed to be the period of rent so for example if she pays rent weekly then give notice of a week! If you are feeling kind you can make it longer. Do put it in writing and keep a copy.
Citizens advice says this

“If you rent a room in your landlord’s home and share some accommodation with them, then you may be what's commonly known as a lodger. You may have your own room, usually a bedroom, but you don't have exclusive use of that room. This means that your landlord can enter the room without your permission.

Lodgers who share accommodation with their landlord are also known as excluded occupiers. This is a term used in housing which helps to identify your housing rights. This page tells you about your rights and responsibilities if you're an excluded occupier.

Excluded occupiers have very few legal rights. You may have some contractual rights which have been agreed verbally with your landlord or that are set out in your agreement. However, trying to enforce your rights is difficult because excluded occupiers can be evicted easily.

Rent

You must make sure that the rent is paid otherwise your landlord can evict you. Your agreement will normally state how much the rent is, what it includes, to whom and when it should be paid, and how it can be increased.

If you pay your rent weekly, your landlord must give you a rent book. However, this doesn't apply if you pay 'board' as part of your rent for meals that are provided.

If you don’t pay rent weekly or don't have a rent book, it's best to keep proof of your rent payments.

Repairs

As a lodger, you're likely to have a licence agreement. If you have a licence agreement, your landlord doesn't have the repair responsibilities that are set out in the Landlord and Tenant Act 1985 because it only applies to tenancies.

However, your landlord is still responsible for making sure your home is in a proper condition. Your licence agreement may set out what repairs you and your landlord are responsible for.

Your landlord also has certain responsibilities for gas and electrical safety, and furnishings.

More about repairs and safety if you have a resident landlord at www.gov.uk
What happens if your landlord wants you to leave?

You have the right to stay in your accommodation until either:

your fixed term agreement has come to an end, or
you have a periodic agreement and your landlord has given you notice to leave.
Fixed term agreements

If you have an agreement that is for a fixed term, for example, six months, you can only be evicted by your landlord when either:

that term has come to an end, or
there is a term in your agreement, known as a break clause, which allows the agreement to be ended early. If there is a break clause, the landlord can evict you after giving you the notice set out in that clause.
Periodic agreements

If you have a periodic agreement, that is, one that runs from one rent period to the next, you must be given a period of notice before you can be evicted.

Your agreement may set out the notice period required. If the agreement doesn’t say anything about notice periods, it will depend on whether you have an excluded tenancy or an excluded licence.

As a lodger, you're likely to have an excluded licence, and will therefore have a right to 'reasonable' notice. There are no set rules about what is reasonable, but it will probably depend on:

how long you’ve lived there and how you've behaved
the length of time between your rent periods
the relationship between you and your landlord
the availability of other accommodation.

More about excluded licences at www.gov.uk
Does your landlord need a possession order to evict you?

Your landlord doesn't need a possession order from the court to evict you, but they can get one if they choose to. You'll be trespassing if you stay in the accommodation without your landlord's permission either after the fixed term has ended or after the notice period has expired

A solicitor will charge for giving the above advice, and isn’t necessary.
Don’t give a “reason” for ending the licence just say you want to end it.
As for your DH ? I would read him the riot act, he has behaved with no respect for you or your rights and needs and is at best very selfish!

don't know how you've put up with it for so long,you need to tell her to move on and get your house back how you want it.

Just tell her she needs to go.... give her a date.. when she must have gone by. Be reasonable and just say it is not up for discussion.
You do not have to give reasons.. and if Husband does not agree...my reaction would be... to tell him it was her or me. ( That is just me though).

She needs to be gone asap. Ask your husband how he would feel if it was you having another man live in your home. Like others alarm bells are ringing. I would be asking H some very pointed questions. The top one being are you having an affair with her. I hope not but the signs are all there. Good luck.

I suggested the plastic bag for the washing only to save your mattress getting damp. I don't think the actions I described demean you, they just make the point about exactly what is happening. At the same time you tell her you wish her to go and you are no longer willing to have your space and home encroached on, hence dumping ger stuff in her TEMPORARY room! Good luck

Great legal advice from jenpax and cabbie21. It is always good to have detailed knowledge of your legal position before you start a difficult process like asking someone to leave and also to counter any spurious arguments that may be raised by your husband or the lodger. Knowledge is a powerful weapon.