Overstaying lodger!

You husband and this lady lodger are way, way, way too friendly!

They're so taken up with this so cosy arrangement that both of them are clearly pretending that you have gone from being the wife to be the all-purpose skivvy.

Short of handing out a "it's-her-or-me?" ultimatum to His Lordship I don't think there is a painless way to sort this.

yes I think it is best to be clear, direct and honest. Say it has gone on for too long and and you are not comfortable with the arrangement and it has to change. The only decision you have to make is how much notice to give her. and there is nothing to stop you helping her to move out, get some packing boxes etc. help look for lodgings elsewhere. Be practical be strong. You know you are in the right.

Re-reading your original post several things struck me as odd. Odd for a twenty-eight year old with a wide circle of friends to spend afternoons watching matches with a man the same age as her father, and odd to continue doing so for eight years.
Odd to be given only one month's notice of a tenanted house being sold. Odd not to follow her house-mate into new rented accommodation. Odd that there appears to be no boyfriend. Odd not to be able to find anywhere to rent; it took my daughter one day to find a very pleasant room in the right area. More than £300 a month, though.

Not odd at all that she shows no inclination to move on. Difficult to find a new flat mate aged thirty-six, or achieve anything like the level of comfort she currently enjoys, facilitated by a doting father-figure.
I think there will be tears before bedtime.
Just make sure they are not yours.

Yes, the situation is VERY odd. It's got to be dealt with, should have been dealt with at the outset, really. I like the idea of a posse of GN's turning up! ( That's what my DH said - we should all turn up to help send her on her way)! Seriously though, if this is genuine, it has to end.

Hi Eazybee, thanks for your comments- just to clarify- she is 36 not 28 and it’s not been going on for 8 years- even I wouldn’t have let it go that long!! They have known each other 8 years! I have known her about 5.
I agree it is all ODD. Today I have found at least four rooms/ house shares in our area, all looking extremely suitable. No excuses!

Anniechip, go for it! Don't wait.

I’ve been following this. I agree with almost all the advice others have given. Please don’t waste any more of your time.
Act NOW, don’t dwell on it. Have the conversation ASAP. You can then get on with getting your life back. Please keep us updated. I’m sure we would all love to know how it went. Sending you the very best of luck.

Yes, I know she is thirty-six now, same age as your daughter, and that she has known your husband for eight to nine years. Only been staying since last March; quite long enough.

Anniechip.....you wrote: 8 or 9 years ago my husband met a young lady through work.

Somehow this 'lady' has managed to get too close for comfort. Reading your post has literally given me an upset stomach; in fact it infuriated me and here's why:

Years ago, a co worker of my husband began visiting my husband every day in hospital (he was recovering from heart surgery). After he was discharged he had a three week leave from his job (I also worked full time then). While I was at work, this woman began showing up during the day. My youngest daughter (thirteen at the time) came home from school and later told me she had heard her offering him a back rub (which he thankfully refused).

I decided to stay home next day to confront her and sure enough she showed up right on cue. Without going into much detail, I ripped her a new bum (verbally of course). She was more than anxious to leave after that. H never interferred, and I never saw or heard from her again. That was twenty five years ago and our marriage is still rock solid.

I can't say for sure what is going on in your own house, but (as in my own experience) this one doesn't pass the smell test either. This woman is toying with your marriage and your H. You want advice about what to do? Nip this thing in the bud because hopefully it's not too late.

Clean out her room ASAP, gather all her belongings, pack her bags and put them in the front hall. Give her back a month's rent, call her a taxi and send her off to a cheap hotel where she belongs. Trust me she will be just fine.

If your H interferes and doesn't support you, you will either need a good marriage counselor or a solicitor.

I just love the idea of an angry posse of grannies arriving in a coach outside Anniechips house and evicting the wretched lodger!?

Good evening all you lovely people who have given me so much support and love over the past few days.
This evening I sat down with a cuppa and told DH it was time to discuss the lodger. Everything I have said to you all- the reasons why it’s time for her to move on etc etc- all came out. I was like a runaway train- couldn’t stop until I had finished. When I eventually stopped to draw breath DH looked at me and said”Ok, You are quite right”!!!! No objections, no excuses, nothing!! He agreed with all my reasoning. I even showed him our wardrobe- what a mess- went into her room- lovely neat clothes, nicely folded or hung up! He was very surprised to say the least!
To be honest I expected it to be much harder than it was!! Next question was “How much notice shall we give her?” So we have agreed on 6 weeks up until Easter but sooner if she can.
We are just waiting for her to come in from work- typical working late when I want to tell her!!
So............ watch this space later my friends! Xx

Well done Anniechip

Well done, the sooner she goes the better. Don't back down or give into any emotional blackmail.

Well done, you have done the hard bit and now you have a reunited front. It sounds like you are a very nice couple who have been taken advantage of.

I'm thrilled for you, Annie. Stick to the deadline at all costs.

Well done you!
6weeks is generous.
Just be careful that it doesn't turn in to 7 or more.

Its Easter so you will probably have DGC visiting and will need the lodgers room

Hopefully you will get your sitting room back and some control of the TV remote.

Very good news. Glad your husband was so reasonable too. Roll on Easter!

Anniechip that is just wonderful. That is the worst part over as your worst fear must have been a negative reaction from your husband. No matter what the ‘lodger’ says you know your husband is standing by you in this and together you can get the cuckoo out of your nest and get your home - and your lives - back. xx

Well done, Anniechip . That's one hurdle jumped, getting DH on side. Good look with breaking it to the lodger. Don't back down. 6 weeks is generous - she has no excuse regarding time to find somewhere else. ?

Well done.
I wouldn’t just say 6 weeks to her.
Give her the actual date you want her out by. If she hasn’t actually left by that date.
Then you have every right to pack her belongings for her and place them outside your front door.
Locks changed.
End of.
Xxx

Congratulations! It sounds as if your DH may have been of the same mind as you - both wanting her to go but not wanting to be the first to suggest it!

I do hope the discussions are going well .....

Well done, you!

Hurrah for you Anniechips, so glad you have your husband on side to get rid of the manipulative cuckoo!

Well done. Start setting aside Easter pressies now, imposing on her space. No more creature comforts for her!