Feeling trapped in my home

Starbird she did not give up her house she went on a swap site and swopped with another HT tenant. She is definately not lonely she has 4 children and 7 grandchildren who live around and are here all the time. Bluebelle when she first moved I put a welcome to your new home card through the door never got a thank you or an acknowledgement.

She could have told me before that she was having a party and I could have stayed somewhere else. Luckily another neighbour stood by me. I did not sign the Good Neighbour agreement because they are only for Tenants and I am an owner occupier. Besides I am a good neighbour and signing this agreement would have been tantamount to saying I was bad. The family have a reputation for getting drunk and then getting bolshie. This has all come out since the incident in October.

I think it is sad you couldn't see your way to signing a Good Neighbour Agreement. It would have put the HT in a much stronger position if you had and then problems continued. It is quite easy to find yourself feeling that you have the moral high ground but sometimes, in order to move forward, you need to bite the bullet and be prepared to go the extra mile. It isn't a case of backing down, it is a case of giving yourself the best chance of living peaceably in your own home.

We had two awful neighbours, one next door and one opposite so we moved. Our first neighbours were lovely, but they moved and unfortunately we were stuck with the two from hell.

It is polite to inform your neighbour if you are having a party if it is going to be late but if it was the first party I would grit my teeth and bear it. Everyone is entitled to an occasional party. If she had them every night or even weekly then it would be different but it is very likely that people are going to be drunk and not react well in the early hours of the morning so complaining was unlikely to help.
Why does not vacuuming when she is asleep annoy you? It sounds as if you all got off on the wrong foot and now everyone is feeling aggrieved and resentful.
She may be someone that you can't build bridges with but signing the agreement would have been a good first step. There is a time to put expediency over principle and that looks like one.

You're allowed one party until 2.30 am. They become a 'nuisance' if there's one every week. Apart from this, she doesn't seem to have done much wrong. It would be pleasant of you to leave your hoovering until the afternoon as you know your neighbour works nights.

Marieeliz
Don't spend money on making your property a 'fortress' consider selling up as it does not appear a 'love thy neighbour ' is on the cards .? Unless you have had serious face to face confrontations with this person,, smoking at her back door, another person living there, would be seen as what you personally don't like and not what I would see worth a mention in the Good Neighbours Box
If there have not been any further incidents of late night parties, and solicitors look for far more serious issues than one party it might be worth for your peace of mind having a chat with Citizens Advice.

In their efforts to pour oil on troubled waters, I fear that some gransnetters are missing the point. The neighbour in question does not sound like a pleasant or reasonable person at all and I cannot imagine that anything Marieeliz does will change that.

I would put in the photinia and pursue a move. I can imagine just how you feel, Marieeliz. Good luck with finding a home that you can relax in.

Because I live in an area where many people work shifts, I've always avoided noisy housework tasks when my neighbours are sleeping & it's not hard, only occasionally inconvenient. It's well worth it to avoid disputes, especially if you're hoping to sell at some point. It can happen anywhere, not just with HT tenants. Even pricey developments nowadays are sold to investment buyers, so it's pot luck who you get for neighbours.

If I had the option and felt intimidated I’d learn from my own experience and simply move. Some people won’t change - we spent three years with “neighbours from hell”. Just be aware, even expensive homes can have horrendous neighbours.
Good luck.

If I was having a noisy party and a neighbour complained I would apologise and ask guests to keep it down a bit, and turn the music down. This is only fair at 2.30 in the morning. Your neighbours sound like horrible people. I would try to be pleasant to them when you see them, you don't want to antagonise them more, get them on your side quietly. There may be a conscience in there somewhere.

moorlikeit I agree that they sound unreasonable but that does not mean that everything they have done is wrong and there does seem to be a bit of stubbornness on both sides. If there was an agreement to be signed presumably they were at least prepared to discuss that.

I understood that The Good Neighbour agreement was for tenants only. It would also mean that Marieeliz would have to declare a dispute if she does decide to sell. This would penalise her twice.
Sadly not everyone responds to acts of friendship/neighbourliness or even reason. Indeed the reverse can be true: some folks take a positive joy in upsetting the equilibrium.

Why do night workers think the rest of us should change our daily habits? My husband used to work nights and always slept well in the daytime, regardless of noises.

Sadly we can't choose our neighbour.

You have to separate, one noisy party and the price of her car. What is it that really bothers you?

I get that the party was a stinker but once is hardly the neighbours from hell, you went round there and they didn't do as you asked and then there was a row. All of that could have been avoided had you stayed indoors. One party is their entitlement even if it does keep you awake.

You say she has a well paid job and an expensive car, lucky her, none of that is our business or yours for that matter.

You have a dog each so must expect some barking.

All of that is just life. I would enjoy the garden when she is sleeping and if she smokes let her, it is not your problem.

Just sell up and move to where you prefer to be but don't let her be the reason for that. Do it all for your own sake and be happy.

Mulling this over will make you miserable, not your business who she has there,your business is to make sure you can sell and move without the worry of a bad history affecting anything.

Put the problems behind you and start making steps forward for yourself.

Signing the Good Neighbour Agreement would have shown her willingness to resolve problems and is the first step for a HT to get rid of a tenant. They wouldn't have been asking them to be friends, just to cohabit peaceably. If the tenant had broken the agreement, the HT would be in a much stronger position to get the tenant out. Signing one in no way declares you to be a bad tenant, quite the opposite in fact. It shows you to be amenable to compromise and negotiation. Sometimes you just have to jump through the officialdom hoops to get what you want.

As a former night-shift worker for many years, I would suggest that using your vacuum during her sleeping hours would be a red rag to a bull. Daytime sleep is a precarious thing at best - everything is against you, the light, street noises, people mowing, dogs barking. A neighbor vacuuming might be the straw that broke the camel's back. If this is something that you can do at any time, I'd certainly make a habit of doing it in the afternoon.

Wilco (and other places) sell some expandable trellisand this might be your answer. It's not expensive and you can even buy the sort that has faux leaves already woven into it.
You can always train a clematis onto it too so it can be useful right away until the plants grow.
As for the 11.30pm nonsense. Make a note of these occurances and times and if they become ridiculous then ring your local council Environmental Health dept and they'll send a warning letter to the neighbour and a form to you to fill out like a diary.
There are sanctions that the EHD can enforce if it continues.
My guess is that the neighbour enjoys your discomfort.
Please don't let her keep you indoors.
I wouldn't snitch to the HT about her overnight visitor, that's not your business.
The trellis will prevent her seeing when you are in the garden and that is your only concern.
Good luck and don't be intimidated or retaliate.

It is actually feasible to vacuum at 10am in the morning. However it is not at 11.30 pm. If she is a light sleeper she should simply buy ear plugs. Don't change your routine. That would be unfair . Good luck and dont you let them belittle you!!

Different working hours can be a problem. My first husband was a chef, didn't get home until midnight when we used to relax together for an hour or two before bed. In the morning we didn't get up until ten (this was when children were little & I wasn't working).

BUT I couldn't play music or use the tv or radio in the daytime because the neighbours one side were nurses on nightshift (they used to complain about the noise the children made but I couldn't do much about that).

Neighbour the other side was a milkman who used to get up at about 5, his wife used to get up at the same time & do the hoovering before leaving for work.

I suspect we all had to get used to sleeping through the noises!

Thank you all for your replies. She hasn't had chance to do it again because Police were called by other neighbours and she is afraid of a further complaint.

I was brought up to be considerate to neighbours, as I am being considerate to her by living quietly and just doing my housework at the time I would normally do it.

Thank you to all those who are sympathetic. As I say I have good neighbours one of whom put CCTV up for me after the family threatening me. He also rang the Police on my behalf. So it wasn't just me. I was the unfortunate one to live next door.

I am on the waiting list for a property. How long it will take I have no idea. A friend says his brother is looking for a house and would like first refusal on mine and he knows the situation.

That s good that someone wants to buy your house. I think that is the way to go. You are not at ease in your own home now and that will not change as long as you have this neighbour.

Make a call to 101 to report the nuisance. This will be past to the Anti-Social behaviour team. There is a procedure which a PCSO will explain to you. They will also arrange for a noise monitoring machine to be installed in your property, this is normally for a week, but can be up to 2, to monitor the frequency and level of noise, if it is felt necessary. You do not have to put up with this, but need to be pro-active. Please make that call.

How did you know it was the relative vacuuming?!

There is absolutely no way this would be regarded as anti social behaviour. None whatsoever

How can you say you are a good neighbour, say you are being considerate when you insist on doing your housework at the same time you usually do when you know it will antagonise her? Could you not just do the noisy stuff when you know she's up. I've had some awful neighbours despite bending over backwards to accommodate their needs, no one else in your neighbourhood is going to back you up if things get tough, and you can't have a reasonable conversation with an unreasonable person but you have to make an effort to be nice to start with. There's no point in retaliatory actions, that just makes everything worse but if you can be the better person and make the effort to behave like a caring, considerate person you'll feel better about yourself. In the meantime buy yourself some noise cancelling headphones, it may not be what you want but it's better than standing screaming at each other in the street or having a hotline to the police every 5 minutes. Ask yourself what life you want because your neighbour can always make it worse!