Unbearable Neighbours

Welcome, and do post on GN, Merry Christmas to you.

We welcome anyone and everyone here

Merry Christmas mid30s I hole you get the advice your looking for.

hope

Thanks so much for your responses Phoenix and Ninathenana.

I don't know where to start.....

Do any of you suffer from really obnoxious and noisy neighbours? If so, do you have any techniques on how to deal with them?

I'm compiling a post of the ins and outs but it's going to take a while I think.....

Welcome mid30s and anyone can post on here.
I have good neighbours, fortunately but I am willing to listen and might have some ideas. So post away!

Unfortunately one persons good neighbour is another’s neighbour from hell!

We're all ears to anyone who visits here so welcome to you.

Welcome, mid30s! Merry Christmas.
If you type in "Noisy neighbours" in the search box at the top right hand of the page and then scroll down, you will see a number of threads about this.

Sorry, I am a bit dim but how do 30 somethings ( male) make their way onto this site?

Is there nothing more suitable for you guys and your age group out there?

Thanks a lot for that.

Oldbatty - there are no other live forums. I used to be on a neighbours from hell forum but that got taken down.

Also, I live with my Mum who is a gran and I was hoping some of the lovely ladies on here would be able to give me their views on why my Mum thinks I'm the devil when I mention us possibly moving out from this house. I, for the life of me, can't understand why the thought of moving into a smaller much more manageable without viciously nasty neighbours would cause her so much agony. I understand change upsets folks but why does she feel the need to be a martyr?

Oh what a shame , such a tricky situation. Could you contact the council?

I found this chat site by pure luck. I was googling last night whilst the 15 plus beasts were partying hard last night. Think constantly banging doors and running up and down steps like a troop of elephants. I was having panic attack after panic attack and I ended up googling for tips. That's when I found this forum. Some lady had asked a question about her weird neighbours banging on her doors, giggling and running away.

I hope you don't mind me posting though. I did ask if it was okay being a male and in my 30s and posting and I was told yes.

Now then Oldbatty, where’s your Christmas spirit, Sherry etc.
I look forward to reading your riposte mid30’s.
With regard to your neighbours, I sincerely hope that they don’t post on here too.
Conflict of interest etc.

Maybe this is so serious it needs the police? It is well out of order.

If you're in rented accomodation, you should tell the landlord. They are responsible for the behaviour of their tenants.

Ask Richdenero he might be able to help you

Does anyone remember the Bananarama song?

Did Richdenero sing with Bananarama?
I am getting confused now.

Oh poor you. I don’t know a lot about this but I do know you need to keep a record of the noise and problems with dates and times. You will need to contact your local council,as this is no fun to live with. If you rent maybe a letter to the landlord,but If you own the hsouse and want to sell,and you have reported problems with your neighbours this will need to be declared prior to the sale. Have you tried discussing this with them. As they be unaware of the noise they create. Failing that you could speak with the citizens advise service and thay may be able to give you some good advise. Good luck

Your neighbours sound like a nightmare. I feel very sorry for you. How long has it been going on? Have you ever complained to them? What type of housing are you and they in?
I agree you might have a word with your local councillor and community police if there's such a thing ..
We are in a situation where we don't have close neighbours but we can hear the pub which can be rowdy.
I often wonder where I would move to as the devil you know and all that.

I don't think we are supposed to know the ages , marital status or gender of posters. It's not a private club.

mid30s Keep posting if it helps!

BEASTS NEXT DOOR
We live in a terraced house. The family that live next door are absolutely evil. They've lived next to us for around 40 years, they bought the house before I was born. Since a young age I recall them being very loud and obnoxious. Think drilling at about midnight on a weekday. Think hooovering the bedrooms at about midnight every Saturday and Sunday night - bear in mind I have already mentioned how badly insulated the walls are! Think banging away on a stepping machine (gym equipment) every morning at 7am in the bedroom. Think noisy bathroom ventilator fan attached on the wall that attached their house to ours making noises so loud it sounds like a helicopter is taking off from within the house. Basically, they do everyone a human would not do.

Why my family never moved from this house I do not know. I know my Mum has a sister in the opposite street and I guess it was helpful for her when we were little and she had to do a GP/hospital run. Anyway I digress.

With the way the houses are built, all their doors are on the wall that separates our house; along with all the steps leading from the basement to the ground floor and from the ground floor to the bedrooms. They've never been taught how to close the doors albeit they do close doors once in a while. They also were never taught to walk up and down steps, it's always pounding up and down them day in day out. Don't get me wrong, if it's slamming once in a while or pounding up and down steps during the day, it's understandable but it's all day everyday. I can't retaliate because all our doors are on the other side of the house, on the wall with the other neighbour, so if I slammed them like mad, it would annoy the other neighbours. Not that our doors would slam because we had those silencers fitted!

They chuck their litter into our garden and park their car in our spot like they actually own it. If we ever say anything to them about using their own spot, even in a nice manner, it leads to a confrontation and then the door slamming / pounding up and down steps escalates to the point of me wanting to jump put of my window. Then they purposely block our spot so we can't get our car in. So we try and avoid them if we can. We've also had their maggot infested grey bin shoved in our car parking spot which they refused to move until one day my Mum went bananas!

Last night like almost every Saturday night was pure hell. There's only 3 people living next door but their extended brood descends when it's Xmas or the weekend and just like the original brood, all the little beasts slam / pound and carry on like it's going out of fashion. Last night there was a total of about 15 beasts banging / slamming / pounding like it was no one's business. The brood arrived at about 6pm and the noise was ongoing until about 3am. By this time, I was at my wits end. Even with noise isolating earphones in and listening to loud music, I could still hear the animals shrieking and carrying on. May I add, they are not a Christian family nor do they celebrate Xmas so please don't think I am being Scrooge and getting worked up with the noise last night.

WHAT I'VE DONE
Well we've tried having a chat with them but their argument is it's their house and they can do what they like. If we don't like it, we should move out. By chat I mean just that, being polite and friendly, no accusations or drama. With regards to the car parking dilemma, apparently they can park wherever they like because they pay road tax. It's quite funny that whenever anyone parks in their spot, it's a huge tantrum and the whole brood descends upon the poor person who has parked there like a gang of wolves.

My Mum won't let me call the Police because she is scared of the repercussions and to be fair, I would be petrified too. One of the beasts next door has been to prison a few times so they are not like normal people. To be honest, if someone told us we were making noise and it was affecting them, I would be mortified.

I've contacted the local authority on a number of occasions but they said that if I can hear them hoovering, the insulation is really bad and there is nothing they can do to help because hoovering and slamming (he actually said slamming, I kid you not!) doors is normal day to day noise. There is a colleague at work who also suffers from noisy neighbours and he has complained numerous times but environmental health will not step in for him either! (I work for the local authority and I used to work in housing - they only step in if both people are social housing tenants. If people own properties, they don't do a thing - FACT!).

MY FAMILY
So it's me, my Mum who is a very elderly 67 year old, a sister with learning difficulties and a brother.

Mum has severe mobility problems, diabetes 2 and her arthritis is getting really bad now. She struggles to move her hands and fingers so she cannot do a thing at home. I have to do all the cooking and cleaning, which I absolutely do not mind. I work part time so the rest of the week, I can do the arthritis clinic run with Mum and go to her various hospital appointments. She is a lovely woman and it breaks my heart to see her suffer like this. I owe my life to her, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. We've always had a special connection and she always confides in me even though I have 2 other siblings who are married and ave moved out. Her husband died about 10 years ago - he was a very controlling man and was mentally and emotionally abusive to her. Mum's diabetes only got diagnosed when she fainted a few times and an ambulance was called - he wouldn't let her out of the house at all, not even to the GP. Mum has no confidence and even struggles to talk at times. He used to boss her around all the time so now without being told what to do, she is just completely lost. Mum lost contact with all her friends because of his controlling behaviour. If it was up to her, she would just sit in the front room with the curtains closed and not eat anything!

Me - well I'm mid 30's and work part time. I suffer from panic attacks and anxiety thanks to the noisy neighbours. I suffer from Colitis which I used to think was due to a bad diet but having pieced it all together, I've realised I end up bleeding when I am particularly stressed - noisy neighbours. The Colitis started when the witch next door started using the dreaded stepping machine at 7am every morning for a number of months. It started off with panic attacks, excruciating pain in the abdomen followed by bloody loo runs. I begged my Mum to move then but she took no notice of me.

I've been on over the counter sleeping tablets for a long while now. I tend to get them from Boots but visit different stores because they are only meant for short term use and I don't want the staff to know I am going again and again. They don't help me sleep but do tire me out a bit. Due to the noise from the beast family, I rarely sleep. The slamming can start from as early as 7am and go on until about 2am. The bathroom ventilator fan also fills me with dread so I try and listen to music every night until I get so tired I knock myself out. I don't think I have had a good nights sleep in years! I've tried every aid possible, white noise machines, Avon sleep therapy sprays, lavender baths / tea / roll on, Nytol and everything else available.

My Mum supposedly sleeps well every night but I am unsure of this. She is constantly yawning and nodding off during the day - she says her arthtiris / diabetes / blood pressure and cholesterol tablets make her very drowsy. I am not sure if this is correct or not. The worst thing is when she nods off and then the doors are slammed and she gets scared awake.

WHAT TO DO
I'm sorry for the massive post and my whole life story. I know none of you will be able to wave a magic wand (one can hope) and make it all better but it felt really good to get it off my chest. My question is where do I go from this?

* Environmental health will not help and I am not sure I want to reach out to them again. It's just a wasted effort especially when you go into gory details and in the end, they just say "computer says no".

* Mum will not agree to move. Whenever I bring this up, she ends up "blanking" me for a week or two and it's really uncomfortable because it's her house and I just feel like a stranger in it. Also, whenever I mention moving, she ends up in tears and so do I. If there are any older ladies on the thread, could you perhaps explain to me why the thought of moving is so hard for my Mum? I am not saying "I am going to steal your house". Hell, she can keep all the money from the sale, I would buy a bungalow or a 2 bedroomed flat so she no longer has to struggle with her mobility and from all the noise from the beasts next door. The house we live in is really big, to get from the front room to the kitchen it's a 3 room traipse by which point she is out of breath and has to sit down. Multiply this by 9 tablets a day and you know where I am coming from. She also can't use door handles anymore so that in itself is a struggle. When I am at home, I rush and open all the doors for her and close them behind her. I am not sure what happens when I am at work.

I feel it is the right time for my sister and brother to also move out because Mum is not going to be around forever and I cannot spend all my life running around after them. And no, I am not being nasty or vicious, I want to have my own life too. I am more than happy to help them out once in a while but I can't carry on with what I am doing currently for them.

* We applied to the local council for assistance (after the arthritis clinic sent an occupational therapist round who convinced my Mum this was the only option with her health getting so bd) with housing but they have said there are no 2 bedroomed bungalows and Mum will not move on her own which is understandable.

* I cannot carry on living in this house. The noise is putting me on the verge of a breakdown. Until now, I felt I had to be the martyr and run around after everyone. I've been through the whole "I must be grateful, at least I have a house" thing too but it just makes me feel even worse about it all. Friends and work colleagues have said I should have my own life and it would be best for me to just move out. The others at home have no intention of moving and I can't force them. Would it be wrong of me to just leave them in the lurch and move away?

It's my Mum's house and if she doesn't want to pursue this with the Police, I am not going to force her.

I think it's awful how she has to suffer with the noise especially with her health issues too but if she refuses to move, would it really be wrong of me to move out and leave them to it? It would break my heart to think she is suffering but I just don't know what to do. I have money saved up to put a hefty deposit down and not end up with a huge mortgage. I never go on holidays or anything like that so I have saved up for a long time. Besides I can't go anywhere, no one would cook for Mum or check up on her.

Can any of you lovely ladies shed some light on why she will not move from this house? I know she will have emotional attachments and what not, I do too, but being a martyr and suffering in silence is not going to get her anywhere. A long time ago we had a chat and she brought religion into the question and said "God will help, you have to be patient". Surely if he was going to help, he would have helped by now? No?

Why is the thought of moving into a small house where she can actually manage so alien to her?

What should I do?

I'm so sorry to lumber you all with my saga. I hope you are having a good Xmas. On a selfish note, writing this thesis has lifted a weight off my shoulders. It really has helped. Thanks to the folks who said I could write on this forum. I appreciate it. Thanks to everyone who has also posted and offered support.

a very elderly 67?
a terrace house with no insulation. no ginnel?
no forums available?

nobody would cook for her? What a load of tosh.