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Downsizing and moving nearer family

(12 Posts)
Bmiller8 Sun 17-Feb-19 19:46:25

I am 75, divorced and have lived mostly alone in the same house for 44 years. I am fit, line dance twice a week and do other regular activities and have a circle of long time friends. However my neighbours on both sides of my terraced house are not at all friendly and one neighbour is about to do major works on his house which will mean underpinning of our joint party wall. This will involve huge amounts of stress and inconvenience to me and I fear we will never have a good relationship from this as my Party Wall Surveyor will be acting on my best interests.
My children live 3 hours away and thinking of my age and the future, logically I should move nearer to them. It will break my heart to leave this house with so many memories. This is my dilemma, either to move and lose my friends as it's too far for them to travel, or stay here and have no family help as I get older.
Also does anyone know if Selsey is a great place to live for an active old age? Any advice would be gratefully received.

midgey Sun 17-Feb-19 20:24:05

I think it’s better to move while you are fit and healthy, you will be able to join various groups that are of interest. Memories will travel with you!

Specs Thu 21-Feb-19 12:09:14

Whatever happens it’s going to involve bucket loads of stress particularly if it’s your first move in 44years. If you’re unhappy with neighbors and approach ing upheavel with renovations next door it seems the time is right for change.
But firstly talk to an experienced estate agent and/or your Soliciter. Tell them what is going to happen next door and the time scale. During the legal process there are loads of things you must declare via questionnaires which are legally binding documents. Personally I would not buy a terraced house if the neighbors were doing/about to do major renovations. Get lots of professional advice before you make a decision.
Secondly, choosing the area. I have had many friends who have moved closer to their family only to feel bitterly disappointed. And incredibly lonely cus they have lost their friends and a lifetimes connections in the neighbourhood. Only you know your children but do not leap in this direction with rose tinted glasses on. Sometimes friends and perhaps a new set of good (not the bad ones) neighbors are as good as family.
Thirdly, you could sit out and endure the disruption next door and stay in the house you love. Sometimes it’s better the devil you know.

I wish you all the best

luluaugust Thu 21-Feb-19 15:01:44

I think it might be quite difficult to sell your house anyway with the proposed works, so you may have to wait until they are finished. Could you stay with your children to find out a bit about the area you are thinking of going to?

BlueBelle Thu 21-Feb-19 15:23:22

Well I d stay as my circle of friends and my established activities and my house and surroundings are important to me and also I don’t want any of my kids to have their lives disrupted by my needs or to even end up falling out as I get more needy (hopefully not for a good while)

But of course you ll get different answers from each person so really only you can decide Write a list of Pros and cons I often find that helps

TwiceAsNice Thu 21-Feb-19 15:29:20

I did move very near both daughters (150 miles) when I was 63 nearly three years ago and don’t regret it. I also was divorced and live on my own now in a flat( downsized from larger house) I do miss my friends but drive back to Wales from Surrey regularly and yiu May be surprised that friends will visit you , some of mine have. It took a while but I have made some new friends and have some new interests.

nanasam Thu 21-Feb-19 16:12:39

DM moved 80 miles to be close to my sister and I, after living all her life in what was Middlesex. She was 71 when she moved and immediately joined several clubs to make new friends. She was out most days and when she died 4 years ago at 96 the crematorium was full to bursting with people coming to pay their respects. She never regretted moving.

Floradora9 Thu 21-Feb-19 16:28:58

I would stick with the friends you know . I regret moving to be near DD (though no DGC to take into consideration) . At the time there were good reasons to move but if I could turn the clock back I would .

Buffybee Thu 21-Feb-19 17:08:15

Have your family ever suggested that you move nearer to them?
Would they have the time or be willing to help you as you grow older.
Only you know!
From what you have said, you love your house and it would upset you to leave it. You also have a circle of long time friends and socialise regularly.
Those are two big pluses to stay put.
The work next door, will probably be quite noisy for a while but only in the daytime and perhaps you could visit friends more during the days of most disruption.
Also, I wouldn't be bothered about the neighbours, as long as they are not being deliberately nasty to you. Quite rightly you have a Party Wall Surveyor, to look out for your interests, so would anyone with a neighbour having this work carried out.
I don't bother about being too friendly with neighbours, ever since I had one who became very intrusive, a pleasant hello is all that is needed.
You might find that your close friends would be more supportive as you get older than family would be.

PECS Thu 21-Feb-19 17:24:41

I think that you won't be advised to market your home until after the works next door are done, so time, albeit noisy and dusty, is on your side.
If you can get a work schedule from your neighbour that indicates when work will be most intrusive for you it may be possible to spend time with your AC for a while at that busy time.

That might give you opportunity to talk generally about downsizing with your family. You can judge their reaction to see if they mention moving nearer to them etc.

I moved , with DH to be near our AC to support with DGC. I have since made a good group of half a dozen women friends. 2 of whom are divorced and moved here to be closer to AC. We are a good social group and support each other and have a lot of laughs! We all keep in touch with friends in our previous home areas.

notanan2 Thu 21-Feb-19 19:13:31

Hmm I dont know, you have a good "circle" where you are, and could end up with worse neighbours if you move!

Also selling a property with major work pending will be a bigger stress than waiting till its done. People will make offers without thinking it through then pull out down the line. You may only be able to sell to cash buyers and people with mortgages will have to pull out etc...

I think you are panicing about the work, understandably, but I dont think moving town is a solution.

If you can afford it, what about a "bolt hole" where you can escape the works and spend time with your family? A holiday caravan or maybe a holiday home in a cheap region?

notanan2 Thu 21-Feb-19 19:16:22

& p.s. a cash buyer who will take on your property right now wont pay market value. You will lose tens of thousands if you sell now. Thats IF you can sell.