Help calm me, house buying and selling stress part 2

Mosaicwarts sorry you missed out on that rental. If you still want to rent after Christmas there may be more choice available. I hope you will still be looking for a place to buy. Disagreements with family always seem to over silly things. Always argued with my husband but never about the important issues. Making up was always fun. Both my children had to grow up quicker than their peers. My daughter was 4 and my son 6 months when I became ill. I didn't see them for 3 weeks when I got rushed into hospital , that was in the bad old days when children weren't allowed on the ward if there wasn't a day room. No mobile phones with photos or video. Having to tell the children their Dad wouldn't live 5 yrs was awful they were 12 and 16. What I am trying to say in my round about way is your daughter is not a little child she should be helping you more practically and emotionally. I have always tried to protect the children from my grief but when they found out I was doing that they went mad. And pointed out they are adults not children. When it came to moving they have been my rocks and even though we living over a 100 miles away from each other they helped me practically and emotionally every step of the way. And are still doing that.
As parents we try to protect our children but as mine point out they are adults and are now parents themselves.

I know I will probably get some flack for this but reading Mosaicwarts posts I feel she should be getting more family support.

Mw - that rental did not sound right for you - too large, too run-down and an enourmous garden for which you would have had responsibility. It was the first you have looked at - no rush is there, you say your own house is not likely to go to auction until February - so wait until the New Year and have a further look, A lot of the holiday lets will be available then.

I just took a quick look on gumtree and there are several houses in Northumberland. Not sure if they would be convenient to you but some were quite cheap.

We let our little flat on gumtree and, touch wood, it has worked for us. I chuck out replies written in text speak

www.gumtree.com/property-to-rent/northumberland

Good for you Mosaics. Onwards and upwards.

Thanks for your kind words. The young lady said not to take it personally, so I need to make sure I look better on paper next time.

Truthfully, for £750 pm it was absolutely horrible with dirty looking ash grey/brown coloured carpets throughout, and it smelled. Now I'm a non smoker I've got a nose like a bloodhound I was concerned about putting my rugs down on top of the carpets there. I was just going to treat it as a huge storage area and to and fro to my house sorting things. If they ever do recruit a vicar, I feel very sorry for him/her living there.

I've been on the web looking for pet friendly properties for half an hour, hopefully more properties will be uploaded after Christmas. I did try local holiday lets Ellianne and they were all booked up for Christmas and the New Year - plus my cat was met with dismay. She does scratch the stair carpet, the minx! I've cat nipped the scratching post again.

Off to the station with my daughter in a minute, I'm going to have a Bailey's when I've collected her after 9 pm this evening, and will raise my glass to you all! x

I am sorry you have been let down Mosaics but I think it might be for the best in the long run. To be honest, the place sounded to me to be very difficult for a winter let. You may also have been responsible for the upkeep of the garden.

When we rented (with 2 dogs) 2 years ago we found many of the rentals would take pets provided we paid a larger deposit. Because we had lived in Spain it was difficult to prove income so we chose to pay the 6months' rental up front to save a lot of hassle. It may be worth considering.

I appreciate that you don't want to rent somewhere too poky but surely there might be something in between that has the oven, white goods etc.

Mosaics
I've followed your story from the start.
I'm a great believer in fate and I honestly think that for whatever reason 'the fates' are stopping you from leaving your lovely house at this present time. 'They' have other ideas for you.

I know some folk will read that as gobbledegook but I've had too many instances in my life where if I'd turned a different corner I wouldn't have been in the position I am now.
I wish you well in whatever life has in store for you.

I am so sorry mosaics. it gets worse. Stiff drink (if it were me) What about an off season holiday let as someone on here suggested?

I am sorry mosaics, you are certainly meeting some awful people, ones who don`t care about what they put others through. Wasn`t meant to be this rental

I've just heard and the landlord chose the people who arrived after me, a mature couple. I said I thought I wouldn't hear until January, but apparently as they wanted it too, they decided to go ahead today.

You couldn't make it up, could you Stupid me, I shouldn 't have mentioned my incoming monies, I could have covered it by transferring savings each month.

I find it rather odd that the rental place is hanging on for the perfect tenant! mosaics From experience, there's no telling. People can have glowing references but you may not like each other or something could change unexpectedly. We had a tenant who smoked out the window. He said he was a non smoker but in this house, you'd have to have no sense of smell not to notice. Another begged to keep his kitten although we were no pets (sorry mosaics) and we allowed him, reluctantly, to have this pet but we spent ages scraping hairs from the carpets when he left. Our present tenant has just told us she's pregnant........

I am glad you have made up with DD , mosaics. It's horrible when you aren't speaking. My DD is usually kinder to me after I've snapped!

Franbern, your house story had me giggling (sorry) it must have been awful but you were young and in love...

I do know that you downsizers are glad now but I am not on my own. DH loves living here and so it isn't just my decision. However I still look out for places I might like to live but nothing is in such a good position as this. I suppose we could pull it down and build a beautiful eco house on its footprint.... Hmm

Hospital beds, these days, are very adjustable and if your aunt is permitted to get out off bed unaccompanied, the height can be adjusted to suit her.
However, often elderly people get very confused when they are ill, so she may have the 'cot sides' up to prevent her having a fall. They are also, usually, electrically adjustable with regard to sitting up, raising her legs, etc. The infection is likely to make her need to sleep much of the time.
I do feel sorry that you have lost contact with your family - perhaps on of your new stage of life could be to try to contact them. You are all getting older - and no good regretting as and when people die. My brother was estranged from our family for a good deal of his adult life - despite many attempts on our part to make and keep contact. I was delighted when he contacted me and became a part of our lives again when felt lonely. He had totally missed our Dads death and funeral, but for a few years I had my older brother again - and my children got to know their uncle. Indeed, when he went into his final illness, it was my eldest daughter who accompanied him down to the operating theatre.
Glad you sorted things out with your daughter. problem is that she wants you just to be an adult and herself the child, and protected from anything not going well in your life. we protect them when they are children, but when they reach adulthood they need to start growing up a little. You need someone to discuss the good and well as the bad in house moving, etc. and she needs to step up for you.
Out of date herbs........ when my eldest daughter and son came to help out when the packers were in, they put my collection of containers of dried herbs and spices into a box, throwing a large number of them away - as some of them were dated from before I had moved into that house in 2003!!! They laughed - just another ecentricity ofMum!!!!
Mw - nothing you can do now, but put it aside and enjoy the festivities and see what the new year brings.

Thanks so much for all your supportive comments The properties that accept pets I've seen so far have been around the £500 pm mark, very small, and on such busy main roads. This is more expensive but I will save £60 pw on storage costs. I do hope they 'choose' me. They are still viewing the property in January so I won't find out until then.

I meant to tell you that they want financial evidence of two and a half times the rent coming into my bank monthly - I'm just short of the correct amount, and will have to show my savings. Thanks craftyone for helping me make sure they are easily accessible, I moved them into a normal savings account with my bank with the 'excitement' of the cash buyer that withdrew in September. I'm only getting low interest on them, and will deal with them after christmas.

My daughter and I are on speaking terms again after a frosty morning. The argument was over my throwing away out of date herbs, it's laughable how tensions can build over the slightest thing. I've agreed to try and find a counsellor to help me through this stressful period, and promised not to tell her anything negative about the sale. The fact is we are in a horrible situation having to sell our much loved family home, falling down or not. I'm not saying anything to anyone but you, but I am nervous as to what the damp/timber report will reveal as the EA mentioned 'the work' that may be necessary - if it does reveal work, at least I can price it accurately for auction. I'm sorry your husband fell through the floor Franbern, what a shock!

I rang the hospital this morning and my aunt is now on the Medical Assessment Ward, she had not seen by the consultant by 10.30 am, the ward sister said they are short staffed. It must be hard to go into work every day knowing that you will be run off your feet with so many people needing your attention. As my aunt is only four foot two due to a childhood illness, I know she is going to have difficulty getting in and out of bed, if she is allowed, I hope they have a step of some kind. She's only been in hospital once before when she cut her shin on her rough pouffee, I hope she isn't too scared. The POA friend that is able to visit her asked me for my niece's phone number - I was embarrassed to tell her I haven't had contact with my brother or his family for nearly twenty years and don't have any phone numbers, not even my Dad's.

It is easy to rent without pets but very difficult to get a place that will take pets and is also good for a large amount of storage. I am sure heating could be confined to a few rooms, only short term in any case and I would put up with it looking like bleak house. Imagine the other end of this dreadful saga, a new home with time to move in at leisure and no interim storage to pay.

Is this really somewhere you want to live in for the next six months? Does not sound very cosy and easy to run. Obviously, what would suit me is not what would suit other people. Have you found out how much it will cost to heat when heating is put back on?
Cheap fridges are easy to obtain, most areas have at least one 'white goods' shop which sell second hand items. Also look into places like British Heart Foundation or Sue Ryder charity shops. These both take electrical goods and often they are like new.
Your daughter is obviously concerned about how this whole moving business is effecting you - and does not know what to do about it. If she stays away, what about sending a little 'Sorry' Card (I did this once to my eldest daughter when she was about your daughters age, - writing in it that I was not sure what I was sorry for - but if something I had said or did had upset her - then I was sorry). She got it, laughed a lot and popped round to see me.
Surely there are some other rental places for you to look at. Good Luck with whatever you decide.

mosaics, well done on your new found strength. I feel that it has come from your husband, he would want you to move on with YOUR life. They don`t ever leave us, not ever, I am always getting help from my husband, even if only finding lost things. I get help from him in the night too and when I wake up, I do seem to know what to do with any problem. I am open to this stuff and I go with the flow, I try my best not to let my mind get in the way and I recommend it to anyone who has lost a much loved spouse. Remember `joined together`

Your dd will come around, it is unbecoming for an adult child to stamp feet but is part of the growing up process when she will one day appreciate that mum has become vulnerable but mum is taking steps to safeguard her own future. Its the child nurturing thing, the child has been nurtured and it goes full circle when it becomes the parent who needs to be nurtured. Hard for an AC to accept but part of growing as an adult

Glad people are returning to this thread, it is good to have updates. So many stories are so similar. Nearly all problems are to do with selling - due to the bad system in place in England.
Sorry to hear the story of your new property, Chewbacca, brings back memories to me of the first house my fiancee and I bought back in 1964. We were the first people in both our families ever to purchase their own property and made so many mistakes. We had vastly inflated ideas of our own capabilities and bought a Victorian house - thinking what we could do with it.
We arrived there the day after our wedding and tried to switch on the lights, there was a bang and all downstairs power went off. When we did get an electrician to rewire the place he was horrified as evidently all but two of the power sockets in the house ran off the lighting circuit. He actually kept some of the DIY bodged wiring as an example for his apprentices of how it should never been done - told us we were lucky it blew, as chances were we would have had a fire.
Then a week there, my husband fell through the hallway flooring - wet rot well advanced.
The bathroom and kitchen hot water was supplied by an old boiler in the bathroom, when the gas board came to switch it on - they refused and declared it unsafe. Bathroom had some tiles on ceiling, when we tried to take them down, the whole ceiling came down.
Yes, we were on a large learning curve.
Must say, I am delighted with having made the move - it was very stressful and I did love my house, which I had worked hard to make really suitable for me and (I thought) ready for my old age. Would have had a stair lift installed - but my ex pushed for the sale wanting to get the cash from it.
Without that I would probably have stayed - and so happy that I did not.
So happy with a spacious flat - living on the one level, no worries about maintenance, or garden or security.
My bills are much reduced. I pay a very cheap annual maintenance charge and this covers all my water usage, my combi-boiler and heating maintenance charge (with 24/7 emergency call out service), cleaning and decoration of public areas, etc. etc.
So, Grammaretto, do not be put off, I nearly left it too late I think. I am 78 yrs old now and it has been difficult - the final days and the actual move would have been even more difficult without the help of my children at both ends. But the outcome is wonderful and I am so delighted that I persevered. I can look forward to however much time I have left knowing that I can do so in comfort.

Hello all, lovely to see all your news, welcome back!

Chewbacca my heart dropped when I read your post - my toilet has started 'dripping' today, I'm going to put my wireless headphones on and ignore it! I'd be devastated to move and have the same problems as this old pile, so glad you now feel more relaxed.

Just back from the rental and they have turned off the heating for the few weeks it's been empty, it was icy cold and extremely ugly everywhere. The EA said the central heating is gas, yay, no more oil man. Absolutely souless with ash tray coloured carpets, funny tv aerial wires sticking out of the walls, and no white goods at all, so a hole where the electric oven and washing machine should be, but I said I'd take it in January if I was chosen. I felt panicky then realised I can take my electric oven from the annexe, and washing machine from the house. Both my fridges are built in but I'm sure I can get a cheap one from somewhere, and I'll take my chest freezer. It's a vicarage so I might have to leave if they find a vicar, but I hope to be out of there in six months. It is opposite the gym, located on roads I feel safe on, seven minutes from my house and the garden and field adjacent will be great for my cat. The garden is huge and full of trees, no-one has ever swept them up, I checked the perimeter fence for my dog's safety and was knee deep in muddy leaves!

Unfortunately my daughter and I had an awful conversation last night after our christmas shopping trip, and she didn't come this morning - the stress of the sale and my poor coping skills has driven us apart

Thank you so much craftyone.

Very wise words - we've all worked hard, brought up our families and always put others first. Now is the time to consolidate all that effort for ease, security and comfort.

I can't tell you how much reading this thread helped me this year - it made me realise that the issues we faced were in fact common to lots of people and it's the system that is at fault, not individuals.

Thanks Whiff - you too. I remember reading about your Pickfords problems - absolutely disgusting. But when you're so happy these things pale into insignificance. Interesting about your council tax, ours is more too. We decided to pay it annually so as to not come out of our monthly income, which will increase in a couple of years when my husband gets his state pension. I absolutely agree with your last comment - not easy, but don't be put off. We were worried we'd never sell our centuries old cottage, but we did - and to someone who was so keen to have it they didn't force a reduction after the survey.
It was priced competitively also, so we had loads of viewings. Mosaic - I am in awe of your fortitude around selling your beautiful home. Going to auction sounds the right call in view of the fact that you've given the open market a good chance. Next year will be the year for you, I'm sure. Hope you get the rental you want. Try to chill out, block it out and enjoy Christmas with your daughter.

I am very happy that there are more people on here again, its an on-going story and everyone has snippets and tips and maybe just want to share stress and happiness. Welcome grammaretto don`t let it put you off, the ultimate aim has to be to work towards a well-earned and comfortable old age. Cannot stop the clock but we can make it better

Greta8, you sound very happy and having aims and aspirations is good for us, I can see that in your post

Greta8 glad you are happy and settled in your new home.

Grammaretto downsizing was the best thing I've done. I love my 2 bed bungalow. I couldn't have spent another year in my old house. I rattled round the place. Went through a lot of upset and stress moving and still in dispute with Pickfords but it was all worth it. I love not having extra rooms I don't need and apart from council tax all my bills are cheaper. I save £30 a month on my water bill alone. It's not easy moving but please don't let that put you off if you do want to do it.

Mosaicwarts hope all goes well today.

Chewbacca - that all sounds horrendous. How ironic that you left a lovely cottage and found this 70's nightmare. But fantastic that you've sorted everything - very positive to think that now you've got up to date kitchen and bathroom too! I always read this thread and have commented briefly. We also moved from a lovely very old cottage to a 20 year old modern detached house. It is lovely, but we are also realising that every house has some issues. Ours have been fairly minor, but annoying just the same. Like you, our vendor must have been aware of the issues, but left them. Anyway mission accomplished, we are now near our new grandson, so see our family regularly, and we love the area. Looking forward to improving the garden next year. So far, apart from the various repairs which have been mainly plumbing related (water always makes me nervous), we have redecorated the kitchen. Bedroom with en-suite next. Compared with the stress of buying and selling, all this stuff is minor! We are in our 60's and I honestly wouldn't have wanted to leave it any later. Very punishing. Also it took several months for our cats to settle - but they're fine now. So to sum up, well worth all the stress and expense. We won't be moving again, that's for sure!!!

What a grim catalogue Chewbacca youv'e had to deal with. It must be great now its finished though, in time for Christmas
I came on here to be inspired to downsize. I haven't been.
I think we'll be here in the old cold draughty house a while yet. We've had 2 floors sanded this year but now the ancient rayburn is playing up and no repairers will touch it. (Elf n safety) so cooking is erratic to say the least.
I have someone quoting to paint the windows and mend sash cords today.
So yes £25k is probably reaonable for all you've had to do