Need your help/advice

very tricky. I am trying to pick out some words

isolated. You should move somewhere with clubs shops and buses. Is that house in lincolnshire in a location to give you all the above? If not then you will be dependent on the goodwill of your youngest for all your social needs as well as transport if you could not drive

close bond. With your grandaughter who lives in a city, I presume in wales. That close bond is very evident in your post

I lived in wales for a long time, it has a unique character and particularly in south wales, the people are very warm sociable and kind. If you speak welsh and live in north wales them similar

You have to think about you Anniebach. Your future and can you see yourself being fully happy and occupied in that annexe for endless years. Make your own life and put to one side the fact that your youngest may be worrying about you.

I would definitely move to get away from the isolation, closer to the city and not into rural lincolnshire

You may spend more time with your granddaughter as having to travel to see you would mean a long stay and who knows where she will eventually settle.

Staying where you are will cause worry for everyone including your granddaughter who may also feel bad that you are putting up with being lonely and unhappy just for her.

So sad to know somebody is lonely. If I knew how I would put flowers and hug emoji.

Thank you. My granddaughter doesn’t know I am lonely, I don’t tell her. I don’t want to move nearer to my granddaughter, no way do I ever want to be a problem for her.
And I couldn’t afford to rent a property nearer her anyway.

Also I am concerned it is too soon to be so far from her, it’s a five hour drive.

I will have to give it much thought I know.

annie why would you never see your granddaughter again if you left Wales?
Is your granddaughter one of the three that are now living together close to each other 50 miles away?
Have you asked your granddaughter how she would feel if you moved to live with your other daughter?
Finally, taking no account of anyone else’s feelings, would you like to live near your other daughter and her husband?
(I take it they don’t have any children)

I too don't understand why you'll never see your grand daughter again or why you can never return home? People can travel and if they want to they will. I lost my mum at 14 and my dad at 16 and was on my own from then on and I've turned out fine. Young people are very resilient and you need to look after yourself. I'm sure your daughters and grand daughters would rather you were happy rather than worrying about you being lonely and isolated. Let the one who can help you do so.

I wouldn't hesitate.Take up the offer and start a new chapter in your life.Everything else will fall into place.

I can’t return home because I now live in a council sheltered accommodation, could never afford private rent if I came back here. Sorry your parents died when you were so young
Flexible

Doodle it’s so complicated, my grandchildren love my younger daughter but not her husband, they are very close to her first husband. At their g grandmother funeral in June, my younger daughter told them she would like me to move up to her, the youngest said ‘Bro won’t move from here’ (she has called me Bro since she was a tot ) , no more was said.

Hi, I don't mean this to sound nasty, but would you not be swapping one kind of isolation for another? This is just my opinion but could you not move to a town with bus service, shops, doctor,library, church (if you attend)? How well do you and your daughter get on? What are you going to do when they are out at work all day? Im assuming you don't drive? I respect it is totally your decision but I just don't want you to be even more isolated. Being honest, the thought of being stuck out in a farmhouse is my idea of a nightmare. If you feel isolated you would want to be in a place with a thriving community and the opportunity to go out if you wanted to. I hope you understand my reasoning. Im really just trying to suggest ideas.

You have to start telling them how you feel and it may take a while of drip feeding for them to realise how you feel but I'm guessing they are now adults so they will cope and they can visit you. The certainly shouldn't be making assumptions about where you will live in the future.
If this is your daughters second marriage are you confident it will last because if they split where would that leave you?

Annie I understand how
hard it is to leave the country of your birth.
Wales is in your soul.

Although you have not discussed with your granddaughter or other grandchildren how isolated and lonely you are, I bet my bottom dollar that they are probably worried and concerned for your wellbeing.

I loved all my grandparents, but I had a special bond with my maternal grandmother.
When she became older and a widow, I worried about her constantly.
I didn't tell her.
Like you she put in a brave face.

Do you have to give notice on your bungalow Annie?
Could you not just go to your daughter for a longish holiday and see how you feel?

You could Skype or facetime your granddaughter.

Maybe you need to turn the page and start a new chapter in your life.
Wales will always be there for you to visit.

Hard choice Annie but at the moment your life is not what your darling daughter would wish for you.

Fischna not at all nasty. I live in a market town, I have become isolated because of circumstances, my darling elder daughter was ill for ten years, she died two years ago , her illness caused much hurt for us. She didn’t hurt us her illness did.

If I moved to my younger daughter I will have her support to start mixing with people, her husband’s work takes him abroad for several months of the year,

Flexable no one can say a marriage will not end, my ended over forty years ago when my husband died in a car crash, our daughters were 5 and 7, we were very close, no problems.

Cherry you are right, Catherine would never, ever want me to live as I am. If she had lived , oh how different my life would be . But she is dead and she asked me to look after her children.

Leave Wales - gulp

Anniebach will the barn conversion go ahead anyway, irrespective of whether you move in? I'm assuming it could be used for holiday accommodation or something. If it is going ahead, could you have a trial of living there for a few months to see how you feel about it?

I too don't understand why you'd not see your grandchildren again. It's not really that far away. We see our GC in London several times a year despite being 600 miles away.

I also think you don't need to be physically near them to still look after them. As I understand it, you're not able to go to them, so really, you're offering them a caring, listening ear and you can still do that, even if you move to Australia! Do your GC have a father who looks out for them?

I hope you can settle this in your mind and find a happy solution. Xx

It's just too hard Annie. I don't know what to suggest.

I do lean somewhat to moving to be with your younger daughter. You are just too lonely as an everyday thing where you are now. x

Take on a new life.

Sue the barn wouldn’t be used for holiday accommodation, my younger daughter lives alone for several months of the year, the farmhouse is isolated.

My son in law is a wonderful father, we co parented the years my darling daughter was ill, he did the cooking, cleaning, taxi driving !, I did the doctor, dentist, school, exams, and was their
‘Keeper of secrets’.

My younger daughter did shock me with her plan today, I must give it much thought. I don’t want to live in Lincolnshire but it would save her from worrying,

Well don't go to live in Lincolnshire just to stop her worrying. If you don't want to go, don't go.

Annie
Have you spent any time in Lincolnshire?
I don't live in Wales but I absolutely love it. The thought of leaving Wales to live in Lincolnshire, well, I have no words, I couldn't do it.

Ah I understand annie.
If your son in law is away a lot you would be company for your daughter and vice versa. Also, could your DGD come and visit you on the occasions your SIL is away.

Really difficult decision annie. I know how much your DGD means to you but also how isolated you are. I think you will make your own wise decision after some careful thought.

I agree with Gonegirl. You have to trust your instincts. If you don't want to leave Wales then don't go.

We're soon going to have to make a similar decision. I come from Hampshire, my spiritual home is the Isle of Wight but we're East Anglians now. I love the climate and the wide open spaces. We've also lost our elder daughter and the younger one wants us to move close to her which is understandable. A move back to Hampshire at our time of life is quite a scary prospect.

Life throws us some challenges. Sometimes trusting our own judgement is the only way to go rather than trying to please others even though they are doing their best for us.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while annie and no, I don’t have an answer, in fact I don’t believe there is a neat answer, there never is when emotions are involved

Can I share some thoughts? You can care for your granddaughters from a distance, you do now. The fact the distance would be longer is in my view immaterial. Young people can and do travel. You said your grandchildren struggle with your daughters husband but also he is away for much of the year, lots of visiting time then. I also wonder how you feel about him, do you two get along, that would be important I would think.

You love Wales, but forgive me, at the moment you find leaving your home impossible much of the time. Would it be easier to move around in a new location? Away from the reminders? Could there be more opportunity for social contact? Having said that you explained your daughters home is quite isolated. If you felt able to join in community activities could you do so independently?

Your daughter has sprung this on you. She must have thought about it some while ago to have secured planning permission. I imagine she and her husband wanted to be sure of the permission before telling you. While accepting she worries about you I wonder if she may be hoping for and wanting your company as she’s alone for much of the year.

Do you know the shape and size of your potential new home? Would it suit you? It does sound an ideal place for canine company.

As others have said, once the conversion is finished could you keep your bungalow, keep paying your rent, and go for an extended holiday? I understand it would take courage but there is much sense in testing such a significant change

Thinking about the transition is bound to be frightening. Give yourself time for it to settle. Could you chat to your son in law who isn’t? Get his thoughts. Perhaps it’s time to be honest with your granddaughters about your isolation sometimes an old fashioned pros and cons list helps.

There are two of us here but no geographically close family now. A dear friend experienced a life changing illness back in the summer and could never have gone home without the support of her daughter who lives close by. It’s made us think. Much as we enjoy being here we are intrinsically alone. We’ve decided we would manage whatever came as a couple, when one is alone the situation is very different and so we have asked our family to help the remaining person with a move when the time comes.

We’re all different annie. As I said I have no answers for you, if there was an easy answer you wouldn’t have asked for thoughts. Let it settle, talk to your daughter, granddaughters and your son in law who isn’t. Find out about the proposed accommodation. Then let it settle some more, take your time. It’s actually OK to make a decision not to make a decision yet. I know that sounds odd but if you do that you remain in control.

I hope you can come to a conclusion you are content with and others accept and understand. Wishing you well.

If your granddaughter doesn’t get on with SIL, surely she could visit you in your self contained barn home, either when he’s away or if he’s at home, just seeing you, as it sounds as though it would be a totally separate residence to theirs.
Also I appreciate you are very close to her, not sure how old she is, but, don’t want to sound unkind, as she gets more and more of her own life, new people in it, an ageing grandparent may not have quite so much importance to her.
You dread leaving Wales, but also say how lonely and unhappy you are.
Perhaps you need to think about your own needs and well-being a bit more.

Reading the above, your very soul is in Wales. You have sheltered accomodation in a market town. Something is going wrong where you live now and I do think that is where you need to focus your energies. A market town is what many of us would strive for, counil run sheltered accomodation is what many would give their right hand for. Small steps anniebach, perhaps your isolation is caused by you being too shy to go out and to start talking with other people. I believe that needs to be worked on. Going to lincolnshire would be the last thing you need. Pick yourself up and start to stand on your own two feet. You have to work at making friends, don`t leave it to family, it is such a weight on them.

Well here’s my take Anniebach you will not be leaving Wales Wales is your spirit, it’s your core. How much of your beautiful country do you get to see now? It sounds like four walls which could be anywhere I m pretty sure your daughter in Lincolnshire could bring you once a year for a holiday in Wales and take you out and about to really really see your country, instead of being trapped seeing nothing of it 2 weeks of holiday and you d probably see more than you have in the last 2 years
Granddaughter surely can visit you and skyp and talk I m guessing she’s 19/20 to be honest Annie grandkids get too busy to do more than visit occasionally Of course you ll see her again but it’s her turn to come to you she has her sisters a university course a job she sounds sorted and settled Would her mum have wanted you in a little isolated house because you promised to look after her, she’s past looking after now
I m wondering if a part of this feels like leaving your daughter behind in Wales I think I could see how that would feel but you re not, she’s in your heart wherever you live you take her with you
Dear Annie don’t be isolated any longer I can feel your sadness in every word of your post please have a little ‘you’ space now a little bit of being looked after and looked out for a little time to have a chuckle and some company
Good luck my love, which ever way you decide to go