Need your help/advice

Ah I understand annie.
If your son in law is away a lot you would be company for your daughter and vice versa. Also, could your DGD come and visit you on the occasions your SIL is away.

Really difficult decision annie. I know how much your DGD means to you but also how isolated you are. I think you will make your own wise decision after some careful thought.

Annie
Have you spent any time in Lincolnshire?
I don't live in Wales but I absolutely love it. The thought of leaving Wales to live in Lincolnshire, well, I have no words, I couldn't do it.

Well don't go to live in Lincolnshire just to stop her worrying. If you don't want to go, don't go.

Sue the barn wouldn’t be used for holiday accommodation, my younger daughter lives alone for several months of the year, the farmhouse is isolated.

My son in law is a wonderful father, we co parented the years my darling daughter was ill, he did the cooking, cleaning, taxi driving !, I did the doctor, dentist, school, exams, and was their
‘Keeper of secrets’.

My younger daughter did shock me with her plan today, I must give it much thought. I don’t want to live in Lincolnshire but it would save her from worrying,

Take on a new life.

It's just too hard Annie. I don't know what to suggest.

I do lean somewhat to moving to be with your younger daughter. You are just too lonely as an everyday thing where you are now. x

Anniebach will the barn conversion go ahead anyway, irrespective of whether you move in? I'm assuming it could be used for holiday accommodation or something. If it is going ahead, could you have a trial of living there for a few months to see how you feel about it?

I too don't understand why you'd not see your grandchildren again. It's not really that far away. We see our GC in London several times a year despite being 600 miles away.

I also think you don't need to be physically near them to still look after them. As I understand it, you're not able to go to them, so really, you're offering them a caring, listening ear and you can still do that, even if you move to Australia! Do your GC have a father who looks out for them?

I hope you can settle this in your mind and find a happy solution. Xx

Cherry you are right, Catherine would never, ever want me to live as I am. If she had lived , oh how different my life would be . But she is dead and she asked me to look after her children.

Leave Wales - gulp

Fischna not at all nasty. I live in a market town, I have become isolated because of circumstances, my darling elder daughter was ill for ten years, she died two years ago , her illness caused much hurt for us. She didn’t hurt us her illness did.

If I moved to my younger daughter I will have her support to start mixing with people, her husband’s work takes him abroad for several months of the year,

Flexable no one can say a marriage will not end, my ended over forty years ago when my husband died in a car crash, our daughters were 5 and 7, we were very close, no problems.

Annie I understand how
hard it is to leave the country of your birth.
Wales is in your soul.

Although you have not discussed with your granddaughter or other grandchildren how isolated and lonely you are, I bet my bottom dollar that they are probably worried and concerned for your wellbeing.

I loved all my grandparents, but I had a special bond with my maternal grandmother.
When she became older and a widow, I worried about her constantly.
I didn't tell her.
Like you she put in a brave face.

Do you have to give notice on your bungalow Annie?
Could you not just go to your daughter for a longish holiday and see how you feel?

You could Skype or facetime your granddaughter.

Maybe you need to turn the page and start a new chapter in your life.
Wales will always be there for you to visit.

Hard choice Annie but at the moment your life is not what your darling daughter would wish for you.

You have to start telling them how you feel and it may take a while of drip feeding for them to realise how you feel but I'm guessing they are now adults so they will cope and they can visit you. The certainly shouldn't be making assumptions about where you will live in the future.
If this is your daughters second marriage are you confident it will last because if they split where would that leave you?

Hi, I don't mean this to sound nasty, but would you not be swapping one kind of isolation for another? This is just my opinion but could you not move to a town with bus service, shops, doctor,library, church (if you attend)? How well do you and your daughter get on? What are you going to do when they are out at work all day? Im assuming you don't drive? I respect it is totally your decision but I just don't want you to be even more isolated. Being honest, the thought of being stuck out in a farmhouse is my idea of a nightmare. If you feel isolated you would want to be in a place with a thriving community and the opportunity to go out if you wanted to. I hope you understand my reasoning. Im really just trying to suggest ideas.

I can’t return home because I now live in a council sheltered accommodation, could never afford private rent if I came back here. Sorry your parents died when you were so young
Flexible

Doodle it’s so complicated, my grandchildren love my younger daughter but not her husband, they are very close to her first husband. At their g grandmother funeral in June, my younger daughter told them she would like me to move up to her, the youngest said ‘Bro won’t move from here’ (she has called me Bro since she was a tot ) , no more was said.

I wouldn't hesitate.Take up the offer and start a new chapter in your life.Everything else will fall into place.

I too don't understand why you'll never see your grand daughter again or why you can never return home? People can travel and if they want to they will. I lost my mum at 14 and my dad at 16 and was on my own from then on and I've turned out fine. Young people are very resilient and you need to look after yourself. I'm sure your daughters and grand daughters would rather you were happy rather than worrying about you being lonely and isolated. Let the one who can help you do so.

annie why would you never see your granddaughter again if you left Wales?
Is your granddaughter one of the three that are now living together close to each other 50 miles away?
Have you asked your granddaughter how she would feel if you moved to live with your other daughter?
Finally, taking no account of anyone else’s feelings, would you like to live near your other daughter and her husband?
(I take it they don’t have any children)

Thank you. My granddaughter doesn’t know I am lonely, I don’t tell her. I don’t want to move nearer to my granddaughter, no way do I ever want to be a problem for her.
And I couldn’t afford to rent a property nearer her anyway.

Also I am concerned it is too soon to be so far from her, it’s a five hour drive.

I will have to give it much thought I know.

You may spend more time with your granddaughter as having to travel to see you would mean a long stay and who knows where she will eventually settle.

Staying where you are will cause worry for everyone including your granddaughter who may also feel bad that you are putting up with being lonely and unhappy just for her.

So sad to know somebody is lonely. If I knew how I would put flowers and hug emoji.

very tricky. I am trying to pick out some words

isolated. You should move somewhere with clubs shops and buses. Is that house in lincolnshire in a location to give you all the above? If not then you will be dependent on the goodwill of your youngest for all your social needs as well as transport if you could not drive

close bond. With your grandaughter who lives in a city, I presume in wales. That close bond is very evident in your post

I lived in wales for a long time, it has a unique character and particularly in south wales, the people are very warm sociable and kind. If you speak welsh and live in north wales them similar

You have to think about you Anniebach. Your future and can you see yourself being fully happy and occupied in that annexe for endless years. Make your own life and put to one side the fact that your youngest may be worrying about you.

I would definitely move to get away from the isolation, closer to the city and not into rural lincolnshire