Help calm me, house buying and selling stress. Part 4

Interesting morning - decided to do a Sainsbury shop, both for items I need and also to give my poor car a run out. Oldies hour at 8 -9 am. Intended to be there soon after 7.30. Yesterday I took car out of garage and put in car park ready for early start, but when I went down there, for the first time since I have lived here,the padlock was on the gate. No idea where or if I had a key to that, had been told I had. Back upstairs took all the keys and back down. Lots of keys to try - naturally last one fitted.....
So arrived at Sainsbury at 7.50. - obedient queue -very very long, probably something like 40 people in front of me, and over next ten minutes as many behind me. 8.00 it started to move -only one person per basket, lots of husbands having to hang about outside.....I got in by 8.15.
Nearly back to normal on shelves, most items in stock, only item I could not get was disinfectant, but I do have half a bottle at home, so will make do. Pasta and flour items were all there.
Toilet roll shelves groaning -just like old times - hope all of those people with lofts, garages, sheds, etc filled with these are feeling very stupid!!! Evengood numbe of eggs and this week most of the frozen food cabinets full.
I always do my shopping by self zapping, they are trying to encourage more people to do this, as it means we pack direct into our shopping bags and it is quick.
Interesting, I left the store at 8..58 am and there was no queue at all. When I go next time I will get there at 8.45!!!
Drove home the 'long 'route to give car a good chance to have a run. Took a while unpacking, as I did obey the instruction to wash down everything in hot soapy water as i took it out of the shopping trolley.
Had my breakfast now and will have to put that all away.

Shandy, add my agreement to what Whiff and others have said. I feel really angry with your daughter, she is behaving like a very spoilt adolescent. Needs to do some growing up - quick. Nothing to do with her, whatsoever, to whom and for how much you dispose of YOUR property - not as if she has helped with payments etc for repairs over the years.
It is YOUR money. Silly girl, does she have no understanding of what is actually happening at the present. If April auction ever takes place, prices will have fallen considerably. Sadly for all those needing to sell property at the present time (and for the foreseeable future) it is going to be extremely difficult. Just so pleased you are out of that. On the other hand, people like yourself - genuine cash buyers are going to be able to get some real good bargains. It is going to work out well for you Shandy.......
Is she giving you any money towards the cost of keeping her now that she has come back? You should insist she does, more for her sake than for yours - she needs to learn about the real world, otherwise she is going to get into all sorts of problems.
All of us, who have lived long lives, and many of us through difficult times, are so applauding that you have finally achieved this sale.

Good Shandy. Why is it we always start at the top of the house and work our way down when packing?! In one isolated place we lived I threw old unwanted clothes and bedding out of the upstairs window onto the gravel. It felt like a big relief seeing them fly through the air!
Pram pushing is great fun but my retrievers are too big for that. When they can no longer walk I hold their back legs up by a sling type contraption, but being big dogs that can only go on for a matter of days. Our daughter chose a very sturdy pushchair for her first born, it felt very safe. By the time the next baby came she had moved on to some flimsy designer thing, it never felt as secure.

Morning all, I am glad to say my puss cat did come back to her 'new home' at 11 pm last night And she went out for a quick sniff of air this morning and ran back in. Such a relief.

What a sad morning with that poor 13 year old boy dying, so tragic.

Thank you for all your support, I really appreciate it. I promise you I will focus on myself in future.

Looking at it objectively, it is extremely unfortunate I've ended up selling so cheap to the buyer we all disliked. He should have been honest with the EA and said he couldn't afford to pay more, rather than using such underhand tactics to chip the price down, ie asking my stone mason for a quote to repoint the whole house. It is also unfortunate I have to pay the EA as well as the auction house. But I just looked at the money, as it represented freedom to me. I think the fact that 33 auction viewers looked and only one offered said it all. I felt frightened to sit in the cottage waiting it out for a better offer, the house is deteriorating and whilst waiting I could have had to pay out for more urgent repairs. The listing makes everything so expensive - I found it so odd the windows specialist never came back to me with the quote, it must have been a huge amount. I just had to let it go. Now I can move on and plan for the future.

I am going up to the house today to start packing, just a room a day, room by room, I'm going to start upstairs and work my way down.

I'm waiting for a pram to be delivered for my elderly dog for the beach walk Hopefully I will be allowed to see my grandchildren in the distant future, hopefully this is good practise!

I don't think badly of anyone, and I am pleased none of you has directly criticised Shandy's parenting skills. It is a very hard job raising children, especially teenagers, and if any family says they had few problems, then they are very lucky. I understand how difficult it is for young people finding their way, everyone seems to be on their case and sometimes they need spoiling and giving into just to show them they are understood at their level. It sounds like Shandy's daughter is one of those thespian types (working in a theatre etc) who maybe likes a bit of drama and colour in her life. I have seen many of these kids wanting new experiences, new possessions and being very selfish and unkind towards their parents. I try to view it as though they are just acting like a character in a play, like they don't really mean it, but I know it is desperately upsetting for any parent to deal with at the time. All you can do Shandy is to keep the lines of communication open, but I advise you to go carefully because you don't want to tread on your daughter's dreams and add to her inner turmoil. My comments here just offer a slightly different perspective and are gained from personal experience. Good luck!

nor me and I think you were very brave. I tried for a long time, could not manage to find the right words.

Craftyone I was so worried you would think badly of me but I just couldn't take how Shandy57 is being treated anymore.

It is going to take some courage but lay cards on table shandy, tell her that there will be no more money, tell her that you will be looking for a 2 bed bungalow and will get a sofa bed for her to use until she leaves. If there is no sign of her using the car then sell it and put every penny to one side to help you move. By making things a bit uncomfortable in a quiet way, she will learn to stand on her own two feet. You don`t need to make a song and dance, just show a steely determination, no discussion, just say it as it is and get on with sorting for your forever home. Those apron strings should have been untied a long time ago. Btw she should be working by now, earning her own money, supermarket jobs were readily available.

me too, I agree fully with whiff. Daughter is being thoroughly selfish and shandy, you are trying to buy her affection with `dads money` but that is your money, for you to live on for the REST of your life. Yes whiff I have and I cannot any longer sit back and see this adult child take and take from shandy, I cannot bear to see it. Shandy you are ENABLING her to be selfish, doing her no favours at all

SueH49 thank you. Should have asked at the fire station before posting. It just upsets me so much Shandy57 hasn't got the support she should have.

I'll put my flame suit on like you Wiff and say I agree with you. Harsh as it may seem to put oneself ahead of our children there are times when it is essential. IMO this is one of those times for Shandy.

Shandy57 if what I am going to say upsets you I don't mean to . But your daughter is a selfish spoil brat. Stop making excuses she is young . She is 20+ . She is a grown woman. You make excuses for her cause your husband died . Mine did our daughter was 20 and son 16. They knew from the ages of 16 and 12 he was going to died. Your son doesn't seem to be like her and I hope he is supporting you emotionally.

Has she had blinkers on all the years you have struggled to keep going by yourself all these years. As I already asked why did you buy her a car if it's not with her? If she's not using it sell it and put it towards something for your new home.

I am proud how my children have grown to be the adults they are and they have not had any financial help from me. I haven't been able to help them. They had a bit of inheritance from when my mother in law died . They each had a second hand car and put a bit into the houses they were already buying.
Both my children and spouses have all worked since they were 16. Through college and uni years.

Many on here children' s have made their own lives . With little financial help through various circumstances. You know who you are.

You have got to look after yourself and what you want. You are not a bank . You mentioned once you had promised them some money don't give them any. They will inherit when you died. As I tell my kids there won't be much cash but at least a property to sell provided I don't end up in a home.

Before some of you jump on me for posting this how many of you have thought exactly the same. You would have probably worded it better.

Shandy57 you are a wonderful woman who has shown courage and resistance that would have floored many a person. Look how you have changed since you posted your first message. All those months ago. You are stronger than you think and now put your wants and needs ahead of your children especially your daughter. If she can't see how hard this has all been on you she doesn't deserve you.

When choosing your new home only consider your wants and needs and of course your cat and dog.

Wish you had a really good friend who could have sat and held your hand and talked to you like this.

Craftyone before you jump on me haven't you wanted to say this and haven't you been trying to in a around about fashion for a while?

Thank you both for writing, so nice of you. I do think the buyer chanced his arm, but he had offered £285 through the EA, so it wasn't far off.

I really have had enough and do feel relieved. I don't think it would sell for any more at the next auction with no viewings just a walk through video, if at all, it needs huge renovation, just running it is a money pit and I think people are going to be far more careful with their money in future.

You've hit the nail on the head Grammaretto, I think it is because she was so close to her Dad, she mentioned using 'Dad's money' to wait for a better offer. I won't be sad, I'll just accept it.

Thank you. My cat asked to go out at 9.30 pm and I dithered and thought I'd trust her - not back yet. Woe is me

Mothers and daughters Shandy . It's often if not always a tricky relationship.
I have to walk on eggshells with mine. She and DH are very close.
I'm sure she loves you and will come around and to understand how things are in the big bad world. She is young and has a lot of growing up to do.
You shouldn't need to defend yourself but neither should you expect her approval.
and what Ellianne said.

Your daughter will come round Shandy. She is young, they don't see the full picture at that age. As long as you keep the lines of communication open and keep repeating your reasons she will grow to accept it. Maybe it isn't until we have children of our own that we start to understand why our parents did this, that or the other. Sleep well.

Thank you Oopsadaisy3. I don't think she'll ever get over the fact I have sold to someone we all disliked, for such a cheap price.

She hasn't factored in the 33 auction viewers that looked at and rejected it, including the person that spent £1200 on a survey and didn't bid. I did eventually say I did not want to be there alone any longer, with my fear of things going wrong, having to deal with tradespeople, and just the interminable 'waiting' I've been doing. She thought as I'm in the cottage and have access to savings, I could have waited.

It will never be resolved, ever lasting damage sadly.

Shandy in an ideal world it would all have been different wouldn’t it?
But it’s done, you are happy with it and that’s the main thing.
You could have been sitting on the house until the Autumn, not your family, just you.
You have moved on, I’m sure if your daughter had had all the hassle that you have had recently she would have done the same thing.

My daughter has just phoned in response to my message about selling the house.

Her opinion is that I should have waited for the crisis to pass, to try the April and subsequent auctions to achieve a higher price. She is also very unhappy as to the identity of the buyer due to her knowledge of his previous negotiations. I explained that I had had enough of it all, and just felt relief.

Thanks for telling me your lovely story about Smokey, Franbern. I don't let my sheltie on the bed because of his arthritis, but he's been sitting on the bottom shelf of my bedside cabinet the last few nights, I'm not sure why he is so unsettled at the moment.

When we moved here in 1999 our beautiful border collie rescue dog had never been to the beach, he absolutely loved it. Unfortunately he was also an arthritis sufferer after his early years were spent in a coal bunker and after a few years he couldn't even get into the well of the passenger side of the car, his beach days had to end. I wish I'd been able to get him a pram, they weren't around 20 years ago. We lost him before his time, his pain became too great and the drug available then had terrible side effects, damaging the lining of his stomach. We sadly had him euthanised at home by a very patient vet, who was lovely. I was very sad to hear the vet was killed the following year in a hang gliding accident.

My birthday is on Wednesday, April 8th, I'll be 63 the same age my husband was when he died.

I can hardly remember what I've been doing since 2016, the house sale has taken my life over for the past eighteen months and I am so glad it's all over. Thinking hard, I did do a lot of travelling to escape. In the autumn of the first year I went to Canada for five days to see my daughter at her Uni. I rented a local beach cottage for our first Christmas, it did make it a little easier.

The following year I took her to New York for her 21st in a blizzard in the February - as she couldn't fly in I spent the first night alone, that was unexpected! I ignored my 60ieth that April, but took all the family to an elephant sanctuary in Chiang Mai for Christmas 2017.

As a late 60ieth my daughter and I went Venice in March 18, which was fantastic but horrendously expensive. In the November we went to South Africa to work with primate rescue. So glad I travelled so much before being 'grounded' with the house on the market.

Birthday wise we'd normally go out for a meal as a treat, I think I'll take sandwiches to the beach.

Glad you found a secret path only the 'locals' know about! Now you are a 'local'!

I had to get up early to clean ready for zoom yoga today. Otherwise, my house is like a stage set. I just clear and clean the bits I am actually using (that day!).
Another box arrived on our doorstep. The delivery girl calls us her prisoners. This time it contains things I have ordered such as baked beans, eggs and tins of tomatoes.

Another tiny piece of good news is that the card I posted just last night (I crept out to the postbox) arrived at DD's new house today. It was a homemade birthday card for our soon to be 5yr old. So the post is working. 3 birthdays this weekend. My DS will be 50. That makes me feel very old. I don't think he would have wanted a fuss, but a family meal would have been nice.
And you are having a birthday too Shandy. That's lovely.
I am smiling as I visualise the dog pram.

WOW! will be excellent excercise for YOU, shandy, not so sure about dog!!
My Son had a whippet, many,many years ago. I managed to get this pup for my sons 6th birthday -winter born and the runt - had been hand reared.
Immediately my strict rules about NO animals in bedrooms got relaxed in our concerns about raising such a vulnerable pup, allowed him to sleep in sons room and my son interpreted this to mean IN HIS BED.
Smokey grew well and strong - always slept in sons bed, in later years I had to put up with moans from son that Smokey was pushing him out off bed.
I can think how many times I would take this animal out for a walk, also pushing pushchair for toddler, and would end up getting back home carrying toddler and pushing this sill animal in pushchair.
Lovely natured animal though, and helped many small foster children overcome their fear of dogs.
What day is your birthday, Shandy?
I discovered a short-cut to my local park. I went out to put car in car park, and saw two of my neighbours leave the flats ahead of me. They went straight over our access road into the car park of a care company opposite and then (rather like the cat in 2nd book of His Dark Materials) just disappear.
No cars in that car park at present so I then got on my mobility scooter to try to find out where they went and discovered a very narrow, hidden path at the other side of this car park, and could follow that and then over one road and along a small back street direct to the park.
Waiting for an amazon delivery at present, must remember to do some vacuuming. Too much time, makes it so easy to procrastrinate!!!

Guess what I've just bought myself for my birthday next week .... a dog pram.

I don't feel my dog would make the three mile round trip to the beach as well as actually running on the beach playing his normal 'alphabet game' of chasing after stones (26 throws - I used to forget the numbers). I have to limit it because of his arthritis, or he really suffers later in the day. Should be arriving tomorrow if the poor DPD man hasn't already been furloughed. Good walk for me downhill going, not sure how I'll feel coming back! Will have to see. I absolutely hate walking, I'm definitely a bus/tubing townie still, I always study the happy walkers we get here in their sturdy boots and Rab kits.

Franbern I love the idea of your diy haircut - go for it! I have always taken two of my GDs (7&5) to the hairdresser every 6-7 weeks and that should have been today so what the 3 of us will be like when we are able to return. It’s such a lively relationship that the two of us have with the hairdressers who have of course known them since they were babies and saw them through the initial screaming! Happy days!

I did a 40 mile round trip, main objective was to keep the battery in good condition. I went past a gatekeeper and quickly past the small aisle of food, it is a farmers shop. I did buy some scrummy hurdlebrook yogurt and a couple of john thorner food treats and a pack of biscuits.

The queueing lines were marked on the floor and one protected till was in use. Drat, 2 farmers in front of me, buying gateposts and all sorts like that, all via IT and the till. I was 40 minutes in that line and meantime some woman carrying electric fencing stuff, tried to barge past. I put my most assertive voice on and told her to keep her distance, to go around the aisle and join the back of the queue. Everyone looked at me and the security man smiled knowingly.

I will enjoy my food treats but will not be going again. Next time, in 2 weeks I will do the same trip but turn around and come home having `forgotten` my payment card. It felt too risky

Haha Franbern, we each wear our mopheads with pride

Everyone sounds pretty positive today. It isn't quite so cold here so back to a bit of garden tidying. There's some nice plants being sold from a house nearby but as we have no cash on the house to pay I can't collect any.
I think I said our DD was about to put the house on the market just before lockdown. They had decorated from top to bottom and had cheap new carpets laid to freshen up. Now with two children at home every day she is upset because everywhere is getting grubby with the extra use. Somehow they will have to get their selling motivation back when things pick up again.
I need to do more exercise too, I can feel the pounds piling on with comfort eating. I do a 30 minute dog walk but that is all. I must get going in the mornings.