Feeling sad about moving

We moved six months ago, we were in our previous town for around 35 years, the whole rigmarole of having children, their growing up, schools etc. was very much part of that experience. The house we moved from we had lived in for nearly 20 years. I am missing it all far less than I thought I would. We've moved 30 or so miles away so have been back there a few times since. Although I loved that area, it's quite busy being on the edge of London. I'd fallen out of love with my previous house mainly down to its configuration, 3 storeys, I'd just had enough of 3 flights of stairs and the main living room being on the first floor. I'm much happier with our new house, in fact I'd go as far to say I really love it and I also love the town and surrounding countryside where we've moved to.

The buying and selling can be a long drawn out process and is sometimes fuelled by tensions so feelings of disquiet often accompany all of that. I think it's inevitable to have waves of nostalgia when you've been attached to an area for so long.

I wish you well with your move Flaxseed and hope you are happy in your new home.

3 flights of stairs It was only 2 when I think about it, but often felt like 3!

I think it’s the unknown about moving that makes it stressful. Give yourself time to adjust and settle in.

Try to look at it as an adventure with new possibilities.
Wishing you happy days ahead Flaxseed.

We moved house almost two years ago, to the other side of town and I still feel homesick every day. I feel so sad about everything we left behind - the house, the garden, the neighbours, the environment and all the acquaintances I’d made over the course of the 40 years we lived there, as well as all the family memories made. I feel so depressed (in spite of taking antidepressants) and feel that my life is ruined. I always used to be busy and never bored, but now I don’t know how to fill my time. I don’t like our new house and it’s presenting lots of problems that I hadn’t envisaged, which is making it difficult to progress with making it feel like ours - I can’t believe we were so naive in our decision making. I don’t feel ‘at home’ and am so anxious and ill at ease all the time, and am sure my health is suffering. I sometimes think I’ll never get over having moved. Can anyone else identify with this? I wonder if there’s any hope for the future - I know someone who moved seven years ago and still hasn’t settled, and I’m scared this might be me too.

I don’t want to move until I go ‘out out’ if you see what I mean it was my Nan and grandads house and mine for the last 40 something years Needs a lot doing and totally impractical but it’s mine
My mum and dad died 12 years ago and I still haven’t been down their road as I couldn’t bear to see someone else living in their house Daft I know but that’s how it is

I feel for you. Have you thought about letting your doctor know how depressed you are so possibly getting a different antidepressant? I know moving is difficult, but is there a possibility of maybe moving again to a home you would like more than your current one?

Callistemon
The thought of having your garden ripped up makes you sad
We sold our previous house eight years ago
It was a late sixties house that didn’t need a great deal doing to it there was a lovely garden with a fantastic view We had lived there thirty odd years
We just about got our asking price
He bought it for the view and turn our field into a mini golf whatever
Knocked our house down bulldozed the garden
He started to build something that looks a bit like a small factory
I believe it is still not completed and my lovely garden is a jungle
Not my property I know but still makes me sad

So sorry to hear this BlueGarden , moving can be very unsettling especially after 40 years. It can take much longer than expected come to terms with even very much wanted changes. Have you reflected on the reasons for moving- less maintenance /upkeep and perhaps 'future proofing' for later years?
I would go back to the doctor and tell them how you feel, a different medication may be needed for your anxiety and low mood. When you feel a little better you will be able to start enjoying things again. In the meantime look after yourself well, go for a daily walk if can and be kind to yourself in thoughts and deeds.

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BlueGarden, I think maybe if it's possible, you should move again, but this time take your time and make sure you have a good feeling about it., if you can't face that try not to dwell, go out every day, even if you just go a bu ride and have a coffee, but get out.. My parents moved from a house to an apartment, my father loved it but my mother pined, she wasn't the same person, she knew she had made a mistake but had been pressured by my father who wanted a new place, no decorating or garden to maintain, she never settled. I know a lot of people have no regrets about moving and that's great but they are not you. I think it's easier if you move to be nearer family but in an area with good services on hand too.

Bluebell, I can understand how you feel, it's a house with lots of good memories for you, why would you want to leave that?

We have lived in our home for 43 years and we have so many happy memories of family and friends enjoying being here. We extended the house after our children had grown up and left home and our grandchildren have known this as their family home for all the years they grew up.

We have great friends and neighbours nearby and in many ways we don't want to ever leave but it is a big house and we are quite old. There were fourteen of us here at christmas, which was lovely, but we have to face up to the fact that we are getting old. These days we go to quite a lot of funerals. We are fortunate that we still have each other after 58 years of marriage but we realise that either of us could fall ill at any time and neither of us would want to stay here, in our lovely big family home, on our own.

So we should move now, while we still have each other. Why is it just so difficult??

My mum was 81 when she downsized to a bungalow ( 87 now) ....she had lived in her home 48 years...raised her children.....shared a marriage with my dad....Happy Times...she had same thoughts as you OP initially....but as she boxed up her belongings....took down pictures.... and got rid of stuff to charity / tip , the house became less of a home to her ....the day she left , she didn't even want to have a last walk round for old times sake....she had already moved on in her head....she has never once mentioned the old housr and says the minute she walked into her bungalow....it felt like 'home' ....hope its the same for you OP

We moved from our home of 40 years and I almost immediately regretted it. I still wake up every morning (2 years later) wishing we hadn’t moved. I miss my old home and I especially miss the feeling of ‘belonging’ that I used to have. If you can, I’d recommend researching relocation depression - I wish I’d known more about that prior to our move. Also it might be useful to toss a coin and see how you feel when it lands one way - then ask yourself how you’d feel if it had landed the other way - this could help clarify your true feelings. I know not everyone feels the way I do and many people are happy after a house move, so whatever you decide to do I wish you all the very best.

I very much hope that Flaxseed completed her move some years ago! This is a very old thread.

BlueGarden added to it a couple of months ago. And is still on it, midgey.

We moved after 31 years from the first house we’d bought after DH retired from the Army. We had finally put down roots. It was our first proper home, in an area I had known all my life, and close to my family. It was a horrible wrench but we moved to a lovely house in an area that is as near to living in the country as we’re ever likely to get. Wonderful neighbours. However after a week of living in the house I became so ill I thought I was dying. I lost a stone in weight. Nothing anyone could put their finger on. The doctor said emotional stress caused by the move, so we went on holiday for a couple of weeks and came back to it with a fresh eye. I’ve never looked back.
I drive past my old house often, as I visit my niece who lives on the same estate, and get very nostalgic still but I don’t regret the move and I’m sure, OP, neither will you. Good luck to you.