Son not doing jobs he promised

What Aggie says, really.

Just get someone in to do the jobs that need doing. No need to tell your son what you’ve arranged, he can find out when the operatives arrive. If your son is feeling low, the thought of those jobs hanging over him may not be helping his mood and you’ll both feel better for having them out of the way.

Chuck out the air sprays, they’re not necessary. Leave the window cracked open a little bit or get an extractor fan, as suggested.

Your son really should be contributing to costs. If he’s been unwell for so long is he getting all the disability benefits he’s entitled to?

Re bathroom smells. I live in a bungalow and my bathroom is rather close to the kitchen and obviously opens into the hallway so I am conscious of smells. I dislike the smell of cheap air fresheners but find that a more expensive type that is not a wet spray is better. I spray lightly if necessary and leave the window open and the door closed, there is then no smell in the rest of the house. I can’t imagine how much I would need to spray for it to stink out the rest of my house enough to open doors and windows!

However, your son does have breathing problems so will be very sensitive to air borne pollution and however little you use a spray, it is likely to affect him. Maybe try the poo drops that you put in the toilet afterwards, I’ve not used them but my friend does and she swears by them!

Re the outstanding work, I suggest you just get someone in to do the jobs, it might upset your son but hopefully his anger won’t last long when he realises that you are happy.

Yogi, unless there is an understandable reason for your son living with you , not paying his way or completing tasks he has promised to do you really must speak honestly to him and sort this out . At the risk of sounding harsh ‘ On your bilke ‘ is a useful phrase!

I don’t think he sounds as if he’s very well! Just a thought tho! If he’s opening all windows and refusing to help erect shed especially when he’s helped erect a log cabin! I’d get tradesman in

Aggie is right yogi your house, get someone in to do the jobs required.
Perhaps a little less tlc and a more straight talking would help your son understand there are responsibilities when you are an adult.
I realise he has not been well but maybe he needs treatment for depression, fatigue etc. It does sound as if the whole situation is getting too much for you.

So he has health issues since a vaccine 10 years ago? If so, are his docs aware and doing something?
This is a long term condition- your son needs to learn to live with it

You say you are very happy with this living arrangement - yet you have these disagreements, is this really working then?
Are you aware of the term emotional spouse?
You write about him more like a partner, not a son

1. Get somebody to do those jobs
2. He should address his depression and medical condition and move out.
What is he going to do when you are not there?

Get a tradesman in to do the jobs as someone has said, don’t tell him until they turn up.

I’m assuming he is under his GP for his illness maybe CFS? So should be on benefits?

If not then I’m afraid he might just prefer to do nothing, it’s your choice if you allow him to do that.

PS, I recently bought a potting shed, before erecting it we had to paint it with preservative (we chose blue) that took a couple of days, we did it inside and out and had to mask up the windows, so much easier before it’s erected. No guarantee if it isn’t done.
It took 3 of us to erect the shed, it’s very heavy and you have all have to be tall to get the roof on. The roofing felt had to be laid flat in the sun for a couple oh hours to flatten it out.
I’m thinking you need more people than just you and your son to erect this shed!

I dont think your son is very well. He needs help. Does he have a regular job? Is he on Social Security Benefits? But whatever,
he needs to contribute to his expenses. Some good advice has already been given.
Lucky are those Mums who can have a niggle-free relationship with their live-in AC. I have 3 AC who have lived with me at one time or another…..say no more.
Good luck !

Totally agree with your son re the air fresheners dreadful chemical things and perhaps they genuinely make him cough and unable to breath my daughter has problems with any high perfumes When she was at school she did an evening job in Tescos and could not work on the washing powder row it made her cough and sneeze and splutter
Re the work the lad sounds as if he has some ME or fibermyalga type illness from the vaccination he had and if so he probably wants to do the work but basically isn’t up to it and he probably feels very unable and probably depressed I’m sure no man of 35 wants to be living with his mum

I think he needs help not the silent treatment and throw that flipping chemical perfume spray away
Is he under a doctor or hospital

Surely, your son receives some form of disability allowance, which means that he would have enough income to pay his way at home and share in all the normal household expenses, This would, in itself, give him a better feeling of self-worth,and make him more prepared for eventually
venturing out on his onw or with a girl friend in the future.

Many, many years ago, my eldest daughter came back home (aged 21 years), she was recovering from a major operation, and had no job. At the time, she told me I was one of the nastiest mothers in the world, as I took half of her sickness/unemployment money each week, telling her it still did not cover all her living expenses. Actually, I put this money in a savings account for her and when she finally sorted herself out a year later gave her that lump sum,

Since those days, she has done very well, highly qualified and with an excellent career, etc. She now says that the lessons she learned in that year - that nobody can live for nothing, was one of the most valuable lessons of her life.

We are all guilty of meaning to do jobs that we never actually get round to. However, as has been said, anything involving electrical work or plumbing should really be carried out by a professional. Perhaps if there were not so many jobs outstanding, he would be more willing to concentrate on those he can do, (eg: the shed).

What does he do with himself each day? Depression can lead to doing less and less, and that can make the depression even worse. Doing the shed, even over a few weeks, could be very good for him.

With regard to the air fresheners - as has been said, best for everyone and the environment to get rid of all of these. Horrible things. Door closed, window open slightly.

My hubby does that, says he'll do a job but doesn't, I now just get someone in and don't bother asking him.
I should ask son if he would be better finding somewhere else to live.

You seem reluctant to voice your opinion and be more assertive. I am assuming you are on your own widowed or divorced.

Your toilet can be freshened with toilet bombs or reed diffusers. It’s not that big an issue you can buy them anywhere natural and effective.

Why does your son not work has he an illness or disability? If he has no particular skills get someone in to get the jobs done. Why do you hesitate to get it sorted it obviously annoys you

You are allowing him to act like a teenager which he is not. Give him little jobs to do and then you might get along better. Assuming you want him to remain living there you have a voice use it.

Yes, what you allow will continue.
If he has health problems and cannot do the jobs, then Id' give him a cut off date when you want it done by and if it's not done by then, you'll get someone else to do it. You've waited a long time already.
He might be depressed and lack motivation? Perhaps he doesn't realise there is any rush for the jobs? If he had a time scale perhaps it would help him to plan?

If he IS on disability benefits, its probably best not to be putting up sheds...otherwise he may be in trouble.

Cheap air fresheners are horrible as are plug in ones. I stayed in a bnb once where they had one - I unplugged it and put it on a shelf- it leaked and stripped the paint off the shelf! Say no more. Essential oil diffusers are so much nicer - expensive but worth it. Agree with those who say get someone in to do the jobs, not worth the aggro of waiting for your son to do it

"What a difference a day makes"

Shed up, harmony returned. My daughter read my post before coming over, acted as peace maker and then said right let's get out there and build that shed and we did! We had a laugh whilst doing so, my son enjoyed it all and did a job he could be proud of. We ended the day very happy, with a nice take away Chinese as a treat for all our hard work and accomplishment.

Air freshener in the bin as daughter agreed with son.

Thanks all for your input and advise, much appreciated.

So happy for you . Thank you for the update xxx

Out of interest did your son read the comments that were made regarding seeing a doctor and paying his way?

That's brilliant! And now I'd get a plumber in to do the dishwasher. Quietly. My father used to say each man to his trade.
And yes see about getting his health reviewed.

Great news!
Get a plumber for the dishwasher, tho.

Seems all very simple ending for all that angst !!

Now get you daughter to get your son to a doctor to see if he genuinely has ME or similar and you will then know how to manage him in the future, is he fatigued easily or lazy because you’ve allowed him to be

Good that you have got your son to help with input from your daughter. Maybe she could help your son to move forward with his life by getting some professional help. GP might be the way to start. He may also be able to find some work with the right sort of support too.

Re work - would tutoring be a possibility? So many people are wanting tutors to help their children catch up and he could pick the people he wanted to work with.

Wow, that's awesome! Good your daughter could motivate him.

I think it is time to give your son an ultimatum. He is playing you and wallowing in the fact that you let him dictate a situation. Why isn’t he working? He should be contributing to the household both financially and practically if he is living there. Get trades in to do the jobs, if your son doesn’t like it then he should have got on with them as he had promised. Good luck, it isn’t easy!