Help calm me. House buying and selling stress *Part 9*

You reap what you sew!!! So my lovely AC and g.children are all very much part of my life. I see them pretty often, etc. He get about one very short (duty) visit a year from the AC, none from the g.children. My London daughter, goes into professional mode and does try to pop in to see him about every three or four months, for as short a time as possible.

He spent years telling us all that he would die 'young' due to the infections etc caused by MS. On his 65th birthday I did point out that even if he died that day, it may be sad, but definitely not a tragic young death!!! He has not mentioned it since.

A few years back he was in hospital - I was collecting his post and sorting out washing etc, so had keys to his flat. One time he was so horrible when I was at the hospital and I went direct to his flat -the House Manager there saw me coming through the main door, still in tears. She gave me a long cuddle and then said 'Just be grateful that when he is discharged he is not coming back to your home'.

It is strange that because he is the one with the severe disability, it is always assumed that I left him - even his own sister in USA assumed this for years, and was astonished when she was visiting a few years back, said something in front of our eldest daughter and got put right in no uncertain terms. Will not mention him again - sorry for saying so mukch

Oh yes that is sad Fran, knowing you did your best. You deserve that happy life you have now

My updated smart meters are both up and running, much better, compact display than the old monitor 3 years ago. My background cost right now is 3p an hour for whatever is in daytime standby mode and charging whatever. That gives me a good basis to compare the energy used on various wm programmes and cooker v air fryer v slow cooker v pressure cooker etc. I may well keep a tally and can tell others. I can easily work out the number of kwh or units, now. I like that I get a daily total energy cost. Octopus have been amazing, took me under their wing as an oap

I also booked my car into local garage, proper nice mechanic with oily hands. Relatively minor things that needed doing at year 8 but was really fed up with ripping off by the dealership.

Sad story Fran. SS passing the problem back onto you, must have been a very hard and unhappy time for you with 6 children to care for too. Good job that he moved out on his own back in the end and gave you your life back, couldn't have been nice for the children with his bad behaviour, I supposed that was down to his illness, unless that was his norm. Bet your all amazed his still here in his eighties! You did your best Fran

Yogi felt I had to reply to your question about my husband. Very Sadly, the developing MS prevented him from working, he became extremely bitter and took it out on me mainly,.

There were several serious episodes. but I could not leave with six young children. After one particular episode I did file for divorce (on the day that would have been our silver anniversary)! He wen t to a hospital which had facilities for him for short breaks. Local social services went into overdrive

They had a 'duty of care' to rehouse vulnerable person, had no suitable properties, so I was leant on very much to have him return to the family home. I was pretty ill at the time, totally bewildered, no one to assist me. I was given many promised and undertakings by Social Services if I would stop the divorce proceedings - and I did! Stupidly.

A couple of years later, he suddenly announced that he was leaving the family home and had managed to get suitable flat build by a Housing Association. When I asked how we were supposed to manage his reply was 'Take in a Lodger.

We did not get divorced for a further twenty years. Yes, he is still alive in his eighties.'

Karma I have h ad one of those little egg boilers now since the mid-1990's (not the same one, I hasten to say). I love boiled eggs, and would often put a saucepan with half a dozen in them on the gas hob to hard boil. Whilst waiting for them would go down the corridor to where my office was and work there. No Alexa back them, never thought of setting any alarm. I cannot say how many times I returned to the kitchen to find eggs splattered everywhere as I had forgotten about them.
At that time back then, my son was living with me in the old family house, and got so fed up with that happening that he came home one day with this eggboiler. Fell in love with it immediately, had a loud buzz which would alert me when eggs, soft or hard boiled were ready.

I am currently on my third machine - not bad for going on for 30 years. Always only have one with a buzzer, not all of them do. They are very cheap to purchase, and the base plate is easily kept shining like new with the use of white vinegar. Never bother with the 'poached egg' tray, not as good as the ones I do in the microwave = but for boiled eggs, this machine is unbeatable.

I decided to get a proper kettle to go on my trangia, which uses meths and which I could use indoors if necessary. I am used to trangia from the old days. My new kettle is ordered and again is cheapest from harts of stur, I got a decent one, not too big a volume, which will also work on induction. The trangia kettle is too mini

The other day my egg cooker arrived, yes ok I could use the heavy pan but hit and miss and tbh the pan weight plus water makes for an energy cost that is quite a bit higher. The egg boiler has a thin aluminium boiling base, just a small amount of water and I hard boiled 3 eggs. They were perfect and not overcooked as usual. It has to be cost effective. I get 6 organic eggs a week and sometimes just hard boil a few to keep handy in the fridge. The boiler has a poaching pan, I am looking forward to experimenting

My latest sewn item, made from stash. Fluffy, warm and delicate knit and a mosaic pattern in oranges and pale grey. Easy peasy and a useful layering item, finished this morning. Cost me £24 in the sale and looks very trendy, cut 3" shorter due to my short height

www.stylearc.com/shop/sewing-patterns/keith-knit-vest/

www.minerva.com/mp/1181072/lady-mcelroy-brushed-sweater-knit-stretch-fabric-grey-ginger

Morning all, REALLY windy here, hope this new resin roof is solid.

Thank you for all the helpful advice everyone, I'm going to take it easy and try to eat well/sleep more and hopefully see this virus off. Last night I thought about how tired I was after taking all the stinky carpets/underlay up and the multiple trips to the dump. And then varnishing all the floors was so hard on my knees and back, it's no surprise really my body is complaining!

I am glad your son got the bungalow when he did Shinamae - Santander are certainly hedging their bets looking for a 25% deposit. Both my son and daughter hope to buy next year, they are going to have to save a lot more if this is the new normal. Mumsnet is full of worried young people who have mortgage 'fixes' ending soon, the new rates on the amounts they have borrowed are frightening.

Have a good day everyone, I'm off to the beach for a dune walk, think the beach sand will be like a haboob!

Interesting Shinamae I put 50K down on my house before this one that I bought outright, wasn't a quarter of the house price of course, but being self-employed that's what they wanted getting on for 20yrs ago.

Yoginimeisje

Think you've put too many zeros there Fran must be £25.000 deposit, you can buy a small property outright for £250.000.

My son bought a house in March and had to put a quarter of the value down which was £67.500. He had £60,000 from the sale of a previous house and I was able to lend him the rest, the mortgage broker had said that £60,000 would be absolutely fine but then rang to say that Santander wanted a quarter of the value of the house, presumably this is because my son is self-employed but he has been for 20 years and the mortgage he had previously he had for 10 years and never missed a payment. i’m just thankful he got the house when he did as possibly now he would not even be offered a mortgage at all. Awful times..

Thanks Fran I sort of worked it out after I posted. So, you had your first ann. on their wedding day! Interesting story re your s.i.l. Did your hubbie pass away or did you divorce?

Razz you can get a tablet popper from the vets if you can't hide it in his food. I had my vertigo for 11weeks, it is awful. Vit D is very good for you & vit B12 for energy.

Razz sorry you are still getting such bad effects from Labrynitus. It is a horrible illness. No doubt it is largely a response by your body and immune system to the great stresses you have had to cope with over the past year. Have you told your GP that you are still suffering from this badly?

As has been said the best cure is lots of rest, good food and more rest AND no stress!!!! However, GP needs to be kept up-to-date as to how long it is lasting.

Now. I must say that I find that 'pampering myself' is so much easier when living by myself - as it means that I have no-one else to consider in any way. Do exactly what I want, when I want, how I want. Can far too easy remember struggling with a very severe, debilitating illness and still trying to shop, cook, look after children and a hubbie who really took offence at the idea that I (not him) could be ill!!! Due to his attitude I ignored medical advice and kept putting off a major operation for years, only agreeing when it became virtually a matter of life or death.

So, pamper yourself - TBH you could make yourself several of those veggie pies for £4.50 even if you did so by using ready made pastry. When you are having a 'good' time, that is the sort of thing to do and then just freeze them ready to use whenever you feel like one.

Keep your home at a good temperature (think of it as part of your medical care), try not to have too many sugary snacks, learn to put your feet up and really relax, either watching tv, reading, or whatever YOU like.

We are fortunate in the South - I still have not needed to turn on any heating yet, nor put on my 4.5 tog duvet on my bed. I have 'done' my patio ready for winter, planted bulbs and winter violas, etc. into pots. Really do not need to go out there at all for next few months.

My daughter has sent me a great picture of her in Pompei. Good to see her having a relaxing time, she works so very hard/long hours in her NHS mental health role. She has now reached the lofty heigth of being the Manager of Managers - anyone who says that Managers in the NHS are a waste have no idea of the sort of job she does, and how many hour each day/week (unpaid), she gives to this. Having worked her way up, literally, from the bottom rung of NHS Mental Health care, she can (and does) step into any of the roles of any staff who are not available for any reason. I am so very proud of the work she does, and what she has achieved whilst bringing up her daughter single-handedly. (that is the one now at Uni training to be a Social Worker).

Had a lovely 97-year old flat owner here yesterday tell me that she had been considering climbing up to fit back her front door fire closure. Even her telling me was nearly enough to give me a heart attack!!!! She explained how she learned to do things like that during her time working in munitions during the second world war. I have, of course, forbidden her to do any such thing - and arranged for this to be done for her by one of the retired builders who live here. People can be TOO independent!!!!

I am assuming that my BiL and SiL are now moved into their new home, but do not want to risk contacting them until I have more information.

Ahhh Razz, I see that struggle and yes you have mentioned stress. That stress started when you became a widow and it has been stress upon stress ever since. No wonder your body caved under that load, stress effects are not instant , they build up over time so when this virus came near you, your tired body could no longer resist nor fight

You are doing the right things now, it won`t be a quick fix but it will work in time. Don`t expect anything fast but to slowly heal

We have winter ahead and need to be hunkered down, get the staples in and consider looking at a local delivery box of veg on a regular basis, at least until spring is in sight. I sometimes have too much veg in my fridge and then make an allsorts soup with 3 handfuls of green or red lentils. I whizz and it keeps in the fridge for 3-4 days. I know if there is a veg shortage in the shops this winter, then my veg box will keep arriving, even if it contains substitutes

Thanks karmalady. I went for a read on the bed earlier and fell asleep briefly, I've woken up really off balance again.

So difficult to coddle yourself living on your own isn't it. I have got a flask of tea made. Another friend who went through extreme stress whilst selling had this - for months - I hadn't realised how difficult it is living with it.

I still walk my dog three times a day, he is mainly in his buggy so I hang on to it for grim death. The local dog walker came in a few months ago when I was going out for the day and I put him in it, explaining he gets out occasionally - he went for her when she tried to take him out of it. She can only walk him the 100 feet to the nearest lampost, I can stagger that for free! I had a big Tesco delivery on Sunday night and have lots of fresh fruit and veg, I also got Lucozade which sixty years later is my go to when I'm ill! I treated myself to a veg Higgardy pie - £4.50! Used to be £2.50. At least people do recover from this, although horrible, it's not forever. As you say, thank heavens the roof is watertight and the floor done, although the slugs are still visiting

Razz, do the best you can to mollycoddle yourself, be warm, rest and more rest and the easiest food to nourish you has to be all in one pan soups. You will get better but that is a nasty lingering virus and only your own body can kick it out, your body has to be tip top and as good as it can be and you have to give your body the wherewithall to do that.

Thank heavens that your house is now watertight and that the floor is done. It might not yet be how you want it but look past that and just be cosy

Morning all, great to catch up on your news. Nice to hear what a generous and compassionate soul your gs is karmalady.

I'm still battling with this labyrinthitis and very fed up. I had a good day of balance on Saturday/Sunday, so decided to drive to my dental hygienist appointment on Monday. Had the work done, and as soon as I sat up realised how silly I'd been. Had to ask someone to help me - me! - across the road when I left. Sat in the car for ages before I felt I could drive home. No SeaMonster for me Franbern, I'd be over the side before you could say Jack Robinson!

I'm sorry about your SIL, I'm glad you have happy memories you can share with her daughter. My aunt on the IOW is upset at the attitude of her best friend's daughter, she has POA, but chooses to leave her Mum living completely alone in her 3 bed house on the island. Her Mum is in the advanced stages now and regularly rings my aunt crying, my aunt has tried ringing Adult Social Services and they won't speak to her as she's not NOK.

My dog is also very poorly with his teeth and on a horribly bitter tablet which I have to give him by mouth, he won't touch any of the foods I'm hiding it in.

Had my flu/booster yesterday as well, I feel fine but arm feels like I've been kicked by a horse, but I'm glad to be protected again.

Have a good day, whatever you are doing.

Yogi re relationship. BiL is the brother of my ex-hubbie. SiL is his wife. They were married one year to the day after hubbie and me (had we still been together, yesterday would have been our 58th anniversary.

When SiL I first met - sixty years back, we detested each other. Very different type of people in our late teens/early 20's. Then a few years later we mirrored each other with births of our children. Her eldest (a boy) six months older than my first, also a boy, then my next (a girl), six months older than her next (a girl), then her third three weeks younger than my third. She stopped then, so I made up for it by have my twins!!! We became firm friends during those years. Life changed dramatically when hubbie was diagnosed with MS and got quite bad quite quickly. Meanwhile BiL was moving up, at a fast pace, in his career and whilst we were eventually surviving on benefits, they were jetting around the world, three or four major holidays each year. The brothers have never been close, but SiL and I were, and it was she I could really depend on to be supportive and even helping me out financially at really bad times.

Strange how life turns out. Her eldest died at the beginning of the pandemic as his chemo was stopped. She does not have a good relationship with her youngest who has a very controlling wife. Her daughter and my eldest live fairly close to each other and really like sisters now (which is wonderful), But although they are still not short of the odd penny or two - would not say this, their later life is really good or happy, whereas mine is.

I feel as if I have actually said 'Goodbye', to her now. My daughter and hers are hoping that we can meet up when I go up to London in a couple of weeks time (in their new home?= maybe).

What a good boy your GS is Karmalady

Fran bad news about your b.i.l & s.i.l's move nightmare! Hope they are all sorted now. Moving is a nightmare even if everything goes smoothly, such hard work and takes an age to get everything sorted out and in place. Trying to work out the b.i.l & s.i.l relationship

Razz hope all's well with you and your doggie x

Ahhh Aldom, you made my heart sing again

I have almost finished pottering for the day, moved stuff to the garage and moved a big item back into my house. Got to face facts, if it is not handy then I don`t use it. Haven`t needed it for 3 winters due to exercise via heavy digging but that is done and garden is finished and most days are becoming too chilly for cycling soon, for breathing in the cold air, no matter how warm I wrap up

My rebounder and flipping heck that was a good inflation cushion, I looked at the current price and nearly fainted. I am glad I bought the big ticket items when I did. It is a really good make and the legs can unscrew, so it came inside a bit at a time and is now standing on its side in my hall, safely secured to a door handle with a small bungee, well it can roll.

Thankfully my hall is big enough, to use it in there, I just need 10-20 minutes at a time and some of that will just be loose stuff for my limbs and joints. It will help prevent osteoporosis and keep me as I am now, rather than blobby over winter

Drinking chocolate finished, almond milk and grated 90% chocolate and now I am going to wander up to my sewing room and finish that blouse. I am only doing half an hour at a time and am in process of getting UFOs done

I have ordered a complete old-school trangia set, the type I used when I did mountain leadership. I could have got a gas cooking system but would rather have meths in the garage or shed. Winter could well be problematic wrt energy and I can see it being useful this year. That was the last thing that I need for basic `just in case` preps

Karmalady sending a hug to your grandson for his generosity of spirit.
You must indeed be very proud of him.

Karma, how lovely of your g.s. Well done him.
Yesterday turned out to be a beautiful warm sunny day. Daughter and I had a day out visiting SeeMonster. _ Her youngest wants to go. but decided that an invite to spend the day with a school friend a better choice!!!, the other child (teenager),still living at home, wanted to go, but not enough to get out of bed in the morning!!! So, just the two of us.

Had to queue when we got there. Being on my mobility scooter, there was a separate 'fast access' lane, which we both declined to use. No reason at all why we could not stay in the normal queue - do think any such fast access should be for people waiting with young children (Say under about 8 years old), no reason why people with some sort of physical disability cannot queue along with everyone else - at least I was sitting down in the queue. To go on the SM, only permitted to use their own push-along wheelchairs, my daughter pushed me around. We went up to the top - and I was so glad I did (kept well away from the edge), but views were incredible and it was so green up there. From the ground we can only see the trees up there, but once there we are in a small park type area with so many shrubs, bushes, etc. and all seem to be thriving. My daughter (just a few weeks short of her 50th birthday), went down the shute to the next level, and then came back up for me. Braver than I would have been at her age. The whole thing was a lovely, interesting experience. To round it off, I treated the two of us to a good lunch at a very pleasant nearby restaurant and that was finished off with Knickerbockerglories for our dessert. With the sun, crowds, etc. it gave us a feel of being on holiday.

My eldest daughter, now in Rome, sent me an video of the incredible place they are renting to stay in whilst there. AirB&B, but part of an old palace. It looks very grand!!! My son and DiL confirmed their safe return to their house. I managed to finish the minutes when I got home yesterday and had cleaned the patio balcony before we went out for the day. Busy week in front of me - when do I not!!!!

I am glad you had that little loft space for the new arial Franbern, gosh the old one must have been well secured and taken a lot of battering by sea winds

I really enjoyed my trip to see family today, dd told me something lovely and heart warming. Grandson 15 has a small saturday job, just two hours clearing glasses and tables in a pub. He gets £10. The other day dgs heard about a boy he once knew who has got bone cancer and dgs donated the whole days pay to a just giving page for the boy. I always knew he was kind and caring but gosh my heart leapt

I agree Karmalady, I could not believe it when I was first shown that old aerial. Goodness knows why it was put where it was - but that would have been done about 25 years ago. I had been told that there was NO proper loft space in the building, but the aerial man spotted something almost immediately.

Fortunately, our wonderful cttee member (ex-builder), who we rely on for anything to do with building,e tc. was at home, so managed to get hold of him and left it to the two of them to sort this out. He has lived here for some ten years and had not known of this small loft space, with access hatch. Felt very 'genderist', left it to the 'men' whilst me, and lady on whose balcony the old aerial had been, sat and drank tea and chatted!!!!

We do have strict rules about what can/cannot be put on balconies. Most of the balcony's here have glass surrounds, however there are a few, (mine is one of them), which is bigger and has walled surrounds. The ones on the upper floors are quite large areas , and walled - and it had been on one of those that this old aerial had been placed. Out of sight, but also very subject to the winds, etc. as a result of being high up in a seaside town.

This morning I had to check flights, Son and DiL returning to UK from holiday with her parents in USA, Eldest daughter off to Rome for holiday. I always follow any such flights until they are safely landed. Woke up to rain this morning but has stopped now. Really must finish work on patio balcony today as having moved all the pots, it looks pretty dirty at present.

ariel in the loft, so much better. Mine is in the loft as we cannot have outside ariels but it is excellent, not a flicker even in the worst gales. What on earth would they do without you?

Well, this morning had several flat owners contacting me about problems with their tv's last night. I had felt that this was a problem with the rather ancient outdoor aerial that serves all 25 of our flats. So took matters in my own hands today and managed to get a recommended aerial man to come to check it out.

Not only was the aerial very out of date BUT, more importantly past of it had broken off (probably in high wind), and water was now inside it. No wonder there were so many problems. Managed to get more cttee members involved and had this replaced AND this time, placed in a small loft area. Should solve all problems in the future. Cancelled my order for indoor aerial.

Quite a lot of very much happier flat owners now, including me!!!!! The lady in whose balcony had been the old aerial popped down to chat to me this afternoon, had a good gossip.

Cleared all the faux flowers, wall art and tables and chairs, from my balcony this morning. Tomorrow I will give this a good clean. Will just then need to sort out spring bulbs in a few pots plus some winter violas, etc. Trying to write the minute up for our last cttee meeting.

That is a terrible nightmare for bil and sil Fran, something in small print and not a sum to easily find. I wonder if it could be accumulated service charges, it should have been picked up by solicitor. It is not easy to find every bit of small print, especially at their ages. Absolute expensive nightmare

Beautiful and sunny out now, wish I had put my washing out but it is usually a lottery at this time of year. I spent a couple of hours outside, benches are now dry and covered for protection, I have seating for 10 and have 2 chairs and a small round table remaining each end to get the best of the sun. I still intend to have coffee outside when I can

Solar feature is done, taken apart, thoroughly cleaned and put the main parts into a storage box outside. The pedestal is still in place, weighted down now with a slate slab.

What now? was thinking of having a short drive and wander around the shops but I need nothing.