*Will I be made Homeless if mum dies*

Get in touch with your mums council and social worker and see what they have to say.

I suspect that carer or not, you would have to leave if your mum died, but perhaps you could contact the housing department of your mum's council to ask about this.

My previous neighbour, in a housing association property, remarried a year after his first wife died. His new wife could not have stayed in the house if he died. However, as he had health issues, they were able to get a transfer to a different, more suitable property, and the new tenancy at this property was then in joint names.

I can’t help you with any advice, but I’m sure there will be someone who can. All the best and look after yourself.

I’d seek some more information from Citizens Advice before you do anything. As your mum is occupying a three bedroom house my guess is that is highly unlikely that you’d be allowed to succeed to the tenancy as the house will be needed for a family. However the council may have an obligation to find you alternative accommodation for a single person at that point? There’s a lot to consider though, as presumably you will have to leave your job and your friends too, you have to think about your long term future as well as your mum. The council may well consider alternative, more suitable accommodation for her if she requests it?

As your mum is in a 3 bed that she doesn't need, would she consider downsizing to a 2 bed flat/house so that you could claim together for?
That way you would be a tenant!
Look into this as the councils often pay to help you move etc when downsizing as they need the places with more bedrooms for families with children!!

As your mum has trouble with the stairs, could you ask the council if they have any single bedroom bungalows, so bedroom, living room, kitchen, bathroom, and ask if you can have joint tenancy, explain the circumstances, then your mum has the bedroom, and you use the living room as both your bedroom and as the living room, then if and when you are the only occupant, you would be one person in a single bedroom bungalow. These single bedroom bungalows are often occupied by elderly married couples, so two people living in the building would not be overcrowding.

I don't know if that is possible, just wondering.

It might help if your mum's doctor or a nurse from the doctor's practice supported an application to do that.

In fairness, as your current landlord wants you out at some as yet unspecified time, you don't need to stay there until they say so: you are going to have to move someewhere anyway.

I hope this helps.

The question is - do you want to be her career?
Answer it without guilt or sense of responsibility

Definitely contact the council from whom your mum currently rents. They are the only ones who can give you this information. You need to be very sure of your position before you make a decision.

Like some have suggested ... get in contact with your moms Council, as I don't think you would be entitled to live there also someone else suggested about getting a flat , or bungalow, even a warden controlled flat or bungalow , as she will still have her independence, has she got an alarm that if she needed help in an emergency that would help aswell

do not move out of your present flat.
wait until they get a court order for eviction.
that will mean you are officially homeless, and in a better position to negotiate with the council, whether in your area or your mum's, with a view to moving with her to a suitable 2 bed flat.
she cannot manage stairs, so would need to move probably at some point. stair lifts are not always the right answer. some people cannot safely use them. also not suitable to get to a loo in a hurry.
contact shelter for specialist advice.https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice

I think you need to think this through very carefully. It's a huge commitment. Do you not have other family members who can help.

Thankyou for the responses some very interesting points and ideas for me to think on, I think the idea of mum moving to somewhere smaller for us both is a great idea and I have thought about it myself, the problem with it though as im sure you may guess is mum!! it has been discussed [sort of] in the past in a different conversation but all her good memories are there, my brothers a sister were all brought up that house the happy xmas dinners she used to do, her mum & dad the whole family would be there. because of the family tragedies we've had i think sometimes those memories of happier times when she had all her family around her is what keeps her going, mums life has changed so much, and she has become very withdrawn. mum has had a very hard life for various reasons sadly i dont think i would be able to prise her out of that house lol. i just want to try an make her final years as happy as i can. but again thank you for the many suggestions food for thought.

I think your mum should look at downsizing. As there is a shortage of 3 bed properties for families the council should be able to find something suitable that your mum would like. There’s a website I believe for council house swapping. Though if your mum is anything like my mum then she’d rather struggle then move!
I doubt very much if the council would let you stay - as far as I’m aware your name has to be on the tenancy agreement. I say this only because a similar thing happened to my someone I knew (he was in his late thirties) when his mother died. He was living there and caring for her but as his name wasn’t on the tenancy he had to leave. He did try fighting it but to no avail. However the situation may be different depending on which council she comes under. He lived in Canterbury.

Do think carefully about upping sticks - you need to think of yourself too. Good luck

Hi nadateturbe, thanks for replying.
I do have a brother who has always got better things he needs to do when asked, and my sister does help somewhat but usually always ends up causing more problems. I sadly have a very dysfunctional family. it sounds incredible nadateturbe but my sister actually gets jealous if i do things for mum and tries to do something to prove that she should be my mums next of kin, not me just because im the oldest lol its a crazy family

do not leave your flat without a court order.
and that will take a while.
if you do, you will be considered to have made yourself voluntarily homeless, and be in a much more precarious position.
good luck.

I have very recent experience (2 weeks ago) of someone who had lived with their mum and is now 60.
Mum died, and the council have given them a little extra time to do it, but are quite clear that they need to vacate, as the line of succession finished with their mum, and the council have no obligation to house them.

munkee

Thankyou for the responses some very interesting points and ideas for me to think on, I think the idea of mum moving to somewhere smaller for us both is a great idea and I have thought about it myself, the problem with it though as im sure you may guess is mum!! it has been discussed [sort of] in the past in a different conversation but all her good memories are there, my brothers a sister were all brought up that house the happy xmas dinners she used to do, her mum & dad the whole family would be there. because of the family tragedies we've had i think sometimes those memories of happier times when she had all her family around her is what keeps her going, mums life has changed so much, and she has become very withdrawn. mum has had a very hard life for various reasons sadly i dont think i would be able to prise her out of that house lol. i just want to try an make her final years as happy as i can. but again thank you for the many suggestions food for thought.

Your mother is a very lucky woman to have you as a daughter ??

thanks Shinamae, Im her Son though lol

You're in an unenviable situation.

I think your biggest problem is going to be the fact that your Mum is unwilling to move. But at some point, she's got to face the reality of the situation - not least because of your welfare.

I believe you should think about what you want for the future - you're obviously going to have to move. Are you happy to move, with your mother, to another property somewhere? As others have mentioned, the Council might be willing to downsize your mother and you along with her as you are about to be made homeless. If this is what you want, then I agree with Casdon - contact Citizens' Advice before you make any other move to get a perspective on your options.

You can then contact your mother's Council's Housing Department and tell them that you intend to be your mother's live-in carer and that you are about to be evicted. You might not feel compelled to tell them that, but it's possible they will ask you some questions about your current situation, so I think it's best to be honest.

Before you can make any decision, you need to have factual information in front of you as you can't make any decisions until you know what your options are.

I wish you good luck - and your Mum. But I'm afraid she'll have to accept that to have you with her, she might well have to move. If you explain the situation to her carefully, she might understand that she can't put you in a position of future uncertainty, leaving you, once again, at the mercy of a landlord - albeit a Council.

This has red flags all over

1. Beggars cannot be choosers.
Your mother has to compromise and make it work
Having good memories in a home doesn't mean you stay there till you pass away

2. You come from a dysfunctional family - this may open the door for a family rift in the future

4. Your mother cannot depend on you to have company, health care, etc
If you become her crutch - what's the impact in your life? You deserve to be happy too

I see you are willing to set yourself on fire to keep her warm.

Who is going to help you after spending time with your mother and she no longer needs you and you need support?

I have a bad feeling about this

My brother in law had always lived with his parents who were really his carers as he had a long standing health condition. When my father in law died the tenancy passed to my mother in law. However when she died my brother in law was given notice to leave the house. He had lived in it all his life and was completely distraught by the council’s decision. He was told they would offer him alternative accomodation in view of his poor health but he was insistent he did not want to move. Whether the Council did not want to be seen as heartless we don’t know but they did after more than a year agree to his taking over the tenancy of the house although as it was a three bedroom house he then became liable for the “bedroom tax”. Sadly within a very short while his health declined rapidly and he moved into a nursing home and sadly passed away soon after. From his experience I would think it unlikely that you would be offered the tenancy but please check with your mother’s Council before you make your decision.

munkee

thanks Shinamae, Im her Son though lol

Whoops! ? sorry….

Just some random observations and thoughts:

It seems pretty clear that your Mum won’t be persuaded to move to a 2 bed place where you could be a joint tenant (obviously the one bed suggestion above is totally unworkable), and that if you move into her present home with her you will have to leave when she dies or goes into a home. The council may rehouse you or they may have no acceptable accommodation suitable for a single person so that’s a huge gamble.

You say you live 80 miles away and you are going to have to find somewhere else to live before long. Your landlord is probably hoping that you will move without the expense of her serving notice and going to court but unless you have found another suitable place in the meantime don’t move out until the landlord has obtained a court order and the bailiffs are due to turn up.

You don’t mention work. Do you have a job? Would you be able to find another if you moved away from your current area? Would your mother expect you to stay at home with her all day? Or are you reliant on benefits?

Do you have friends in your current area, a social life that you would have to leave behind if you moved? If you moved in with your mother would she want you to be there all the time to keep her company, thus making you become very isolated?

Do you actually want to become your mother’s carer? And is that really practical as you’re a man? Would either of you be comfortable with your undertaking some quite intimate care as time goes by? Taking your Mum to the loo and cleaning her afterwards for instance? Even if she is able to get carers to come in a couple of times a day for washing and dressing when that becomes necessary, you would have to deal with night time care. She will over time only become less mobile and capable and could live for another 20 years. I wouldn’t even want my husband undertaking my personal care, let alone my son!

I’m afraid this is really just a lot of questions but you probably sense that my advice would be to find alternative rented accommodation in your present area, not to move away and live with your mother. You are relatively young whereas, sorry to be blunt, your mother has had her life and is thinking only of herself and what she wants. She’s not thinking about what is in your best interests so that’s what you need to do, because nobody else is going to. You owe it to yourself to live the best life you can, not to become an elderly woman’s carer and find yourself when you are her age homeless, friendless and living in poverty. Your mother could, but won’t, move into sheltered accommodation or a home. That’s her decision. You are not her only source of help and companionship.