*Will I be made Homeless if mum dies*

As others have asked, do you really want to be your mother's carer and would you be any good at it? It's not a task to be undertaken lightly, especially as it will involve you giving up your job and moving back home at the age of 56.

It would be best if you could persuade your mother to move to an assisted living flat with a warden etc. I'm sure her council would be amenable to this as it would free-up a much needed 3-bedroom house for a family.

You sound like a very caring loving son munkee, but what GSM says is true.
Please think carefully. I know you love your mother and want her to be happy, but you are important too.

GSM

Your post is on point except for him being a man

If a woman can be a man's carer, a man can also do the same for a woman

Let's not fall into the sexist trap of gender and stereotyping roles

It's not gender stereotyping Hithere. It's about the relationship. Would munkee want to carry out intimate care for his mother, and indeed would she want her son to do that? Would you be happy for your son to wash you, dress you, take you to the loo and clean you afterwards?

I agree ! But being a man doesnt make him unsuitable to care for him

If op was a woman, I doubt the comment would come up

Care for her, sorry

I think, munkee, that the answer is unambiguous- yes, if you move in with your mother, you will become homeless at some stage in the future, potentially when you are less fit/strong yourself. Your mum needs to hear this for you and she to make an informed decision. You are a kind man, clearly, but must think hard headedly about your own life over the years to come - and it's not just about accommodation.

Speak to your local Age UK. This must be a problem they advise on frequently.

stay where you are, if you have to vacate your flat apply to housing associations in your area straight away. enjoy your independence 80 miles away.......after having that independence it would Not be good for you to be under same roof as your mother

you certainly would NOT be able to take over tenancy.....That loopwhole was closed some years ago!

When you leave your present home you will get your deposit back and whilst living with your mum your expenses will be far less meaning you will have savings to get yourself a new place when you have to vacate your mothers' property.

Of course men can care for women, Hithere but we're talking about a mother and son.

when you have to vacate your mothers' property
But that could be a very long time, Munkee.

I second the advice given above to contact Age Uk. This is exactly the kind of situation that they can help with. I know people who have been very pleased to have consulted them.

Check your Council’s rules on succession. In my council there can only be one succession so if your mother has already succeeded to the tenancy it can’t be passed on. If you have been living there for 12 months then you would be entitled to succession but would be required to downsize. You would need to provide proof , council tax, utilities bills, electoral roll etc. You can probably check the council’s policy on succession online

Rules can and do change, though. I certainly wouldn’t rely on what the council say today still applying in ten or twenty years’ time.

I think it’s very unlikely if moving in with your mother now, that the tenancy would eventually pass to you. Certainly would not have happened when I was working.
This is a bed family home which would house a family who need the space. Check of course but as has been said, housing rules can change.

The website mentioned above is
homeswappers.co.uk

As I said, I am in touch with someone whose mother died around 3 weeks ago, so that is pretty up to date info, at least for this area.

Regardless of the property situation, do consider, very carefully, what you're giving up. My friend, 63, is carer for her mum, 87. She felt, and still feels, it's the 'right thing to do'.

She also feels that she's given up her own life, freedom, peace of mind - and any chance of future happiness. Her mum could easily live for another twenty years - by then she'll be 83 herself - too late for a life of her own. I know her mum would never have wanted or expected that.

Germanshepherdsmum

Rules can and do change, though. I certainly wouldn’t rely on what the council say today still applying in ten or twenty years’ time.

Good point.

Makes it very difficult to plan though - especially in relation to those who are involved in caring for relatives.

The whole care system is a bit of a mess. I certainly think that if someone is going to become a full-time carer, they need some protection via State agencies. No-one should spend possibly years caring for someone, only to find themselves homeless and even destitute when the person they're caring for dies.

Oh Crikey lol so many rely good points suggestions and questions. I will try to answer an make some things a little clearer Do I want to be my mums carer? well it wasn't something id planned but i think its the least i can do. Germanshepherdsmum ... No i would not & I dont think my mum would be either with me doing the personal things you ask, but my sister would still be around in order to take care of that. she wouldnt be able to help herself thus proving how she is the only person who does everything for my mum. [I said its very dysfunctional lol] Hithere I cant disagree with most of your comments. someone asked if I work, I do little odd building related jobs for people I know localy to where i live but I am unable to do the work I used to do because of a work related accident where i fell through a roof i was working on and breaking my femur for the 3rd time, which now has a pin all through, and breaking some ribs. i have other health issues as well.
I have only 1 friend where i live the others have all moved away to other parts of the country. i moved here 20 years ago after my wife & I split, I have no friends where my mum lives. however it would benefit mum and i. my life here now has become very lonely and I have 3 daughters and 4 young grandsons that live quite locally to mum and i would like to be near them as i want to be in their lives seeing them grow up much more than i currently am able and if i find new accommodation where i currently live that wont happen.
though i know its what mum wants she isn't pressurising me to do this but it would make her happier an I would love her to have a little more happiness than she has had over the last 20 or so years, and yes i know its not wholly my responsibility. I wouldnt be expected to be on beck and call 24/7 by mum.
Im sorry this is turning into a novel as there are so many off shooting threads to my difficulties, and I also dont want it to sound like Im saying "Yes But" "Yes But" "Yes But" There are definitely many good points suggestions and things I need to think about, talk about and get advice on. thank you all for taking the time to help.

I'm afraid you would be required to move out if your mum died. You could ask them to try to rehome you, in a flat or what is suitable, if possible. But you would be given notice to move out, probably a month.

www.thetenantsvoice.co.uk/advice_from_us/landlord-selling-property/#:~:text=You%20cannot%20be%20evicted%20simply,the%20boundaries%20of%20the%20law. This article says you cannot be evicted just because the owner wants to sell.

My mum in law at 87 was very reluctant to leave the enormous, draughty, expensive ruin she had lived in for over 50 years. Eventually she was persuaded to look at a lovely new build and never looked back. Maybe you need to tempt mum with somewhere lovely to go to, (rather than focus on what she’s leaving). Best of luck

What germansheperdsmum said …. I say as well. I’ve been a reluctant carer to a stroke victim for 26 years…don’t do it….. you , like me will end up isolated…lonely… bored…. frustrated and totally loathing your ‘job’ of caring….. and possibly the person you’re care fir! I’ve given up on having any life….I’m 72 , but you’re not 60 yet. The time to put yourself first is NOW , not in 10 years time! Don’t move in with your mum… she’s being selfish. Her job now is to go into care….. and that would be the best for you and her. She’s your mum…. and mums should want what’s best for their kids! She’s forgotten that.

You would be expected to privately rent and really you should be encouraging her to downsize. She could have a place with no stairs and probably a walk in shower.