*Will I be made Homeless if mum dies*

munkee - your mother needs to move into a smaller council property now on the grounds that she can't use the stairs and is taking up housing stock that is desperately needed for families, not singletons. If you involve yourself in this through her social worker, council representative, and also her GP you will be able to become a joint council tenant and then when she dies your position would be secure because it's unlikely that you would be asked to leave a two-bedroomed place, and even if you were, the council would offer you a one-bedroomed place. I have had experience of councils allowing a son or daughter aged 60 who has lived in the same council house with a parent since they were children to remain in the property on the death of their parent but I have also seen the opposite happen and I think that the pressure on councils varies from one region to another and that makes a big difference. So, providing you want to care for your mother, urge her to downsize and become actively involved in the decision of where you both live. Good luck.

You have misunderstood missdeke. A tenant can be served notice to quit to expire on or after the date the period of the tenancy ends. I think you are confusing a short term rental agreement with a long lease.

@ munkee Shelter are the very best to speak to about homelessness.

My husbands brother always lived with my in laws in a 3 bed council house. When my FIL died my BIL became my mother in law’s carer but because his name wasn’t on the rent book the council then went to kick him out 2 weeks after MIL died even though he’d lived in that house his entire life until he was at that point 55 years old. I got involved and took the council on, on his behalf and finally he got given a 1 bed council flat which he lives in now perfectly happy. We found out if he (BIL) had had his name on the rent book he would of ‘inherited’ (been allowed to stay there’ as (then, 10 years ago) the council house could be allowed to be passed down to one family member who lived there and had there name on the rent book, hence why when I kicked up such a stink they let him have a council flat.
I would suggest you contact someone (supervisor/manager) high up in the council or citizens advice or age uk that knows the rules nowadays/ definitely someone knowledgeable in council matters and ask what the rules are. Meanwhile I’d strongly suggest if you are going to live with mum getting her to add you to the rent book NOW so you’re prepared for when she eventually passes. Once your living with her and settled then maybe start looking at doing a council swap if you want too, if not you will have that option or they may make it an option in the event of her passing that you have to give up the 3 bedroom house for a flat or bungalow but they will still house you. Good luck.

I’m 76 and my son lives with me in my own bungalow. I’ve decided that when/if the time comes I won’t let him carry out any personal duties for me. But will get carers in or when necessary will move into a nursing home.
Munkee, in your position as you have children and grandchildren close to your mother’s, why don’t you find accommodation near her, get professional carers to help with your mother as necessary and get your children involved in visiting your mother which would help take the burden off you.

OP

"Do I want to be my mums carer? well it wasn't something id planned but i think its the least i can do."

Running an errand is the least you could do. Calling her to check on her - the least you could do

Moving with her to be her career? It is a huge decision, it doesn't fit that category

You say disfunction is big in your family - your mentality is influencing this decision

Why dont you try therapy to think more clearly and you have a neutral point of view?

In the end, this is your life, not mine.

Idea: instead of moving in with her, how about moving closer to her while living on your own accommodations?

Councils and housing associations WILL ask you to leave especially if the house previously was in both your parents names and reverted to your Mum on the death or divorce of your father, even children living with them would only be offered alternative accommodation at the HA/council's discretion. GSM above makes some very salient points regarding your own future.

You sound like a very caring and loving son and I can understand why you want to look after your mum but I will echo the caution of a couple of other posters.
A friend’s mother went into a care home because of her dementia, her dad still lives in the family home. Her mother lived for 9 years in the home until she died. My friend would visit her mum and dad twice a week, doing all the practical stuff for her dad at home, then onto the care home to visit her mum. The journey is 90 minutes each way. Her dad now has Alzheimer’s she is his main carer, with paid carers going in every day to give him his lunch. He has recently become incontinent and so when she makes her visits twice a week she is having to shower him and clean him up. This has caused huge distress to them both.
Her dad is constantly moaning that he’s lonely and she is at his beck and call. He won’t move out of his house and keeps on telling her how much he appreciates her. That’s fine, but her marriage has suffered, her mental health has suffered and she can see no end to it. She’s 58, her dad is 90 and I can see him outliving her.
Her brother who lived nearby met a new partner and has moved 150 miles away. You do not know what lies in the future for your sister, she may end up not being around as much as you originally thought, she may lose interest, who knows. You may move back and find a new partner and can’t take them home because mum becomes jealous of someone taking you away from her. Just think about whether you want to live with your mum really carefully.

OP

You need to put yourself first- be happy, friendships, hobbies, activities you enjoy, etc.

It doesnt give me the impression you are in that place, sadly

This might help - it’s not straightforward to add your name to your mum’s tenancy, the council are likely to refuse to allow that to happen.
commonslibrary.parliament.uk/can-i-add-a-relative-to-my-social-housing-tenancy-agreement/

It might be worth looking at your mum downsizing, then presumably taking on a new tenancy on the smaller place.
You could be a joint tenant, then.

I think munkee has already said that his mother asked the council to put the tenancy into their joint names but this was refused.

I was thinking that a different property would mean a new tenancy agreement, maybe?

His mother refuses to move MissA.

I would seek a one or 2 bed council property near your Mum. It is grounds for applying for a flat near her. Then you would have your own tenancy.
Point out to the council that you living nearby would help keep your Mum out of 24/7 Care, )which costs £50,000 upwards a year.). Mention keeping her safe too, if you are living nearby.

Germanshepherdsmum

His mother refuses to move MissA.

Ah yes.
The same as the person I know.

He phoned me for a bit of moral support or help, and I had to say it put me in an awkward position, because I'm firmly of the belief that a single person shouldn't be living in a 3 bed property.

You and me both.

I think it's fine for a person who has lived somewhere for years and years, but passing it on to offspring isn't on, when there are so many people living in squalid, substandard accommodation.

If you feel being evicted will improve your chances of being rehoused in any way, have a chat with your landlord who may be willing to help by asking you to go now, and going through the formal eviction process to help you out. Perhaps you could be rehoused by the council and then, maybe, even get a council swap to the right area to be closer to your mum. Worth getting in touch with your mums local Social Services for advice. The search for a new place in your mid sixties would be very stressful, you must look after yourself as well as mum, and maybe if she fully understood the issues and your fears of becoming homeless on her demise, or even if she becomes very disabled and has to go into care, she might consider trying a move. If you needed to get a job in your 60s it won't be easy and carer allowance, if you were entitled, isn't generous - under £70 a week and you would lose that if you are no longer caring for her. Talk to Carers UK maybe, they may have advice about your options.

Don’t leave your flat until a court order is given

When MIL was alive, she lived in a one bedroom council bungalow. BIL lived in Spain and fallen on hard times, came back to UK and stayed at the bungalow for a few months. We wanted to put MIL in a residential home because she had dementia.

DH went to the Council office and explained the situation and the Council offered BIL a one bedroom flat.

If you could persuade your mother to downsize to a two bedroom bungalow or flat with you as the co-tenant, you will have some kind of leverage because the Council will want the 3 bedroom house for a family.

Germanshepherdsmum gives food for thought. You will not be in control of your life if you move into your mum's council house knowing there is no right to take over the tenancy. The local council or a housing association may be able to offer you a bedsit/ one bedroom flat at the relevant time but that would be a gamble and finding private rented again may be difficult. It is a dilemma for you and a very difficult decision, but your mum also has choices, and needs to take your position and what happens to you after she is no longer around into account.

Hi munkee. I add my voice to those who say be careful. There was a case this week where someone murdered his mother because being her carer was so stressful. He then tried to kill himself but failed. If you are on Facebook you could join a carers group such as Mobilise....you are already caring informally from a distance. I'm interested because of my personal experience too... Please don't feel you must do this, better do what you can reasonably do and get help with the rest. Wishing you all the best.

I don't think UK residents realize how lucky they are in having this council housing system

It doesnt exist in many other countries

Many moons ago my partner had a friend who was evicted from a council house (along with a disabled brother) when their mother died. Disabled brother taken into care but other one left homeless, had to couch surf for a long while. He had always assumed house would transfer to him and his brother, was shocked when bailiffs turned up (he’d been ignoring the letters as he was adamant council were wrong!!).