*Will I be made Homeless if mum dies*

OP

If you are going to become her carer and move in with her - you must have an exit plan if it doesnt work for either party

Very good Ali08.

That is an excellent point.

As you are going to have to move anyway, could you find somewhere for yourself, near to your mum?

My sister cared for my mum all her life having never left home. She wasn't in the best of health herself but they got by, with us all chipping in. Mum had been a tenant all her life and the council would not add my sister when my dad died. Sister was on chemotherapy when mum passed at 91, I had at that time been trying to get an exchange to a single storey property as both struggled even with a Stannah lift. Anyway, mum passed and I spoke to housing, they said they were obliged under the terms of the tenancy to issue a 28 days notice. Obviously extremely upsetting. They said, due to her health she should register herself for housing, she was mid 60's and vunerable, whilst they thought she would be a priority that might still mean moving to temporary accommodation which for us was worrying. Anyway I desperately started emailing Almshouses associations for housing ladies over 60 and through one contact, right time and pure luck- a local one had a one bedroom ground floor flat. I broke down into tears, I just wanted her to be safe. The flats are run by Trustees, one of whom is the local vicar. She had to be 'interviewed', and understand there were rules etc, however, 4 years on she has made new friends, she doesn't feel lonely, she has the pull cord system if she feels unwell. It's the best place for her and I am eternally grateful to the charity who I now always make a donation to, we must save these places for those in your situation. I would speak with your mum's housing office but I think it is pretty standard now about not passing on tenancies, especially if it is bigger than required. Take care and good luck.

If you go on record with the council and pay council tax you shoud be able to take over the tenancy when your mother dies.
The tenancy can only be passed down to one family member.

That`s how it works in the midlands.

The situation is just this, if you are living with your mother as carer and she dies or goes into care and the council try to evict you, you become homeless, it may not be in the same house but they have the responsibility to rehouse you.

My brother was in this situation, initially the council said no, he had to leave because he was in a family sized house, however they relented and gave him the tenancy, I think it depends on the councils need for the house, worth having a word with them x

Munkee is a man.

As you currently live 80 miles away from your mum, I am sadly afraid that her town council won't give a hoot that your landlord has given you notice.

By all means contact them, social services where your mother lives, her GP and Citizen's advice, taking the line with them all that the time is fast approaching, if it is not already here, when you mother will not be able to continue living on her own.

DO NOT say you are willing to be her carer. If they ask you that, say your mother brought it up as the obvious solution from her point of view, but you do not think you can cope.

You have health issues of your own. Do these make lifting your mother, driving a car, etc hard or impossible? Is so, say so clearly.

My own experience is that it will be easier both for you and your mother, if her carer is not her daughter.

Try to get her council to re-home her in a smaller flat and arrange care for her.

Go down to Citizen's advice where you live, and ask whether your landlord can actually evict you at short notice for the reasons given, whether you are entitled to help finding a suitable rented property to move into. Ask them how you will be placed when your mother either dies, or has to go into a nursing home, if you upsticks and move in with her now as her carer.

You also need to know whether you are entitled to a carer's allowance or salary if you take on full-time care of your mother.

You can then consider looking for a new flat for yourself rather nearer to your mother, but NOT within walking distance of her flat. Somewhere where you can reasonably say you will visit after work ( I presume you work) once a week or once a fortnight.

Find out now, when you can retire, and what kind of pension you will be entitled to, so you can plan your future.

Please do not be guilt-tripped into moving in with your mother before you know what it will entail, both now and later.

I am 14 years older than you, and have seen far too many of my own generation assume the unmarried (or married) daughter's burden of care for aging parents, getting no thanks for it, either from parent or society, and left worn out with no friends - they disappear fast when you are looking after a cantakerous old woman or an Alzheimer's patient on your own.

A paid, unrelated carer can either say she won't go back to Mrs N. (as one of my mother's did) or as another did tell her she was being difficult for the fun of it, and to snap out of it. Any daughter who does the like suffers agonies of guilt.

Don't put yourself in that position!

On the subject of your own flat do not move out until your landlord finds you accomadation while your flat is updated. A friend was advised to do this and she is now back in her own flat . Landlords do this to increase the rent they are charging . None as no fault eviction.

Find out who she rents from and look on their website and/or at her tenancy agreement - there's usually something there or a 'contact here for further info'. Good you are looking before you leap, not everyone does.

Many moons ago my partner had a friend who was evicted from a council house (along with a disabled brother) when their mother died. Disabled brother taken into care but other one left homeless, had to couch surf for a long while. He had always assumed house would transfer to him and his brother, was shocked when bailiffs turned up (he’d been ignoring the letters as he was adamant council were wrong!!).

I don't think UK residents realize how lucky they are in having this council housing system

It doesnt exist in many other countries

Hi munkee. I add my voice to those who say be careful. There was a case this week where someone murdered his mother because being her carer was so stressful. He then tried to kill himself but failed. If you are on Facebook you could join a carers group such as Mobilise....you are already caring informally from a distance. I'm interested because of my personal experience too... Please don't feel you must do this, better do what you can reasonably do and get help with the rest. Wishing you all the best.

Germanshepherdsmum gives food for thought. You will not be in control of your life if you move into your mum's council house knowing there is no right to take over the tenancy. The local council or a housing association may be able to offer you a bedsit/ one bedroom flat at the relevant time but that would be a gamble and finding private rented again may be difficult. It is a dilemma for you and a very difficult decision, but your mum also has choices, and needs to take your position and what happens to you after she is no longer around into account.

When MIL was alive, she lived in a one bedroom council bungalow. BIL lived in Spain and fallen on hard times, came back to UK and stayed at the bungalow for a few months. We wanted to put MIL in a residential home because she had dementia.

DH went to the Council office and explained the situation and the Council offered BIL a one bedroom flat.

If you could persuade your mother to downsize to a two bedroom bungalow or flat with you as the co-tenant, you will have some kind of leverage because the Council will want the 3 bedroom house for a family.

Don’t leave your flat until a court order is given

If you feel being evicted will improve your chances of being rehoused in any way, have a chat with your landlord who may be willing to help by asking you to go now, and going through the formal eviction process to help you out. Perhaps you could be rehoused by the council and then, maybe, even get a council swap to the right area to be closer to your mum. Worth getting in touch with your mums local Social Services for advice. The search for a new place in your mid sixties would be very stressful, you must look after yourself as well as mum, and maybe if she fully understood the issues and your fears of becoming homeless on her demise, or even if she becomes very disabled and has to go into care, she might consider trying a move. If you needed to get a job in your 60s it won't be easy and carer allowance, if you were entitled, isn't generous - under £70 a week and you would lose that if you are no longer caring for her. Talk to Carers UK maybe, they may have advice about your options.

I think it's fine for a person who has lived somewhere for years and years, but passing it on to offspring isn't on, when there are so many people living in squalid, substandard accommodation.

You and me both.

Germanshepherdsmum

His mother refuses to move MissA.

Ah yes.
The same as the person I know.

He phoned me for a bit of moral support or help, and I had to say it put me in an awkward position, because I'm firmly of the belief that a single person shouldn't be living in a 3 bed property.

I would seek a one or 2 bed council property near your Mum. It is grounds for applying for a flat near her. Then you would have your own tenancy.
Point out to the council that you living nearby would help keep your Mum out of 24/7 Care, )which costs £50,000 upwards a year.). Mention keeping her safe too, if you are living nearby.

His mother refuses to move MissA.

I was thinking that a different property would mean a new tenancy agreement, maybe?

I think munkee has already said that his mother asked the council to put the tenancy into their joint names but this was refused.