*Will I be made Homeless if mum dies*

It might be worth looking at your mum downsizing, then presumably taking on a new tenancy on the smaller place.
You could be a joint tenant, then.

This might help - it’s not straightforward to add your name to your mum’s tenancy, the council are likely to refuse to allow that to happen.
commonslibrary.parliament.uk/can-i-add-a-relative-to-my-social-housing-tenancy-agreement/

OP

You need to put yourself first- be happy, friendships, hobbies, activities you enjoy, etc.

It doesnt give me the impression you are in that place, sadly

You sound like a very caring and loving son and I can understand why you want to look after your mum but I will echo the caution of a couple of other posters.
A friend’s mother went into a care home because of her dementia, her dad still lives in the family home. Her mother lived for 9 years in the home until she died. My friend would visit her mum and dad twice a week, doing all the practical stuff for her dad at home, then onto the care home to visit her mum. The journey is 90 minutes each way. Her dad now has Alzheimer’s she is his main carer, with paid carers going in every day to give him his lunch. He has recently become incontinent and so when she makes her visits twice a week she is having to shower him and clean him up. This has caused huge distress to them both.
Her dad is constantly moaning that he’s lonely and she is at his beck and call. He won’t move out of his house and keeps on telling her how much he appreciates her. That’s fine, but her marriage has suffered, her mental health has suffered and she can see no end to it. She’s 58, her dad is 90 and I can see him outliving her.
Her brother who lived nearby met a new partner and has moved 150 miles away. You do not know what lies in the future for your sister, she may end up not being around as much as you originally thought, she may lose interest, who knows. You may move back and find a new partner and can’t take them home because mum becomes jealous of someone taking you away from her. Just think about whether you want to live with your mum really carefully.

Councils and housing associations WILL ask you to leave especially if the house previously was in both your parents names and reverted to your Mum on the death or divorce of your father, even children living with them would only be offered alternative accommodation at the HA/council's discretion. GSM above makes some very salient points regarding your own future.

OP

"Do I want to be my mums carer? well it wasn't something id planned but i think its the least i can do."

Running an errand is the least you could do. Calling her to check on her - the least you could do

Moving with her to be her career? It is a huge decision, it doesn't fit that category

You say disfunction is big in your family - your mentality is influencing this decision

Why dont you try therapy to think more clearly and you have a neutral point of view?

In the end, this is your life, not mine.

Idea: instead of moving in with her, how about moving closer to her while living on your own accommodations?

I’m 76 and my son lives with me in my own bungalow. I’ve decided that when/if the time comes I won’t let him carry out any personal duties for me. But will get carers in or when necessary will move into a nursing home.
Munkee, in your position as you have children and grandchildren close to your mother’s, why don’t you find accommodation near her, get professional carers to help with your mother as necessary and get your children involved in visiting your mother which would help take the burden off you.

My husbands brother always lived with my in laws in a 3 bed council house. When my FIL died my BIL became my mother in law’s carer but because his name wasn’t on the rent book the council then went to kick him out 2 weeks after MIL died even though he’d lived in that house his entire life until he was at that point 55 years old. I got involved and took the council on, on his behalf and finally he got given a 1 bed council flat which he lives in now perfectly happy. We found out if he (BIL) had had his name on the rent book he would of ‘inherited’ (been allowed to stay there’ as (then, 10 years ago) the council house could be allowed to be passed down to one family member who lived there and had there name on the rent book, hence why when I kicked up such a stink they let him have a council flat.
I would suggest you contact someone (supervisor/manager) high up in the council or citizens advice or age uk that knows the rules nowadays/ definitely someone knowledgeable in council matters and ask what the rules are. Meanwhile I’d strongly suggest if you are going to live with mum getting her to add you to the rent book NOW so you’re prepared for when she eventually passes. Once your living with her and settled then maybe start looking at doing a council swap if you want too, if not you will have that option or they may make it an option in the event of her passing that you have to give up the 3 bedroom house for a flat or bungalow but they will still house you. Good luck.

@ munkee Shelter are the very best to speak to about homelessness.

You have misunderstood missdeke. A tenant can be served notice to quit to expire on or after the date the period of the tenancy ends. I think you are confusing a short term rental agreement with a long lease.

munkee - your mother needs to move into a smaller council property now on the grounds that she can't use the stairs and is taking up housing stock that is desperately needed for families, not singletons. If you involve yourself in this through her social worker, council representative, and also her GP you will be able to become a joint council tenant and then when she dies your position would be secure because it's unlikely that you would be asked to leave a two-bedroomed place, and even if you were, the council would offer you a one-bedroomed place. I have had experience of councils allowing a son or daughter aged 60 who has lived in the same council house with a parent since they were children to remain in the property on the death of their parent but I have also seen the opposite happen and I think that the pressure on councils varies from one region to another and that makes a big difference. So, providing you want to care for your mother, urge her to downsize and become actively involved in the decision of where you both live. Good luck.

You would be expected to privately rent and really you should be encouraging her to downsize. She could have a place with no stairs and probably a walk in shower.

What germansheperdsmum said …. I say as well. I’ve been a reluctant carer to a stroke victim for 26 years…don’t do it….. you , like me will end up isolated…lonely… bored…. frustrated and totally loathing your ‘job’ of caring….. and possibly the person you’re care fir! I’ve given up on having any life….I’m 72 , but you’re not 60 yet. The time to put yourself first is NOW , not in 10 years time! Don’t move in with your mum… she’s being selfish. Her job now is to go into care….. and that would be the best for you and her. She’s your mum…. and mums should want what’s best for their kids! She’s forgotten that.

My mum in law at 87 was very reluctant to leave the enormous, draughty, expensive ruin she had lived in for over 50 years. Eventually she was persuaded to look at a lovely new build and never looked back. Maybe you need to tempt mum with somewhere lovely to go to, (rather than focus on what she’s leaving). Best of luck

www.thetenantsvoice.co.uk/advice_from_us/landlord-selling-property/#:~:text=You%20cannot%20be%20evicted%20simply,the%20boundaries%20of%20the%20law. This article says you cannot be evicted just because the owner wants to sell.

I'm afraid you would be required to move out if your mum died. You could ask them to try to rehome you, in a flat or what is suitable, if possible. But you would be given notice to move out, probably a month.

Oh Crikey lol so many rely good points suggestions and questions. I will try to answer an make some things a little clearer Do I want to be my mums carer? well it wasn't something id planned but i think its the least i can do. Germanshepherdsmum ... No i would not & I dont think my mum would be either with me doing the personal things you ask, but my sister would still be around in order to take care of that. she wouldnt be able to help herself thus proving how she is the only person who does everything for my mum. [I said its very dysfunctional lol] Hithere I cant disagree with most of your comments. someone asked if I work, I do little odd building related jobs for people I know localy to where i live but I am unable to do the work I used to do because of a work related accident where i fell through a roof i was working on and breaking my femur for the 3rd time, which now has a pin all through, and breaking some ribs. i have other health issues as well.
I have only 1 friend where i live the others have all moved away to other parts of the country. i moved here 20 years ago after my wife & I split, I have no friends where my mum lives. however it would benefit mum and i. my life here now has become very lonely and I have 3 daughters and 4 young grandsons that live quite locally to mum and i would like to be near them as i want to be in their lives seeing them grow up much more than i currently am able and if i find new accommodation where i currently live that wont happen.
though i know its what mum wants she isn't pressurising me to do this but it would make her happier an I would love her to have a little more happiness than she has had over the last 20 or so years, and yes i know its not wholly my responsibility. I wouldnt be expected to be on beck and call 24/7 by mum.
Im sorry this is turning into a novel as there are so many off shooting threads to my difficulties, and I also dont want it to sound like Im saying "Yes But" "Yes But" "Yes But" There are definitely many good points suggestions and things I need to think about, talk about and get advice on. thank you all for taking the time to help.

Germanshepherdsmum

Rules can and do change, though. I certainly wouldn’t rely on what the council say today still applying in ten or twenty years’ time.

Good point.

Makes it very difficult to plan though - especially in relation to those who are involved in caring for relatives.

The whole care system is a bit of a mess. I certainly think that if someone is going to become a full-time carer, they need some protection via State agencies. No-one should spend possibly years caring for someone, only to find themselves homeless and even destitute when the person they're caring for dies.

Regardless of the property situation, do consider, very carefully, what you're giving up. My friend, 63, is carer for her mum, 87. She felt, and still feels, it's the 'right thing to do'.

She also feels that she's given up her own life, freedom, peace of mind - and any chance of future happiness. Her mum could easily live for another twenty years - by then she'll be 83 herself - too late for a life of her own. I know her mum would never have wanted or expected that.

As I said, I am in touch with someone whose mother died around 3 weeks ago, so that is pretty up to date info, at least for this area.

The website mentioned above is
homeswappers.co.uk

I think it’s very unlikely if moving in with your mother now, that the tenancy would eventually pass to you. Certainly would not have happened when I was working.
This is a bed family home which would house a family who need the space. Check of course but as has been said, housing rules can change.

Rules can and do change, though. I certainly wouldn’t rely on what the council say today still applying in ten or twenty years’ time.

Check your Council’s rules on succession. In my council there can only be one succession so if your mother has already succeeded to the tenancy it can’t be passed on. If you have been living there for 12 months then you would be entitled to succession but would be required to downsize. You would need to provide proof , council tax, utilities bills, electoral roll etc. You can probably check the council’s policy on succession online

I second the advice given above to contact Age Uk. This is exactly the kind of situation that they can help with. I know people who have been very pleased to have consulted them.