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Purchasing my own property after divorce at 50

(56 Posts)
ceejayjay Sat 03-Jun-23 19:59:39

Hi

I’m recently divorced & we are in the final stages of selling the family home. My self & ex are to split the equity. Been looking at properties myself but was unable to find anything I liked. I’m going to a little rental house we both own which is currently empty for the time being. Anyway I’ve seen & viewed a property that I absolutely love due to the size of the rear garden & semi rural position. I’ve mental health problems, work full time from home & apart from walking my dog early in the morning before it gets busy & seeing my Daughter & Grandson I don’t do anything but potter at home. It’s my dream to rescue animals & this home offers space to do this. My question is would you stretch yourself for your dream home ? I could probably get a home for 100k less but it would not offer me the lifestyle this one could. My jobs secure & other than the normal household bills my spending is very low due to not socialising. Thankyou for reading

pen50 Mon 05-Jun-23 12:54:59

If you are rescuing more than one or two animals you will probably need some sort of licence from the local authority; please check on that before going ahead since you don't want a lawsuit!

Jess20 Mon 05-Jun-23 13:10:53

Personally I'd confine rescuing to just one or two animals, dogs or cats that needed love and care. More likely to be able to give them a stable life than lots of animals that are expensive to feed and keep which might lead to you running out of funds and having to make horrible decisions about their future. Even fostering dogs that are hard to rehome and socializing them so they can move on to permanent homes might be very rewarding and allows you to make a real difference to an animals life and future. Even established rescue charities are having difficulty these days as their funds dry up while demand increases. If you have mental health issues and also work you need to self-care and not push yourself too far and whatever you do needs to be manageable. I've had a miserable depressed rescue labrador who eventually became a happy family dog but it took over a year for him to learn to play and enjoy his life, you can do such a lot for just one animal who needs you.

Gundy Mon 05-Jun-23 13:17:50

ceejayjay You certainly have your supporters here but I’m going to be in the other camp for starters.

I’m trying to read between your lines and I think, in your heart, you desire to do an animal rescue operation. We don’t know to what scope this will be, but I do know that taking in any extra animals - whether ownership, foster/adoption, boarding - is very co$tly. $o plea$e think about that!

I have a friend who is on the spectrum, a real animal lover. She’s never satisfied unless she takes on another dog… has four Great Danes… and up to three cats… all indoors… inside suburban city limits. Neighbors are talking and becoming concerned with issues.

This new property is more rural, it may not be a problem, but you do want and need the support of your neighbors and local constituency, not against you.

Plan this wisely
USA Gundy

Pjcpjc77 Mon 05-Jun-23 13:32:27

Do what you know will make you happy the less stress the better.
If rescuing animals is your thing then go for it!
You sound a little like me out early quick shop back home lock the door and know I'm not going to be hassled by anyone.
I got divorced in my fifties and decided for my own reasons to take the road that meant I only got half of our home when it was sold.
I ended up with enough to buy a small apartment close to two friends and now I have itchy feet but unsure where I want to go and leave my only two friends behind.
Good luck

MadeInYorkshire Mon 05-Jun-23 14:28:15

Do it or regret it is my view ... a few of your own adopted animals will be lovely, but don't get too carried away.

Generating income from a glamping pod is also a good idea, but as said above will need planning, but lots of people do it.

Unlikely to lose a lot of money on it should you need to sell, so if it were me and it would make me happier, go for it!

Applegran Mon 05-Jun-23 14:54:14

If you can afford it - go for it! Your home makes a huge difference to your happiness. People more often regret what they didn't do, than what they did do - if you want to buy this house, I hope you will, and be very happy.

4allweknow Mon 05-Jun-23 15:12:48

If you don't go for it you'll always be thinking "if only". You say you want to rescue animals. Just a word of caution if you mean en-masse. There may be Conditions in the Deeds prohibiting such activity.

hilz Mon 05-Jun-23 16:52:43

Recent ill health has reminded us of the value of having amenities nearby and of not isolating ourselves from others. Particularly friends. However lots cope living in isolation. We are all different. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Whiff Mon 05-Jun-23 17:54:15

If this is your forever home. You need to factor in future health problems. Also you need to be accessible to buses , shops,GP surgery. Also things that you could join and socialise. Like others have said your home will need repairs and maintenance. While it's a lovely dream to rescue animals the realty is different.

When moving you need to be practical you have to put your thinking brain in gear not your wishing brain .

Also your plans for the pods sounds good but the amount of work you need to do will be more than you think. As you have metal health problems could you take a lot of criticism and bad reviews because that is the reality. Have you watched four in a bed ? If not watch a few episodes and see how people who have been taking in guests including glamping face the everyday work involved.

It's lovely to have dreams but as we get older especially if you are doing this on your own the dreams and reality can be 2 different things.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 05-Jun-23 18:09:54

Good points Whiff. When I look back to being 50 I couldn’t have imagined the things that are important in my 70s. I still drive but I depend on being able to do so to get to shops, GP, dentist - and getting to the nearest hospital requires you to be a confident driver. Living in a rural area is lovely but there’s absolutely no public transport - even if there were you couldn’t depend on it staying. It seems a very short time ago that I was 50 with years of well paid work ahead of me. You just don’t realise at that age how quickly those years go, how quickly your health can decline and how quickly what was wonderful at 50:can turn into an intolerable burden. That’s not to say that OP shouldn’t try to realise her dream, just that she needs to have her eyes wide open and understand that the you at 50 wouldn’t recognise the you at 70 plus. If you pass through those years with little change to your health and abilities you are extremely lucky.

Foxygloves Mon 05-Jun-23 18:24:24

Apologies if anybody has said this already, but, OP is 50, not 70! She is the same age as many of our children and preoccupations with “future proofing” her life, home, location are really not relevant .
Live your life, pursue your dream, OP, time enough for the “sensible” bungalow on a bus route, the tartan shopping trolley and the beige mac and sensible shoes in another 30 years !
Do your research though and don’t commit to a lifestyle you may not be able to sustain. Animal rescue is not all fluffy puppies or sweet little donkeys- vets don’t come cheap, you need to know what you are doing and it’s also a 24/7 commitment.
You are very young to be a granny but get out there before you sink into knitting Shreddies and follow your dream!

Helenlouise3 Mon 05-Jun-23 18:27:24

Only you know whether you can afford to stretch yourself, without it causing you any anxiety. If you've sat down and worked out your sums, then yes go for it. Life is too short.

Whiff Mon 05-Jun-23 18:55:33

Excuse me . Sensible bungalow,on bus route and tartan shopping trolley. I have been on my own for 19 years. I was 45 when I was widowed and my health had been causing me problems all my life but got worse when I was 29.

I do live in a bungalow and have always had to wear sensible shoes. But I do not own a tartan shopping trolley. Yes bus stops are close because I don't drive.

I was 65 in April and although my mobility has gotten worse I live a full life. I know many women in their 40's and early 50's who have to further proof there homes now because of health problems. Some in their 40's who have cancer.

My children aren't even 40 yet.

The OP has said she has mental health problems I would read Black Dog thread and see what those courageous women have to cope with as they get older.

My mom always said older never old. I am older but not old.

I expect this post to be deleted but that person's description has peed me off..

crazygranny Mon 05-Jun-23 18:58:01

Sounds wonderful! Hope life works out happily for you xxx

Aldom Mon 05-Jun-23 19:15:28

Whiff I think Foxy was simply pointing out that the OP is still young enough to follow her dream, as long as she is sensible. Foxy wasn't having a go at older people who have chosen to live in a bungalow etc., etc. smile

ceejayjay Mon 05-Jun-23 20:43:04

Hi everyone

Thankyou so much for all your replies.

Feel I need to add. The house that I’m in love with is the second to last house in a small village with shops, GP etc. On a bus route into a big town about 20 mins away. I’m only thinking of rescuing some animals to live with me forever, not a sanctuary as such. My grown up children are in agreement that the location/house/garden space would open up a new lease of life for me. Would love to foster animals as someone mentioned but I would struggle meeting potential adopters due to my MH issues. Ive done some sums & it’s doable but of course I have worries of my future health & my earning capabilities. At the moment though I manage fine full time from home smile

Foxygloves Mon 05-Jun-23 21:06:23

Oh dear Whiff - how easy it is to get the wrong end of the stick!
I’m a good ten years older than you, also widowed, but have not yet succumbed to a bungalow or a tartan shopping trolley.
Nor the sensible beige mac but I do insist on comfy (if funky) trainers.
I can’t really see what you, in your 60’s, found offensive!

Dianehillbilly1957 Mon 05-Jun-23 22:42:25

Go Girl.👍

Whiff Tue 06-Jun-23 06:59:56

I think my neighbours who's age ranges from early 40's to mid 90's would all take exception to as I did to the description of someone who lives in a sensible bungalow.

Ceejayjay you say you are still in the process of selling until contacts are exchanged nothing is set. And it can all go wrong. Twice I had buyers pull out on me one day of exchange and other 4 days before. Luckily the executor's of the will keep the bungalow for me. Instead of moving September 2018 I finally got here August 2019.

It's lovely to have dreams and the house you want sounds ideal. But the reality is if all goes well and you do buy it your dreams of animal rescue will have to come after you have got your new home as you want it. Until you have had a proper survey done you don't know what needs doing. I had a middle range survey done so knew before my move all the things that needed doing and already knew what had to be done in what order. Took me almost 3 years to get my bungalow exactly as I want it. The first 2-3 years is all pay out as your make your new house into your home. Hopefully you can get recommendations from your possible new neighbours about trades people. So your dreams of rescuing animals will be put on hold for a while. Like I said you need to use your practical brain not your dreaming one.

Buying and selling property nowadays is very stressful and the paperwork is endless plus expensive. I wish you luck with your move .

Foxygloves Tue 06-Jun-23 08:11:13

I think my neighbours who's age ranges from early 40's to mid 90's would all take exception to as I did to the description of someone who lives in a sensible bungalow

I’m sorry. What part of on a bus route, tartan shopping trolley, beige mac and sensible shoes do you object to? .

Whiff Tue 06-Jun-23 09:23:16

Why do you assume people who live in sensible bungalows have tartan shopping trolley. Can't remember last time I saw a tartan one . Beige Mac's need washing all the time. Why would anyone own one for everyday wear . You should know older doesn't mean you don't like bold colours .

Living in a sensible bungalow means I live an independent life . I was born with a rare hereditary neurological condition. I had a large 3 bed house with a large back garden had to have a gardener. I rattled round that house . By moving over 100 miles to my bungalow I live my life to the full I no longer just exist as I did before. Yes bungalows are more expensive to buy but running costs are so much cheaper . In the north west a lot of young people buy bungalows for the running costs alone. I think you have an idea that bungalows are poky little places mine certainly isn't.

I think my craft group would object to your description of grannies knitting shreddies . As most aren't grannies . We do a variety of crafts and the talk can get rather racey . Our age range is early 30's to mid 80's. But no matter how ill or what's going on in our lives we met up every week for 2 hours but chat daily via our what's app group. Plus anyone who needs help with anything we help each other.

Your idea of people living in a sensible bungalow is very narrow. I take you are in full health from the way you talk. If so enjoy while it lasts.

It's good to have dreams but reality has a tendency to get in the way of those dreams . And what you want and what you can achieve are 2 different things.

Ceejayjay the stress and buying thread which is long way down on the list of this forum. But people's experiences of moving may help you. Many there have done it on their own .

Patsy70 Tue 06-Jun-23 09:47:38

ceejayjay. I do hope you can realise your dream. You’ve got the support of your family and you will not be isolated. 😊

Foxygloves Tue 06-Jun-23 11:14:23

I'm sorry I have offended you Whiff but I assure you my tongue in cheek comments were in no way meant to be disparaging
1) nanas knitting shreddies - joke.
I enjoy knitting and crochet and am a dab hand at granny squares
2) I do know quite a lot of bungalows which are spacious, stylish, practical and am.in no way prejudiced against them! Two of my SILs stay in bungalows in Norfolk and Suffolk as they both work part of every week out of London
3) beige macs- well tbh I have 2 macs- one is animal print, the other fuchsia and scarlet, but sadly too many retired ladies do seem to opt for "safe" colours
4) if I lived within walking distance of shops I would have no objection to a trolley and would be delighted to have one - I fancy one with giant spots, but an awful lot seem to be tartan.
So basically, you seem to be reacting defensively to something somebody 10 years older than you has said, tongue in cheek, about a social stereotype .
I give up.
Just hope OP can find the courage to pursue her dream as we only get one bite at the cherry of life.

pascal30 Tue 06-Jun-23 14:50:02

A lot of my young friends use shopping trolleys to carry their art stuff.. jolly useful they are too

Aldom Tue 06-Jun-23 16:39:47

I wouldn't be without my trolley. Just bought a very smart, black Rolser from JL.
Where I live I'm a few minutes walk to Waitrose and Sainsbury's, plus the Market Place. My trolley has lots of other uses too.