Just read an upsetting message on my granddaughters phone

She could have just been agreeing with her mum to keep the peace at home

No you're not over reacting . It was a hurtful thing to say . They obviously didn't mean for you to see it

I wish I hadn’t seen it. I feel the dynamics of our relationship ship are not what I thought they were. At no time during the day was there anything to moan about. It was just two people having a good time and enjoying each others company. I can’t stop thinking about it and will feel strange in their company in future. Don’t think I’ll get much sleep tonight.

So, what to do? Depends on est for you to cope with.
Say you were puzzled by the comments?
Ask was there something you misunderstood?
Since you do have a long established good relationship, it will resolve, most likely.

Sorry for the typo
What's best for you to cope with.

I can understand why this has felt hurtful.

But ....... your relationship with your DGD is precious to both of you and I am sure that has not changed. Up to the point when you looked at the phone things were just fine.

It sounds as though your DGD is dealing with a menopausal Mum at home and saying whatever keeps the peace.

Please don't be sad - you are an important person in your DGD's life. You know that really.

I can understand you feeling upset and very uncomfortable about this, obviously those were private messages and I suppose we all might text something privately about a family member that might not be taken the right way if that person were to see it.
However, you have seen these messages and cannot unsee them, is up to you if you feel the need to broach this with your daughter, or if you feel it would just blow up in your face. You know your daughter best.
But for what it’s worth it doesn’t sound too bad, being accused of moaning isn’t nice but it isn’t awful, and am pretty sure your DGD did enjoy her time with you that day.
I wish you well with this.

I am thinking that often least said, soonest mended and that it might be best to not bring it up unless your DGD does. Just be as loving as always and hopefully this will blow over.

I hope you get some sleep tonight.

I went out for lunch with a friend yesterday and took my nearly 13 year old grandson with me. I warned him that it would probably terribly boring but he sat eating pizza while we talked (and talked) When we got home I asked him if it had been too boring and he gallantly said it was fine. I suspect that what he told his mother would have been a bit different,

Thank you all. Your rational responses make a lot of sense. My DD is having a bit of a rough time at the moment. She hates her job and has only just had DGDs autism diagnosed after years of waiting, interviews and form filling. But as has been said I can’t unsee what I’ve seen. I would not want to raise it with DD as if DGD was aware I definitely saw it I know it would be very upsetting for her. She doesn’t cope with any kind of stress very well.

Oh Deeda I hope all my times with my DGD have not been boring. We have such a laugh and I enjoy her company immensely. I’d hate to think I’ve been deluding myself.

Oh dear that is upsetting. Try not to dwell on it. At least dgd didn’t say yes it was awful. Sounds like she was trying to appease mum. What she did say was just a bit and she didn’t mind so obvs she likes being with you.

"Having a moan" might mean only a small comment about something like unsolicited telephone marketing, etc. I am sure many of us grumble about these little irritants. My granddaughter and I are very close but she often laughs at my little grumbles. Or the comment might not have even referred to you.

I can understand you being upset but presumably your granddaughter would try to avoid being in your company if she did not love and value you. You say that you spend a lot of time with your granddaughter so that speaks for itself.

After ruminating on it during the night I recollected her mentioning when we were perusing the Christmas tree decorations, she might put her little tree up in her bedroom next week, she loves Christmas. I answered with, isn’t it a bit early. She laughed and that was it. I’m wondering if she classed that as moaning. I hope it was that as I’ve turned myself inside out for reasons.

I think I would draw a line under it and try and forget what you saw. You were having a lovely day together and were happy. I know how you feel though and best don’t overthink it and let it spoil things going forward. They wouldn’t want you to be upset I’m sure so dust yourself down smile and forget about it is my advice.

I feel for you, because it must feel as if you have misread your relationship with dgd up to now. But you really haven't, she is now feeling so bad because she knows you will feel hurt. If it were me, I would take her out again and have a cracking time together. She will be looking for reassurance from you that you still love her just the same. It sounds like a small nod to her mother that she is loyal to her mom, and wouldn't most daughters understand and want that? She just didn't want to look all in with you, and not with her mom, if that makes sense.... Don't worry about it, as it will cloud anything you do together moving forward. She sounds like a sweet sensible girl. Good luck

Don’t dwell on it. The texts weren’t very bad. Daughters often think we’re moaning , especially when menopausal .
Put it out if your mind and don’t say a word 🤫.

I know how hard it is not to turn things over in your mind when these things happen. These thoughts get their claws into you and won't let go .... it is very unpleasant.
I am not going to tell you to forget it and put it aside as that is hard to do, but it isvworth looking at the other side of the coin.
What is deeply felt by you is just a jokey aside to your DD. She would not be coming to see you at all if she did not enjoy it and love you dearly.
I am sure my family make jokey comments about my litany of ailments but I am also sure they love me.
Send DGD a loving message saying how much you enjoyed the day and are looking forward to doing it again. That way she knows you are not cross about the message and have no ill feeling without you having to bring it up. I am sure you will get a lovely message back.

As has been mentioned up thread do not stress as this is very likely to be her coping mechanism speaking. Autistic kids, especially if they're high functioning are masters at masking their true feelings and react to situations in the way
they they've learned works best for them. In this case i feel she was trying to appease her mum.
Were there any emojis?? I have a diagnosed high functioning autistic granddaughter of similar age. This would have been exactly her reaction. I hope this helps.

If you snoop through other peoples private writing or evesdrop on their conversations you seldom hear any good of yourself. So its best to be a bit of blind deaf and dumb as you get older,

Next time I saw them I would be totally upbeat and be positive about everything. It will give your daughter something to moan about and I would even add that you came across someone the other day who was a real moaner and that you would hate to come across as said invented person. Next time your daughter moans about the menopause, tell her there are so many things around to support women nowadays, she should stop moaning!

OP was not snooping ... DGD showed her the phone and by chance this message was visible.

It wasn’t your DGD saying ‘was she having a moan’ it was your DD and your DGD only answered ‘a bit, but I didn’t mind’.
Sounds as if it’s your DD at fault not your DGD.
Do you grumble more than you think? Maybe lots of us do without realising?
It wasn’t a kind thing for your DD to say, and I bet she does her share of moaning as well.
Let it go.

Mum asked if she’s had a good day and DGD replied yes she had. Mum said was she having a moan and DGD said, a bit but I didn’t mind.

Your granddaughter told her mum she'd had a good day with you.
Whatever the "moan" comment referred to was, as she said, nothing that she minded about and probably reflects more on your daughter than you.
It's so easy to tie ourselves up in knots when we only know half the story. Truly, I think you've done nothing wrong and your granddaughter is also feeling absolutely mortified and upset.
Take a deep breath and try to stop overthinking it all xx